Social Anxiety Support

clandestine · 11-05-2009, 11:53 AM

So my friend from class asked me today if I'd like to go out with her and her friends to a club on Saturday night. I said yes obviously but now I'm starting to get nervous about it. I don't know what to expect, what to wear, if I'll have to dance or not? Are clubs just not meant for people with SA?

Matteh · 11-05-2009, 12:07 PM

Just get drunk, the alcohol will take over and youll find yourself getting into the music and dancing / socialising in no time

clandestine · 11-05-2009, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matteh

Just get drunk, the alcohol will take over and youll find yourself getting into the music and dancing / socialising in no time

Being 20 sucks.

Matteh · 11-05-2009, 12:22 PM

In australia its 18 for clubs and drinking..
Would be a bit odd getting let into a club and not being able to drink... my bad

rdrr · 11-05-2009, 12:38 PM

ive been to a few clubs, and from what ive seen, for someone with sa, if you don't like to dance, don't like crowds, loud noise, the club music, and cannot be ready to initiate conversation with guys/girls in that setting then a club is not for you. Sure you can drink to help diminish your anxiety, but this doesnt always work for some people. Usually you wear decently nice clothes, nothing over the top. And if your not dancing, you going around starting random conversations with others. And if your not doing that your sitting/standing in a corner somewhere hating the experience. I say go, try it out, if it isnt for you, it just isnt. Alot of people dont like the club scene, even non-saers. Good luck.

Haydsmom2007 · 11-05-2009, 01:01 PM

I would say have a drink or two, but you're 20. So try to get a guy to buy you one

lol. I don't know what to say except go out on the dance floor and start dancing. I personally don't like clubs because I don't appreciate random guys coming up and humping me. But hey, just my opinion. I'd rather just go to a regular bar. But anyway. I went to a club ONCE with my best friend and some of her friends, and me and her both felt really stupid out there dancing, i would just kind of bob and sway to the music but then I eventually got over it when some certain song that I liked came on and I started ACTUALLY dancing. Once you get to that point, you're good to go. I wasn't afraid to dance at all the rest of the night and didn't care if I sucked or if people thought I looked stupid.

JMX · 11-05-2009, 01:11 PM

From my past experiences,
dancing with someone you've met before > dancing with someone you've never met before

I felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable dancing with a girl I never met before (only because my friend forced me into doing it) at a party. However, when I went to a club last summer, I danced with one of the girls I went with and I had the time of my life. I actually knew her, so I felt a lot more comfortable having our bodies touch each other. It was obvious that she was more comfortable about it, since she kept grabbing my butt, which at first I thought she was going for my wallet.

quietgal · 11-05-2009, 01:24 PM

I've never had any desire to go clubbing, and I never will.

shyvr6 · 11-05-2009, 02:29 PM

We used to drink before we went to the clubs when we were underage. You could try that. Yes, we had a designated driver if anyone is curious about that. I would say to follow their lead. If they all go and dance then follow them and dance with the group.

Delicate · 11-05-2009, 02:35 PM

I don't get nervous in clubs anymore if you think about it, it's dark, loud so you can't really talk and there's a huge crowd you can blend into.

michael1 · 11-05-2009, 03:20 PM

its not as bad as it seems. drink a bit so you loosen up and just chat/dance or whatever you/your group are comfortable doing. and u can chill out outside the club for abit if it all gets too hectic

shysnowbunny · 11-05-2009, 03:43 PM

Something to remember is that most people out on the dance floor have felt or still feel like they are terrible and look stupid. Even people without anxiety problems have most likely felt that way.

Bright Eyes · 11-05-2009, 04:00 PM

I've been dragged to night clubs on many occasions.
I always hate the experience, and will wear inappropriate clothes so I will hopefully be refused entry. Never works.

I can't/refuse to dance.
The music is not to my taste, and is too loud to talk.
The drinks are hugely expensive.

Mostly I just stand about feeling uncomfortable trying to get drunk and looking miserable.

iwannabecoolplzhelp · 11-05-2009, 06:26 PM

Dont let guys buy you drinks. There have been a string of date rape druggings going on in my town for over a year. They've even hit women with groups who just didn't pay enough attention to their drinks. This stuff isn't an urban legend. be VEry CAREFUL OUT THERE. One of my friends on another forum had that happen to his wife in CO too. Fortunately her friends noticed she was acting funny and got her to a hospital after she collapsed.

Not to mention did none of you read about the 20 person gang rape at the school dance in Cali recently? Drunk women are prime targets for rapists. The best way you can protect yourself is not get intoxicated and if you do have a drink watch it like a hawk.

Wehttam · 11-05-2009, 06:31 PM

I don't drink and the dark environment with all that noise makes me even more anxious so clubbing for me is kind of pointless...plus the only time I went to one here (Australia) some girl kept following me everywhere trying to uncrease my pants with her bum and I was terrified lol

Phibes · 11-05-2009, 06:38 PM

Your best bet is to go see a live band play because it's completely acceptable to just stand there or sit there and watch and listen quietly. But, on the flip-side, if you're at a dance where a dj and spinning the tunes you wouldn't really be doing that would you.
In my opinion, live concerts are far more SAD friendly.

11-05-2009, 11:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
clandestine Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 27	Clubbing? So my friend from class asked me today if I'd like to go out with her and her friends to a club on Saturday night. I said yes obviously but now I'm starting to get nervous about it. I don't know what to expect, what to wear, if I'll have to dance or not? Are clubs just not meant for people with SA? __________________ You can't base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about your future. -Chuck Palahniuk

11-05-2009, 12:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
rdrr Status: One of the cool kids. Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: the city Gender: Male Posts: 339	ive been to a few clubs, and from what ive seen, for someone with sa, if you don't like to dance, don't like crowds, loud noise, the club music, and cannot be ready to initiate conversation with guys/girls in that setting then a club is not for you. Sure you can drink to help diminish your anxiety, but this doesnt always work for some people. Usually you wear decently nice clothes, nothing over the top. And if your not dancing, you going around starting random conversations with others. And if your not doing that your sitting/standing in a corner somewhere hating the experience. I say go, try it out, if it isnt for you, it just isnt. Alot of people dont like the club scene, even non-saers. Good luck. __________________ These are my friends This is who they have been for always These are my days This is how they stay

11-05-2009, 01:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
quietgal Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: New Jersey Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 586	I've never had any desire to go clubbing, and I never will. __________________ The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. SuperBetter! A multi-player way to beat SA

11-05-2009, 02:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,645	We used to drink before we went to the clubs when we were underage. You could try that. Yes, we had a designated driver if anyone is curious about that. I would say to follow their lead. If they all go and dance then follow them and dance with the group. __________________ Music

11-05-2009, 02:35 PM	#10 (permalink)
Delicate Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 755	I don't get nervous in clubs anymore if you think about it, it's dark, loud so you can't really talk and there's a huge crowd you can blend into. __________________ Safety Rule Update# Don't talk to strangers... unless you want to meet anyone ever. Demetri Martin

11-05-2009, 12:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
Matteh Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 14	Just get drunk, the alcohol will take over and youll find yourself getting into the music and dancing / socialising in no time

11-05-2009, 12:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
Matteh Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 14	In australia its 18 for clubs and drinking.. Would be a bit odd getting let into a club and not being able to drink... my bad

11-05-2009, 01:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
Haydsmom2007 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kansas City Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 198	I would say have a drink or two, but you're 20. So try to get a guy to buy you one lol. I don't know what to say except go out on the dance floor and start dancing. I personally don't like clubs because I don't appreciate random guys coming up and humping me. But hey, just my opinion. I'd rather just go to a regular bar. But anyway. I went to a club ONCE with my best friend and some of her friends, and me and her both felt really stupid out there dancing, i would just kind of bob and sway to the music but then I eventually got over it when some certain song that I liked came on and I started ACTUALLY dancing. Once you get to that point, you're good to go. I wasn't afraid to dance at all the rest of the night and didn't care if I sucked or if people thought I looked stupid.

11-05-2009, 01:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
JMX Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Indiana Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 299	From my past experiences, dancing with someone you've met before > dancing with someone you've never met before I felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable dancing with a girl I never met before (only because my friend forced me into doing it) at a party. However, when I went to a club last summer, I danced with one of the girls I went with and I had the time of my life. I actually knew her, so I felt a lot more comfortable having our bodies touch each other. It was obvious that she was more comfortable about it, since she kept grabbing my butt, which at first I thought she was going for my wallet.

11-05-2009, 03:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
michael1 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Age: 22 Posts: 139	its not as bad as it seems. drink a bit so you loosen up and just chat/dance or whatever you/your group are comfortable doing. and u can chill out outside the club for abit if it all gets too hectic __________________ "pessimism is an emotion not a philosophy"

11-05-2009, 03:43 PM	#12 (permalink)
shysnowbunny Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Maine Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 18	Something to remember is that most people out on the dance floor have felt or still feel like they are terrible and look stupid. Even people without anxiety problems have most likely felt that way.

11-05-2009, 04:00 PM	#13 (permalink)
Bright Eyes Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5	I've been dragged to night clubs on many occasions. I always hate the experience, and will wear inappropriate clothes so I will hopefully be refused entry. Never works. I can't/refuse to dance. The music is not to my taste, and is too loud to talk. The drinks are hugely expensive. Mostly I just stand about feeling uncomfortable trying to get drunk and looking miserable.

11-05-2009, 06:26 PM	#14 (permalink)
iwannabecoolplzhelp Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 132	Dont let guys buy you drinks. There have been a string of date rape druggings going on in my town for over a year. They've even hit women with groups who just didn't pay enough attention to their drinks. This stuff isn't an urban legend. be VEry CAREFUL OUT THERE. One of my friends on another forum had that happen to his wife in CO too. Fortunately her friends noticed she was acting funny and got her to a hospital after she collapsed. Not to mention did none of you read about the 20 person gang rape at the school dance in Cali recently? Drunk women are prime targets for rapists. The best way you can protect yourself is not get intoxicated and if you do have a drink watch it like a hawk.

11-05-2009, 06:31 PM	#15 (permalink)
Wehttam Status: Anxienty Free In 2083 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 64	I don't drink and the dark environment with all that noise makes me even more anxious so clubbing for me is kind of pointless...plus the only time I went to one here (Australia) some girl kept following me everywhere trying to uncrease my pants with her bum and I was terrified lol

11-05-2009, 06:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
Phibes Status: blessed with lucky sevens Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia. Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 640	Your best bet is to go see a live band play because it's completely acceptable to just stand there or sit there and watch and listen quietly. But, on the flip-side, if you're at a dance where a dj and spinning the tunes you wouldn't really be doing that would you. In my opinion, live concerts are far more SAD friendly.