Please help me
I don't know if I'm too young to be feeling - or rather, not feeling - whatever this is at 14, but it's beginning to worry me. I didn't really notice until something happened to one of my friends. I guess I was worried, yeah, but only because I was obligated to? I don't know. But she's one of my closest friends and I wanted to feel more than just mild worry for her, but I couldn't. Later on, I was reading a book and something heartbreaking happened to the character and my heart broke, too. This made me think. I started reading at a really young age and I can't even remember how long it's been since I've gone someplace without a book (or ebook) with me. I used to think it was because I just liked it. Then I accepted that it was to escape reality, because I didn't have many friends and wasn't close wit my family. But when I began to think about how I only felt emotions strongly regarding fictional characters, it made me think. What if I read to feel emotions that I normally can't? It sounds ridiculous and I tried to ignore it. But it's been a year now and it's only gotten worse. My relationship with my mother is practically nonexistent now, I don't talk to the rest of my family, and the only reason my sister matters to me is because she's practically forced herself into my life. Saying 'I love you' to people feels like a lie. I know I probably should love them, but I don't know what that would feel like. It's almost as if there's this giant hole of nothingness where my emotions should be. I tried talking to my best friend about it, but she completely ignored and tried talking about something different. I don't really know who to go to anymore. School's over now, so I'm practically on house arrest. It's getting worse, too. I can feel the nothingness become depression, and it's being reflected in my writing, too. Where it used to be happy and uplifting, it's now dark and even makes my own skin crawl when I reread my work. I don't want to feel this anymore.