Do People Feel Sorry For You Because You're Single? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-07-2010, 12:47 PM
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The only person who feels sorry for me, is me. I feel sorry enough for myself where no1 else really needs to anyways.
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post #22 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-07-2010, 09:08 PM
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I think people feel sorry for me because I'm single for a variety of reasons. One thing is I'm not actively trying to find someone & being turned down, I'm a single guy who's used to being single & that's just foreign to a lot of people. Many will just be in a relationship so as not to be alone even if there's nothing to it, no spark, etc. Another thing is my age. Being in your 20's for many usually equates to a bunch of flings or trying to pursue what you think it true love so I think there's a cross between the question of why I'm not seeking out either & a sense that I'm missing out because I'm not. I suppose it's not out of order that people think my being single is strange but it is rather annoying at times knowing they can't seem to get past their bewilderment of it. Like others I've had the question of being gay brought up & have been teased as well. I find myself often contemplating whether I should do things simply because it would make me seem more normal to others & this happens to be something that falls under that. I'm not opposed to a relationship but I am rather afraid of them in principle as I tend to look at commitment & vulnerability via their negative connotations

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post #23 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-07-2010, 10:51 PM
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^^^^ good post

iv been single for the last two years, the ppl around me have been killing me alive about it. Then you start asking the questions thier asking....for about a second, then snap out of it. I believe SA is just....paranoia. thats all it is, afraid of what other people think of you. You need to learn to say **** em....but thats the hard part. thats true mental strength
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post #24 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-07-2010, 10:56 PM
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My parents are happy that I don't date. I'm still working towards my goals.
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post #25 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-07-2010, 11:06 PM
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Every once in a while, yes. I am nearing 35 now. I can say without a doubt that I am closer to starting the whole dating thing than I have ever been.

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post #26 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-08-2010, 10:14 AM
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I can't be with anyone if I'm not grounded, there's no point. I had a time from age 18 to 24 where I had 6 gfs and 24 was the last time I was grounded as a man and secure. I do miss the companionship that a relationship brings and I think back to the times I had with one particular gf where we'd be just so in love and would be close and had happy moments. We'd be hand in hand and so at ease and comfortable in eachothers presence when out and about. My SA was pretty much zero with her around. She was "my one" I believe.

The memories are available at least and can be conjured up if I try hard enough to reminisce.
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post #27 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-08-2010, 08:24 PM
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I know how you feel. Most people I know have a bf/gf and those that are single are still dating around and seeing people. I, on the other hand, had never even been close friends with a guy. Even though I know a relationship is not good for me right now, I still feel left out and sometimes wish a decent guy would be attracted to me so that I can have something to say. Sometimes I think people pity me as well (I've gotten a few "cat lady" jokes D: ).

I think the best thing is to remind yourself that being single or not doesn't define who you are as a person. Instead it's just our society telling girls that her worth is in whether she can attract a man or not. I found that the best way to get something is when you stop wishing or constantly looking out for it, then it'll come to you.
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post #28 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-08-2010, 11:53 PM
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I don't know if they're sorry for me, but people around me certainly bring the fact that I'm single every once in a while. For the most part I think they just find it weird, as Canadian Brotha said above, you're not "supposed" to be single in your 20s.

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post #29 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-09-2010, 01:05 AM
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I think people do feel sorry for me. I've been reccomended to get a pet to keep me company. Guess i have no shot at anything else.
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post #30 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-09-2010, 01:10 AM
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Honestly I never get treated any differently, I mean I know so many single people probably more than in a relationship. It's just a non issue here. Perhaps as you get older it gets worse but at 22 for me all is well in that regard, I am more than happy to tell people I am single and the reactions are as if it's no big deal (of which is isn't).

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post #31 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-09-2010, 09:25 AM
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I have no idea. I can't recall anyone ever expressing sympathy over my lack of a gf. I've been asked numerous times by family members and coworkers (almost all of them female) why I'm not in a relationship, but I never detected pity in their voices. My guess is people feel relieved that I have a much lower chance of reproducing.
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post #32 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-09-2010, 01:43 PM
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I think I only feel sorry for myself in this situation. Most of my friends have found their significant other and spend more time with them and don't really hang out or talk to me anymore. When you actually have more friends that want to hang out with you, being single doesn't hurt as much. It makes me really depressed and I don't think I should be at this age, but I really am. This problem has been bothering me more lately and I have been upset about it a couple of times a week every week. At the same time, I find it hard to open up when a new guy talks to me because I have huge trust issues from dealing with a**holes from the past. I'm scared of getting hurt over and over again. It's just not a win-win situation here. :/
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post #33 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-09-2010, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Brit90 View Post
I find it very odd that a lot of SA members seems to only want a significant other, just to be socially accepted or to be like everyone else. Well, I can tell you right now that having that sort of relationship is bound to fail, right off the bat. It just seems so...superficial.

What ever happened to generally liking someone and wanting some sort of companionship that you know you can rely on? Why does everyone here put so much weight into what OTHER PEOPLE think?

But, to keep on topic, no. I never really noticed anyone's reactions when I was single. There were a few times that it irked me that I was single, because I was lonely and wanted someone to be with me, but I never said to myself "I want someone with me because anyone else has a partner."
most SA people who I know only want a significant other, including myself, because we don't really want a whole group of friends (although a few), rather just one main person to share a meaningful relationship with.
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post #34 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-11-2010, 01:10 AM
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I can't even take care of myself much less another person. I can't even maintain a casual friendship. I feel like I don't really care anymore. At this point I am just focused on finishing my last year of college, and getting a job to support myself. Don't know if I will ever be in a relationship because I would just treat my partner like ****. I am only 25 though so I guess anything is possible.
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post #35 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-11-2010, 02:52 AM Thread Starter
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I know what it's like to really, deeply desire someone to the point your heart aches at night and you long for their touch and thats with SA which means I physically cannot speak to them and they can't speak to me.

But I also think that the above type of relationship isn't necessarily true love, it COULD grow into that but basically it's very strong attraction and affinity.

I can't really imagine loving just one person, men and women seem to get on quite well anyway and some people say you can fall in love with anyone if you just spend enough time in their company.

I dissagree with that, there are some men I hate when I just look at their faces like Joe Power and some members of the opposite sex who you know are going to stay friends no matter how much you talk the night away.

I don't know why but I always end up pushing guys away who like me, usually by acting like an obnoxious *****. Being a feminist it's not that I don't like men, infact if a man is good in my book I treat him with upmost respect but there's just something about the way they s****** or don't say very much or try change you or act put out about a vital favour and then I think if I DID find love there would always be some drawback like he's tight with money or dull in his ways.

So the uncertain nature of love, even when you finally find it is what makes me so willing to accept less. I'm sure we all know what it's like to walk around by ourselves all the time, in some cases we know what it's like to be gossiped about and pitied so having a partner who isn't the love of my life is an appealing option, I'm so sick of being alone and being SEEN alone.

The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be continually afraid of making one-Elbert Hubbard
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post #36 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 11:17 AM
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When I was 15 I had a friend who was 20 and she was shocked when I told her I didn't have a boyfriend. She was actually more bothered about my situation than I was, and because I hadn't slept with anyone either, she wanted to make it her responsibility to find me someone to have sex with just for the sake of me being able to say I wasn't a virgin. I soon cut all ties with her because she was so shallow and self-obsessed. She also couldn't be without a boyfriend for five minutes.

I have only ever had one relationship. I was 18 and was with someone much older than me who completely used me, and I felt like the same people who pitied me for being single actually treated that as more of a normal situation than not having someone at all. If that makes sense to anyone.
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post #37 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-13-2010, 12:25 PM
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No, they feel sorry for me because i've tried to find a gf but i've been rejected all the times I tried
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post #38 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-15-2010, 08:38 AM
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I don't know if they feel sorry, but the way people perceive me when they find out I've been single my whole life is different for each gender. For the guy, they'll just say "oh you'll find one someday", whereas the girl will ask if I'm gay.
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post #39 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-15-2010, 09:33 AM
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No I dont think they feel sorry for me, they just wonder alot lol..My relatives always try to introduce guys to me :/
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post #40 of 68 (permalink) Old 05-15-2010, 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted by JMX View Post
I don't know if they feel sorry, but the way people perceive me when they find out I've been single my whole life is different for each gender. For the guy, they'll just say "oh you'll find one someday", whereas the girl will ask if I'm gay.
I have the opposite reaction, usually. The girl will say I'll find someone someday, and the guy will ask if I'm gay.

In general, though, I don't care anymore. I care if people think I'm gay, because I'm not, but as long as they're not putting me down for being single, everything's cool. It's only when I'm made to feel like sh*t for being inexperienced that I get angry.
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