Giving it up on the first date? - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 12-25-2011, 10:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
dkriot's Avatar
 
Status: bff with downtown abbey
Join Date: Dec 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 848



Question Giving it up on the first date?

What are your thoughts about this? It's going to happen anyway so what's the point of delaying it? Do you think differently when your date is willing on the first date? Should you wait? What is the normal procedure when it comes to things like this? Why is human interaction so complicated with all these unwritten rules and conflicting expectations?
dkriot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 11:38 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
andy1984's Avatar
 
Status: pirate
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: auckland (mount albert), new zealand
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 3,376



Default

if you want to then do it.

i'd delay because i'd be uncomfortable until i knew her better and there are other things i want to do like holding hands lol. does that seem childish? i'd rather build some kind of connection. but that depends on the person i guess.
__________________
NZers | Auckland meetup group
andy1984 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 11:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: You have to do better.
Posts: 4,683



Default

IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
BobtheBest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 12:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
Double Indemnity's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: God's country
Gender: Female
Age: 37
Posts: 3,305



Default

You should definitely do it when you feel comfortable. I'd at least like to know a second date was going to happen before I dropped the panties. I'd like to think I could sleep with someone on the first date, but I don't see myself ever being comfortable doing that. If I'm into the person a goodnight kiss would be enough. I think a slow build up to the actual sex is ideal and would make it that much more fulfilling when it happened. If you have an instant connection and attraction then sex on the first date could be pretty awesome I'm sure, but those situations I think are pretty rare? God help me if I have to start dating again. I won't know what I'm doing lol.
Double Indemnity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 12:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 18



Default

Wait.

I say this because waiting will help you weed out the individuals just looking for casual sex if you're seeking a relationship, and waiting will spare your feelings if the other person is just looking for a fling.

However, I don't know exactly how long is appropriate to wait and of course this isn't a totally failproof way to keep yourself from being used. Ive always heard of a three date rule - go out 3ish times before anything physical, but I think it depends on your comfort level. 3 dates or so gives you enough time to discuss things - ie: get to know each other, see where the relationship is heading, etc.

But, everyone is different and goes about this differently. It's totally up to you and there's nothing wrong with waiting or not waiting. Do what makes you happy and what works for you!
Jasj is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 02:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: New Orleans
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 3,885



Default

Women shouldn't give it up on first date.....Unless its a hoe
successful is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 03:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
rymo's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Brooklyn
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 4,506



Default

If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship
__________________
Until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.
rymo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 03:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
Status: Swedish Feminist
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: where not all men
Posts: 3,275



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by successful View Post
Women shouldn't give it up on first date.....Unless its a hoe
If a woman has sex with you on a first date I don't think you're in any position to judge her since you are the one who's having sex with her. Similarly, if you're in the habit of having sex with random people because all you want is sex, I don't think you're in any position to judge women for doing exactly what you like to do.

I think anyone who would give it up to someone who's basically a stranger would not make a good long-term partner. Sexual attraction should be part of a relationship, not the main foundation the relationship rests on.
__________________
]
ohgodits2014 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 03:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: New Orleans
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 3,885



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rednosereindeer View Post
If a woman has sex with you on a first date I don't think you're in any position to judge her since you are the one who's having sex with her.

I think anyone who would give it up to someone who's basically a stranger would not make a good long-term partner. Sexual attraction should be part of a relationship, not the main foundation the relationship rests on.
Men are different from women.
Women are different from men.

A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.

Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
successful is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 03:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
The Silent 1's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Texas
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,731



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rymo View Post
If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship
I don't agree with this. I guess I'm not looking for an exciting chase, but rather a mature relationship. I know a lot of people who have this mentality though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobtheSaint View Post
IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
This. I hate the whole "game" of dating.
__________________
"They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being. Itís like no one told them itís the hardest thing in the world."
The Silent 1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 03:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
Status: Swedish Feminist
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: where not all men
Posts: 3,275



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by successful View Post
A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.
Yes, and you apparently are one of those people who don't seem to have a problem with this double standard.

Quote:
Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
Why worry if people think you're gay even if you're not? Word on the street is gay is now okay.
__________________
]
ohgodits2014 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 04:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
rymo's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Brooklyn
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 4,506



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Silent 1:1059527988
Quote:
Originally Posted by rymo View Post
If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship
I don't agree with this. I guess I'm not looking for an exciting chase, but rather a mature relationship. I know a lot of people who have this mentality though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobtheSaint View Post
IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
This. I hate the whole "game" of dating.
You might hate the game of dating but it's just how it is so you gotta get used to it. Also, a lot of people want a mature relationship but if the girl gives it up on the first date it usually means she's not that mature so it's a red flag.
__________________
Until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.
rymo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 05:15 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 781



Default

My rule was always 7 dates before sex.. Otherwise maybe he'll just use me because he knows he's gonna get a piece. I like the guy to show interest in me for me instead of for the sexxx.
missalyssa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-25-2011, 06:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
dkriot's Avatar
 
Status: bff with downtown abbey
Join Date: Dec 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 848



Default

This thread was a real eye opener. Thanks for your comments.
dkriot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 02:16 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
MrSoloDolo123's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Australia
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 1,000



Default

One theory could be that the lady doesn't find the guy's personality attractive and believes their relationship is going nowhere but she finds him physically attractive, so she sleeps with him first date and ends it there.
MrSoloDolo123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 02:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
luffy's Avatar
 
Status: I have to feed my dog
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: inland empire, CA
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 1,891



Default

there's nothing to "give up." you have everything to gain, nothing to lose.
luffy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 03:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Wales
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 195



Default

I could never have sex on the first date I wouldn't feel comfortable, I'd like to get to know the person before I'd initiate sex. I recently was going though this a few weeks ago, now I'm glad I didn't have sex with the woman as it would have hurt me more in the long run. I think she pretty much played me to a degree
ShiptoShore is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 03:45 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
DeeperUnderstanding's Avatar
 
Status: Me.Now.ToString()
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Ohio, USA
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 18,539



Default

I think the 3 dates before sex rule should apply.
__________________
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi
DeeperUnderstanding is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 04:23 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
SweetNSour82's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Age: 31
Posts: 561



Default

If a woman gives it up on the first date, I think it makes it too easy for the guy, the chase is over. But, if that's what you want and you're not too interested in a long term relationship, GO FOR IT!
Always better if you have a connection with that person though!
SweetNSour82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-26-2011, 07:19 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
Talgonite's Avatar
 
Status: Endless Redemption
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Maine (home) Florida (current)
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 989



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by successful View Post
Men are different from women.
Women are different from men.

A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.

Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
I want to rape you with a hot curling iron for your closed minded thinking and idiocy.

It's people with the same train of thought as you who are treating women as secondary to men.
Talgonite is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm not giving up!!!!! Jenikyula gone mad Students 6 10-23-2011 05:40 PM
Giving up... Harpuia Frustration 8 04-23-2010 10:58 PM
giving up dez Frustration 18 02-29-2008 10:12 PM
Giving up. Vincenzo Relationships 8 01-04-2007 01:10 AM
not giving them my name Anxiety75 Coping With Social Anxiety 16 09-19-2006 10:48 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:49 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.