Feeling like a bad person - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 11-17-2010, 09:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 35



Default Feeling like a bad person

Lately I've been feeling a bit miserable. I just feel like a bad person inside because I am not where society thinks I should be and its messing me up mentally. I look at my age 27 and Im working a low paying job more or less due to the poor economy, I live at home, and have never been in a relationship in my life. All these factors are just making me feel like a bad person and I constantly have feelings like I don't belong because I don't match up with the rest of society.
shyguymi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 09:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Sep 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 613



Default

You aren't a bad person just because you don't fit in with society. Please don't think that.

You're in a similar situation to many other people -- especially people with SA. You're not alone.

Try to stay positive. I know it's hard. Your life is where it is right now, but if you want it to be different you can change it. Always remember that.
confidencelost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 10:23 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
victoriangirl's Avatar
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Almost Europe
Gender: Female
Posts: 594



Default

I am going to repeat the same - you are not a bad person. A bad person is one who deliberately hurts people or any other living creature. You and I both know very well that we are not here on purpose. I am also sure that you do a lot of good in your life. So please try to focus on that...you ARE a GOOD person!
victoriangirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 11:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
cubanscorpio's Avatar
 
Status: Meandering
Join Date: Jun 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 860



Default

im not sure what you mean exactly by "bad". however, personally, im essentially in the same situation you are demographically but lately i been feeling incapable more than anything. i feel like im in this rut and i feel powerless to do anything about it. like i dont have the skills, the drive, or whatever it takes to get out. feeling like im at the whim of consequence and whatever the fudge life wants to do with me I'm not feeling worthless tho, which is a good thing. it keeps me from completely crashing.
__________________
Life is a journey thru time and happiness is what happens when we make that journey together.
cubanscorpio is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 12:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Kansas
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 121



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguymi View Post
Lately I've been feeling a bit miserable. I just feel like a bad person inside because I am not where society thinks I should be and its messing me up mentally. I look at my age 27 and Im working a low paying job more or less due to the poor economy, I live at home, and have never been in a relationship in my life. All these factors are just making me feel like a bad person and I constantly have feelings like I don't belong because I don't match up with the rest of society.
Please don't flow into society's competition idea. What I mean is a lot of society has this thought that everyone should be a certain a way. Like when you said you don't match up with society, you are looking at life as a competition. If someone with SAD looks at life as a competition, they will be disappointed their whole lives. It's okay to not have a high paying job, you don't need to live in a mansion. At least you have a job. I got laid off and am unemployed. And people like us, we don't get into as many relationships as most people cuz of SAD. That's perfectly fine. Lots of society has this thought that we absolutely need to find love with the opposite sex so we can "live happily ever after." This same society is obsessed with social status and sex. I've had a girlfriend before and trust me, the girlfriend thing is overrated. Instead of finding a girlfriend, you should be looking to find actual friends, or maybe you already have friends? I think we need successful friendship before we find love. Love is icing on the cake after we get every thing else figured out. It's horrible that so much of society gets the thought in people's heads that you need love or you can't be happy. Don't let these people brainwash you.
MrSocialAnxiety is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 12:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,904



Default hmm

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguymi View Post
Lately I've been feeling a bit miserable. I just feel like a bad person inside because I am not where society thinks I should be and its messing me up mentally. I look at my age 27 and Im working a low paying job more or less due to the poor economy, I live at home, and have never been in a relationship in my life. All these factors are just making me feel like a bad person and I constantly have feelings like I don't belong because I don't match up with the rest of society.
And where does society think you should be? You don't match up with the rest of society? Well, neither does the rest of society. With the greatest of love and respect, classic SA thinking. What you have is an individual observation, interpretation and assumption about what society expects from you. You then look at yourself and think you're not at the place you should be based on something you assumed in the first place.

There's very little in the idea that people with SAD get into less relationships then people with any other type of problem or issue and so many people are going through so much stuff right now that, ironically, you're pretty close to most people. Most people have doubts, fluctuating confidence and self esteem...well...that could be a generalisation and simply my interpretation and assumption about things and I recognise that but people are fluid, you're a person. Makes you pretty much the same as other people whether you want to imagine a league table and judge yourself based on it or not.
percyblueraincoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 12:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
JimmyDeansRetartedCousin's Avatar
 
Status: Custom User Title
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 4,234



Default

Agreed, social conditioning isn't a realistic way of basing your sucess or failure.

There are no benchmarks, only the one you decide to put in place.
__________________
"I think the existential dilemma is: We're social animals, so we all wrestle with a sense of inadequacy. But when we realize that we're not as inadequate as we thought we were, and when we realize that everybody elese also thinks they're inadequate, then the ache goes away and the idea that we're not a person of value disappears to some extent."

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick"
JimmyDeansRetartedCousin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 12:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 5



Default

Well I can just say that you are not alone, there are many people that feel like they are outcasts to our society. Let's face it our society is not a friendly place, as long as you are happy then who cares? Nobody fits into our society perfectly, too many expectations. It's time for people to start doing things they want too, nobody should base self expectations off of society..why would we all want to be alike?

You are not a bad person either, there are so many people who feel this way..and if there is something you don't like about your life there is always time for change.
DmaccKM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 01:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Kansas
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 121



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joinmartin View Post
There's very little in the idea that people with SAD get into less relationships then people with any other type of problem or issue and so many people are going through so much stuff right now that, ironically, you're pretty close to most people. Most people have doubts, fluctuating confidence and self esteem...well...that could be a generalisation and simply my interpretation and assumption about things and I recognise that but people are fluid, you're a person. Makes you pretty much the same as other people whether you want to imagine a league table and judge yourself based on it or not.
A much larger percentage of people with SAD get into less relationships than people without SAD. The OP, myself, and most people on this website are different than most people in the world, and part of overcoming worry about self is understanding that you are different. You know what, I actually like being different in a way. At least I'm original. Most other people have the same boring lives, get friends, try to get everyone to like them, they have to have sex as soon as possible, get a job, get married. That sounds like a bunch of robots to me. I am on a different path, and I think that is very interesting. In a way, it's kind of fun to be us and be different. It's fresh and out of the ordinary.
MrSocialAnxiety is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 01:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 1,345



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguymi View Post
Lately I've been feeling a bit miserable. I just feel like a bad person inside because I am not where society thinks I should be and its messing me up mentally. I look at my age 27 and Im working a low paying job more or less due to the poor economy, I live at home, and have never been in a relationship in my life. All these factors are just making me feel like a bad person and I constantly have feelings like I don't belong because I don't match up with the rest of society.
I'm going through it right now and I really really wish there was something that could be done about it.
stranger25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 01:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,904



Default hmm

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSocialAnxiety View Post
A much larger percentage of people with SAD get into less relationships than people without SAD. I know we are trying to help the OP here, but sugar-coating ideas is a little dishonest. The OP, myself, and most people on this website are different than most people in the world, and part of overcoming worry about self is understanding that you are different. You know what, I actually like being different in a way. At least I'm original. Most other people have the same boring lives, get friends, try to get everyone to like them, they have to have sex as soon as possible, get a job, get married. That sounds like a bunch of robots to me. I am on a different path, and I think that is very interesting. In a way, it's kind of fun to be us and be different. It's fresh and out of the ordinary.

A much larger percentage of people with SAD get into less relationships than people without SAD.

It isn't as clear cut as that. People without SAD is a false category. People with SAD is also a false category. People are fluid. SAD manifests in different ways in different people and the person with a mental health issue remains a person who evolves and changes automatically and through direct action and through the balancing of the personal ecology of the system. And, indeed, through therapy and other healing processes.

If the hypothesis is that people with SAD (if it exists as a category) don't get into as many relationships as people without SAD because people with SAD don't talk to people as much as people without SAD do...well...that's guesswork assumption territory. SAD is not the only thing that stops people interacting with each other. People with SAD get into relationships and one has to assume that, since they did, having SAD didn't stop them from getting into that relationship. So why would SAD automatically stop those who suffer from it from getting into relationships. Of course people are different so those who had SAD and got into relationships would not automatically be the same as or have the same opportunities as those who had SAD but were not in relationships. But it does prove that the disorder itself is not always nor automatically a barrier to getting into a relationship.

Which, all in all, makes sweeping, broad based statistics about significantly more people with SAD getting into less relationships than people without SAD difficult to back up.

I know we are trying to help the OP here, but sugar-coating ideas is a little dishonest.

With the greatest of respect and love, is it a little dishonest and sugar coating because it steps outside of your belief system about what is and what is not possible for a person with SAD? Without making light of what is a serious problem and issue, SAD is shown time and time again to not be as much of a barrier to anything as it might first be thought to be. People think they can't do something because they have SAD and then they do it and it is a triumph. So much of SAD is being imprisoned by ideas, thoughts, beliefs and identity constructs. Of course there are other elements but even these are shown in many cases to not be as much of a barrier to the person succeeding as they may first have been thought to be.

The OP, myself, and most people on this website are different than most people in the world,

I get the sense that some people on this website do know each other outside of the website but does this mean that you have met and know most of the people on this website personally? More to the point: does this also mean that you know most people in the world personally? A comparison beyond the assumption, interpretation and placing of meaning level would require an in depth personal knowledge of both.

Whilst there are people in the world who do not suffer from SAD, there are a lot of people who, at different times in their life, can be paralysed by fear, lack confidence, have panic attacks, be imprisoned by anxiety, have fears about social events, lose or lack or lose connection with their confidence...etc. One of the most ironic things about SAD (considering the outcast from society stuff that some people write about) is in many cases, people with SAD experience a constant presence or overwhelm of various symptoms which, in different forms, exist and appear in people without SAD over their course of their (the people without SAD) lives.

and part of overcoming worry about self is understanding that you are different.

Indeed, in our differences we shall find our common bond. Every single one of us, SAD or not, is different. We are a unique sketch. And being different actually makes us more like other people because they are different too.

You know what, I actually like being different in a way. At least I'm original. Most other people have the same boring lives, get friends, try to get everyone to like them, they have to have sex as soon as possible, get a job, get married. That sounds like a bunch of robots to me. I am on a different path, and I think that is very interesting. In a way, it's kind of fun to be us and be different. It's fresh and out of the ordinary

I am somewhat reminded of the Marina And The Diamonds video (gorgeous singer, gorgeous talent, check her out) for her single "I am not a robot!" We are all on unique paths. Pretty much nobody has a boring life. So much goes on in people's lives these days. So many successes and so many problems. The whole idea of most people following some sort of constant pattern is a little bit out of date. Everybody is original. Such is the beauty of the person.
percyblueraincoat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 02:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: US
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,127



Default

0
49erJT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-2010, 10:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Kansas
Gender: Male
Age: 30
Posts: 121



Default

JoinMartin I don't really have much to write because I disagree with everything you said for the most part. If I write down what i disagree with I'd be repeating what I already wrote. I will say one thing: Don't try to take away my originality by saying everyone is original. As far as social lives go, most people have friends, and I don't have friends. That makes me original. Oh whatever, you'll just disagree with that, I'm wondering if there is any point in arguing with you anymore. We can't agree on much, discussing issues with you is becoming a waste of time and is irritating. I'm going to decide whether I want to keep doing debating with you. I'll get back to you, maybe. I think you have one of those, what do you call em? Disagreement habits. You like to look for reasons to disagree just so you can disagree. That's good that you think about what others say, but I think you are taking the whole disagreement thing too far. You have clearly fallen in love with disagreeing with people. I will add that i have agreed with stuff you've said, which is the reason I'm see-sawing between whether I want to continue our debates.
MrSocialAnxiety is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 07:16 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2



Default

I wouldn't regret never being in a relationship, you have so much to experience, learn and look forward to compared to others who have. Dating can be really fun as long as you find the right person who is interested in similar things and that's the truth. As a teen I tried dating people who were the complete opposite of me, didn't have any similar interests so we didn't have any fun together. If you find things to laugh together your relationship will be extremely strong and loving. Remember whatever happens in your life or what you feel like you've missed, nothing is too late to do. If you were at the top of the mountain the only choice you'd have is to climb down. If you want to have a different career that interests you start working toward it
BlairWitch is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Maybe I'm just a bad person Shadowsgirl Frustration 3 11-14-2010 04:59 PM
Am I a bad person? namowrepus Frustration 18 12-28-2009 03:52 PM
I am a bad person Arti Coping With Social Anxiety 8 04-29-2009 04:11 PM
I think I'm a bad person Hoppipolla Frustration 2 10-30-2007 08:03 PM
I'm becoming a bad person... cwb Relationships 16 12-08-2006 01:28 PM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:50 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.