Social Anxiety Support

hushhush · 11-02-2009, 07:34 PM

so i have been at this job for about a month, and today as I was in the elevator leaving for the night, a man in the office told me that the hem of one of the legs of my pants was un-done and i should be careful about stepping on it. I felt so embarrassed. I feel like such a SLOB. I bet people think i am a huge slob. Who would want to associate someone whose pant hem is unfolded and loose?
The pants are old and from Express. I think I paid about $20 for them and clearly it shows.
I am pretty embarrassed about this incident and i know it will cause me to recoil even further into myself.
I just have such a hard time with appearances. see to be honest, i didn't even notice that, and i probably would not have! sometimes i don't care about things like that. Probably because i feel it's a lost cause and i have nothing to tend to - i feel hideous most of the time.

Now i am not only ugly but i am the ugly slob of the office. everyone else seems to be so put together so easily. I know I look at slobs and think they look bad and it's a reflection of their priorities. but i forget i am a big slob. and I just realized how i must come off to other people. No one is more sloppy than I am. I feel so hopeless just thinking about it.

this brings back bad memories from high school. One day i even dressed up. And for me it was putting forth an effort, and i overheard two girls talking about me saying, something like "i don't think she cares [how she looks]." i guess normally i didn't - i had given up, but that particular day, i did!!

kos · 11-02-2009, 07:42 PM

Buy an expensive pair of pants that won't rip. Problem solved. Maby check you apperence head to toe before you leave for work next time and at lunch. I remember in high school i forgot to zip up my fly and things were showing if you catch my drift.

amarie · 11-02-2009, 07:45 PM

It sounds to me like he was just concerned with your safety, and didnt want you to accidentally trip. Don't sweat it. :] Even those perfectly put together people arent as perfectly put together as you think.

nothing to fear · 11-02-2009, 07:59 PM

it's just an un-done hem. the person in the office noticed and decided to point it out (likely for the safety like amarie mentioned). that's all it was. it looks like you are jumping to conclusions based on the very very minor incident. deciding that you are the biggest slob of the office, that no one wants to associate themselves with you, that you are hopeless, a lost-cause.. all from the un-done hem on your pant leg, seems a bit irrational, does it not?

to me this is just another classic "cognitive distortion" that is so common among us SA-sufferers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

if you do think that your clothing looks sloppy, then maybe look into changing your style a little so that you feel comfortable and confident with how you look. that doesn't at all mean you have to get the hottest new styles and name brands, just anything you can feel better in than your current clothes.
H&M has really nice, cheap clothes that would fit well in the office environment.

Neptunus · 11-02-2009, 08:17 PM

No, you're not "ugly or a slob," you're HUMAN. I know it's easier said than done, but I wouldn't give it a second thought. He's probably already forgotten about it by now anyway... and he'll probably only think you're "strange" if you bring it up again, or make a big deal out of it.

Dempsey · 11-02-2009, 08:23 PM

I was changing buses a few weeks ago and while I was waiting for the next one some guy pointed to me, but I couldn't hear him because I had my headphones in. I took them out and he repeated "your fly's open".
I was impressed with myself because I laughed it off and wasn't too embarrassed, but I do tend to check my fly all the time now.
I was glad that someone told me, though. Most people would have just been too sorry to tell me and just let me walk around like that.

millenniumman75 · 11-02-2009, 08:39 PM

I woudln't worry about it. Hems come undone all the time. It is better than havnig it frayed altogether.

matty · 11-02-2009, 08:56 PM

I would say that the guy was just being nice and didnt even look into it any further.
I know I judge myself way harsher then anyone else could possibly. and I know that I dont judge other people. I am sure that most people dont really care or notice the things we worry about.
And for everyone with a fly story. I have one too.
I leave my fly down 3 or 4 times a week. I do a quick change between jeans and business pants at work. Yeah, not real good with the fly step. I normally find out myself. But think of all those people which didnt tell me. I just laugh it off. I dont really see it as a huge deal anymore

11-02-2009, 07:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
hushhush Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 90	embarrassing elevator incident so i have been at this job for about a month, and today as I was in the elevator leaving for the night, a man in the office told me that the hem of one of the legs of my pants was un-done and i should be careful about stepping on it. I felt so embarrassed. I feel like such a SLOB. I bet people think i am a huge slob. Who would want to associate someone whose pant hem is unfolded and loose? The pants are old and from Express. I think I paid about $20 for them and clearly it shows. I am pretty embarrassed about this incident and i know it will cause me to recoil even further into myself. I just have such a hard time with appearances. see to be honest, i didn't even notice that, and i probably would not have! sometimes i don't care about things like that. Probably because i feel it's a lost cause and i have nothing to tend to - i feel hideous most of the time. Now i am not only ugly but i am the ugly slob of the office. everyone else seems to be so put together so easily. I know I look at slobs and think they look bad and it's a reflection of their priorities. but i forget i am a big slob. and I just realized how i must come off to other people. No one is more sloppy than I am. I feel so hopeless just thinking about it. this brings back bad memories from high school. One day i even dressed up. And for me it was putting forth an effort, and i overheard two girls talking about me saying, something like "i don't think she cares [how she looks]." i guess normally i didn't - i had given up, but that particular day, i did!!

11-02-2009, 07:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
nothing to fear Status: silence is sexy Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Toronto, Canada Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 4,842	it's just an un-done hem. the person in the office noticed and decided to point it out (likely for the safety like amarie mentioned). that's all it was. it looks like you are jumping to conclusions based on the very very minor incident. deciding that you are the biggest slob of the office, that no one wants to associate themselves with you, that you are hopeless, a lost-cause.. all from the un-done hem on your pant leg, seems a bit irrational, does it not? to me this is just another classic "cognitive distortion" that is so common among us SA-sufferers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion if you do think that your clothing looks sloppy, then maybe look into changing your style a little so that you feel comfortable and confident with how you look. that doesn't at all mean you have to get the hottest new styles and name brands, just anything you can feel better in than your current clothes. H&M has really nice, cheap clothes that would fit well in the office environment. __________________ everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt. ~ i really like music. and photography, though i'm nothing special.

11-02-2009, 08:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
Neptunus Status: Authenticating Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 2,844	No, you're not "ugly or a slob," you're HUMAN. I know it's easier said than done, but I wouldn't give it a second thought. He's probably already forgotten about it by now anyway... and he'll probably only think you're "strange" if you bring it up again, or make a big deal out of it. __________________ "When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ~Rabindranath Tagore "Being gentle means forgiving yourself when you mess up. We should learn from our mistakes, but we shouldn't beat the tar out of ourselves over them. The past is just that, past. Learn what went wrong and why. Make amends if you need to. Then drop it and move on." ---Sean Covey

11-02-2009, 08:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,682	I woudln't worry about it. Hems come undone all the time. It is better than havnig it frayed altogether. __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

11-02-2009, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
kos Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Ontario Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 513	Buy an expensive pair of pants that won't rip. Problem solved. Maby check you apperence head to toe before you leave for work next time and at lunch. I remember in high school i forgot to zip up my fly and things were showing if you catch my drift.

11-02-2009, 07:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
amarie Status: AMarie Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Marietta, Ga Gender: Female Posts: 36	It sounds to me like he was just concerned with your safety, and didnt want you to accidentally trip. Don't sweat it. :] Even those perfectly put together people arent as perfectly put together as you think.

11-02-2009, 08:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dempsey Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sydney Australia Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 637	I was changing buses a few weeks ago and while I was waiting for the next one some guy pointed to me, but I couldn't hear him because I had my headphones in. I took them out and he repeated "your fly's open". I was impressed with myself because I laughed it off and wasn't too embarrassed, but I do tend to check my fly all the time now. I was glad that someone told me, though. Most people would have just been too sorry to tell me and just let me walk around like that.

11-02-2009, 08:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
matty Status: Falling Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Brisbane Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 202	I would say that the guy was just being nice and didnt even look into it any further. I know I judge myself way harsher then anyone else could possibly. and I know that I dont judge other people. I am sure that most people dont really care or notice the things we worry about. And for everyone with a fly story. I have one too. I leave my fly down 3 or 4 times a week. I do a quick change between jeans and business pants at work. Yeah, not real good with the fly step. I normally find out myself. But think of all those people which didnt tell me. I just laugh it off. I dont really see it as a huge deal anymore