Does Anyone Else Actually Like Having SA?

[Wehttam]

I remember the day I found out I had SA (and wasn't just a freak like I thought), my ex shrink said: "I think you suffer from a severe case of Social Anxiety Disorder".

"Suffer??" I asked surprised.."lady you have it all wrong, I enjoy every minute of it!".

After that I replaced her with popping bubble wrap...much more cheaper, and I think it can cure anything, don't you? "you're depressed? don't worry...here's some bubble wrap!" "you have herpes? not a problem! heres some bubble wrap..." lol .

It was after I told her all the quirky things I did, eg: how I'd walk 3 km's around the block to go buy something instead of a couple hundred meters risking passing in front of the house of some girl that lived on the way to the shop, how I'd pee in circles around the bowl of the toilet instead of the actual center to avoid making the splash noise and waking anyone up, how walking when I had anxiety helped me relax and think better or when I told someone to lie for me and tell my old school mates I had died in order to avoid a welcome back party...but I honestly find all those things I do funny and amusing lol, much more interesting than being normal.I think my SA is genetic though, as my grandad suffered from severe depression, my uncle had skitzophrenia and my mum has ADHD.

I think what many people are missing is a simple fact, there's a difference between being lonely and being alone.Alone doesn't necessarily mean you have to be lonely...you can create your own world of fantasy/thought/creativity and enjoy yourself all of the time, however...you could be surrounded by dozens of friends and family yet feel extremely lonely at the same time.

SAD'ers are like that for a reason, they are really sensible people, we perceive the world in a different way...thats why they use the word "DisOrder" as in "no order" or "not part of the norm", I consider my paranoia the ultimate state of awareness.How many great people in history had disorders? Edgar Allan Poe had a bipolar disorder, Hemmingway had paranoias, Stanley Kubrick had a social disorder, Woody Allen, Van Gogh, Salvador Dali, Virginia Woolf, Einstein and his son Edward were the basis for skitzophrenia research, Socrates had depression and was socially alienated, Nikola Tesla had OCD, even many comedians have them as they felt lonely in their childhood and developed a better sense of humor to win the affection from other people.

I had Agoraphobia for a while after a bad girl experience and was depressed for over a year, I decided I had to snap out of it somehow and accepted this modeling job one of my grandma's friends offered (I thought facing my fears would do the trick), it didn't do much apart from learning how to fake a smile and be polite with day-to-day strangers but I also found out not even a job like that can give you self confidence, because a long time ago I read this quote by Einstein to explain his theory of relativity:

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

And realized relativity also applies to our society and culture, that is...beauty, wealth and intelligence.All of it works in relativity, ie, using perceptual comparison.If someone says I'm rich, who am I richer than? than the average amount of people in my country? what if I lived in another country? but what if you put me in a room with bill gates and donald trump? I'm not rich anymore...so any compliment I can get about my looks, intelligence or wealth is based on the comparison of people around me...the same applies for for SA, if you put me in a room with normal people I'd probably stand out...but what if you put me in an Asylum?
or what if the whole population of the world disappeared? how could I be considered normal? rich? or smart? if theres no one else...In the times of King Henry the VIII...being fat was considered attractive, it was a sign of wealth (you had the money to buy a lot of food), now being fat is considered wrong, ugly or bad..., blacks were forced to slavery and now we have one that is a President, nerds/geeks were made fun of and now they dominate the world, so why should I listen to a society that changes their mind so much? (and they say we are the crazy ones...), and how can those "qualities" (rich, smart ect...) be considered "real" if they are all only perceptions of contrast in the eyes of the rest? the way you are looked at depends in the color of the glass through which people of a certain society or culture look at you...

I think people with SA have richer and more complex inner lives...are more sensible, have better imaginations, are more prepared or analytical, I thank my SA because it gave me good introspectiveness which now I can use in my current semi-easy jobs of writing for online newspaper journals and web developing, its just a matter of how you decide to channel your "alone time" and take advantage of it.I honestly would prefer an SA friend than a "normal" friend any day...because the bond two introverted people create is quite stronger than the bond two extroverted people create in my opinion, the introverts only have each other so they break down their defensive shyness walls and share their entire secret worlds with you (what an honor!) and are incredibly loyal (sometimes even come across as clingy to others, studies have also proven introverts as relationship partners are 80% less likely to cheat on you than extroverts), extroverts can make friends easy so dont appreciate as much the ones they have (and how hard they are to get...like all of us SA'ers know)...they have a quantity of superficial relationships and depend on them to be happy (unlike some introverts are able to be happy alone) but not the quality introverted ones have.

I really don't worry about "fitting in", its the least of my ambitions...I pride myself in being different, just going to the beach becomes a whole circus of fun...I either have to go mountain hiking instead...find a secret solitary beach, or workout the best hours to go where there will be the least amount of people there...how boring would it be to just go to the beach at any time without playing such a fun strategic game? :S

Maybe I just have a twisted sense of humor and enjoy observing how ridiculous having SA can make me...if I saw someone else doing the absurd things I do I'd probably laugh out loud, but I guess it all depends in your ambitions of life and what you expect from it...I dont expect much from it cause I'm already greatful for the act itself but that might change in the future or as I grow older I'll want different things so in the meantime, I'll enjoy it while I can because only people who've experience depression/solitude can truly appreciate the beauty of life in its good moments (you cant appreciate light as much if you haven't lived through the contrast of darkness...and the darker it was for you, the lighter it will seem) =)

[epril]

It's wonderful to be happy about your life and understand and appreciate your SA. I wish I were more like you. I wish I had the intelligence and passion and confidence to be like you. I love eccentric people and am in awe of how undisturbed by social rules they are. If I were and odd, quirky person with enough guts I would joyfully be myself an act any way I wanted. Or, on the other hand if I were by nature unaware of how I come across, I would be free to be spontaneous.

I have SA and I do worry too much, I lack confidence, I have low self-esteem, I'm boring and don't seem very intelligent, partly due to inattentive A.D.D. I wish I could embrace the way you deal with your SA.

[Phoenix87]

I like it because it makes me different in an eccentric way. I'm unusual and I enjoy being weird, it's what makes my life interesting... even if I get a little bored and lonely some days.

[QuakerOats167]

I love your outlook, and not because I agree with it... just because it's another way (possibly better) to look at "suffering" from SA. I do a lot of those things that you do (especially the peeing in a circle in the toilet thing) so I don't get noticed by people and stuff. It is pretty fun when you think about it. I'm just not sure why it has to be "weird" - you're right. Wish I could change my mindset a little more and start enjoying my quirks instead of wishing I could fix them.

[thepretender]

Awesome post, I wish I could think like you. I do the pee thing too XD.

[Mello]

First i was like WHAT who on earth would like having SA, but when i read your post i was a bit stunned that you made sense out of it. If i did'nt have so much time to think about who i am and what my passion is i'd probably still be wandering around wondering what i really want in life. I do enjoy being different, sometimes it gets me thinking how happy i am that im not like everyone else. Everything you said was true, i could'nt agree more, thanks for opening my eyes so that i can see the bright side of having SA.

[sadfox]

you have a positive outllook on sa which i appluad but if i woke up tommorow and my sa was gone i would be a lot happier man all i want is to be able to interact normally with people without blushing sweating feeling anxious nervous and wanting to hide away

[Haydsmom2007]

No I don't like it. I don't hate my life and hate the way I am anymore like I used to. I've just recognized what it is that I have and how much better I've gotten lately and how I plan to continue to try getting over this obstacle.

[718]

No.

I hate it more than anything in the world

[millenniumman75]

I don't like it and don't let it define me if I can.

[Clearly Obscure]

What a brilliant perspective

That was very inspirational...I'm going to aspire to develop that kind of attitude about my own SA; there's really no sense in dwelling on the negative and trying to fit a certain standard of 'normalcy'.

[rachelynn]

Interesting thoughts.
I've thought of some of these things before.

"I really don't worry about "fitting in", its the least of my ambitions...I pride myself in being different, just going to the beach becomes a whole circus of fun...I either have to go mountain hiking instead...find a secret solitary beach, or workout the best hours to go where there will be the least amount of people there...how boring would it be to just go to the beach at any time without playing such a fun game? :S"

I don't really worry about fitting in either. And I thought of that once...how is life for "normal" people? just "boring" without playing "such a fun game"?
Of course, there are times when it does get very frustrating.

"But I guess it all depends in your ambitions of life and what you expect from it...I dont expect much from it cause I'm already greatful for the act itself "

Me too! I don't expect much....atleast not yet. But I think I'll always not expect much. I am just content enough to be at home all the time right now, keeping myself busy with whatever I find to do (Im on the computer nearly all day) I try to enjoy what I can for now.

Right now I wouldn't say I really "suffer" from anxiety, because being at home all the time, being avoidant, I don't get involved. I think I've suffered more from some depression in the past than I have from the anxiety. Or maybe its just that the feelings of depression/loneliness are worse than anxiety? Hmm. Well, when I was in school anxiety was bad. I hardly feel lonely anymore though! I have my family and online friends, and that's good enough for me.

Maybe it's not completely the anxiety itself anyone could like (not being able to breathe or having an upset stomach or anything like that isn't exactly fun :P) but the positive sides to it (like you mentioned some), having gained a different perspective on life?

[andy1984]

anxiety is unpleasant... no i don't like it, but I do like being different and I value myself... if only I could have that without the anxiety.

[Wehttam]

Originally Posted by rachelynn

Interesting thoughts.
I've thought of some of these things before.


I don't really worry about fitting in either. And I thought of that once...how is life for "normal" people? just "boring" without playing "such a fun game"?
Of course, there are times when it does get very frustrating.



Me too! I don't expect much....atleast not yet. But I think I'll always not expect much. I am just content enough to be at home all the time right now, keeping myself busy with whatever I find to do (Im on the computer nearly all day) I try to enjoy what I can for now.

Right now I wouldn't say I really "suffer" from anxiety, because being at home all the time, being avoidant, I don't get involved. I think I've suffered more from some depression in the past than I have from the anxiety. Or maybe its just that the feelings of depression/loneliness are worse than anxiety? Hmm. Well, when I was in school anxiety was bad. I hardly feel lonely anymore though! I have my family and online friends, and that's good enough for me.

Maybe it's not completely the anxiety itself anyone could like (not being able to breathe or having an upset stomach or anything like that isn't exactly fun :P) but the positive sides to it (like you mentioned some), having gained a different perspective on life?

hehe thats cool =), I do pretty much the same thing all day though I've always liked to do some outdoorsy stuff like walking in the forrest ect...which you can still do having SA or not.

I know what you mean about Frustration...but the conclusion I came to is that Frustration comes from expectations, all of us SAD'ers have some type of expectation, some want to be normal and have friends, maybe a relationship/girlfriend or someone to understand them, others want to get rid of their depression....but the thing is, if you don't expect anything at all, how can you be frustrated? you can only be frustrated when you are looking for something...if you stop looking for it then you will have accepted that you might never find it or it might appear on its own one day when you least expect it, but that way your never frustrated...

Of course that could be my depression talking hahaha just "meh..." about everything, but if it works and keeps me somewhat less depressed and happy...why not use it?

[Wehttam]

Originally Posted by andy1984

anxiety is unpleasant... no i don't like it, but I do like being different and I value myself... if only I could have that without the anxiety.

you cant have one without the other...anxiety is the side effect to awesomeness! lol, I cant deny its unpleasant though, but it depends how you look at it...I know I'm a very objective person, so instead of looking at it from my point of view and feel how I suffer every time I hear the door knock...I look at myself as if it I were a tv show character, and amuse myself by watching how I climb out of the window when I hear unfamiliar footsteps coming towards my room...as I said, I take it like a game

[zomgz]

Love your post, i can see how you would be a great writer =]

i agree with all that!! i wish people would accept me for who i am, and not have to change to what society thinks is ok just to have friends...

i've met a lot of awesome people on SAS and i'm so glad i joined =) (sorry random thought there!)

[Neptunus]

No, nor will I ever! EVER!!!!!!

[MavenMI6Agent009]

I say no. Humans dont like to suffer.

[Sunshine009]

It's absolutely horrible.

[hopena]

.