do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend

[softconcrete]

how did you meet them? do they care that you are quiet and dont like to be around other people? how do you deal with it? There is this girl that I like and she likes me but I don't know if I could handle being around her friends and being out in public all the time. :/

[Kris10]

No. and i probably won't for a long time...

[kos]

i really don't get the whole wanting to be in a relationship thing you guys. It seems like this is the most popular topic on the forum and im really getting sick of it. If you can't deal with being around people then why would you want to be in a relationship? To me that just means more drama and stuff im sure most of us aren't able to deal with.

[Youandwe]

Sorry, I don't have a boyfriend either. I get terribly self conscious around guys, but I'm glad that she likes you.

[pixies]

I don't because I don't really get out much and I don't do stuff. I had a girl friend a couple of years ago and it was fun for a few months, but then she started getting on my nerves a bit. She was always picking at me to get a better job and a better car and a better house and was basically pressuring me to try harder. She was right really because to be more in line with other people my age, I really needed to do more, but I just couldn't do it, and I never wanted to tell her I had mental issues. She never knew I had mental issues so she just thought I was a lazy bum. We ended up splitting up but I don't feel too bad. We both had some really good times and enjoyed it so that's ok.

Originally Posted by softconcrete

how did you meet them? do they care that you are quiet and dont like to be around other people? how do you deal with it? There is this girl that I like and she likes me but I don't know if I could handle being around her friends and being out in public all the time. :/

You may feel better by hanging around with her and her friends. It may kind of cure you in a way, if you can find yourself coping with being with people it could cure you. I've had times where I've had a full on social life and it really eased my social anxiety.

You could maybe just be brave and give it a shot. Or perhaps you could tell her you like her but tell her you have social anxiety. It's putting yourself out there I know, but it could work. She might give it a shot and go easy on you and that way you'll get a girl friend but she wont pressure you too much in to going out with friends or doing things you aren't comfortable with.

[Zulaz]

Originally Posted by kos

i really don't get the whole wanting to be in a relationship thing you guys. It seems like this is the most popular topic on the forum and im really getting sick of it. If you can't deal with being around people then why would you want to be in a relationship? To me that just means more drama and stuff im sure most of us aren't able to deal with.

well, you ARE talking to most of the people on the forum who are in their 20's with no relationship stuff =P

but i see where your getting at.
--------------------------------------------

Since im only 17, i dont care much for relationships. But if i did, and i was older, i would force myself to suck it up and deal with it to be honest. I wont let SA get in the way.

[Miss Meggie]

I do have a boyfriend. We met by a happy (and incredibly fortunate) coincidence.
After literally forcing myself to start college, I met this very sweet boy on the tour of campus the first night. He noticed that I was alone at the back of the group and started walking with me. I was so nervous and didn't really talk, other than saying hi after he introduced himself to me. I think he realised that I was really nervous, and so he just sort of walked alongside me and didn't try to get me to talk or anything.
Over the next few days, he would say hi to me and started coming by my room (he lived down the hall) to see how I was. I started going to lunch with him because it was better than going to eat in the dining hall alone.
Anyway, we ended up going out. We've been together for a year and 9 months now. He's still as incredible as he was that first night; he knows that I don't like groups of people, that I don't enjoy going to parties, that I get nervous going to the store alone, etc. He's not a big party/centre of attention kind of guy anyway, but he has no problem spending the weekend just hanging out, maybe going to the movies or spending time with my family. He never tries to get me to go to parties, and when we do have to go (for example, our best friend's graduation party), he stays with me and holds my hand the whole time.
I've just started CBT, and although he's 5 hours away from me, he is so supportive. I texted him yesterday telling him I was going to the mailroom alone, and he responded that he was so proud of me and that it was wonderful that I was doing it.

[PickleNose]

No. I would be terrible in a relationship. It would be tragic for anyone to ever actually love me because I wouldn't be able to be the kind of person they deserved.

I've only had two real girlfriends. I think about them sometimes and while it hurt to let go, I would have only brought them down. I looked one of them up recently and saw that she is married to a man who is everything I could never be. It was and is bittersweet. I loved her so much I can still smell the scent of her perfume. It aches to think of what may have been but could never be.

[Setolac]

Originally Posted by Miss Meggie

I do have a boyfriend. We met by a happy (and incredibly fortunate) coincidence.
After literally forcing myself to start college, I met this very sweet boy on the tour of campus the first night. He noticed that I was alone at the back of the group and started walking with me. I was so nervous and didn't really talk, other than saying hi after he introduced himself to me. I think he realised that I was really nervous, and so he just sort of walked alongside me and didn't try to get me to talk or anything.
Over the next few days, he would say hi to me and started coming by my room (he lived down the hall) to see how I was. I started going to lunch with him because it was better than going to eat in the dining hall alone.
Anyway, we ended up going out. We've been together for a year and 9 months now. He's still as incredible as he was that first night; he knows that I don't like groups of people, that I don't enjoy going to parties, that I get nervous going to the store alone, etc. He's not a big party/centre of attention kind of guy anyway, but he has no problem spending the weekend just hanging out, maybe going to the movies or spending time with my family. He never tries to get me to go to parties, and when we do have to go (for example, our best friend's graduation party), he stays with me and holds my hand the whole time.
I've just started CBT, and although he's 5 hours away from me, he is so supportive. I texted him yesterday telling him I was going to the mailroom alone, and he responded that he was so proud of me and that it was wonderful that I was doing it.

This perfectly describes the reason why girls with SA find it easier to get into a relationship than guys with SA.

[hmf22]

I don't right now, but I think it's good for me. I've been a steady relationship for the last three years (2 years with one guy, then almost immediately after the first guy broke up with me I dated another guy for a year). I've been single for two months now, and it's hard being alone after having someone for so long, but like I said, it's good for me. I'm learning to be able to depend on myself and do things on my own, and I know one day I'll find someone else to be with and to help me get over the heartbreak from the first guy. Relationships are got- but not all they're hyped up to be. Being alone can be great too!

[darkrain9000]

Until I'm am comfortable in my own skin I won't even attempt trying to get a girlfriend. I remember when my lab partner she was kind of attractive told me I make her feel "uncomfortable". I was like..."WTF my negative thoughts are true!"

But my negative thoughts are the reason why I make her uncomfortable. You are who you think you are. If you think positive thoughts you will come off as confident and warm, if you think negative thoughts you will come off cold and uncomfortable.

[odd_one_out]

I've been in relationships. Among other things, they seemed attracted by the non-threatening quietness and so tried to get to know me. They enjoyed my humour and compassion.

However, most could not handle my social and other traits after a while. Even the strongest of them would balk at the suffering they witnessed on a daily basis and how we were both relatively powerless to do much about it. They would sometimes find it terrifying. It's not pleasant to watch your partner reduced to tears.

[freshjive]

Originally Posted by darkrain9000

Until I'm am comfortable in my own skin I won't even attempt trying to get a girlfriend. I remember when my lab partner she was kind of attractive told me I make her feel "uncomfortable". I was like..."WTF my negative thoughts are true!"

But my negative thoughts are the reason why I make her uncomfortable. You are who you think you are. If you think positive thoughts you will come off as confident and warm, if you think negative thoughts you will come off cold and uncomfortable.

You know I can completely relate. I used to have girls interested in me all the time but after a few bad relationships I deicided to stop trying to date for years because I felt I "wasnt ready". What a HORRIBLE idea. I've wasted so many years avoiding relationships when I should've done it anyways. One of the biggest regrets of my life.

I try not to be needy but I also try to talk to any woman who seems remotely interested. Sure I might fail, but failure is better than not trying anything at all.

[KumagoroBeam]

Originally Posted by PickleNose

No. I would be terrible in a relationship. It would be tragic for anyone to ever actually love me because I wouldn't be able to be the kind of person they deserved.

I feel like that too, sometimes. But I also get really lonely lately.
It's the first time in my life that I really want to be in a relationship, but I don't see it happen anytime soon.

[HTF]

I've been going out with the same girl for a little over 6 years now.i've known her since high school.And one night i just invited her over to hang out. She has been amazingly supportive and understanding, she never forces me to go anywhere i'm not comfortable with. I just usually force myself to do things, cause i can't imagine she wants to stay inside all the time, and really i don't either. I just wanna be as normal as i can for me and really for her, cause i do love her soo much. I find that she is worth any discomfort i might experience from going out in public.

we have been having some trouble as of late, shes wanted time apart to think. Which are for reasons due to my SA. Think she getting sick me not wanting to better myself(ie go to college or something, since i work a dead end job making minimum wage.) which i can't blame her for, since its true.And she wants to travel for her job and things like that. Thinks that are rather hard for me.

which is why i decided to try and manage my SA so i can do those things. So basically i'd do anything for her. i just wanna see her happy.

[strawberryjulius]

my boyfriend doesn't care that i'm quiet and he doesn't really like being around people either (except for me, of course ) so it works out really well for us, haha.

[girlwiththehair]

Originally Posted by Miss Meggie

I do have a boyfriend. We met by a happy (and incredibly fortunate) coincidence.
After literally forcing myself to start college, I met this very sweet boy on the tour of campus the first night. He noticed that I was alone at the back of the group and started walking with me. I was so nervous and didn't really talk, other than saying hi after he introduced himself to me. I think he realised that I was really nervous, and so he just sort of walked alongside me and didn't try to get me to talk or anything.
Over the next few days, he would say hi to me and started coming by my room (he lived down the hall) to see how I was. I started going to lunch with him because it was better than going to eat in the dining hall alone.
Anyway, we ended up going out. We've been together for a year and 9 months now. He's still as incredible as he was that first night; he knows that I don't like groups of people, that I don't enjoy going to parties, that I get nervous going to the store alone, etc. He's not a big party/centre of attention kind of guy anyway, but he has no problem spending the weekend just hanging out, maybe going to the movies or spending time with my family. He never tries to get me to go to parties, and when we do have to go (for example, our best friend's graduation party), he stays with me and holds my hand the whole time.
I've just started CBT, and although he's 5 hours away from me, he is so supportive. I texted him yesterday telling him I was going to the mailroom alone, and he responded that he was so proud of me and that it was wonderful that I was doing it.

Aww, he sounds perfect for you!

[softconcrete]

sounds good...im just gunna give it a try and hope for the best. maybe itll work out.

[shyvr6]

Nope

[XxArmyofOnexX]

The day I get a girlfriend, pigs will fly.