Social Anxiety Support

tea111red · 07-16-2009, 04:11 AM

I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.

i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.

i feel so sick after today and have been crying ever since it happened because i think he is a stalker. i feel scared living in my apt. too because i am all by myself. i had felt comfortable for the most part in my apt. until today. i want this person to leave me alone and don't know how to get him away from me. he parks wherever i park and it seems like he is trying to figure out my schedule because he's always outside rummaging in his car whenever i have to go somewhere. it makes me sick knowing he is on the other side of the wall. i have 4 months left on my lease too, but am scared of something worse happening in the meantime because it has been escalating since april.

HOW do i get him to go away and leave me alone???????????? I don't even know what to say for fear of retaliation. I feel like i don't want to leave my apt. anymore and am feeling like a prisoner.

EDIT: another scary thing about thing about this person is that i've heard him screaming/yelling at someone in his apt. he sounds like he is a violent person.

TheUnwelcome · 07-16-2009, 04:16 AM

He sounds like he might have been coked out. Lol

You could try just walking away from him if he tries to come up and initiate conversation. Just try to pretend you don't hear him. Or just respond really quick and show him that you are busy and have to do your own thing than continue moving.

mind_games · 07-16-2009, 04:25 AM

Umm if he's bothering you this much (mentally) I mean, I think you should move. A lot of hassle yes, but better in the long run. But do it discretely.

tea111red · 07-16-2009, 04:29 AM

oh yeah, i forgot to mention he really stunk of alcohol too. i don't think it was just the alcohol talking because he's done this several times before. i've tried to act busy whenever i've seen him, but he still tries to nudge his way in. it is hard for me be assertive around males. maybe he can sense i have difficulty with this and is taking advantage of it. i don't know.

NicoShy · 07-16-2009, 04:29 AM

Keep your cell phone with you at all times and also mace. Let him know you are not afraid of him and talk loud when you see him. He probably thinks your scared to tell anyone. Just wave and keep it moving no chit chat. Ask him why he is watching u coming and going?

Quote:

Originally Posted by teabagred

I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes.

i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out.

i feel so sick after today and have been crying ever since it happened because i think he is a stalker. i feel scared living in my apt. too because i am all by myself. i had felt comfortable for the most part in my apt. until today. i want this person to leave me alone and don't know how to get him away from me. he parks wherever i park and it seems like he is trying to figure out my schedule because he's always outside rummaging in his car whenever i have to go somewhere. it makes me sick knowing he is on the other side of the wall. i have 4 months left on my lease too, but am scared of something worse happening in the meantime because it has been escalating since april.

HOW do i get him to go away and leave me alone???????????? I don't even know what to say for fear of retaliation. I feel like i don't want to leave my apt. anymore and am feeling like a prisoner.

ItemEleven · 07-16-2009, 04:31 AM

He sounds like a psycho. I'd ignore him.

tea111red · 07-16-2009, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mind_games

Umm if he's bothering you this much (mentally) I mean, I think you should move. A lot of hassle yes, but better in the long run. But do it discretely.

i wouldn't have a problem with moving, but i'm on a lease for 4 more months.

EgoZero · 07-16-2009, 04:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicoShy

Keep your cell phone with you at all times and also mace. Let him know you are not afraid of him and talk loud when you see him. He probably thinks your scared to tell anyone. Just wave and keep it moving no chit chat. Ask him why he is watching u coming and going?

I think this is the best advice. Just try to look not scared and like you don't care what he is doing. Yeah talk loud, when he starts talking too much say you don't have time for that and so on. He maybe jsut teasing you, because he feels that he can scare you.

kos · 07-16-2009, 04:54 AM

just tell him to f*&^ off. If he wants friendship that cool. If he wants to get in your pants...not so much.

kintrovert · 07-16-2009, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kos

just tell him to f*&^ off. If he wants friendship that cool. If he wants to get in your pants...not so much.

To be honest, this doesn't sound like a guy with whom "friendship" would be cool. This sounds like an unstable guy who wouldn't respect those boundaries. You read what resulted from her just saying to him, "Hi...Bye - Have a Nice Day." She gave him an inch and he took a mile.

OP, I would do everything NicoShy suggested. Have you told anyone in your real life about this guy? I would make sure that someone in your real life is aware of this situation.

This may be over-the-top, but I'd might even try calling the police - giving as much detail as possible regarding the things this guy has done to make you uncomfortable. They may not have any legal grounds to do much at this point - but it couldn't hurt to try. It may even result in "off duty" security establishing a presence in your complex. Or, what is the security situation like there? Does your complex already have a security or a police presence?

Moon Fire · 07-16-2009, 07:20 AM

It's making you vulnerable, having this guy around. It sounds like he's watching you and is making a bad attempt at being friendly. Don't, please, tell him to **** off as this may turn him hostile towards you and the best thing is for you to avoid that. Try and not bump into him. Is there anywhere else you can do laundry? If you have to do laundry there, can you do it at a time when he's not home? Do you have friends or family you could talk to about this? Is there someone whom that you can stay with temporarily while still renting that apartment until lease is finished?

gregt · 07-16-2009, 07:39 AM

He's unstable mentally (as well as alcoholic) so there's probably nothing you can say or do that would get a rational response. I don't think he wants you to be afraid, I think he wants you to be his friend. The best thing may be to act, as best you can, like he doesn't exist. Don't look at him, and don't respond to his questions. When he approaches leave as soon as you can without any acknowledgment. Talking loudly on your cell phone could be a good diversion, even if you have to fake it. Act like you're talking to a man -- your boyfriend, your brother, your father, your boss, whoever. Say things like "Yeah, I'm down here in the laundry room now" or "I'm in the parking lot getting in my car." If you're doing that every time he might get tired and give up. It would also be a good idea to tell everyone you can about him, and if he ever touches you in any way (even a brush), you can call the police: physical contact is assault.

Good luck to you, and I hope you can resolve. That is a terrible and unfortunate situation that no one should have to live with.

shychick2 · 07-16-2009, 07:46 AM

You could be in a sudden hurry and have to be somewhere (imaginary) if he talks to you.

PickleNose · 07-16-2009, 08:05 AM

Yeah. I'd say he's crazy. He probably doesn't realize he's freaking you out. Men who have that kind of "personality" (or whatever it is) going on almost never understand how much they're freaking the person they're obsessed with out. Either that or for some twisted reason, they do know they're freaking you out and they like it (Sorry but that's a possibility).

Also, men like that usually believe (it seems) that their advances are welcomed and appreciated even if you flat out tell them you're not interested. They seem to have an idea that a female they get fixated on has a thing for them too. It's really weird but I think that's what they believe.

I do think that person could be dangerous. I don't want to scare you any more than you are but it's just the truth. On one hand, I think you shouldn't have to move because of him but on the other hand, it man not be safe for you to stay there.

Maybe you should talk to the management and tell them you're scared and don't know what to do and ask them not to tell him you told them. I wouldn't doubt that they've had complaints about him before.

At any rate, I'm sorry you're going through this. Men like him make us all look bad. I think he's probably mentally ill and doesn't realize it but still.

tigerlilly · 07-16-2009, 08:49 AM

he sounds pretty scary to me. i agree with the other responses, he's unstable and probably alcoholic. if you think he might try to hurt you (which seems like it could be a possibility here), keep your keys in your hand when you walk and put the keys through your fingers (like wolverine lol) in case you have to fight back. also, look purposeful even when you don't see him (especially if you think he's watching you), don't stop and talk to him, try to give the impression that you're not afraid of him, but be polite. if he does anything that can be prosecuted, call the police.

Mr. Frostie · 07-16-2009, 08:50 AM

Maybe he's trying unsuccessfully to imitate one of those pickup artist guys? Did he do any weird stuff like touch your arm or give you "negs?"

Salesguru · 07-16-2009, 08:58 AM

What a jerk....He does probably think you are younger, since you say you look younger...most likely a sorry drunk child molestor...just tell him your real age he will probably leave you alone!!

rickthegreat · 07-16-2009, 09:02 AM

The guy just sounds like a drunk. Next time you hear yelling call the cops. If you're lucky he has a warrant.

Plus if he really does reek of beer, then he might be publicly intoxicated. How about wearing headphones, or fake cell phone talking when he's around? That way he won't talk to you.

unusual condition · 07-16-2009, 09:11 AM

Carry pepper spray...just in case.

whiterabbit · 07-16-2009, 09:14 AM

I once told someone like that to **** off. Whatever you do, don't do that. You have to be firm but polite. Don't be encouraging in any way. Don't let him pressure you into answering any personal questions, even if you're going to lie. NicoShy had some good advice - carry your cell phone and mace at all times, and don't let him know you're scared of him.

07-16-2009, 04:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
tea111red Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 1,844	CREEPY neighbor keeps bothering me I have a creepy neighbor, who has been giving me bad vibes since i first saw him, that keeps bothering me. today was the worst encounter out of all of them. I was doing laundry when he comes in there and starts talking to me. somehow this led to him saying "you're really quiet. i see you coming and leaving (my apt.) and you don't say anything to anybody. you just keep to yourself." i just said "yeah" then he says "and you're really pretty too." i just said "uh.." and shook my head, then he said "it's SUCH a TURN ON too that you don't know it!" "MEN LIKE THAT. looks are important to men." he then asks me my name and says "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." and i said i'd rather not say it, but he kept asking me and pressuring me to tell him, so finally i made up a name to get him to leave me alone. he just kept talking and talking and asking me other questions like what month was i born (i lied). he also kept saying i was really pretty at least 3 other times and that he sees me when i come home (i never see him, so it makes me think he is watching me from his apt.) and that i walk like i know what i'm doing (whatever that means????). he also said "i can't believe you're even talking to me and that we're breathing the same air." and "i don't even deserve to polish your shoes." blah blah. i was so disgusted and horrified at this point, i zoned out some and was searching for a way out of talking to him, but was afraid. he just went on and on about his life story for over 20 minutes. i think because 1 day i said "hi"....."bye, have a good day." that he thinks it was an invitation into my life. i NEVER say that to people. i only said it because it was really early in the morning when i was doing laundry and i didn't want to get raped or attacked if i was rude. he is really scary looking and has a really deep voice. he also looks like he's in his 50s (i'm in my early 20s, but look young for my age). i even avoid making eye contact with him and he STILL tries to talk to me. he also popped out of nowhere 1 day when i was taking the trash out. i feel so sick after today and have been crying ever since it happened because i think he is a stalker. i feel scared living in my apt. too because i am all by myself. i had felt comfortable for the most part in my apt. until today. i want this person to leave me alone and don't know how to get him away from me. he parks wherever i park and it seems like he is trying to figure out my schedule because he's always outside rummaging in his car whenever i have to go somewhere. it makes me sick knowing he is on the other side of the wall. i have 4 months left on my lease too, but am scared of something worse happening in the meantime because it has been escalating since april. HOW do i get him to go away and leave me alone???????????? I don't even know what to say for fear of retaliation. I feel like i don't want to leave my apt. anymore and am feeling like a prisoner. EDIT: another scary thing about thing about this person is that i've heard him screaming/yelling at someone in his apt. he sounds like he is a violent person.

07-16-2009, 04:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
mind_games Status: Mentor Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Cage #1747 Gender: Male Age: 26 Posts: 7,503	Umm if he's bothering you this much (mentally) I mean, I think you should move. A lot of hassle yes, but better in the long run. But do it discretely. __________________ \| SucceedSocially.com \|

07-16-2009, 04:31 AM	#6 (permalink)
ItemEleven Status: Half way there Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Posts: 396	He sounds like a psycho. I'd ignore him. __________________ Do not seek your value in the perceptions of others Perfection is a point of view

07-16-2009, 07:20 AM	#11 (permalink)
Moon Fire Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 210	It's making you vulnerable, having this guy around. It sounds like he's watching you and is making a bad attempt at being friendly. Don't, please, tell him to **** off as this may turn him hostile towards you and the best thing is for you to avoid that. Try and not bump into him. Is there anywhere else you can do laundry? If you have to do laundry there, can you do it at a time when he's not home? Do you have friends or family you could talk to about this? Is there someone whom that you can stay with temporarily while still renting that apartment until lease is finished? __________________ Don't tell me what to do! Go and eat cheesecake!

07-16-2009, 08:49 AM	#15 (permalink)
tigerlilly Status: Kiss yourself goodbye Join Date: Mar 2009 Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 1,881	he sounds pretty scary to me. i agree with the other responses, he's unstable and probably alcoholic. if you think he might try to hurt you (which seems like it could be a possibility here), keep your keys in your hand when you walk and put the keys through your fingers (like wolverine lol) in case you have to fight back. also, look purposeful even when you don't see him (especially if you think he's watching you), don't stop and talk to him, try to give the impression that you're not afraid of him, but be polite. if he does anything that can be prosecuted, call the police. __________________ I'd die if you only met my eyes before you passed by. Will you pause and break my heart?

07-16-2009, 04:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
TheUnwelcome Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: North Carolina Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 97	He sounds like he might have been coked out. Lol You could try just walking away from him if he tries to come up and initiate conversation. Just try to pretend you don't hear him. Or just respond really quick and show him that you are busy and have to do your own thing than continue moving.

07-16-2009, 04:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
tea111red Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 1,844	oh yeah, i forgot to mention he really stunk of alcohol too. i don't think it was just the alcohol talking because he's done this several times before. i've tried to act busy whenever i've seen him, but he still tries to nudge his way in. it is hard for me be assertive around males. maybe he can sense i have difficulty with this and is taking advantage of it. i don't know.

07-16-2009, 04:54 AM	#9 (permalink)
kos Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Ontario Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 2,029	just tell him to f*&^ off. If he wants friendship that cool. If he wants to get in your pants...not so much.

07-16-2009, 07:39 AM	#12 (permalink)
gregt Status: Greg-T Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Washington DC Gender: Male Age: 56 Posts: 22	He's unstable mentally (as well as alcoholic) so there's probably nothing you can say or do that would get a rational response. I don't think he wants you to be afraid, I think he wants you to be his friend. The best thing may be to act, as best you can, like he doesn't exist. Don't look at him, and don't respond to his questions. When he approaches leave as soon as you can without any acknowledgment. Talking loudly on your cell phone could be a good diversion, even if you have to fake it. Act like you're talking to a man -- your boyfriend, your brother, your father, your boss, whoever. Say things like "Yeah, I'm down here in the laundry room now" or "I'm in the parking lot getting in my car." If you're doing that every time he might get tired and give up. It would also be a good idea to tell everyone you can about him, and if he ever touches you in any way (even a brush), you can call the police: physical contact is assault. Good luck to you, and I hope you can resolve. That is a terrible and unfortunate situation that no one should have to live with.

07-16-2009, 07:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
shychick2 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 32 Posts: 336	You could be in a sudden hurry and have to be somewhere (imaginary) if he talks to you.

07-16-2009, 08:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
PickleNose Status: Not Fooled Join Date: Jul 2009 Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 11,207	Yeah. I'd say he's crazy. He probably doesn't realize he's freaking you out. Men who have that kind of "personality" (or whatever it is) going on almost never understand how much they're freaking the person they're obsessed with out. Either that or for some twisted reason, they do know they're freaking you out and they like it (Sorry but that's a possibility). Also, men like that usually believe (it seems) that their advances are welcomed and appreciated even if you flat out tell them you're not interested. They seem to have an idea that a female they get fixated on has a thing for them too. It's really weird but I think that's what they believe. I do think that person could be dangerous. I don't want to scare you any more than you are but it's just the truth. On one hand, I think you shouldn't have to move because of him but on the other hand, it man not be safe for you to stay there. Maybe you should talk to the management and tell them you're scared and don't know what to do and ask them not to tell him you told them. I wouldn't doubt that they've had complaints about him before. At any rate, I'm sorry you're going through this. Men like him make us all look bad. I think he's probably mentally ill and doesn't realize it but still.

07-16-2009, 08:50 AM	#16 (permalink)
Mr. Frostie Status: Frostie Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,034	Maybe he's trying unsuccessfully to imitate one of those pickup artist guys? Did he do any weird stuff like touch your arm or give you "negs?"

07-16-2009, 08:58 AM	#17 (permalink)
Salesguru Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Los Angeles Gender: Male Age: 35 Posts: 11	What a jerk....He does probably think you are younger, since you say you look younger...most likely a sorry drunk child molestor...just tell him your real age he will probably leave you alone!! __________________ A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

07-16-2009, 09:02 AM	#18 (permalink)
rickthegreat Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Event Horizon Posts: 558	The guy just sounds like a drunk. Next time you hear yelling call the cops. If you're lucky he has a warrant. Plus if he really does reek of beer, then he might be publicly intoxicated. How about wearing headphones, or fake cell phone talking when he's around? That way he won't talk to you.

07-16-2009, 09:11 AM	#19 (permalink)
unusual condition Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 192	Carry pepper spray...just in case.

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07-16-2009, 09:14 AM	#20 (permalink)
whiterabbit Status: scum Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 2,078	I once told someone like that to **** off. Whatever you do, don't do that. You have to be firm but polite. Don't be encouraging in any way. Don't let him pressure you into answering any personal questions, even if you're going to lie. NicoShy had some good advice - carry your cell phone and mace at all times, and don't let him know you're scared of him.