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Old 03-19-2009, 12:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Have friends and still feel alone?

Hey, I'm just wondering if anyone else has this problem. I have friends, and I seem to have the capacity to make them easily enough if I have to, and yet I'm too shy to make friends who I really feel as though I fit with. Despite the fact I have people to hang around with and everything, I still feel horribly alone...
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Old 03-19-2009, 02:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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around my friends, I try to be normal, fun guy. but every once in a while I drop the ball and I show a little of what a sniveling little boy I am. tonight was such a night. we were out at a restaurant when some dancer came in to entertain. i was content just watching her, but then she pulled me to the floor. i just couldn't do it, and i had to go back to my seat. i never asked her to dance. why was she pulling me onto the dance floor? she had no right. she could just ask, and i could have said no. but she had to start pulling my arm without asking. everyone else dance though. she was like, "good job everyone, though some were reluctant, WE WON'T MENTION WHO". goddamn bi.tch, i never asked for this. she ruined my night. now i'll probably be avoidant for the next few days, and I'll feel incredibly alone. sorry for the rant, but in short, yes, I do feel incredibly alone even with friends.
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Old 03-19-2009, 03:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Yes me too. I had and have friends, but the thing is that most of the people and friends are empty for me. All they want is to get drunk, play some poker, to hang out without any purpose, get laid and feel cool doing that. I don't know, but for me this stuff is just empty. Thats why I kinda separated from them. Now I found things that I like and I think have some purpose. But still I feel lonely sometimes.
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Old 03-19-2009, 09:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Absolutely. There's only two people who don't make me feel that way. It's tough because even when I'm hanging out with people and everyone is having a good time, I still can't help but feel like nobody there really connects with me, knows me, or even understands me. Most of my friendships all seem superficial though some of these people have expressed that I'm one of their best friends.

Feeling like an outsider is one of the issues I've had since I was little. No matter what I do it never goes away, so for the past year or so I've just been trying to outwardly ignore it. My friends say I seem less apathetic than I used to so that's good, right?
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Old 03-19-2009, 09:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Excellent thread. I do not suffer from lack of friends, I lack the ability lately to overcome my SA when in the company of my friends to actually be with them in the RW. When I am with them, the issues causing my SA overtake the enjoyment I feel around my friends. When one on one with someone I do best, the least anxiety. Last year I had an experience with a close friend where my trust was violated, now it's hard for me to open up other friends for fear they will share my issues with others [which is completely different than me sharing them with complete strangers here, ha ha].
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Old 03-19-2009, 11:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I've never been to a point where I had no friends. I've always had friends and still do. But it seems that my friend circle is getting shorter by the years and I find myself spending more and more time alone on weekends. It's not because my friends don't wanna be with me, but the other way around.

My friends are all males and almost all of them I've known for a very long time. There is a group I always hanged out with and they were really really good friends, but they got girlfriends so whenever I was around them they all had their GF and I was feeling kinda left out and was feeling miserable because of that. So I started avoiding them.

Others kinda started going into the clubbing scene, so I stopped hanging out with them.

Anyways, to answer the question yes I still have friends but feel lonely because I lack female companionship as a friend and girlfriend.
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Old 03-19-2009, 02:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by La_Resistance View Post
I've never been to a point where I had no friends. I've always had friends and still do. But it seems that my friend circle is getting shorter by the years and I find myself spending more and more time alone on weekends. It's not because my friends don't wanna be with me, but the other way around.

My friends are all males and almost all of them I've known for a very long time. There is a group I always hanged out with and they were really really good friends, but they got girlfriends so whenever I was around them they all had their GF and I was feeling kinda left out and was feeling miserable because of that. So I started avoiding them.

Others kinda started going into the clubbing scene, so I stopped hanging out with them.

Anyways, to answer the question yes I still have friends but feel lonely because I lack female companionship as a friend and girlfriend.
That is EXACTLY THE SAME as me!
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Old 03-19-2009, 02:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by PetSMiLE View Post
around my friends, I try to be normal, fun guy. but every once in a while I drop the ball and I show a little of what a sniveling little boy I am. tonight was such a night. we were out at a restaurant when some dancer came in to entertain. i was content just watching her, but then she pulled me to the floor. i just couldn't do it, and i had to go back to my seat. i never asked her to dance. why was she pulling me onto the dance floor? she had no right. she could just ask, and i could have said no. but she had to start pulling my arm without asking. everyone else dance though. she was like, "good job everyone, though some were reluctant, WE WON'T MENTION WHO". goddamn bi.tch, i never asked for this. she ruined my night. now i'll probably be avoidant for the next few days, and I'll feel incredibly alone. sorry for the rant, but in short, yes, I do feel incredibly alone even with friends.
She probably felt like you were rejecting her based on something about her personally. Maybe that made her feel hurt and she wanted to hurt you back. I think it was wrong of her to just assume you wanted to dance with her though. A lot of people make that mistake with SAers.

Yes, I do have people I can call my friends. But I don't hang out with them enough to call them close friends. Therefore, I do feel incredibly lonely.
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Old 03-19-2009, 06:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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always, i guess because i haven't built the courage to tell them that I have S.A. Even though they may suspect something about me because i'm not very social in most of our social gatherings. I just don't feel the need to bring it up to them or even talk about it, i guess because i am kind of ashamed by it. I guess that's the reason why i still feel isolated even when i'm with them.
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Old 03-19-2009, 07:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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always, i guess because i haven't built the courage to tell them that I have S.A. Even though they may suspect something about me because i'm not very social in most of our social gatherings. I just don't feel the need to bring it up to them or even talk about it, i guess because i am kind of ashamed by it. I guess that's the reason why i still feel isolated even when i'm with them.
i feel the same way
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I've found that most of the time when I'm alone I don't feel lonely but when I'm around people I often do. Even when I was hanging out with others all the time or gathering with people I've known for a while. It's strange I suppose, a part of me always feels like an outsider when I with people & that's very lonely
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Old 03-20-2009, 02:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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. My friends knew me but no one knew me. If that makes sense haha.
.
I know what you mean. But a few of my friends have gotten to know that me, and I dont feel any closer. Wonder what makes us feel distant.
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Old 03-20-2009, 02:51 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by telecaster View Post
Absolutely. There's only two people who don't make me feel that way. It's tough because even when I'm hanging out with people and everyone is having a good time, I still can't help but feel like nobody there really connects with me, knows me, or even understands me. Most of my friendships all seem superficial though some of these people have expressed that I'm one of their best friends.

Feeling like an outsider is one of the issues I've had since I was little. No matter what I do it never goes away, so for the past year or so I've just been trying to outwardly ignore it. My friends say I seem less apathetic than I used to so that's good, right?
This is true for me. I mean, I have friends but there really isn't that connection there at all. I've always felt like I just had acquaintances because school forces them onto me. And yay for being less apathetic! That's always a good sign of something or another....
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Old 03-20-2009, 08:11 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Having friends and still being alone...


I ask you, are you confident in what you do for a living?

Do you enjoy what your studying? Does it spark your interest?

The older I get the more I realize this fact.

We should focus on one thing and do it really well but with proper balance of other areas i.e. social, girls, etc.

If your not passionate about something than you are not 'fully' expressing yourself through something... We are just 'instruments' that channel vibrations, give off body language etc.

The expectation that friends will make you feel better is both true and false.. friends are great to chill with, relate feelings, ultimately you are a singularity in the universe.

If your still feeling alone than I suggest you look at your thought patterns and why you limit your actions and ability to enjoy yourself.



If you get caught up in trying to know a bunch of stuff about everything or pretend to 'fit' in by liking what others like they see right through you... When your passionate and genuine/honest then you act like a magnet and draw people in to your life... now the trick is not to be selfish and self serving... but to be grateful for what you have to offer and what you give to others....

People will gladly talk about themselves and their 'passions' and if your interested enough they will help you out.

The real trick....... is to follow your inherent 'value' system... anytime you deny yourself an aspect of life your interested in.... you learn nothing and it serves as anxiety/depression later on because your drawn into these situations and see that whether it's an age thing (I should know more by now) etc.. you give yourself less value = worthlessness. The source of this is all in preconceived ideas possibly by a troubled past... re-enforced un-intentionally.

(Ya my advice is basically advice id give to myself haha)

Wow....

All knowledge is ultimately SELF KNOWLEDGE..... remember that.
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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yeah. I'm like you. I have of course friends. We had fun. and i have really many friends. We are in my class 8 children. and we 6 are very close to each other. but in the last time i feel very alone. think that they don't want to be with me. and coz this thoughts i loss them all. Right now i have only 2 real friends. Not from the class. in my class are two twins. they embroiled with the girls (they are too in my class). In the last time i have really strange toughts.E.g When i should say a joke i think lots about it (before i say. and when i do this then becomes the joke no more funny) so i behave every time. I think lots abou everythink. I'm like a stupid. fool and idiot. Maybe it only my thoughts and in real im not like that. But this are my emotions. My psychologist sad that i should learn to govern my emotions but i can't do it. It can be the same to you. or not. So i am. And today my class went to the bowling club. One girl asked to come me with but i sad no. I said no, because i can't watch how the twins joke. they joke really good : ))) but i feel not very good when they dont laugh on my jokes. I dno;t say that i am envy, maybe i'm not, but my subconscious (. And i don't joke good because i think about the jokes too much. but i cant change it. Those are my problems. ))) I like one girl but i don't met her anymore, because i'm like that this time (((. Can help me someone ;(
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:23 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Oh and there is one more thing. When the twins joke good and the girls laugh on it, then i think that they 5 are very good and they need me not anymore.
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:18 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I feel alone and weird when I hang out with my friends. I feel so different, it sometimes feel like I'm born on the wrong planet, that my brain doesn't work the same way. And I always think that people hate me, that they hang out with me out of pity... even though people tell me I'm their friend, it always sound strange >.<

Oh, and, the other day, I told someone about my SA. He was very nice to me, and 3 days after he told me it was my fault if my "life sucks" (I don't think it sucks, but whatever)... so clearly, people realy can't understand SA and can't understand me !

And I don't like speaking with more than 1 person... I feel so anxious when more than 1 person is looking at me !
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Old 07-08-2010, 03:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
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When I was younger I had a few friends but as I got older and felt how different I was from the others I separated myself from them-not because they weren't nice or not even because they were doing things I didn't like but because I never knew how to connect with them.

The more I hung out with people the more I saw and felt how different I was. I spent so many years pretending to be something that I wasn't that in the end it got too much and the best I could do was separate myself.

And now I've learnt who I am, what I like and when I decide I want more friends they will be based on me being the real authentic me.
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Old 07-08-2010, 03:14 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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yes, theme of low self esteem
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Old 07-08-2010, 05:56 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I feel this way to....
it doesn't help that I'm the embarassing one too (saying something stupid etc) and always get slagged for it. It makes me feel worse and makes me want to avoid these situations even more. There only 1 person I can truly say I could spend a long time with. Unfortunely she lives miles away and I only really see her during uni!!

I'm dreading whats going to happen after uni, as these mates have all settled girlfriends and will ultimely get married/have children etc. and leave me alone as the only single one...
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