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Old 04-18-2008, 12:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Going to a club/bar alone?

I'm pretty much desperate for company... it sucks. I really think I'd do better in just about anything if I had friends to pull me out of this dead state. Something like a club is the only thing I could fit in my schedule... can't and don't want to join groups.

i went by myself once to a really small party and it was just awful...couldn't move. The people there were awkward though, I chose a bad party. I could go to another place... I've been saying that for 2 months and the social situation is just getting worse. Every week I say "ok, screw everything, this week I'm going" and then when the day comes I'm very stressed and give it up. I don't think I have much to lose and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I want to try more.

So, has anyone ever pulled off going to a party alone? Or just doing better than expected in a club? I'm both stressed and excited to go and meet new people. But when I really think about it... I get in and what? I sit by the bar? What if I'm not approached by no one? I don't have a car, I have to wait till the morning when the bus comes. Last time was hellish but it wasn't a good example. What do you say?
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Old 04-18-2008, 12:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

No, I went to a club once with friends. Ended up sitting on the couch with one of my friends most of the time chilling out. If I went alone I'm not sure what would happen. If I had 4 shots maybe I could talk to someone.
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Old 04-18-2008, 12:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I wouldn't go to a party or club by myself unless I was social. If you're not social you're going to stand out like a sore thumb because your either going to be standing or sitting alone all night. Clubs you could get away with it easier because you can dance all night if you want and if it's crowded you'll be next to someone by the bar all night.
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Old 04-18-2008, 01:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I went to a club alone....four times. I'd never do it again. There's a lot of not-so-nice people in those places!

I'd pick far safer locations, that's for sure
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Old 04-18-2008, 05:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoWords
I'm pretty much desperate for company... it sucks. I really think I'd do better in just about anything if I had friends to pull me out of this dead state. Something like a club is the only thing I could fit in my schedule... can't and don't want to join groups.

i went by myself once to a really small party and it was just awful...couldn't move. The people there were awkward though, I chose a bad party. I could go to another place... I've been saying that for 2 months and the social situation is just getting worse. Every week I say "ok, screw everything, this week I'm going" and then when the day comes I'm very stressed and give it up. I don't think I have much to lose and I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I want to try more.

So, has anyone ever pulled off going to a party alone? Or just doing better than expected in a club? I'm both stressed and excited to go and meet new people. But when I really think about it... I get in and what? I sit by the bar? What if I'm not approached by no one? I don't have a car, I have to wait till the morning when the bus comes. Last time was hellish but it wasn't a good example. What do you say?
Hey,

You can definitely pull off going to a club alone. Here's the thing though, you have to go for the right reasons. If you want to meet people, and that's all you want, you probably won't have a good time. If you are going just to meet people, you are putting control in other people's hands. You have to want to have a good time. If you get nervous about the idea, then you aren't in the right mindset to go, because you're doing something you don't want to do. You have to take out the variables that make you afraid.

In everything you do you should have a reason for it that does not involve anyone but you. So, if your goal was to dance like crazy, you could easily accomplish that and have a good time. The ironic thing is, once you get your happiness from what you have control over, that's when people start to pay attention to you... but you can't give them control.

There should never be winning and losing in your head, because those things don't really exist in life. All there is is living, and if you are happy or miserable. Choose to be happy, because you never know when you're going to die. I think accepting death is a big thing too. You don't get to keep your trophies, whatever they are, once you die :P

Just have a good time, however you want to.
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Thanks for the replies. The first few comments put me back on planet Earth, who am I kidding... I get very anxious about things like presentations, appearing on a yearbook..and going to a club in the past has been awful (and I went sober). It's sooo far fetched to think I could pull off a club, and alone... HA.

Anon7, your comment got me to think about it again just slightly differently. What you say is very true... I can't just go and expect to meet people like I'm suddenly a social person when I'm really not. If I was about dancing... sure. But I'm not, basically I'm just retarded when it comes to clubs. The most basic things are not clear to me: how do you dance? who do I dance to? By myself? What direction? Last time I felt like all eyes were on me and I tried my hardest to make a move but felt so ridiculous alone (and not just because I was alone) so I just left the place, incredibly mad at myself. It's all about the mindset, I know, but my mindset is not the healthiest. Trying hard to change that as you can see... I don't know. Besides, club situations are a nightmare for people with SA... So other than making friends, my other goal is to just try to defeat SA to a degree. It's so hard to do but I'd feel so much better if I could ever pull off clubs. Maybe I could drink, although that won't be a true "victory"... I'm dying to get past this incredible sense of emptiness but the ways to do that are pretty impossible. A job could do but I'm too busy with school which I dread.
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I don't mind going to clubs. Most of the time it's dark so you can blend in pretty easy. Dancings not so bad as long as you don't go crazy if you don't know how to dance. Just stay in your space, dance in whatever direction you want, and don't worry about the other people. When you start thinking they're watching you is when you start to get self concious and don't enjoy yourself. Just go with the flow and have a good time.

I don't think it's that great of a place to make friends. Most people are just there to get drunk, party, and hookup with someone if they're lucky. Your best bet is to hang around a group of guys who are looking to get drunk and try and join in with them. If they like you they might invite you after the club to hang out with them at another bar, and that's where you'll establish a relationship. If you're lucky you'll see them again next week and do the same, except they'll probably ask if you want to hang out more which can lead to a friendship out of the club scene. It's a long shot, but that's probably your best bet with just trying to make a friend.
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

When i was still at school, i remember, going to a bar alone occasionally used to be pretty fun.
I would drink a glass of wine, smoke a few cigarettes... life went quite smoothly then.
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Old 04-18-2008, 10:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyvr6
I don't mind going to clubs. Most of the time it's dark so you can blend in pretty easy. Dancings not so bad as long as you don't go crazy if you don't know how to dance. Just stay in your space, dance in whatever direction you want, and don't worry about the other people. When you start thinking they're watching you is when you start to get self concious and don't enjoy yourself. Just go with the flow and have a good time.

I don't think it's that great of a place to make friends. Most people are just there to get drunk, party, and hookup with someone if they're lucky. Your best bet is to hang around a group of guys who are looking to get drunk and try and join in with them. If they like you they might invite you after the club to hang out with them at another bar, and that's where you'll establish a relationship. If you're lucky you'll see them again next week and do the same, except they'll probably ask if you want to hang out more which can lead to a friendship out of the club scene. It's a long shot, but that's probably your best bet with just trying to make a friend.
I actually planned to refrain completely from dancing. Tried once and then locked myself in the bathroom trying to calm down and come out looking normal, failed dancing again and just went home feeling really bad. I was supposed to wait for the morning to get a bus but I couldn't get through it... I called a taxi and paid like $50 just to get home and get this nightmare over with. I was also on the couch for a while acting like I'm oh so busy with the phone. My expression isn't very inviting.

Now that I'm older I can go to the bar instead of the couch but it's stil odd to me. If I wasnt self-conscious and anxious about dancing (I'm mostly stiff faced which makes it so hard not to think of how I'm percieved) then I'd just dance and wait until I'm approached. I'd need a lot of booze to get over myself and dance. It really is far fetched though to think I'll meet a group of friends and socialize with them... but maybe if I meet one person, they can show me their friends or something like that. Ugh...

Thanks for the advice.
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Old 04-18-2008, 11:00 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Maybe it's the clubs you're going to. I'm used to going to the ones that are pretty packed, so no one really notices how you dance cause there's hardly any room to dance to begin with. I agree though, it takes some liquid courage to let yourself go fully, but I think that's just part of the experience, lol. Letting yourself go and having fun.
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Old 04-18-2008, 11:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Most of the people going to clubs/bars are single. So I see no problem of going alone. You can at first maybe just hang around and watch, and then as you get comfortable with time, you can attempt talking to girls. I recommend reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss or even the "Mystery Method" or David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" series etc...
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Old 04-19-2008, 12:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

In Vegas its perfectly acceptable to go to bars alone. You have to hide yourself in Video Poker though which can end up costing a fortune. I have seen many people alone at bars in Vegas, and I have even done it.
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Old 04-19-2008, 04:11 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Clubs seem like fun, but are very terrifying. The terror.
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Old 04-19-2008, 08:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I went to a club in New Orleans with my brother. I thought it would be okay since I was far from home and would never see any of the people ever again. I couldn't even move. I felt so out of place. I would love to step outside of myself and just let go like I see so many people do, but I've come to realize it may not be within me to do that. I don't think I could ever walk in a place like that alone.
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Old 04-19-2008, 08:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I don't think they are a very good place to develop social skills. They are very loud and people aren't interested in meaningful conversation.
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Old 06-07-2008, 07:20 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

my one friend always tryed to get me to go to the club with her... but i would never go. or i would ALMOST go.. get pretty close to going.. and then chicken out and the last minute because of my anxiety. then one time she just talked me into it and of course.. well the alcohol pre funking before hand talked me into just going and getting it over with as well... i dont know if i wouldnt of ever gone to the club if i hadnt of had a few drinks before hand... but oh well.. i ended up going.. having a GREAT time.. dancing the night away and then going the next night also. this was a few months ago.. havent gone since. i cant imagine going sober. the thought of it still scares the **** out of me. but its a nice feeling knowing that i did something and put myself in an enviorment that i never thought i would before... kudos to the alcohol and a good friend (:
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Old 06-07-2008, 08:25 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Ok get this

I used to go to clubs and just dance, but i didnt understand the purpose of dancing. it made no sense, unless i was excersizing or trying to demonstrate to the opposite sex that my body is functioning properly(like so many girls seem to like doing )

so eventually I thought ill do something more fun, I went right into the middle of the dance floor and stood absolutely still like i was in the army. and I just stood there and stayed to see how long i could do it for. Most people didnt do anything, two girls seemed to be upset and were signally for me to do something, but i couldnt hear them.

That got boring eventually, so then I started going to this salsa bar. There, they actually gave free salsa lessons and the music was at a volume where people can still communicate.

So i did the salsa lessons, and then just sat down on a stool and watched others dance, and a woman came and asked me to dance, so i did, and its hard to lead when you have SA, cause I was constantly worrying that Im doing it wrong(which is stupid, since its just dancing). But then after, I just smiled at her and went back to sitting by myself. I didnt say a word to her, blah

Then someone went and burned the place down


so now im gona try going again, to another salsa bar, but this time im just going to get drunk. Ive usually just gotten water
and when i did get alchohol, it didnt work, so im gona try it again
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Old 06-07-2008, 09:17 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Opie
I recommend reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss or even the "Mystery Method" or David DeAngelo's "Double your Dating" series etc...
I heard the gme is a good read but god do I regret studying double your dating programs just basically back fired in the city I live in.
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:18 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

I've done it a few times. Always pre-gamed pretty heavily beforehand though. Crowded is good. It's easier to blend and nobody will notice that you're by yourself. I always try to keep moving, upstairs, downstairs, and keep goin back for more drinks. You can always just roam through the dance floor without actually dancing, pretending like you have somewhere to go but not actually going anywhere. Once I'm drunk enough I'll even talk to girls buying drinks at the bar
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Old 06-09-2008, 05:25 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Going to a club/bar alone?

When I was living in a different town for a job I was feeling like I wanted to go out. I'm a girl though AND alcohol definately makes me more social. I ended up having an okay time. I met a guy and went on a date with him later that week. I feel like things fizzled out with him partly because I wasn't honest about being there alone (telling him initially at the bar "my friends left me"). He wasn't that great anyways ;-)..All in all, I would say it may be more difficult for a guy to just go out to a bar/club and meet people than for a girl. Good luck if you decide to give it a try...
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