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Old 11-14-2009, 07:34 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Angry Fear of Intimacy

Where does it come from? I panic at the thought of being intimate with someone. Often times, I get angry and want to hurt myself. I hate that I'm expected to do this. That I HAVE to do this if I ever want to lead a normal life.
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Old 11-14-2009, 07:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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When you say intimacy, do you mean sharing intimate thoughts or being physically intimate with someone?
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Old 11-14-2009, 07:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I mean being physically intimate.
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I guess I'm the only one with this sort of problem, huh?
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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I guess I'm the only one with this sort of problem, huh?
Makes sense. I've never experienced it, but I can understand where you're coming from. You feel the most exposed and therefore capable of being rejected when intimate. You're also anxious around people, so duh you'd be anxious at that most vulnerable moment. There's gotta be people on here that have experienced the same...
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Your not by yourself. I only have to think about going on a date thats enough to send me into panic. I haven't had a chance to be intimate with someone in probably 8 years or so.......I might die if it happened.
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:51 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I've been in some rough relationships that have made me more indifferent to it or rather jaded to some degree. I still dig sex tho big time.
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Old 11-14-2009, 09:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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A big chunk of mine stems from my early teens I was abused by girls back then they pretty much destroyed my confidence. I've never taken rejection very well either.
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Old 11-14-2009, 09:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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It is the fear of vulnerability. Everybody has it, but we are more sensitive to it.
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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You're not alone. I was in the same boat up until somewhat recently. I hated myself for passing on physically intimate opportunites that would come up once every few years. After I would wimp out on them, I would feel like a complete loser and ruminate over them for months. But It eventually happened after 27 years, and it was very liberating.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I was so fearful. I think especially for men it's a fear of being judged. It's really not a big deal, though. Good luck.
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Old 11-15-2009, 06:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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But I don't want to do it. If I could swallow a pill and never have another sexual thought again for as long as I lived, I would.
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:00 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moon Calf View Post
Where does it come from? I panic at the thought of being intimate with someone. Often times, I get angry and want to hurt myself. I hate that I'm expected to do this. That I HAVE to do this if I ever want to lead a normal life.


I feel the same way but I know why being intimate makes me want to react violently. You don't have to do it.
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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You don't have to do it.
It doesn't feel that way.
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:33 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Well who knows that you have this fear besides us? Just pretend you don't have this fear. It will work until you get a long term gf. :-)
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:34 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by millenniumman75 View Post
It is the fear of vulnerability. Everybody has it, but we are more sensitive to it.

Could not of said it better myself!!!!
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:40 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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It will work until you get a long term gf. :-)
That will never happen precisely because of my fear of intimacy.
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Old 11-15-2009, 07:51 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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You can have a gf without being intimate.
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Old 11-15-2009, 09:36 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I don't know where I would find a girl who would want to be in a relationship without being intimate with each other.
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Old 11-15-2009, 09:58 AM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Me!!!
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Old 11-15-2009, 10:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
 
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For me it depends on the person.

I personally like to have fun, explore, laugh, and just fall into good feelings.

I've been with people who, well for example... One girl wouldn't make any moves, and basically hinted that she wanted me to "rape" her. I was actually kind of offended, and definitely turned off. I really don't understand some women in the bedroom, can't even comprehend.

So if they aren't openly wanting to play around and have fun... My anxiety kicks in, I don't enjoy being with them, and I want outta there.
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