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Old 03-12-2012, 11:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Being Too Uptight

I apologize if this is in the wrong section. I wasn't sure where this would fit best.

I'm not completely sure if this is SA related or not, but it is something I have noticed about myself: I'm too uptight.

When it comes to any situation, especially if it involves planning ahead, I get worried and nervous if it doesn't follow what was supposed to happen. I can't just relax and go with it. I don't like the feeling of being unprepared.

I feel like it is inhibiting me when I'm in social situations, since I can't just go with the flow. I also don't think people probably enjoy being around someone like myself. It makes it difficult if they ever want to do something spontaneous, only to have me trying to prevent it.

How can I stop being so uptight and be more relaxed and flexable?

Does anyone else have this problem? If so, how do you deal?
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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I used to deal with this. I just fought it as hard as I could, and forced myself to be spontaneous, eventually it just became natural for me. The trick for me that helped along with it was definitely not fully planning out what happens. Think about doing whatever it is you're about to do, and don't think any further. Don't think about turnouts, don't think about "What if this goes wrong".

It goes without saying of course, don't do this with anything that goes against your moralities, haha.
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Old 03-13-2012, 01:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I recommend having an exotic cocktail for loosening up in social settings.

A cup of strong kava will do wonders too.
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
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This is me as well...identically. And thats one of the key components of any anxiety disorder is the struggle with uncertainty.

Ive learned that preparing often is pointless. 99 times out of 100 things will always be different than you anticipated. Not in a huge catastrophe way, but times will change, your routes will change, you'll adapt and make decisions that you like better when you're in the moment...all of which you could never have planned for.

But that doesnt make it any easier. Even knowing that, and trying not to prepare and plan...I still cant stop myself thinking about anticipating those events. I cant relax until it just gets over with. I have such a hard time enjoying today, knowing I have to deal with something uncertain tomorrow....I wish I knew how to overcome that because it sucks my soul, letting something upcoming overtake my life.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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As relaxed as I may appear to be, I'm more uptight than I realize. Very hard for me to relax. Lately, it seems like every little thing has a chance of bothering me. People in my way pretty much give this away. I'm pretty sure I've been told in the past to loosen up. I think it might be subconscious. I have to remind myself to ease my shoulders. Almost always on edge. I also walk super fast, as if I'm always running late for something, even if I'm not and it's not even for somewhere I have to be. I kind of wonder if I'm ever going to be able to calm down inside. After a while, I still don't see any progress.

I also have to plan out every little ultimately pointless, minute detail in advance for going out to do something or other. And if things don't go as planned, it bothers the **** out of me.

But really, I swear I'm fun to be around. No, really. Why don't you believe me?


Maybe you do some of these things that I describe? Being alone a lot doesn't help. Having people to talk to or something you enjoy to distract you (even if it's a funny thing you remembered) may help. Very tough for me to be spontaneous, but the most fun times I've had were when I wasn't aware of it in advance. Like the others mentioned, try to make an effort not to plan out too much in advance (oxymoron, I know but still).


What was your family situation/upbringing like BT? I never knew what was going to happen in my household putting up with an extreme alcoholic mother, which most likely caused me to absorb this learned behavior of trying to control things externally like this. Which would explain being uptight at least a good deal.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Veryveryvery uptight. Tight-up-up-tight as you can be. I can't stand it. I'm constantly planning, constantly thinking ahead, everything has to make sense and I have to be prepared for it. On the one hand, this helps me accomplish my goals a lot easier than the average person, because I stay extremely focused on things until they get finished, when they are important to me. But it keeps me from being spontaneous, acting out in a fun way, being interesting, living in the moment. I hate that I can't just let go, everything has to have order, everything has to be perfect, everything must be in perfect order! Lol but it's true. That's why dealing with people is so dang hard. Because people don't always make sense and are often very spontaneous, and it's so hard to get used to something so.. different. :/
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Oh yeah, I'm uptight too. There are some breathing exercises to help relax you, but I don't find those very useful... Do you say "no" a lot? You could try a "yes" challenge, where you just say yes to everything. It would be more spontaneous but I'm sure it's not easy. I personally like to cope with alcohol. Instant cure. e_e
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Old 03-14-2012, 12:11 AM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Oh, wow! I didn't think I'd get so many replies!

@Minashigo:

Quote:
The trick for me that helped along with it was definitely not fully planning out what happens. Think about doing whatever it is you're about to do, and don't think any further. Don't think about turnouts, don't think about "What if this goes wrong".
I see. That's a strange concept for me. The idea of not planning everything thing out scares me! Though, you are probably right. It's just something I will just need to practice and get used to.


@Reclus:

Haha. I suppose that might do it! XD I'm not really a drinker though.

@radiancia:

Quote:
Ive learned that preparing often is pointless. 99 times out of 100 things will always be different than you anticipated
You're right. It usually doesn't go how it's supposed to. It still doesn't change us from worrying about it.

@BlazingLazer:

Quote:
What was your family situation/upbringing like BT?
Both of my parents are sort of the overprotective, controlling type, or at least they were when I was younger. I think I might get this from my dad, since whenever we'd go on vacation, or anywhere for that matter, everything was planned to a T. I just got so used to everything being planned out growing up, It just feels awkward or nerve-racking for it to be different.

Both of them are very Type A people, so they don't ever seem to relax much. It's always work, work, plan, plan, work, etc. Time is a very important thing, and they always nag at me if I'm not doing something "right this moment" even if it doesn't pertain to them. It also doesn't help that I'm a procrastinator.

@Jennifer Clayton:

Quote:
On the one hand, this helps me accomplish my goals a lot easier than the average person, because I stay extremely focused on things until they get finished, when they are important to me...
That's good that it can be also a positive thing for you. I wish I had the motivation to be like that! I know how you feel though, I have a hard time understanding people who can just be so spontaneous. Most of my friends are practically 100% that way, so when we went on a mini trip together, they drove me nuts! They did what I considered to be nothing, yet they seemed to have had so much more fun then me. It's such a hard thing to understand.

@Siringo:

Quote:
Do you say "no" a lot?
I'll admit, if I don't want to do it, my a mediate reaction is no. It's hard for me to say "yes" to new things. Perhaps I should try that more, although it will be hard. I don't think I'll say "yes" to everything, because there are somethings I personally would never want to do, but if it's just simple things that aren't life threatening, perhaps I can try.

-------------
Thanks everyone for your comments, questions, and advice. It made me think a lot about things and gave me some ideas of things to try!
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Old 03-14-2012, 06:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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I always thought people who changed plans at the last moment were flakey, even when the change was totally appropriate!

On the plus side, that trait can make you an exceptional worker. Obsessing with planning ahead, working out minute details, preparing for various possibilities, you'll think of things no one else thought of and often save their butts. Pick a career that requires an anal personality, and you'll go far!
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Old 03-14-2012, 03:51 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slogger View Post
I always thought people who changed plans at the last moment were flakey, even when the change was totally appropriate!

On the plus side, that trait can make you an exceptional worker. Obsessing with planning ahead, working out minute details, preparing for various possibilities, you'll think of things no one else thought of and often save their butts. Pick a career that requires an anal personality, and you'll go far!
A lot of times, those kind of people do seem flakey. But they also always seem to be much happier than me because they can deal with the change in plans much better than me.

Well, that does sound like a possible idea, and I know it isn't your fault because it took them a really long time to finally post my massive reply, but the one draw back is I'm a procrastinator. It may sound like an Oxy-moron to be obessively planning and yet procrastinate, but it somehow is like that for me. I'm very much a perfectionist, and if I don't think I can do it the proper way, I push it off and usually end up not doing it.

No matter what I do, or what ideas I have, no one ever listens to me. So I really don't know what's best. I am planning on going into Packaging as a career choice, as it seems to fit me best.
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Old 03-16-2012, 06:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Me too. I feel uptight and inhibited, and when things go wrong i sometimes have a fit. I have to remind myself that things not going right is not a disaster and its helping. A few months ago, i said to my wife, 'if i sleep though my alarm, it would be a total disaster," meaning a conference would lose one of many speakers the next morning. I caught myself and realized that no disaster would happen - i'd simply not make it there, i wouldnt get in trouble, and life would go on just the same as if i had made it.
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