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Do you feel your definition of SA/shyness is different from other people's?

930 views 10 replies 5 participants last post by  Miss Awesome 
#1 ·
Sometimes I'll seen things online where people will comment on a person being shy or socially anxious and I'll think "wow, if that person is considered shy than how would you describe me"?

A good example would be that Kristen Stewart link another person posted. To me she comes across normally but all the people who comment on the video say she's weird and has SA. That just makes me think that I must be on the extreme end of the spectrum when it comes to SA though I probably don't even realize it.

I mean it seems often that even a person who isn't insanely self-confident and loud will be described as being shy, which just makes me think that I must basically be considered socially retarded if that's the case because I can't even look another person in the eyes when I speak to them.
 
#2 ·
Alot of people use the terms SA, shyness and SAD interchangeably like they all mean the same thing. They don't.

A shy person can suffer from SA, infact, anyone can suffer from SA but alot them can still function relatively normally with some effort. SAD is a mental illness which can make it extremely difficult to carry out even basic tasks. It destroys lives and can leave a person with nothing and nobody.

I see alot of posts on this forum from people who are clearly just shy.
I see posts from some people that I believe to be pretty outgoing people who suffer from SA maybe because something bad happened to them.
and I see posts from people with a crippling mental disorder which has ruined their lives.

I'm one of those who isn't just shy, I can't just walk into a bar and be a little bit shy. I will avoid the bar at all costs. If I enter the bar, I cannot function.
 
#3 ·
That's what I'm talking about - I think most people without any of those things like to think of SA and shyness as being the same thing which they're definitely not. I had shyness for a good while in my late teens without having SAD. There's a fine line though.
 
#4 ·
I think It's important to make the distinction more well known. I still don't tell people at work that I have SAD because they will say "what's that?" and after explaining they will say some bs like "oh so your shy", then laugh behind my back. SAD feels so far beyond shy that the two words shouldn't even be in the same sentence. Shy people don't have panic attacks when they open their front door.
 
#6 ·
To be honest I don't even know how far I would get by putting up a front. I don't really put up a front with the guys at work, they talk about their weekends and things but they never ask about mine. They've known me at work for years so I think they kinda know that I don't have a social life. It's pretty obvious from the way I always go quiet and let them do the talking when the weekend subject comes up.

If I was talking to new people though, that front wouldn't last long once they started probing and asking questions. I sometimes wonder what would be the best thing to do, pretend that you have a social life and make things up, or just come right out and say you don't have one.
 
#7 ·
I don't think my definition is different, so much as more inclusive than many people's.

I used to avoid social anxiety forums because I got so fed up reading the complaints of people who claimed to be so lonely, yet they all had boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses, extended families, jobs/coworkers, a few close friends, and many acquaintances online and off. I just could not relate. I didn't have ANY of that stuff. Surely those people didn't have REAL social anxiety. I had the worst case I knew.

Since coming here I've come to learn otherwise, that like so many other things in life it's a continuum, and some people have it not so bad, while others have it very bad. I just happened to keep coming across other people who had it not so bad. Then I came here and found people even more avoidant than I am! (And I'm pretty avoidant.)

It was kind of a wakeup call to learn there are people who are terrified to even leave their houses, and not because of agoraphobia. People who can't even walk around in public without panicking. I don't have it that bad.

The diagnostic criteria of SA are rather general and fluid, meaning they describe SA only as much as it's a disorder; the severity of the disorder is different for every individual, and the criteria cover all of that. Just because somebody has a job or a spouse or a few friends--just because somebody is a celebrity, even--doesn't mean they can't have the same problem I do.

I've even had one or two people here doubt I have SA or at least doubt that I have it as bad as I say, so I know how that feels too. I think it's very callous to claim to know who does or doesn't have it just because their symptoms are different, because I made that mistake myself, and people have made that mistake with me. Right here, on a social anxiety forum, I've had people insinuate and even outright say I'm not THAT anxious. (I have an official diagnosis and am on SSI for mine.)

All this is my longwinded way of saying, it's difficult to say who does or doesn't have this condition without actually being in their head. My definition of SA is very fluid and adaptable--general enough to account for many degrees of severity. It isn't different, but it covers many variations from case to case. :stu
 
#10 ·
I don't think my definition is different, so much as more inclusive than many people's.

I used to avoid social anxiety forums because I got so fed up reading the complaints of people who claimed to be so lonely, yet they all had boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses, extended families, jobs/coworkers, a few close friends, and many acquaintances online and off. I just could not relate. I didn't have ANY of that stuff. Surely those people didn't have REAL social anxiety. I had the worst case I knew.
Finally someone thinking the same as me.
 
#8 ·
I can interact with others just fine. I can't socialize with people when socializing is the only point, which results in my having no friends and my avoiding social situations.

It's sort of confusing because I don't necessarily feel like I belong here when I read about other people, but then I remember that the issues are different, not necessarily that one is worse than the other.

If it makes you feel any better, it sometimes sucks being able to interact without being able to socialize. I feel that if I can do one, I should be able to do the other. If I were worse at interacting with people it would make more sense.
 
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