Social Anxiety Support

greg19 · 07-04-2012, 08:29 AM

Do you ever feel like you're having a great day and then instead of just relaxing and reflecting upon what a good day you had, you continue to feel dissatisfied and proceed to do more, which just ends up overstimulating you and making you feel bad?
This happened to me yesterday. I was having such a good day. I spent the entire day with friends, was very productive and sociable and went home feeling contentedly tired.
However, after coming home and resting for a while, I guess I just got a high from my day and decided that I needed to do more. This is where my day went sour and I started feeling anxious again.
I think that's an issue with people with anxiety is that there is a constant fear that we're not doing enough or that we're not enough in some way. Like, for the first half of my day, I didn't have any social anxiety. I was in the moment enjoying myself with people I like.
It was after I got home and overstimulated myself when I started feeling anxious and self conscious again.
Anyone else experience this? I feel like all anxieties would be gone if we could more realistically reflect on how good our lives really are and within that, how okay this moment really is.
When I really become aware of the moment I'm in and just surrender and immerse myself in it, I end up doing all the things my anxiety holds me back from doing, I'm just not thinking about it.

tehuti88 · 07-04-2012, 09:40 AM

I think there's only so much some people can handle at a time. For me, for example, take replying to e-mails. It feels good to actually do that, both to get it out of the way, and to communicate with somebody. But if I have a bunch of them to handle at once, after a while I get so drained and anxious I have to stop, even if there's nothing but positivity involved in the experience. (Ditto with replying to one long e-mail, I often have to break it in two just to get through it.) The other day I told myself I WILL reply to my outstanding messages here. I got through a few of them and had to stop. There was nothing bad about the remaining ones. I just didn't have it in me. I had to literally tell myself, "You replied to some of them. You got it partly done. That's a big task, you can do the rest later on. You accomplished something, so let the rest go for now" so I wouldn't feel so terribly guilty.

That's not quite the same as what you described, but yes, it's easy to get overstimulated, to do just too much that we aren't really prepared to handle...it's like we feel we have to overdo things just to catch up with others who are used to doing lots of stuff as a matter of course. But some people just weren't meant to be able to do a lot of stuff at once. We get worn out a lot faster if we try. And I know that if I feel like I can't keep up with "normal" people I get to feeling bad about it, like I must be defective, when the truth is we just all handle things differently.

Zendo · 07-04-2012, 10:27 AM

Hey Greg, congrats on getting out there and having a good time. Great point you raise, I think there's a powerful solution right there. I overthink think things so much and it's really draining. I wonder if this is the same for the majority of people with SA. Maybe we wear ourselves out mentally by thinking about the past or worrying about the future and struggle to enjoy the present moment.

I'm pretty sure I could silence some of my fears by just learning to let go and live in the moment. Like in most social experiences I've had, when I'm in the experience, I'm sort of like an observer of myself instead of being fully "there". Like I'm expecting some disaster to happen, someone to make one mean comment or give me a funny look that will send me into a tailspin.

Sometimes it's almost like I feel I don't deserve to be happy so I try and find something to feel bad about and sabotage any good feelings. Which is weird because I always try to see the positive in others, yet I give myself a really hard time.

I think I'm making progress on this recently though and seeing small improvements. I've spent the last few years immersed in self-development stuff and have come to the conclusion that none of it matters unless I actually get out there and experience life. The last few years I've pretty much wasted reflecting on my reflections lol. It's just pointless. So now what I try to do is literally not "think" as much or let my mind wander.

I notice that I can stay on track more when I regularly ask "is this in my best interest?" and ignore my emotions that are constantly raging and seem to do me more harm than good.

I wonder why our minds attack us when they're supposed to be on our side? I think maybe the answer in my case is that it has too much time on it's hands when I should be out in the world just doing my best.

greg19 · 07-04-2012, 03:08 PM

Diving into the present moment is such a fascinating concept. I mean, the fact that we can notice that the best times of our life happen when we're not worrying about them happening is just...there are no words.
There's an incredible paradox here. So we enjoy life most when we aren't worrying about not enjoying it and we enjoy it least when we do worry about not enjoying it.
The thing is, it's all happening in the present moment, even the frustrating parts where we refuse to let go and enjoy. So when it comes right down to it, we're always experiencing life no matter what we do or don't do.
One interesting practice would be to stay present as much as we can, even stay present in a period of frustration and just allow it to happen without wishing it away.
At the end of the day, whether our minds judge them as good or bad, experience is experience and it's love all the same.
Presence, presence, presence.

07-04-2012, 08:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
greg19 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 27	feeling overstimulated Do you ever feel like you're having a great day and then instead of just relaxing and reflecting upon what a good day you had, you continue to feel dissatisfied and proceed to do more, which just ends up overstimulating you and making you feel bad? This happened to me yesterday. I was having such a good day. I spent the entire day with friends, was very productive and sociable and went home feeling contentedly tired. However, after coming home and resting for a while, I guess I just got a high from my day and decided that I needed to do more. This is where my day went sour and I started feeling anxious again. I think that's an issue with people with anxiety is that there is a constant fear that we're not doing enough or that we're not enough in some way. Like, for the first half of my day, I didn't have any social anxiety. I was in the moment enjoying myself with people I like. It was after I got home and overstimulated myself when I started feeling anxious and self conscious again. Anyone else experience this? I feel like all anxieties would be gone if we could more realistically reflect on how good our lives really are and within that, how okay this moment really is. When I really become aware of the moment I'm in and just surrender and immerse myself in it, I end up doing all the things my anxiety holds me back from doing, I'm just not thinking about it.

07-04-2012, 09:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
tehuti88 Status: Mackinac Island Fanatic Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Age: 36 Posts: 10,385	I think there's only so much some people can handle at a time. For me, for example, take replying to e-mails. It feels good to actually do that, both to get it out of the way, and to communicate with somebody. But if I have a bunch of them to handle at once, after a while I get so drained and anxious I have to stop, even if there's nothing but positivity involved in the experience. (Ditto with replying to one long e-mail, I often have to break it in two just to get through it.) The other day I told myself I WILL reply to my outstanding messages here. I got through a few of them and had to stop. There was nothing bad about the remaining ones. I just didn't have it in me. I had to literally tell myself, "You replied to some of them. You got it partly done. That's a big task, you can do the rest later on. You accomplished something, so let the rest go for now" so I wouldn't feel so terribly guilty. That's not quite the same as what you described, but yes, it's easy to get overstimulated, to do just too much that we aren't really prepared to handle...it's like we feel we have to overdo things just to catch up with others who are used to doing lots of stuff as a matter of course. But some people just weren't meant to be able to do a lot of stuff at once. We get worn out a lot faster if we try. And I know that if I feel like I can't keep up with "normal" people I get to feeling bad about it, like I must be defective, when the truth is we just all handle things differently. __________________ If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY. * (Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.) Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?" Det. Devetko: "Definitely." * "No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island *** Graphic tees and denim, denim, denim...denim...backpacks! "Don't overthink the metaphor, Cartwright!"

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07-04-2012, 10:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
Zendo Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: UK Gender: Male Posts: 167	Hey Greg, congrats on getting out there and having a good time. Great point you raise, I think there's a powerful solution right there. I overthink think things so much and it's really draining. I wonder if this is the same for the majority of people with SA. Maybe we wear ourselves out mentally by thinking about the past or worrying about the future and struggle to enjoy the present moment. I'm pretty sure I could silence some of my fears by just learning to let go and live in the moment. Like in most social experiences I've had, when I'm in the experience, I'm sort of like an observer of myself instead of being fully "there". Like I'm expecting some disaster to happen, someone to make one mean comment or give me a funny look that will send me into a tailspin. Sometimes it's almost like I feel I don't deserve to be happy so I try and find something to feel bad about and sabotage any good feelings. Which is weird because I always try to see the positive in others, yet I give myself a really hard time. I think I'm making progress on this recently though and seeing small improvements. I've spent the last few years immersed in self-development stuff and have come to the conclusion that none of it matters unless I actually get out there and experience life. The last few years I've pretty much wasted reflecting on my reflections lol. It's just pointless. So now what I try to do is literally not "think" as much or let my mind wander. I notice that I can stay on track more when I regularly ask "is this in my best interest?" and ignore my emotions that are constantly raging and seem to do me more harm than good. I wonder why our minds attack us when they're supposed to be on our side? I think maybe the answer in my case is that it has too much time on it's hands when I should be out in the world just doing my best.

07-04-2012, 03:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
greg19 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 27	Diving into the present moment is such a fascinating concept. I mean, the fact that we can notice that the best times of our life happen when we're not worrying about them happening is just...there are no words. There's an incredible paradox here. So we enjoy life most when we aren't worrying about not enjoying it and we enjoy it least when we do worry about not enjoying it. The thing is, it's all happening in the present moment, even the frustrating parts where we refuse to let go and enjoy. So when it comes right down to it, we're always experiencing life no matter what we do or don't do. One interesting practice would be to stay present as much as we can, even stay present in a period of frustration and just allow it to happen without wishing it away. At the end of the day, whether our minds judge them as good or bad, experience is experience and it's love all the same. Presence, presence, presence.