Originally Posted by Message
Thatswet, that was a lovely post. I think I may save it to look at when I feel real down. I believe you've inspired me to keep things around to remind me to fight my way through. It seems the only thing that keeps me going is inspiration for something better.
You don't know how good that makes me feel. Even though I don't know you, I can tell from you're posts that you're a really good person inside and you really want to get better. I hate to see you (and everyone else) suffer
In terms of on the outside, you're sooo beautiful. I'm sure you realize it to a degree, but maybe not to the full extent. When people tell you that in person, you probably feel like they're just saying it to get closer with you physically. But that's not necessarily true, especially if they don't know you very well. They're probably being friendly because they feel good inside when they see you. And when a guy asks you out, no matter what he looks like, he wants to get to know you better. That doesn't mean that all he's thinking about is sex (although of course that's on everyone's minds fairly often.) It means that he is asking you if you would feel comfortable getting to know each other so that you can both develop that inner feeling of attraction. In other words, unless he is shallow beyond belief, he will be excited to go on a first date, and he'll have fun and actually care about how you feel too. If you didn't have SAD, you'd get an immediate impression of the type of person he is and your feeings would lead you to a decision about whether or not you want to go out with him rather than what you think would be the right answer. If you say "no" and that's it, the guy will be offended, whether he chooses to admit it or not, but if you say "I'm not sure, I have a lot going on in my mind today" or something like that, he should respect your decision, and if he doesn't, that's his fault, not yours. If he continues to talk to you, he may be trying to win you over, but again, it's for you to respond with how you feel rather than what your brain's telling you is right. When I had SAD, I didn't ask girls out, because there's no way I would have been able to cope with all of my anxiety and appreciate that inner feeling that everyone has. Everything was so much of a challenge that I couldn't take time to enjoy life like everyone else. In middle school, there was a really pretty popular girl who gave me a lot of positive attention for a few weeks. But, since I had SAD, I thought there had to be something wrong, and she must be messing with me. It was my mind that was messing with me. A girl asked me out a few months ago, right before I graduated from high school, but I declined because although she was kind and wasn't bad looking, I didn't feel like she was my exact type. She seemed too outward and loud to me. But I would have thought about the situation differently if I didn't have SAD. I would have felt at least some attraction to her and I would have gone to a movie with her, and then kept in contact and been her friend, unless I felt the desire to go further into the relationship. And then, if that were the case, and I saw that she enjoyed being around me too, I wouldn't even worry about taking it a step further.. I would be excited about it! I would tell her how I felt, not necessarily without a smooth approach, of course, but it would all be real. I wouldn't have to figure out what I was going to say to her to make myself seem like someone with more confidence or ability than me. The reason I flew to this topic has to do with your post about not going out with anyone in another thread on this forum. As soon as I read your post thanking me for trying to help, I felt the need to share this with you. I'm sorry about mixing up the topics, everyone.
My point is that when you say no to people, you're using self defense mechanism due to your SAD. It's too hard for you to understand that inner feeling that you get, even though they're there, because there are so many other thoughts and ideas that are in your head. That's why you get nervous when someone looks at you, tries to get close to you, or singles you out. So, even if your dream guy asked you out- and as you say, it's not likely, because you're not opening yourself up to people in the first place- you will end up in a worse situation than you are now, because you won't know how to handle it. You'll think "yes, this is what I want" but you'll get anxious and confused or depressed and you won't really understand why. I'm sure you could get over your SAD by forcing yourself to be with him and allowing him to ask you questions that make you feel uncomfortable, but what are the chances that he's going to ask you out in the first place? In any case, I think you're definitely on the right track, and just remember that your real emotions are hidden beneath your anxiety.
Wait, what does that have to do with aging again?..
ooops ohh **** sry