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Old 01-19-2009, 11:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Unhappy Ever feel like you just have nothing to say?

One thing that bothers me is when people call me "quiet". I could be in a social setting and someone would go "Why are you so quiet?" as if by magic I'll snap out of it and suddenly become talkative.

It bothers me that when I'm in a group setting and everyone is talking and being part of the conversation, I just sit there and listen. It's as if there's nothing for me to say, nothing to share with them. My mind goes blank.

I have no memories of wild parties, nights out, getting drunk, holidays etc because of my social anxiety. There's a big gap in my life where nothing happened, there's nothing for me to tell these people. Nothing to share. I get so frustrated by that, they're pressuring me to share things that aren't there.
And in turn, I just come off as boring. I just can't win, nomatter what I do.

Anyone else feel that?
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Hey LostGirl,
This is exactly how I feel when I'm with a group of people or even with just one person. My biggest problem is that I never have "anything to say" or "interesting" stuff for that matter. I can easily approach people or be around a group of people, but I look like a complete loser for not knowing what to say. Like you mentioned, "Most of the time im just sitting there and listening," the samething goes for me too. And this is the reason why I've avoided social situations, because of not knowing what to say. I know exactly what your going through.. You aren't alone...
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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It's frustrating, isn't it?

It seems like people are scared of breaks in conversation, they cant sit there in silence for more than 2 minutes without starting small talk. But I can't do it, I can't think of anything to say. Sometimes I've found myself making things up just to get a few sentences in so that I don't come across as mute. And I hate myself for doing that.

I get angry when some smart-arse tells me im being too quiet. They don't realize how hard I'm digging in my head trying to find something, anything, to say to them. There's just nothing there for me.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostGirl View Post
I have no memories of wild parties, nights out, getting drunk, holidays etc because of my social anxiety. There's a big gap in my life where nothing happened, there's nothing for me to tell these people. Nothing to share. I get so frustrated by that, they're pressuring me to share things that aren't there.
And in turn, I just come off as boring. I just can't win, nomatter what I do.

Anyone else feel that?
Yeah Although in my case, I really am boring.
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Are you interested in people's lives? If so, ask them questions until they say something you can relate to. Of course, this can be overdone. If you never open up about yourself and just ask questions, people will get annoyed. But, in my experience, most non-SAers really like to talk about themselves, and if you show genuine interest by asking questions, they will like to talk to you. Also, people don't really judge your life as harshly as you might think; that's coming from yourself, not from other people. I for one would be far more interested in you than in girls with lots of stories about wild, drunken nights out. If you're young, you'll see how this changes.
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:15 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by LostGirl View Post
One thing that bothers me is when people call me "quiet". I could be in a social setting and someone would go "Why are you so quiet?" as if by magic I'll snap out of it and suddenly become talkative.

It bothers me that when I'm in a group setting and everyone is talking and being part of the conversation, I just sit there and listen. It's as if there's nothing for me to say, nothing to share with them. My mind goes blank.

I have no memories of wild parties, nights out, getting drunk, holidays etc because of my social anxiety. There's a big gap in my life where nothing happened, there's nothing for me to tell these people. Nothing to share. I get so frustrated by that, they're pressuring me to share things that aren't there.
And in turn, I just come off as boring. I just can't win, nomatter what I do.

Anyone else feel that?
yer i used to feel so boring when everyone is in a group taking turns to tell stories about things theyve done .

it used to p!ss me off that i ''didnt have a story to tell'' and id get really down in the dumps about it.

now though i dont let it bother. i accept that sa takes a big chunk out of people's lives and that i just having to let that chunk of my life go and focus on getting over this thing and experiemcing life in the NOW so that in the future ill have plenty of stories to tell
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, I have a hard time finding what to say to people and never feel like I have anything interesting or witty to say. I didn't party and go to clubs and all that, so there's not much to talk about. But I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am indeed "boring" and if someone still likes me then great, and if not, then it's their loss.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:43 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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LostGirl, I think the best thing that you could do if it's brought up is to tell the people you're with that you never really experienced parties or clubs, but you always wanted to. They would probably do the "Really!?" reactions, but after that I bet they would all love to take you out so you could experience it, and you might make some friends in the process. It may seem like the wrong thing to say, but it works. That's how I made some friends because I just told them and they couldn't get me to a club fast enough. After that, I got invited to more stuff and just built relationships with some of the people who took me.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, even when I'm with an old friend. I'm not even too uncomfortable in that case - I just have nothing to say. She knows all about my childhood already, my classes and grades in college, and my views in politics and religion. It's not necessarily one of those comfortable silences you imagine that old couples have.
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I know the feeling. It feels like my brain just shuts off around people and then turns back on when I'm alone. Think way, way too much when I'm alone almost seemingly to make up for lost time. Sadly, I know I'm capable of being an interesting person but I just have trouble expressing myself. I'm just too quiet and negative to do so most of the time.
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Old 01-19-2009, 02:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I like being a listener and hate when people mention how I'm so quiet. Sometimes I want to say something and don't, but other times I just want to hear what other people have to say.
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Old 01-19-2009, 03:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Heres an amazing realization I had when working on becoming more talkative, conversation is not a physical exchange of sounds and infromation, its an unconcious vibe shared between 2 or more people, basically conversation is not as much as the words, its about the vibe that goes on, to let it flow you gotta be dialed on the same vibe as the peopel who are talkign, you do not address conversation logically, for example with a group of friends who know eachother the vibe that is set is easily entered by any of those friends, with new people people tend to think its any different when its not.

I used to go into convo thinking itd be akward, WRONG, go in assumign rapport, the second you talk assumign people will talk back and be interested is the second youll put up a good vibe, people can FEEL this, lead and people will follow.
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Old 01-19-2009, 04:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I'm always quiet around people I don't know. Then it's like that's who I become, the quiet girl who never talks, and if I have something to say I'll keep it to myself because talking would be so out of character.
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Old 01-19-2009, 04:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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I'm always quiet around people I don't know. Then it's like that's who I become, the quiet girl who never talks, and if I have something to say I'll keep it to myself because talking would be so out of character.
Yeah, it's like it's expected. I'd be embarrassed by the fact that I started talking and people would wonder why.
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I hate being asked "what's going on with you." My answer is always nothing much. Everyone always wants to catch up but there isn't really any catching up to do with me. My life is still work and then working out. That's all I basically do. In my 20s, I dreaded road trips with my girlfriends because I was stuck in the car with them for 4-5 hrs, and there is to do is talk. They all had these wonderful stories, and I had absolutely nothing. And I still don't.
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:52 PM   #16 (permalink)
 
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With most people I find myself nodding and saying things like "yeah, that's true" a lot. Its gotten to the point where I am so sick of that (I hardly ever know what to say around new people) so I just avoid new people most of the time. Sometimes I think "some people who talk all the time - half of what they're saying is not thoughtful" but its not always true. My mind indeed goes blank a lot of the time. Later on I think of things I could have said. *Sigh* Sometimes when I DO think of things to say my avoidant personality gets in the way. "I should express my opinion on what they're talking about but I don't want to get into an argument".
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Old 01-19-2009, 07:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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My mind goes blank in almost all social situations, it's very frustrating. And then like the minute I leave the situation, my brain returns and I think of something I could have said.
I also don't think people really care what I have to say either, so I just don't say anything.

I'm naturally not talkative though. I enjoy just listening most of the time.
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Old 01-19-2009, 08:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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At school this is EXACTLY what I go through. Not so with people I know well.
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Old 01-19-2009, 09:15 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Yeah, even when I'm with an old friend. I'm not even too uncomfortable in that case - I just have nothing to say. She knows all about my childhood already, my classes and grades in college, and my views in politics and religion. It's not necessarily one of those comfortable silences you imagine that old couples have.

I can relate completely. Whenever I get together with an old friend of mine who I haven't seen awhile she always asks me if there's anything new going on in my life and I NEVER have much to share! She always has so many interesting stories and experiences and it seems like my life the past few years has just been one long boring journey.

I notice though that since I don't have a lot of interesting stories to share my conversations start to delve more onto deeper issues which doesn't really require funny anecdotes. That's fine and all, but, most times, people just want to have fun, and talk about fun stuff, and that's where I get stuck. Actually, I know I can be fun it's just that it's more of making short silly/goofy remarks. Rather, than being more preferably witty and charming, which gains much more respect and interest from others.
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Old 01-19-2009, 09:39 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Yeah i get that alot in larger groups. I'm usually fine with small groups like up to five people but any more and i seem to withdraw. For me, part of it is that i'm somewhat softspoken and that i feel like i'm shouting when trying to talk over lots of other people.

In these settings, I often try to look disinterested instead of shy but that doesn't really help my situation.
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