Being mocked - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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Being mocked

Does anyone else get choked up or panicky when you are mocked?

My job requires me to go from place to place, and at one point I was at one branch of my job where someone continued to mock me. Just to give you an example, he couldn't find his keys, and I was sitting there without talking, and he said "what'd you do with my keys, (then my name)" in a very mocking, degrading tone of voice.

Obviously he was messing with me. And because I didn't respond, he continued to do things like this for the rest of the day. At one point I did respond, ultimately saying "I don't know" after which he responded "that's what I thought" in a tone of voice that was also very belittling.

Can anyone relate here?

Also, any suggestions on what I can do to make him shut the hell up? I have to go back to his branch one more time this summer and I'm kind of dreading it. I just want to put him in his place but I have to go about it the right way.

Help would be appreciated. =)
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 03:38 PM
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re: Being mocked

Just to give you an example, he couldn't find his keys, and I was sitting there without talking, and he said "what'd you do with my keys, (then my name)" in a very mocking, degrading tone of voice.
In the same mocking voice, say right back, "I don't know (insert name)... maybe you lost them up your rear end (choose your rear end word of choice)" Or... in same mocking, sarcastic voice, 'Hey, (insert name), why don't you look in the last place you had them instead of asking me stupid questions. How the hell am I supposed to know what you do with your stuff??" and grin sincerely when you say it. Or something along those lines.

For what it's worth, people that do that are seriously insecure about themselves and see fit to put down and make fun of others to make themselves feel better. The best defense is to give it right back to them and show them that you're not going to put up with it.

You do it for yourself theres really no one else...

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 05:20 PM
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re: Being mocked

yes I agree, take the 'i'm rubber you're glue' approach and mock them right back. There's no rationalizing with these types and certainly don't take them seriously enough to get angry, so its the only way.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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re: Being mocked

good advice guys. yeah, this guy is definitely insecure - and he tries to compensate but acting like knows a lot about things he doesn't know about, and is a naturally born good leader.

the problem arises when i try to suppress the panicky feeling that arises when he does this. i'm hoping that it won't happen again, but when it does, that's when my SA sets in and makes me just sit there and take it. but i'm going to do my best to take control this time, because this guy is seriously a dousche and needs to be put in his place.

thanks much. =)
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 07:53 PM
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re: Being mocked

Eh, I've delt w/a lot of these people. But I'm starting to grow. I know exactly why you're annoyed by him. You wish that there was a guarantee that you would never be put into sticky situations. But, the fact is, you're not the only kind of person out there. That'd be kind of boring in fact. People you consider to be decent, good people...they're not the only kinds of people who exist on this Earth. And some of it even comes down to perspective. A different person might choose to laugh off your co-workers comment w/o ever thinking about it again. Another person might even help look for the keys. I think people w/SA suffer (myself definitely right there) from a bit of immaturity w/regards to this. I tend to agree that people w/SA are quite kind, sensitive, decent people. But we struggle with (or at least I do) w/how to handle difference whether that's the curveballs that life throws at us or people who do things differently from ourselves. That makes us judge others and ourselves too harshly.

So far, we all seem to understand WHY your co-working is doing what he's doing...he sounds absent-minded and insecure. He's worried about how he's appearing on the job. Sounds like a little social anxiety in fact (definitely not the disorder but even "normal" people are insecure). So why are you seeing it as him "mocking" you? If anything he's mocking himself for not looking to improve his performance on the job and instead acting in an immature way. Now that sucks that he chose to go this route but you can't change it. You can only change your reaction to him.

Just nip it in the bud right now. You know why he's doing it so you should NEVER have a reason to feel threatened/hurt/annoyed by him.

A "Oh yeah? Good luck with that." w/a bit of sarcasm should do the trick. You might even try being genuine. If he keeps it up, be even more direct: "If you can't even find your keys, what are you doing working here?
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 09:41 PM
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re: Being mocked

Very good insight, SADFighter! Great post.

In a way, this situation is not completely unlike a bit of bullying -- someone trying to gain the upper hand by belittling the other. I know the common reaction is a defensive one. Sometimes a well timed comeback can stop this nonsense, but you'll want to be careful. Sometimes that can backfire and (in his own defensive response) provoke this person into being a putz even more. If it's in his nature to act this way often to people, it's not likely he'll succumb to the feeling of being upped by someone he just downed. If you can take the wind out of his sails - show that his comments don't upset you - he'll back down. You know... laugh with him about it all. Humor can do wonders to disarm a bully. So.. "What did you do with my keys?" ... "Well, I picked my nose with one... then I bent the other one with my MIND... and the last one, I swallowed but I can get it back to you in about 10-12 hours. (I know it's not easy to think of such things on the spot - but if you can just joke with him a bit about whatever he is saying - pretend it's kinda funny - and just show that it isn't bothering you, you'll have diffused the situation peacefully and taken away his reason to feel like he has to be the superior one)

And if that doesn't work...the next time he says something condescending... just step in real close... take a couple sniffs and go "Dude... did you forget to put on deodorant today?" heehee.. jk.

Keep it peaceful - take the higher road!
Good luck!
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 10:03 PM Thread Starter
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re: Being mocked

Once again, I appreciate the advice from you guys.

The reason I'm having trouble laughing this guy off is because I've been having a problem dealing with people like this in college (yes, there are people in COLLEGE that act that way) and when I have tried to laugh them off in the past, it has failed me.

Ultimately what it comes down to is what you said - I just need to respond. So that's what I'm going to try to do next time. Sarcasm sounds good, so I'm just going to suppress the SA and do my best.

As for the people in college - words are also the answer. But that's a much different, more complicated story that has been going on for two years, that has largely contributed to the severity of my social anxiety - they really need to be told off.

Thanks again for the help everyone.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-24-2007, 11:55 PM
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When I know I'll be seeing someone insulting or rude, I practice what I might say to them if they give me a hard time. Seriously, I mouth off to myself in the mirror until I feel comfortable with my sarcastic remarks. Don't laugh, cuz I know it sounds silly, but it really helps me if I have a good comeback ready. It gives me more confidence to go into an uncomfortable situation.

Leppardess' suggestions cracked me up. Those are great, lol. I almost wish I was in a situation where I could use them!

"In the house of Ignorance there is no mirror in which to view your soul." -Kahlil Gibran

"When I look down, I miss all the good stuff. When I look up, I just trip over things." -Ani DiFranco
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-25-2007, 07:08 AM
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I remember one time I was told, "You look WAY too young to be buying this stuff." I later thought of the perfect, cold response (this is really mean): "And you look WAY too old to be working at a grocery store."

I obviously have no problems with whatever someone's job is, but the comment was designed to be hurtful, not sincere.

I'm way too nice to respond to fire with fire, but there have been some funny suggestions so far.

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He ran because it grounded him in basics. There was both life and death in it; it was unadulterated by media hype, trivial cares, political meddling...It was all joy and woe, hard as a diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-25-2007, 03:05 PM Thread Starter
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re: Being mocked

I've been keeping a journal to try to help cope with my anxiety. Since this forum has also been helping me cope, I just decided to print out all of these posts and past them in there...just for the sake of me keeping track of myself.

Again, I really appreciate everyone's advice, it's helped me to relax about it a lot. I'll be sure to follow up with the outcome after I go back and see him again.
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