Cant hold a conversation at all. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 03:17 PM Thread Starter
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Cant hold a conversation at all.

I never no what to say. When someone asks me a question or talks to me about something I'll answer them with a short reply then I wdont know how to keep the conversation going. People then think I'm rude or angry and stop trying to talk to me. Anyone ese?
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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 03:41 PM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Yup..story of my life! I am horrible at telling stories or describing what I did over the weekend in detail without it sounding unnatural or stilted. My voice is low, people ask me to repeat myself a lot and that makes it even worse.

For me, saying little is best as I don't say as many stupid, unintelligible things.
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 03:49 PM
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When people talk to me I feel like I'll get trapped in a conversation so I do whatever I can to avoid talking.


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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 04:44 PM
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Re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnysmith1234
I never no what to say. When someone asks me a question or talks to me about something I'll answer them with a short reply then I wdont know how to keep the conversation going. People then think I'm rude or angry and stop trying to talk to me. Anyone ese?
I've felt myself get better with practice, the more I'm in conversation with people the more i'm able to just come up with questions...even questions like DO you have any pets or just bringing up things like the weather as tired and rehashed as these topics are have allowed me to at least have conversations with people. If you think talking about the weather has little substance/meaning...maybe they do but you can develop into deeper conversations from that small start. It has to start somewhere and it could be the weather, it could be hows math class etc, Its a connection no matter how small the start may be.

I've been thinking its my outlook really thats putting up walls for me or had been putting up walls for me...I wouldn't want to say hi to a girl in class because she might think i'm coming on to her but someone told me even if she does think you're coming on to her, its a form of flattery and it's funny in a sense...its all in the way we view and look at situations....outlook.

Asking questions...Like the other day someone mentioned I-HOP hehe...i asked is that like DENNY's??? and they were like no its better, and they went on to describe what they serve at I-HOP and the food...i just replied back with that sounds yummy...i could eat breakfast all day or something...then even if you do stop here, i think the comfort level increases the more you're exposed to it and the more you're able to practice it.

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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 04:53 PM
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I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 04:56 PM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Same here, but I've reached the point where I've pretty much accepted it. I think I unintentionally "telegraph", via unconscious body language, that I'm not comfortable, and the other person usually ends it pretty quickly. Oh well.
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 05:41 PM
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 07:39 PM
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yeah..i suxk at this

you ask me i answer

thats really it
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 07:43 PM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Yeah, everybody says I "can't carry on a conversation"
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 10:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Njodis
I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while.
Hehe yeah, I don't mind it at all when the other person keeps running their mouth. I'll interject here n' there to let them know I'm paying attention, but they'll always say "Oh, I'm talking too much." or "I hope I'm not boring you." I'm like "No, not at all." I love a talker, it takes a lot of pressure off of me. I really wish I was more of a conversationalist. I can be at times, I guess it kinda depends on who I'm talking to because there are certain people I feel more comfortable with...and sometimes I just don't have much to talk about so what can ya' do...I really do admire those who are good at it. It's like an art.

I'll soon have to deal with talking to a guy I'm interested in on the phone for the first time and only God knows how that will go...I tend to draw a blank when I'm nervous.

Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Took an hour to fall


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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 09:28 AM
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Me too. The worst are those awkward situations when I answer quickly, the potential dialogue dies, but after an awkward silence of at least 10 seconds, I finally concentrate my overthinking mind and try to resolve the situation by asking the same question, leaving the person who I'm talking to totally puzzled.
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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 10:46 AM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Yes, silence is the worst. I literally pray for something to say and I try to get off the phone as soon as possible when it gets too quiet. I instantly become an escape artist. lol

Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Took an hour to fall


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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 11:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Njodis
I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while.
I do this too. People sure love talking about themselves. But there's always a point when they realize that the conversation is one-sided and you're not contributing anything even when they pause to give you the opportunity to do so. There's that few seconds of agony when they look at you expectantly for a similar anecdote or whatever. *crickets chirping*... Then they get bored.


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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 11:12 AM
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Count me in the bad conversationalist crew *shows membership card*

No matter how hard i try, i can't keep conversations going. I never could and i don't think i ever will be able to. I'm just one of those non-talkative people that makes conversations awkward.

Give
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 12:34 PM
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I can hold a conversation if i'm comfortable and it's flowing naturally. But with most people my mind goes completely blank and i'm desperately clutching at straws trying to think of something to say. Which i usually can't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by emptybottle
Quote:
Originally Posted by Njodis
I have never been able to hold a conversation. I honestly think sometimes that I have some kind of metal block on this kind of thing. I can never think of an appropriate thing to say, and if you leave a silent gap it just makes things extremely awkward, so I just give one word replies. My main tactic lately is to just ask questions and hope that the other person blabs on for a while.
I do this too. People sure love talking about themselves. But there's always a point when they realize that the conversation is one-sided and you're not contributing anything even when they pause to give you the opportunity to do so. There's that few seconds of agony when they look at you expectantly for a similar anecdote or whatever. *crickets chirping*... Then they get bored.
Yeah. You can't ask questions and give short responses forever, eventually you've gotta come up with something to say in order to relate, otherwise neither of you feel any connection and you get bored of each other. Or they get bored with you, at least.

Which is kinda hard because i simply can't relate to most of the people i meet here. I just don't have the same interests or experiences. Though to be honest i don't really want to relate to most of the people i meet - i'd rather just find people that are at least somewhat similar to me... but it seems none exist in this area.

Oh well.

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post #16 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 12:55 PM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Yea I never know what to say, and try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. I know I come off as incredibly rude... especially with my family because I know I can get away with it... I think back and realize how short I can be with them, it's horrible.
but with people you have to be social with I get really uncomfortable... nod and smile alot instead of making a real reply... I try too hard to think of what I should say and when I do say something I think "wow, that was stupid" ...it's easier to say nothing. luckily most of my friends are really talkative but it's like they're talking to a brick wall sometimes...

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post #17 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 12:58 PM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

I always go into conversations "proudly" when someone says something to me and I have to speak back, but I almost always quickly want to get out of it as quickly as I became involved with it because my random fidgeting and inability to maintain any eye or even facial contact kills any decent impression I could have left.

I also stutter a lot and jab around at trying to come across with the point I originally had in mind, using "uh," and "like," and "(at least) I think" way too often in my conversations due to nervousness.

To "terminate" the conversation I usually just keep my head lowered and keep answering with my usual "yeah," or "donno" responses until the person figures out it's not possible for me to keep it going.

I feel like a big, clumsy puppet without any strings.
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post #18 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-09-2007, 12:01 AM
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For me, it depends on the person and the situation. But in any case, I will try desperately to keep the conversation going as long as possible. I'm practicing on lengthening my answers when people ask me questions. That alone has helped out a lot in conversations. Also, being able to ask questions of others is important. People love it when you ask them questions, because then they get to talk about themselves. So not only are you keeping the conversation going and the focus off of you, but you're appearing more friendly to the other person.

Sometimes I don't understand why conversation is so easy with my boyfriend and so difficult with everybody else. In the 3+ years I've been with my boyfriend, we have never ever ran out of things to talk about with each other. Now all I have to do is figure out what we're doing right, and apply it to everybody else that I know!
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post #19 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-09-2007, 12:15 AM
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re: Cant hold a conversation at all.

Yeah, I've come to the realization that I suck at asking people questions. This is bad when I'm in the stage of getting to know someone, especially someone I'm interested in. I probably come off as a dumbass because I don't have many questions.

It sounds like you're really comfortable with your boyfriend and that's why you two converse so well. You're not going to be that comfortable with everyone else. Maybe a few people, but not everyone.

Still I send all the time
My request for relief
Down the dead power lines
Though I'm beyond belief
In the help I require
Just to exist at all
Took a long time to stand
Took an hour to fall


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post #20 of 53 (permalink) Old 03-09-2007, 11:38 AM
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Conversation depends on both people being able to accept themselves and what they are saying. For me, a lot of times I CAN'T accept myself or the things I say because I am too worried about their thoughts about me. The reality is though, they are also focused on how they are presenting their selves and their thoughts, only they don't over obsess about it like me. They accept themselves and are confident in what they are saying, and I am not...

"If a person continues to see only giants, it means he is still looking at the world through the eyes of a child." (This is how I see myself at times)
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