Has anyone ever hung out with you even if you didn't talk

[Georgina 22]

I had...at my last workplace in a warehouse last year. This new girl started a few weeks after me. She started asking me what the time was when she wanted to know when it was her break time because she didn't have a watch but I always wore one. And after I'd told her the time and she used to say if I wanted to go down to lunch with her. We used to sit together at breaktimes and lunchtimes, but I never really talked to her, only when she asked me something ,I'd reply. But the thing I didn't get was even though I didn't really talk to her she used to still sit next to me at break in the staffroom and try to be friends.
Ok, I must admit at this warehouse most of the collegues were polish and I think there was only like just us two who were english so I guess she hung out with me, because I wasn't polish and I guess she was using me really, so that she didn't have to look like a loner sitting on her own. And I bet if a new english girl joined, she'd go over to her and hang out with her instead.

Eventually though, I think she got herself a watch and didn't need me anymore to tell her the time and she never asked me anymore to go to break with her. I think she got fed up with hanging out with me because she was fed up of waiting for me to come out of myself and just talk.
But still for those first few weeks she hung out with me even if I didn't talk and the other thing is...even if I was quiet to her, she never said to me "God, your quiet, aren't you? or "You don't talk do you?"
She was just trying to be patient I guess, for me to come out of my shell, but she didn't know I had SA

So has anyone else had someone hang out with you, even if you didn't talk/much to them?

[Georgina 22]

Originally Posted by SixFigures

I havent....

But once during my first week in college we had an external site visit. Afterwards our teacher said lets all meet up at a chinese restaurant. for lunch and get to know each other. I didnt know where the resturant was so this guy in my class offered to walk with me and show me.

While walking we got talking, and then he says lets go for coffee as we are a bit early. Due to my SA, i didnt really want to knowing it could get awkward So i decide to go with him and we sit down and after 10 minutes there was really nothing else to say.

Then he got a newspaper and begun reading it while holding it right accross his face so i couldnt see him. At this point i as so anxious and i really wanted to find some excuse to leave.... but i thought, nah that would be rude.

Anyway he eventually got up and said he had to go and i could find my own way to the restaurant.. I felt like the biggest fool.

Sometimes i feel i should listen to my anxiety and not put myself in situations like that.

Anyway... sorry my story is a bit different.

Yeah, our stories are different but in some areas its like the same. Both the people we were with eventually by the looks of it gave up on us because we weren't talking.

[rincewind]

Originally Posted by Georgina 22

So has anyone else had someone hang out with you, even if you didn't talk/much to them?

Sort of...I play a lot of online games, and for about 5 months now I've been playing regularly with the same group of people in one particular game where it's very important for the players on each team to voice chat to each other while playing. To start with, I didn't speak at all, if I had to say something I'd type it instead. One of the regular players is a very outgoing woman who just wouldn't accept me being so quiet. Every time she saw me online she'd try and get me into a conversation, and so I ended up talking to her quite frequently, both in and out of the games, although still only through text chat.

Eventually I stopped making excuses, bought a decent microphone, and got up the courage to actually start talking to her and everyone else properly. That was a couple of months ago, and since then she has usually been talking to me via text or voice for at least an hour or two every day, and she even wants to meet up with me at some point in the future. Just talking to someone so often has had a real impact on me, I feel more confident and less anxious than I've done for as long as I can remember, and am noticeably less awkward in conversations after having more of them in the last couple of months than I'd normally get in a year.

I'm still not sure why she enjoys talking to me so much, but I'm extremely grateful to her for persevering with me when it would have been so easy to give up and talk to someone else.

[Canadian Brotha]

My highschool friends always called me to chill despite knowing that I'm not often super talkative, they even still ring me up on occasion & I'm more quiet now than ever. I usually avoid going now though as I feel like a burden putting them trough that every time now.

It can happen but agree it's only a matter of time before new acquaintances will give up trying

[quietgal]

Only other really quiet people who are more understanding. Most really outgoing people don't bother, there are plenty of other people they can talk to, why waste time with the quiet girl?

[secretlyshecries]

Kinda, actually. I did a course last year sometime and at one stage we were put into small groups. Afterwards one of the girls I was with asked if I wanted to come to lunch with them. I started hanging out with these people but I never really said much. I don't understand, in a way, why they kept telling me I could join them for lunch or whatever else (the girl was even trying to get me to come over to her house, which I eventually did, briefly). I don't know. It was weird.

[shy67]

Yeah, this is why I have such a hard time making friends. I will try to talk but it takes a long time for me to get comfortable enough to just talk normally and joke around. So if a person doesn't stick with me for a week or month, I don't start talking and they leave. My friend and roomate in college at the moment kept going to dinner with me in my freshman year and kept doing it even if I didn't talk much (just school related stuff). Then, eventually we had a class together and I helped with hw and then I got comfortable with her and now can talk to her like I talk to my family. Usually though, this doesn't happen, because people just give up on trying to talk to me.

[Freiheit]

No, people don't do that because I'm too boring.

[gozinsky]

Yeah I've had people hang out with me even though I didn't talk. People have wanted to hang out with me because of my looks and athletics and music and other things and didn't really care that I didn't talk. They think I think I'm better or I'm just laid back and don't care. Now I don't really hang out with anyone because whether they like me or not I feel a lot of pain inside and don't want to deal with it. Maybe that will change sometime. I hope so.

[meh]

Yeh. One of my old friends would play games with me all the time. We never really talked to each other. It was really nice, quiet, and relaxing with no pressure.
My best friend in school sat with me at lunch everyday. I did most of the listening, and only added a few words once in a while.
Some people just don't care if you're quiet. They just want company.

[PaixLiberte]

The best method I've found to getting around this (and only when the timing is right in the conversaion) is straight up tell them you "tend to be shy and quiet sometimes." No stranger needs a indepth explanation about your SA disorder. If this new friend you've made turns into a solid friendship (or maybe something more?) THEN you can spill your beans. Till then just keep it simple and enjoy the conversation with someone new!

[layitontheline]

This girl at school keeps inviting me places and talking to me despite the fact that I hardly talk and am clearly socially awkward. I don't understand it.

[Georgina 22]

Originally Posted by layitontheline

This girl at school keeps inviting me places and talking to me despite the fact that I hardly talk and am clearly socially awkward. I don't understand it.

aww she could fancy you. She probably doesn't care that you don't talk. She probably likes your looks and thinks that underneath your quietness you are a fun loving person and she wants to get to know you better outside of school. Maybe she thinks that if she took you somewhere outside of school hours you'd come out of yourself. It's kinda sweet.

[Georgina 22]

[QUOTE=meh;1076337]Yeh. One of my old friends would play games with me all the time. We never really talked to each other. It was really nice, quiet, and relaxing with no pressure.
My best friend in school sat with me at lunch everyday. I did most of the listening, and only added a few words once in a while.
Some people just don't care if you're quiet. They just want company.[/QUOTE]


Yeah, true I guess

[Paul]

In 8th grade, a kid kept trying to be my friend all year even though I'd only nod or shake my head to questions most days, or give one or two word answers on a good day. It probably helped that I was practically a celebrity for not talking, so nobody would think I was singling them out for ignoring due to disliking them, and anyone inducing me to talk was admired for their skill. (Of course, even though I liked the kid, I wasted the entire year of continual opportunities because I was afraid... and never got any more opportunities like that.)

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by SixFigures

I havent....

But once during my first week in college we had an external site visit. Afterwards our teacher said lets all meet up at a chinese restaurant. for lunch and get to know each other. I didnt know where the resturant was so this guy in my class offered to walk with me and show me.

While walking we got talking, and then he says lets go for coffee as we are a bit early. Due to my SA, i didnt really want to knowing it could get awkward So i decide to go with him and we sit down and after 10 minutes there was really nothing else to say.

Then he got a newspaper and begun reading it while holding it right accross his face so i couldnt see him. At this point i as so anxious and i really wanted to find some excuse to leave.... but i thought, nah that would be rude.

Anyway he eventually got up and said he had to go and i could find my own way to the restaurant.. I felt like the biggest fool.

Sometimes i feel i should listen to my anxiety and not put myself in situations like that.

Anyway... sorry my story is a bit different.

People love talking about themselves, i hate being pressed for what to say though. Keep asking the other person about themselves, while verbally and nonverbally rewarding them for putting in effort to do so, make a statement about yourself that relates (can be small), and then ask another question if appropriate. Before interactions like these, make lists of topics you are ready, comfortable, and knowledgeable enough about to talk about, so you quickly have something to say when its your turn to speak.

Also remember awkward silences are not always your fault, unless the other person was speaking the whole time and then the awkward silence happens, b/c that means its your turn to speak. If the conversation feels like its dying out, look at the last few sentences someone said and find something peculiar to ask a question about, to uncover their hotbutton topics.

Last option if you have NOTHING to say is to parrot back the last few words the other person said to you in question form. This will make you seem interested in the other person, and you can escape having to talk for a little bit longer, so you can plan longer what to say. Make sure you are listening to them and give positive feedback!

[Efsee]

yes, people tried to get me to open up too, but they eventually gave up and began to dislike me.

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by Efsee

yes, people tried to get me to open up too, but they eventually gave up and began to dislike me.

why didn't you open up then? Fear of being disliked? You know they will dislike you if you don't open up, atleast if you open up, there's the possibility of not being disliked.

[Monroee]

Yeah, there was one guy who for some reason really wanted to be my friend, he didn't care that I didn't talk. He would sit next to me, everywhere in school and just sit there in silence beside me. Sometimes he would just talk about something and look over at me for the occasional nod.

Too bad my paranoid thoughts made him into something he wasn't. I broke off the 'friendship' after a year... I don't know where he is now, I wish I could contact him somehow.

[ShyViolet]

No, I drive people away quickly.