Being myself and not hurting others - Social Anxiety Forum
X

Download the SAS Android App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

X

Download the SAS iPhone App

Or switch to mobile version of the forums

Help/FAQLog InJoin SAS
Go Back   Social Anxiety Forum > Recovery > Coping With Social Anxiety

Reply
Old 09-20-2009, 10:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5



Default Being myself and not hurting others

The anxiety tapes I listen to suggest that I have the rights listed below.

Here's my problem: I'm afraid that by standing up for what I want, I will be infringing on other people's rights. They say I have the right to my values and beliefs, but what if those beliefs contradict someone else? What if they are that certain people are bad and don't deserve to be treated well. What about believing that I should be loved? Isn't it wrong to demand that others love me? Where do I draw the line because I'm afraid that standing up for our beliefs will cause more problems.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I have the right to decide how to lead my life. This includes pursuing my old goals and dreams and establishing my own priorities.

I have the right to my own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions - and the right to respect myself for them, no matter what the opinion of others.

I have the right not to have to justify or explain my actions or feelings to others.

I have the right to tell others how I wish to be treated.

I have the right to express myself and to say, "No,"
"I don't know,"
"I don't understand,"
or even "I don't care."
I have the right to take the time I need to formulate my ideas before expressing them.

I have the right to ask for information or help - without having negative feelings about my needs.

I have the right to change my mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically - with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.

I have the right to like myself even though I'm not perfect.

I have the right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which I feel comfortable and free to express myself honestly - and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet my needs.

I have the right to change, enhance, or develop my life in any way I determine.
greasylake00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 10:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
 
Status: User Requested Permanent Ban
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 5,875



Default

You have to decide what "rights" you have, no tape can tell you that.
shadowmask is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 10:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5



Default

Your response confused me more.
greasylake00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 11:06 AM   #4 (permalink)
 
inna sense's Avatar
 
Status: in depression
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Germany
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 6,395



Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by greasylake00 View Post
I have the right to decide how to lead my life. This includes pursuing my old goals and dreams and establishing my own priorities.

I have the right to my own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions - and the right to respect myself for them, no matter what the opinion of others.

I have the right not to have to justify or explain my actions or feelings to others.

I have the right to tell others how I wish to be treated.

I have the right to express myself and to say, "No,"
"I don't know,"
"I don't understand,"
or even "I don't care."
I have the right to take the time I need to formulate my ideas before expressing them.

I have the right to ask for information or help - without having negative feelings about my needs.

I have the right to change my mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically - with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences.

I have the right to like myself even though I'm not perfect.

I have the right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which I feel comfortable and free to express myself honestly - and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet my needs.

I have the right to change, enhance, or develop my life in any way I determine.
^^ i like that...what tapes are you listening to?
__________________
my youtube channel

Sig Status: God Level
inna sense is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 11:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
 
Status: Permanently Banned
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Glasgow, UK
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Posts: 776



Default

I think you're reading too much into these "rights". I assume you're supposed to repeat them to yourself until you start believing them, and that will work better if you repeat a very strong statement as opposed to a weaker one. The statements generally seem to be encouraging you to be more assertive and confident, which is absolutely not a bad thing. You're not going to "infringe" on the "rights" of other people by standing up for yourself! Most people do it quite naturally.

I'm not sure what you mean about contradicting beliefs - take any two people at random and you're virtually guaranteed they'll have some conflicting beliefs, yet people do still manage to interact with each other!

The list also doesn't say anything about demanding love from others - I guess you were referring to the statement about a right to a positive, satisfying relationship? That's a pretty extreme interpretation! The intent of that statement simply seems to be to get you to believe that you can have a successful relationship.
rincewind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2009, 06:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5



Default

Thanks for the response, rincewind. These are from the Overcoming Social Anxiety audio tape set.
greasylake00 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2009, 10:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
odicepaul's Avatar
 
Status: Still Running
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Richmond VA
Gender: Male
Posts: 385



Default

We have those rights, but the tapes may have forgot to mention that everyone else has those rights as well. We can't dictate, or demand that anyone act the way we want them to, or do or act in any way that they don't want to act. We cannot violate their rights any more than we want them to violate ours.
I know someone who has metal illness such as my own, but this person consistently demands that everyone else act and do what is necessary around them because of their illness. It doesn't work that way, if we (I) have an illness that limits are activities around other people we (I) have to learn to live with that illness and still relate to others if we (I) chose, but only if we (I) chose. Ultimately, it is our personal choice, not other people who have the choice or responsibility.
__________________
"I know how this will end, in apologies and smilie faces on the screen. A slowly constructed keyboard confession of my spirit to all of you" -Le Descorde C'est Moi and Odicepaul
odicepaul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2009, 12:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
leonardess's Avatar
 
Status: is getting over herself
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Pants
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,016



Default

anything that contains a demand sounds to me like a core negative belief.

We can ask others to love us, but of course it is still their choice whether or not to do that. As has been pointedo out, others have the same rights we do. If we expect others to, for example, respect us, they have just as much expectation of respect. If someone chooses not to respect you, then you must decide whether or not it is worth your while to still allow them into your life.

It sounds to me like you may be mixing up values with these rights. They do kind of go hand in hand.

Values are like an anchor. What do you believe in? What do you believe are the important, valuable things in life? Where do you cross the line? Where do you draw it? What will you do for a friend, what wouldn't you do?

Everyone has the right to decide for themselves what is important, what is to be valued in another person, what are the morals they live by, including you. When you decide what these are, you will feel more confident, freer, and able to handle people, when you know that there are certain beliefs you will not compromise, certain lines you will not cross. And if you have confidence in your beliefs, and your acts align with those beliefs, you will find yourself less judgmental, while also being able to decide, in a more objective way, that those who do not extend the same courtesy to you are to be dealt with at a distance, you will know that their behaviour most likely isn't personal and that they probably treat everyone the same way. I think you'll find that things bother you less.

Recognizing your rights and beliefs gives you self-respect and renders you more able to respect others and put those who do not recognize such things in their proper perspective.

It's knowing what you're about and having confidence in that. It enables you to deal with people and situations much better. Being true to yourself gives you strength, instead of capitulating to what you think people want from you in order for you to be liked, or whatever else it is you think you want from them.

It also allows you to recognize that other people are fallible human beings, with their own way of doing things. It isn't that they have anything against you. If you start out with honesty about how you expect to be treated, there is less mess after something goes wrong. You won't have to run the risk of feeling bad about yourself, recriminations, and the rest of it. And others will know exactly where they stand with you. they may not like it, but as I say, there is less mess that way.

That's what those rights are about.

of course, that's only my opinion. Good luck to you, you are on a good path.
leonardess is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hurting Yourself Moon Calf Secondary Disorders 26 11-10-2009 01:50 AM
back hurting bowlingpins Health 13 11-06-2009 07:46 AM
have you ever felt like hurting someone? JaiUnSoucis Frustration 25 12-13-2008 07:12 PM
hurting others inadvertently with our SA embers Coping With Social Anxiety 9 01-11-2007 11:58 PM
Hurting brickyard_red Relationships 5 12-19-2005 05:58 AM

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:50 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® ©2000-2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging v3.1.0 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.