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Old 07-24-2011, 03:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Do introverts have trouble relating to extroverts in general?

Is this really the case? Also, are introverts, in general, likely to be much more shy than extroverts? Extroverts have a much more active social life than an introvert. I think extroverts like talking about their social lives, while introverts like talking about their introverted interests; I think this is the main reason as to why extroverts can't relate to introverts because extroverts share very little commonalities with introverts; thus, they can't talk to each other. And since extroverts heavily outnumber introverts, introverts are the troubled ones and generally the shy ones. Could this really be the reason as to why introverts become shy around an extroverted led world? Is the introvert somewhat forced to have a more extroverted life style, in order to relate to extroverts? Or are my assumptions wrong?
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
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all of my friends are extroverts. and i really believe that they do not understand me, as i am an introvert. i talk about my interests instead of the things i do, which they cannot relate to at all...and i do feel pressure from them that i have to be this different person in order to be good enough for them. i feel that being introverted is abnormal, like it is a sickness that has to be cured. i feel pressure to go to parties, to go out every night, to have tons of friends. but i have to ask myself, is that what i really want?? i like being alone, i like keeping to myself and have some hobbies. going to parties doesn't appeal to me. i would like to be able to be comfortable at parties (aka not have SA) for the odd one i go to, but i honestly don't like parties. if i did not have SA i still wouldn't go to a lot of parties. but i do feel pressure from everyone that i have to in order to be normal.

and it is not that introverts are shy. introverted does not mean the same thing as shy. introverted just means you work better in small social situations with only a few people. large parties zap all of your energy because there is too much to focus on. when you see friends you want to have real conversations about things that matter, and at large parties that is impossible, so you just feel drained of all your energy. it's not that you are shy. you simply don't like to do it (it being socialize at large gatherings)

and just remember to keep in mind that SA is also different from introversion and shyness. SA means that there is a fear involved in socializing. Introversion, shyness, and SA are all different things. related, definitely. but fundamentally different.
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I do feel that introverts are often pressured to be more social and outgoing than they are comfortable with. I wouldn't say that it's hard for introverts and extroverts to relate to each other because they can have common interests and enjoy some of the same things. I just don't think that extroverts can always understand why introverts would prefer to stay in rather than going out all the time. For example, my sister is more of an extrovert and I am an introvert. She cannot for the life of her understand why I don't mind sitting at home reading or playing video games. She would much rather be hanging out with people or going to a party. In spite of this, my sister and I get along very well and are like best friends.
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by hope76 View Post
all of my friends are extroverts. and i really believe that they do not understand me, as i am an introvert. i talk about my interests instead of the things i do, which they cannot relate to at all...and i do feel pressure from them that i have to be this different person in order to be good enough for them. i feel that being introverted is abnormal, like it is a sickness that has to be cured. i feel pressure to go to parties, to go out every night, to have tons of friends. but i have to ask myself, is that what i really want?? i like being alone, i like keeping to myself and have some hobbies. going to parties doesn't appeal to me. i would like to be able to be comfortable at parties (aka not have SA) for the odd one i go to, but i honestly don't like parties. if i did not have SA i still wouldn't go to a lot of parties. but i do feel pressure from everyone that i have to in order to be normal.

and it is not that introverts are shy. introverted does not mean the same thing as shy. introverted just means you work better in small social situations with only a few people. large parties zap all of your energy because there is too much to focus on. when you see friends you want to have real conversations about things that matter, and at large parties that is impossible, so you just feel drained of all your energy. it's not that you are shy. you simply don't like to do it (it being socialize at large gatherings)

and just remember to keep in mind that SA is also different from introversion and shyness. SA means that there is a fear involved in socializing. Introversion, shyness, and SA are all different things. related, definitely. but fundamentally different.
The thing is that I have never met a true introvert that is not shy. I think introverts are much much more likely to be shy than extroverts. Introverts lack social lives so I think that's the reason they struggle talking to extroverts because extroverts expect you to mainly talk about yourself and your interesting social life, but you can't because it's almost non existent or boring. I might be wrong though.
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
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It seems the more extroverted someone is, the more they will dislike me...
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shynesshellasucks View Post
I think extroverts like talking about their social lives, while introverts like talking about their introverted interests; I think this is the main reason as to why extroverts can't relate to introverts because extroverts share very little commonalities with introverts; thus, they can't talk to each other.
That's been my experience, to a large extent. They tend to talk about what this or that person did, how this or that person is, etc. Also, they're so good at making exciting stories about some social event that it baffles me. Sometimes I was in the story because I was there and I didn't think it was as exciting as they make it sound. I can't talk about my major interests because they would be bored or they know absolutely nothing about it. But I still try. The only thing that I do share with some of them is humour.
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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I feel fake around extroverts, I can adapt, but I am not myself. I like quietness, BUT, I do need social interaction just as much as I need water. So I talk to people around my building ect..
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:42 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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umm its no secret extroverts dominate this world...anyone that doubts that must live in a cabin out in the woods..extroverts keep society running though, all that socializing just tires me out thinking about it..

extroverts dont understand me either as i can rival any extroverts social skills at a party or work but i dont enjoy socializing, never really have to be honest..they dont get why i rarely if ever want to go out etc etc..just like i will never understand their reliance on other people..i mean, why do they feel the need to go on and on about pointless garbage??its a waste of time to me..
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Old 07-24-2011, 09:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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1) Extroverts don't heavily outnumber introverts. If anything I think it's the other way around.
2) We are all extroverted and introverted.
3) I think for extremes there is a mutual envy. For every extrovert I've met they have always ended up admiring me and I them, while at the same time we constantly denounce each other's lifestyles.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:07 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I dont have trouble relating to an extroverted person. I can see some aspects of their life that may sound good on paper, but if I were to try that myself, ehhhhh not so much. I enjoy the idea of doing the things they do, but I wouldnt want to do it myself. Does that make sense?

Ex: A friend was having a big cookout with other friends, drinking, BSing, just generally having a good time. He invited me but I didnt want to go...even though I thought it sounded like a good time.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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fixmin-most estimate point to extroverts being around 75% of the population and introverts 25%....if introverts were even remotely close to extro numbers than the intro way of life wouldnt be looked down upon...
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by JamieHasAnxiety View Post
I feel fake around extroverts, I can adapt, but I am not myself. I like quietness, BUT, I do need social interaction just as much as I need water. So I talk to people around my building ect..
Same.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:24 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by shynesshellasucks View Post
The thing is that I have never met a true introvert that is not shy. I think introverts are much much more likely to be shy than extroverts. Introverts lack social lives so I think that's the reason they struggle talking to extroverts because extroverts expect you to mainly talk about yourself and your interesting social life, but you can't because it's almost non existent or boring. I might be wrong though.
different types of people would be able to relate better with each other if they stopped mentally judging others and opened their minds to the idea that people are individuals and not some collective block of robots. for example, when you say "I have never met a true introvert that is not shy" and "Introverts lack social lives" you are making blanket judgments about a group of people that are simply not true. what does a "fake" introvert look like? i dont think ive ever met one.
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Old 07-24-2011, 10:25 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Some introverts and extroverts get along and understand each other. There are married couples where one is introverted and the other extroverted. It is possible. There are introverts that do not have SAD and who are comfortable being what they are. There are extroverts that don't demand everybody be just like them and may even appreciate introverts.

Once I used to hang out with an extreme extrovert (they may all be extreme to me really.LOL.) Anyway, when we went anywhere this guy would speak to almost everyone in the room. I was amazed. I would just stand there and smile not the least bit interested in the conversation he carried on with these people about how their family members were., etc He rarely introduced me to anyone and I couldn't care less about it. He said being with me was peaceful. This was before I became the socially anxious shell I am now.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
 
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I'd say so. My friends and I had a lot less in common during our senior year than our freshman year as they have become more extroverted over the course of our high school years. Freshman year we would sit and talk about video games. Now they talk about cat-daddying and band(which is probably to blame for them becoming so much more outgoing). I tried to bring up video games and they quickly shifted to topic to something else.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:19 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by evrchngn View Post
There are married couples where one is introverted and the other extroverted. It is possible.


My mother and father don't understand each other but they still have stuck out it with each other but they've learned to do stuff apart.
  • My dad is almost as introverted as myself. He likes building stuff (he's a carpenter) and reading (politics) and hiking/mountain climbing/picking herbs, wild honey, tea/hunting/fishing, etc.
  • My mom just likes sitting inside and talking/socializing with people such as at weddings, dances, parties, etc. (she thrives off this stuff)
My dad forces my mother to do stuff that he likes occassionally and the opposite is true (not very often, though). My mom often went alone to parties/weddings. Both of them hate it but they do it occassionally so they don't end up killing each other.

When my parents go on vacation my dad's pictures don't have any people in them, just pictures of lakes, animals and mountains, nature. My mom's pictures are just pictures of people/relatives and herself. It's kind of funny.

I'm the same as my dad. When my partner forced me to put up a facebook so she could talk to her friends/relatives in Europe, I only had pictures of places/nature. Her pictures are of people/friends/relatives. We are as opposite as my parents are. Even moreso. She complains that I never talk to her. Same as my mom complaining about my dad. She spends time looking through facebook pics of friends. I've never loooked at them once, unless I'm forced to. She thinks I'm addicted to reading/internet/exercise. I think she's addicted to social interaction and can't live without having people beside her. She likes using Skype/phones as often as she can. I despise Skype and the phone and consider it a major invasion of my privacy.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:32 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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I don't really feel that's the case. Both of my closest friends irl are much more extroverted than I am, and I have never had trouble relating to them. Sure we have our differences, but we also have a lot in common too. Just b/c they are outgoing and I am shy doesn't mean that we can't relate at all.

Introvert/extrovert...that's just a small part of who we are, but each of us is more complex than that. We can share the same hobbies, struggle with the same life issues, etc. We can find commonalities with all different kinds of people, regardless of how shy/outgoing they are.
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Old 07-24-2011, 12:43 PM   #18 (permalink)
 
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I can relate to extroverts, but extroverts can't relate to me, as an introvert.
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Old 07-24-2011, 01:11 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
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That's been my experience, to a large extent. They tend to talk about what this or that person did, how this or that person is, etc. Also, they're so good at making exciting stories about some social event that it baffles me. Sometimes I was in the story because I was there and I didn't think it was as exciting as they make it sound. I can't talk about my major interests because they would be bored or they know absolutely nothing about it. But I still try. The only thing that I do share with some of them is humour.
Yup exactly, it seems really hard to talk to extroverts without having a social life to begin with. From time to time I can talk about football and video games other than that there is no other thing I can talk about with an extrovert. Very few extroverts have the same interests that I do, and even if they did, I won't be able to follow it along by talking about my social life because I have none.
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Old 07-24-2011, 01:58 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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I don't think it's a matter of not being able to relate with extroverts, really. For me, it usually has more to do with not having the mental energy to keep pace with their lifestyle. But I've had friends who were very out-going with whom I got along with really well. Sharing a common ground is what was important.

But I think the real key to innies and outties co-existing peacefully is having a basic understanding and respect for different personality types. Which a lot of ignoramuses out there don't seem to have.
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