Giving it up on the first date? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 10:19 AM Thread Starter
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Question Giving it up on the first date?

What are your thoughts about this? It's going to happen anyway so what's the point of delaying it? Do you think differently when your date is willing on the first date? Should you wait? What is the normal procedure when it comes to things like this? Why is human interaction so complicated with all these unwritten rules and conflicting expectations?
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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 11:38 AM
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if you want to then do it.

i'd delay because i'd be uncomfortable until i knew her better and there are other things i want to do like holding hands lol. does that seem childish? i'd rather build some kind of connection. but that depends on the person i guess.


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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 11:59 AM
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IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:45 PM
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You should definitely do it when you feel comfortable. I'd at least like to know a second date was going to happen before I dropped the panties. I'd like to think I could sleep with someone on the first date, but I don't see myself ever being comfortable doing that. If I'm into the person a goodnight kiss would be enough. I think a slow build up to the actual sex is ideal and would make it that much more fulfilling when it happened. If you have an instant connection and attraction then sex on the first date could be pretty awesome I'm sure, but those situations I think are pretty rare? God help me if I have to start dating again. I won't know what I'm doing lol.
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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 12:52 PM
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Wait.

I say this because waiting will help you weed out the individuals just looking for casual sex if you're seeking a relationship, and waiting will spare your feelings if the other person is just looking for a fling.

However, I don't know exactly how long is appropriate to wait and of course this isn't a totally failproof way to keep yourself from being used. Ive always heard of a three date rule - go out 3ish times before anything physical, but I think it depends on your comfort level. 3 dates or so gives you enough time to discuss things - ie: get to know each other, see where the relationship is heading, etc.

But, everyone is different and goes about this differently. It's totally up to you and there's nothing wrong with waiting or not waiting. Do what makes you happy and what works for you!
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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 02:59 PM
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Women shouldn't give it up on first date.....Unless its a hoe
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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:31 PM
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If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship

"If the dealer dealt a ****ed up hand of cards you gotta play em." - OutKast [Humble Mumble]
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:37 PM
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Women shouldn't give it up on first date.....Unless its a hoe
If a woman has sex with you on a first date I don't think you're in any position to judge her since you are the one who's having sex with her. Similarly, if you're in the habit of having sex with random people because all you want is sex, I don't think you're in any position to judge women for doing exactly what you like to do.

I think anyone who would give it up to someone who's basically a stranger would not make a good long-term partner. Sexual attraction should be part of a relationship, not the main foundation the relationship rests on.

]
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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:43 PM
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If a woman has sex with you on a first date I don't think you're in any position to judge her since you are the one who's having sex with her.

I think anyone who would give it up to someone who's basically a stranger would not make a good long-term partner. Sexual attraction should be part of a relationship, not the main foundation the relationship rests on.
Men are different from women.
Women are different from men.

A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.

Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rymo View Post
If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship
I don't agree with this. I guess I'm not looking for an exciting chase, but rather a mature relationship. I know a lot of people who have this mentality though.

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IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
This. I hate the whole "game" of dating.

"They make it look so easy, connecting with another human being. Itís like no one told them itís the hardest thing in the world."
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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 03:53 PM
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A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.
Yes, and you apparently are one of those people who don't seem to have a problem with this double standard.

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Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
Why worry if people think you're gay even if you're not? Word on the street is gay is now okay.

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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Silent 1:1059527988
Quote:
Originally Posted by rymo View Post
If a girl gives it up too early, the challenge and excitement of the chase is lost for the guy and the girl seems too easy...like.she would give it up to anyone (whether that's the case or not). Its definitely not a good idea if you're a girl and you're looking for a relationship
I don't agree with this. I guess I'm not looking for an exciting chase, but rather a mature relationship. I know a lot of people who have this mentality though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BobtheSaint View Post
IMO, why follow stupid rules and play mind games. If a person wants to, great. If not, that's fine too. As long as both people are comfortable. I really have a lot of fun getting to know the other person.
This. I hate the whole "game" of dating.
You might hate the game of dating but it's just how it is so you gotta get used to it. Also, a lot of people want a mature relationship but if the girl gives it up on the first date it usually means she's not that mature so it's a red flag.

"If the dealer dealt a ****ed up hand of cards you gotta play em." - OutKast [Humble Mumble]
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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 05:15 PM
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My rule was always 7 dates before sex.. Otherwise maybe he'll just use me because he knows he's gonna get a piece. I like the guy to show interest in me for me instead of for the sexxx.
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2011, 06:54 PM Thread Starter
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This thread was a real eye opener. Thanks for your comments.
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 02:16 AM
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One theory could be that the lady doesn't find the guy's personality attractive and believes their relationship is going nowhere but she finds him physically attractive, so she sleeps with him first date and ends it there.
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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 02:28 AM
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there's nothing to "give up." you have everything to gain, nothing to lose.
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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:19 AM
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I could never have sex on the first date I wouldn't feel comfortable, I'd like to get to know the person before I'd initiate sex. I recently was going though this a few weeks ago, now I'm glad I didn't have sex with the woman as it would have hurt me more in the long run. I think she pretty much played me to a degree
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 03:45 AM
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I think the 3 dates before sex rule should apply.
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 04:23 AM
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If a woman gives it up on the first date, I think it makes it too easy for the guy, the chase is over. But, if that's what you want and you're not too interested in a long term relationship, GO FOR IT!
Always better if you have a connection with that person though!
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2011, 07:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by successful View Post
Men are different from women.
Women are different from men.

A man can have sex with a woman he just met 10 seconds ago and still be labeled as a man. A woman can do the same but she will be considered a hoe or ****.

Same way women can say "love you" and hug their female friends and be straight & men can't...
I want to rape you with a hot curling iron for your closed minded thinking and idiocy.

It's people with the same train of thought as you who are treating women as secondary to men.
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