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Old 09-08-2009, 02:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default good looking people with s/a

i mean, when someone looks at you, dont they expect you to be cool or something, i mean like out going, how do you feel
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Old 09-08-2009, 02:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I get that way sometimes when I see someone who is good looking, but that quickly fades when I find out they are quiet. Then I just think of them as a good looking quiet person, lol.
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Old 09-08-2009, 02:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I have a friend who's really pretty and really quiet. I think people actually like her more for it because not only is she adorable physically, but her quietness makes her seem very sweet.
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Old 09-08-2009, 03:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Yeah. If I try to look good, doing my hair, contacts, and dress all preppy(which seems to be in these days), I feel people do have higher standards for you. It does feel more pressuring like if I dont follow their image, I was a fraud! But I have to remember I live for me, not them. Besides it's just the outside, not me. I am who I want to be.

I definitely feel more confident looking better. But What I really find is, if you look good and are socially anxious, people will still respect you but treat you as a shy person. I guess cause well-kept people look like they have confidence and good self control and are able to decide things for themselves. If you look worse and you are socially anxious, people will see more as a loser/creepy person. Hope that doesn't make anybody paranoid.
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Old 09-08-2009, 04:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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People think I'm stuck up a lot of the time. They don't expect me to be shy. It really sucks. I try to be really nice to compensate but then I come off as too polite and not casual and fun. And I have a cynical sense of humor so people sometimes don't like my jokes. I'm so misunderstood hahaha
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Old 09-08-2009, 04:20 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Looks get people places. Good looking girls/guys get more attention and therefore tend to develop extrovert personalities. The fact that they are physically attractive makes people assume that they'll have a charming social personality. Stereotypes Stereotypes Stereotypes.

What defines a good looking person anyway...an average guy/girl can get as much attention too.
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Old 09-08-2009, 07:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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My sister does not have SA, but she is shy. She is a very pretty girl and women at her jobs never like her because they think she is stuck up and b*tchy. When in reality she is just shy.
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Old 09-08-2009, 07:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I have two major phobias: picking out clothes, and dancing. This sucks so painfully, because I have a really good body from doing martial arts (vanity aside), and I'm really coordinated. But I have no idea what clothes look good on me, and whenever I think something might look good I end up not getting it because I'm afraid to stand out. And dancing... don't even go there. I'm petrified and ashamed to move my body on a dance floor, even though you'd think doing martial arts for many years would give me the confidence and coordination to be an excellent dancer. Oh yeah, and being attractive doesn't count towards much if you can't stand loud clubs/parties and you tend to spend most of your time indoors. The few times I had a panic attack, I was either surrounded by a bunch of dancing people or I was in a big clothing store unable to find any pants that fit me. I hate my hangups :P
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:49 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Auron View Post
Looks get people places. Good looking girls/guys get more attention and therefore tend to develop extrovert personalities. The fact that they are physically attractive makes people assume that they'll have a charming social personality. Stereotypes Stereotypes Stereotypes.

.
I agree to some extent that this is true - it certainly didn't do me any harm in progressing in my job, although I did get upset when my partner suggested that it was the only reason I was doing so well.

Through school, I looked the part - dressed fashionably, was up to date etc, but I think I confused people, as I didn't have the outgoing personality to be one of the girls. Strangely though, in the right surroundings and company, I can be quite outrageous in terms of humour (my jokes are, I suppose, quite male) and I can make people laugh, howvere, this is, I admit, mainly put downs and mickey takes (not nastilly!)

Perhaps people (especially women) can't quite work me out. 'Friends' will chat to me at social events, but it all seems superficial, and I can really tell that they are uncomfortable with me. Do I try too hard? Do I give off 'don't talk to me' vibes?
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Old 09-09-2009, 03:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by when will we be new skin View Post
My sister does not have SA, but she is shy. She is a very pretty girl and women at her jobs never like her because they think she is stuck up and b*tchy. When in reality she is just shy.
I think that people expect pretty people to be confident and outgoing too but that's not true which is why some people mistake them for being stuck-up. If they see someone who is plainer then they just think ''Oh they're shy because they don't like the way they look''...It's pretty awful how people's minds work.

I have tattoos and people seem to think that i'm going to be some wild crazy guy because of them. People who have known me before i got them done are shocked saying that they would never have expected me to get tattoos.
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Old 09-09-2009, 01:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to this. I'm not saying I'm the best looking chick or anything but I've been told I'm good looking by people. I get people that try to strike up a conversation with me, like outgoing people, because they probably think I'm a confident person or popular or whatnot, but once my horrible social skills show through, people just stop talking to me or probably assume I'm stuck up. I actually heard a girl call me stuck up once when it couldn't be further from the truth. I just hate stereotypes.
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Old 09-09-2009, 02:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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This is actually my biggest problem. Not to sound vain, but I am a pretty decent lookin' dude and have even been asked to model before (which I didn't do because of my anxiety). I am sort of metrosexual when it comes to fashion and everything, so I dress well and usually have some sort of hair style going on. I guess I'm best described as being preppy.

But I'm really shy around people, so I think people assume I'm a snob. It sounds cruel, but I think the stereotype of the socially awkward person is usually one of the geeky or nerdy type who is unattractive and living in their own world. So when people see me and I "look" normal, but I don't casually start chatting them up or whatever, they just think, Oh, he's a douchebag.

I remember in high school this girl liked me and had her best friend tell me to talk to her, but I was too embarrassed to do it. One day i was walking down the hall and her best friend passed by me with a group of other girls and said (loud enough that i could hear it): "DOUCHEBAG!" They just assumed I ignored this girl because I was a prick, but the truth is that I was suffering from SA.

I was told by a girl last year (who's now a friend of mine, who knows I'm really quiet) that I probably actually intimidate some girls by being the way I am, and make them afraid to approach me. She said when she first met me she thought I was a jerk, too, just because I was so quiet and it took a while for her to realize it was just my personality.

I hate giving off vibes like that, but...I don't really have any control over it.
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Old 09-09-2009, 02:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by gaz View Post
I think that people expect pretty people to be confident and outgoing too but that's not true which is why some people mistake them for being stuck-up.
Exactly.

And it really hurts because your situation ends up worsening. It's cyclical - your SA makes it harder for people to like you, thus destroying your confidence even more.
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Old 09-09-2009, 05:28 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I can't remember where I read it, but there was actually a study done that suggests quiet, good looking people are often thought of as stuck up rather than shy. I would consider myself to be more average than good looking. But when I dress up, I guess I can look decent and I've been called stuck up many times. Never directly to my face. But I often have heard people say that so-and-so thought I was stuck up.

I don't know if it's directly related to looks, but I'd say it's something with people's perceptions and probably how a person carries themself. Since I'm quite comfortable around certain people- my boyfriend for example- people see this and assume I'll be comfortable around them. Therefore, my boyfriend's sister thought I was really stuck up at first.

It's pretty strange the crazy things we assume about people based on really superficial things. It can even extend to us making assumptions about a person's interests. As a blonde girl, I've experienced all kinds of strange assumptions about my personality and my interests based on my looks. I have no idea why people would think they know anything about me without having even spoken to me. It's very odd and sad, really.

One time when I lived in a dorm, I heard a girl talking about how she thought I really didn't care about anyone and that I was only polite in order to cover up my complete self-absorption. Meanwhile, it took everything I had to muster up courage to talk enough to be polite. It's unreal!
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Old 09-09-2009, 05:40 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by gotnuffin View Post
I was told by a girl last year (who's now a friend of mine, who knows I'm really quiet) that I probably actually intimidate some girls by being the way I am, and make them afraid to approach me. She said when she first met me she thought I was a jerk, too, just because I was so quiet and it took a while for her to realize it was just my personality
Interesting you say that. I always thought people thought I was weird or something. It turns out, there are girls that think I'm cute, but actually think that I don't like THEM. It's the opposite of what I thought, they are actually afraid of me and that's why they get nervous. When someone figures out that I'm shy, they treat me much better.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:19 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by gotnuffin View Post
I was told by a girl last year (who's now a friend of mine, who knows I'm really quiet) that I probably actually intimidate some girls by being the way I am, and make them afraid to approach me. She said when she first met me she thought I was a jerk, too, just because I was so quiet and it took a while for her to realize it was just my personality.
This is just how it was for high school and still now at some of the jobs I had. Just about everyone who didn't know me in high school had something to say about me. I always wondered how I got so much notice without ever talking to more than 2 or 3 people. It doesn't really make sense in anyone's head that you can be good looking and shy. I was called stuck up, conceded and I'm sure other things behind my back.

It's odd in my mind I realize that I'm good looking now but if no one brings it up I'll forget that I intimidate women. And that if I don't start a conversation with them they won't just spark one with me. There are times I learn that a woman might have a crush on me and I think to myself "she's never said more than hi to me".

The really odd thing about people assuming that you have more social intelligence than you do. Is the way they go about flirting with you. For some reason the first thing women want to do is challenge me. Maybe it's to test my confidence or something. But I notice that the flirting starts with some kind of contradiction to what I'm saying like she wants to start and argument.
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Old 09-08-2010, 07:02 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to this. I'm not saying I'm the best looking chick or anything but I've been told I'm good looking by people. I get people that try to strike up a conversation with me, like outgoing people, because they probably think I'm a confident person or popular or whatnot, but once my horrible social skills show through, people just stop talking to me or probably assume I'm stuck up. I actually heard a girl call me stuck up once when it couldn't be further from the truth. I just hate stereotypes.
Wouldn't people have better reception toward good looking people then? Part of the problem with people having SA is the initiation

Good looking people (presumably) are approached by others which make the social situation much easier to deal with. I've always wondered if there were any good looking people WITH SA.
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Old 09-08-2010, 08:13 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by ruinMYlife View Post
i mean, when someone looks at you, dont they expect you to be cool or something, i mean like out going, how do you feel
Yes, they do usually expect you to be more outgoing and talkative, it seems. I do have to admit being goodlooking does make more people want to approach you.... Especially if i get dressed up more. Then they see i'm just the opposite - shy. They are quite puzzled at that i guess they find me mysterious?
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Old 09-08-2010, 08:43 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Yeah. If I try to look good, doing my hair, contacts, and dress all preppy(which seems to be in these days), I feel people do have higher standards for you. It does feel more pressuring like if I dont follow their image, I was a fraud! But I have to remember I live for me, not them. Besides it's just the outside, not me. I am who I want to be.

I definitely feel more confident looking better. But What I really find is, if you look good and are socially anxious, people will still respect you but treat you as a shy person. I guess cause well-kept people look like they have confidence and good self control and are able to decide things for themselves. If you look worse and you are socially anxious, people will see more as a loser/creepy person. Hope that doesn't make anybody paranoid.
+1.

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Old 09-08-2010, 08:46 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I'm quite a handsome guy and I hate it. It's much worse when you're in a school/college/uni environment because younger people tend to believe stereotypes more and expect people to behave how they think they should based on how they look. Also you're more likely to attract unwanted attention from the opposite sex which can be really hard to deal with in a lot of different ways.
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