Social Anxiety Support

serolf · 05-07-2009, 01:19 PM

I hang out with a small group of 2-3 friends and sometimes I meet and hang out with some of their friends. Well, it was revealed to me that when I hang out with other people, that they think I might be gay. My friend was saying they think that because I'm "timid", "shy" and not very "outspoken." Supposedly, some people have said, "oh, where's your gay friend?" (btw, they don't know I have SAD.) When I do meet girls that I feel comfortable talking with, I just become friends with them, even though I'd like to ask them out (I'm definitely not ready for any girlfriend, I still live at home and other complications, but that's a different story). My small group of friends know that I'm not gay (or at least, I hope they do!) but this is actually pretty worrying that I give off a gay impression to some people I meet.

I don't understand though, so a well-groomed guy that's shy is automatically gay? WTF?

I had one other person think this of me briefly in high school, but I thought nothing of it. Now it's really beginning to worry me. And worse, I support gay rights and I'm afraid people might think it's because I'm gay. And also, I mentioned in a Facebook blog post that San Francisco is one of my favorite cities I've been to. This sucks, I shouldn't have to worry about what other people think of me, but sometimes perception can change a lot of things. Now, I'm so self-conscious.

Sorry, this became kind of a rant.

shyvr6 · 05-07-2009, 01:28 PM

Yeah, I been called that before. I think it's because we're so quiet and people never see us with a girl so they assume that we are.

yogonu · 05-07-2009, 01:29 PM

I got asked one time by a girl over a text message. She had been flirting with me for awhile but I was too shy to ask her out. She texted "dont take this the wrong way, but do you like girls?" I texted "yes". Then she said, "oh ok just making sure" that was awkward.

shyvr6 · 05-07-2009, 01:31 PM

That is also another reason.

AceRimmer · 05-07-2009, 01:33 PM

"Are you gay?" Yep, heard that too many times to count. I usually respond with: "Bend over and drop'em if you want to find out."

inthecave · 05-07-2009, 01:51 PM

nobody has ever asked me if i was gay but my dad will occasionally take a friendly verbal jab at me when i talk with him. for instance i had a roommate for a few years and he would say something like, you know after a certain amount of time living together you are considered common law married. lol stuff like that.

right now there is a gal that is interested in me and i don't know what to do. i think she's cute but i start getting really nervous anytime i think about talking to her now that i know she likes me.

her friend, the one that told me this girl is into me, is starting to question me now. what's up man talk to her..make it happen..she likes you!

i'll probably end up looking gay because i can't pull the trigger.

WintersTale · 05-07-2009, 02:58 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my whole family thinks I'm gay.

Spiffy McBubblefluff · 05-07-2009, 03:22 PM

Hahah. Actually, everyone assumes I'm straight, muahaha. I don't exactly exhibit flamboyance. I'm not sure if that's a conscious decision or not. I'd hate to call any attention to myself.

mountain5 · 05-07-2009, 05:24 PM

Well, I had a guy come up to me in the street at 8:00 at night and ask me where the gay bars in town were, I was feeling pretty extroverted that night though.

I think when I was a teenager, my older sister seriously believed I could be gay. Though it seems like older sisters are often like that, for some reason. I don't think anyone at school even considered it, since I was so obviously awkward with girls.

irvanm87 · 05-10-2009, 07:13 AM

its been awhile since any1 seen me wid a girl, maybe like 3 years..and my sister just recently asked me if i was gay...honestly i was jus like WTF?

Logan X · 05-10-2009, 08:45 AM

well, of course. If you don't go out with girls and introduce some to your parent(normal dating life or whatever) they start thinking you have somekind of hidden life, which means you're gay, or a serial killer

anyway, my brother thinks i'm gay, even now that i have a girlfriend

Some Russian Guy · 05-10-2009, 09:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serolf

My friend was saying they think that because I'm "timid", "shy" and not very "outspoken."

Gays are a complete opposite to that. A classic example is mr. slave from south park.

citizenjane · 05-10-2009, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Some Russian Guy

Gays are a complete opposite to that.

Sometimes.
Gays all have different personalities, just like heteros do.
There are two main stereotypes of them: the quiet, shy, timid type and the loud, flamboyant type.

But these are only stereotypes; gays are just regular people and have every different sort of personality.

kramer362 · 05-10-2009, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Some Russian Guy

Gays are a complete opposite to that. A classic example is mr. slave from south park.

I'm gay but I'm on here because like everyone on this forum I'm not outgoing or outspoken. I'm quiet and low-key and don't like attention most of the time. I'm sure like all of you people make their assumptions about me though, having never dated, but in my case they might actually be right

.

My friends probably can tell I'm socially anxious so they might make that as an excuse for me never dating (only a handful know I'm gay). I think they all consider I'm gay and then think "nah he can't be" because most of my friends have probably never known an openly gay person who isn't someone you can 'tell' is gay by looking at them. But like most people here, I hate attention and I generally dress pretty sloppy (I'm trying to change that though in order to help myself build confidence).

If people think you're gay because you are clean or nice and not some cocky ******* then take it as a compliment. If a girl isn't interested in a guy because he's nice and treats her well then she's a glutton for abuse anyway and will have a lifetime of problems so you're best off keeping away. Keep in mind that girls like assertive guys though, and it's possible to be both nice and assertive. I just recommend that if people ask if you're gay, don't get too defensive because that's a classic sign of someone who is avoiding gay feelings. Seriously, it's called internalized homophobia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homopho...zed_homophobia

Edit: and wtf Mr Slave? He's a caricature of the gay stereotype with some bondage fetishism thrown in...

Some Russian Guy · 05-10-2009, 10:27 AM

I'm not gay... but sometimes... i pretend to be gay, online, to piss straight men off

Some Russian Guy · 05-10-2009, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kramer362

I'm gay

do SA gays have more luck with other gays
unlike some straight male SAers, who are very shy around women?

ohioisforloners · 05-10-2009, 11:06 AM

This post was funny to me only because I have got this many times.. the funny part is that I usually TRY to get that sort of reaction from people because I guess I have a screwed up sense of humor and love sarcasm. I have never been offended in my life, and I don't tend to take peoples words any more serious than they need to be. I guess to me the "words will never hurt me" saying applies.

kramer362 · 05-10-2009, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Some Russian Guy

do SA gays have more luck with other gays
unlike some straight male SAers, who are very shy around women?

Actually I think it makes it worse. It's bad enough having anxiety but when you're also gay in a society where people still think its weird or abnormal it's unbearable. I don't feel like I have it in me to be the one to change people's perceptions about gay people. It just sucks when there's 'normal people' and then 'the gays'.

Plus most people don't know I'm gay so I get the added bonus of hearing how weird everyone finds it.

linkinejn · 05-26-2009, 05:19 PM

this seems to be a strange phenomenon among people with social anxiety. my mom asked me if i was gay once when i was a teenager. i have also had people at school think i was gay. i guess it didnt help that im a tomboy. i guess people assumed that because i didnt have a boyfriend until i was 18 that i must be gay.

QuietArtist · 05-26-2009, 06:27 PM

I've been asked a couple of times in my life if I was gay. I think it was because in high school I had one best friend and no one else. We hung out everywhere together and had sleep overs on the weekends alot. I guess I can see how people might get the wrong idea about that.

05-07-2009, 01:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
serolf Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Dallas, Texas Age: 24 Posts: 198	Have other people thought you were gay because of being shy, timid? I hang out with a small group of 2-3 friends and sometimes I meet and hang out with some of their friends. Well, it was revealed to me that when I hang out with other people, that they think I might be gay. My friend was saying they think that because I'm "timid", "shy" and not very "outspoken." Supposedly, some people have said, "oh, where's your gay friend?" (btw, they don't know I have SAD.) When I do meet girls that I feel comfortable talking with, I just become friends with them, even though I'd like to ask them out (I'm definitely not ready for any girlfriend, I still live at home and other complications, but that's a different story). My small group of friends know that I'm not gay (or at least, I hope they do!) but this is actually pretty worrying that I give off a gay impression to some people I meet. I don't understand though, so a well-groomed guy that's shy is automatically gay? WTF? I had one other person think this of me briefly in high school, but I thought nothing of it. Now it's really beginning to worry me. And worse, I support gay rights and I'm afraid people might think it's because I'm gay. And also, I mentioned in a Facebook blog post that San Francisco is one of my favorite cities I've been to. This sucks, I shouldn't have to worry about what other people think of me, but sometimes perception can change a lot of things. Now, I'm so self-conscious. Sorry, this became kind of a rant. __________________ Follow me on Twitter My Last.fm profile

05-07-2009, 01:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,639	Yeah, I been called that before. I think it's because we're so quiet and people never see us with a girl so they assume that we are. __________________ Music

05-07-2009, 01:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,639	That is also another reason. __________________ Music

05-07-2009, 02:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
WintersTale Status: Falling into eternity Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,506	Yeah, I'm pretty sure my whole family thinks I'm gay. __________________ "Every moment of your life Is a chance to get it right Any moment you've been living in You could turn it on like a light All the weight of the years Has got me burstin' into tears Standin' here with nothin' I stand alone inside my fears." - Third Eye Blind

05-10-2009, 08:45 AM	#11 (permalink)
Logan X Status: I'm dead inside Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: LaSalle, QC Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 5,274	well, of course. If you don't go out with girls and introduce some to your parent(normal dating life or whatever) they start thinking you have somekind of hidden life, which means you're gay, or a serial killer anyway, my brother thinks i'm gay, even now that i have a girlfriend __________________ It ain't the fall that gets you. It's the sudden stop at the bottom.

05-07-2009, 01:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
yogonu Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Wyoming Gender: Male Age: 18 Posts: 122	I got asked one time by a girl over a text message. She had been flirting with me for awhile but I was too shy to ask her out. She texted "dont take this the wrong way, but do you like girls?" I texted "yes". Then she said, "oh ok just making sure" that was awkward.

05-07-2009, 01:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
AceRimmer Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Age: 34 Posts: 93	"Are you gay?" Yep, heard that too many times to count. I usually respond with: "Bend over and drop'em if you want to find out."

05-07-2009, 01:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
inthecave Status: over here..in the cave Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: california Gender: Male Posts: 325	nobody has ever asked me if i was gay but my dad will occasionally take a friendly verbal jab at me when i talk with him. for instance i had a roommate for a few years and he would say something like, you know after a certain amount of time living together you are considered common law married. lol stuff like that. right now there is a gal that is interested in me and i don't know what to do. i think she's cute but i start getting really nervous anytime i think about talking to her now that i know she likes me. her friend, the one that told me this girl is into me, is starting to question me now. what's up man talk to her..make it happen..she likes you! i'll probably end up looking gay because i can't pull the trigger.

05-07-2009, 03:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
Spiffy McBubblefluff Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Asheville, North Carolina Age: 21 Posts: 10	Hahah. Actually, everyone assumes I'm straight, muahaha. I don't exactly exhibit flamboyance. I'm not sure if that's a conscious decision or not. I'd hate to call any attention to myself.

05-07-2009, 05:24 PM	#9 (permalink)
mountain5 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 655	Well, I had a guy come up to me in the street at 8:00 at night and ask me where the gay bars in town were, I was feeling pretty extroverted that night though. I think when I was a teenager, my older sister seriously believed I could be gay. Though it seems like older sisters are often like that, for some reason. I don't think anyone at school even considered it, since I was so obviously awkward with girls.

05-10-2009, 07:13 AM	#10 (permalink)
irvanm87 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 64	its been awhile since any1 seen me wid a girl, maybe like 3 years..and my sister just recently asked me if i was gay...honestly i was jus like WTF?

05-10-2009, 10:27 AM	#15 (permalink)
Some Russian Guy Status: Some Russian Guy Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Brooklyn, NY, USA, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy, Local group, Local Supercluster, Universe Gender: Male Posts: 603	I'm not gay... but sometimes... i pretend to be gay, online, to piss straight men off __________________ "Every Day Is Exactly The Same"

05-10-2009, 11:06 AM	#17 (permalink)
ohioisforloners Status: Awkward Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 251	This post was funny to me only because I have got this many times.. the funny part is that I usually TRY to get that sort of reaction from people because I guess I have a screwed up sense of humor and love sarcasm. I have never been offended in my life, and I don't tend to take peoples words any more serious than they need to be. I guess to me the "words will never hurt me" saying applies.

05-26-2009, 05:19 PM	#19 (permalink)
linkinejn Status: jen Join Date: May 2009 Location: michigan Gender: Female Posts: 2	weird this seems to be a strange phenomenon among people with social anxiety. my mom asked me if i was gay once when i was a teenager. i have also had people at school think i was gay. i guess it didnt help that im a tomboy. i guess people assumed that because i didnt have a boyfriend until i was 18 that i must be gay.

05-26-2009, 06:27 PM	#20 (permalink)
QuietArtist Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 29	I've been asked a couple of times in my life if I was gay. I think it was because in high school I had one best friend and no one else. We hung out everywhere together and had sleep overs on the weekends alot. I guess I can see how people might get the wrong idea about that.