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Old 11-03-2012, 04:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default BDD or am I really ugly? How can I tell?

Hello all, first post.

I have issues with my looks, and I'm desperate to find out if I'm just obsessing about them or if I'm plain ugly. I'm in the process of changing the obvious things like lose some weight, bleach my teeth, etc. but once that's done I'm out of things I can reasonably do without surgery (which I really want to avoid). The main problem is still my face. I don't know what's wrong with it, just that it's not the face of an average guy.

I can take a decent photo of myself for facebook with flattering lighting, a good angle, and think hey that's pretty handsome. But they all look so fake, like I'm trying to hide something. And when I look in the mirror there's the ugly truth staring back at me.

So who can you ask that would give you an honest answer?

Can't trust "friends" because they just say "nah, you look fine", can't trust your mother because she just says "you're such a pretty boy". Can't ask the stranger who's staring at you with that stupid smirk, or the girl that turned away in disgust when you asked her out.

I'm thinking of maybe paying a hooker for an hour of her time and then just asking her to tell me in detail what she thinks is wrong with me. No reason for her to lie, right? She's getting paid anyway.

So if you've made it this far, I'd really appreciate some advice because I'm getting really desperate. Thanks.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:12 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Riddle me this - what difference would it make one way or the other?
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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I suppose you could just ask random people. But here's the thing about looks, they're subjective. Beauty isn't something you can define and one person will say you're beautiful and another will say you're ugly. However you look, you'll only find peace if you accept yourself. I'm trying to do that myself because it's getting to the point where I've realized there's nothing I can do to change how I look. So what's the alternative? To hate yourself for something you have no control over? I hope you & I both find peace on this issue.
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Old 11-08-2012, 07:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Looks can sometimes be subjective, but it is also pretty much objective.

Try a random survey that includes as many people as possible from all the different cultures. This is the best way to attain reliable answers.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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If you can't trust the opinions of people, then I suggest you go search the answer to your question in science. Search up studies on physical attractiveness and then go ahead and compare yourself with their definition of beauty. Here is one interesting blog article about how facial beauty is defined by how symmetrical a person's face is and how "average" they look. They claim that the less unique facial features you have, the more people see you as beautiful. Hope this helps settle the issue for you...

http://realdoctorstu.com/2011/03/16/...eautiful-face/
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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You can be ugly and still have BDD. It is not a mental illness that picks its victims based on the way they look. It's normal for people to be insecure once in a while, but BDD becomes an obsession and is entirely irrational. I have it too and it's a pain in the *** to combat. I'm the same way with pictures; I'll take a bunch, find one I don't mind, then realize it isn't even an accurate representation of what I really look like.

The worst part is not knowing where you really stand when it comes to how you look. On one hand you look in the mirror and see someone ugly staring back. But on the other hand, you know all of your thoughts are irrational and the flaws are actually blown out of proportion. You really need to change the way you think about yourself and not rely on the opinions of others. It's easier said than done, but your opinion is the one that should matter the most.

If you ask a bunch of random strangers, it's never going to help. No matter how much positive feedback you get, you'll be obsessed with the negative ones you receive. And the negative ones are inevitable; no matter how good someone looks, there will always be a person that finds you unattractive. My advice to you is see a therapist, preferably one that specializes in something like BDD. They will be able to properly diagnose you and see if its something you have. Then you two can work together to minimize it and removing the unhealthy thoughts. In the meantime, perhaps get better acquainted with BDD by doing some research? You'll probably be able to figure out if you have it or not, if you haven't already.

As I said earlier, I don't think asking strangers (or a hooker) is going to help you in the long run. That's the trouble with BDD... you receive a positive comment and a week later you're back to feeling like crap. The problem exists on the inside, not the outside.
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Old 11-08-2012, 08:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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You're probably not ugly as you assume. You probably look normal. Listen, you should worry too much about your looks. After all, looks fade away in time.
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Old 11-08-2012, 10:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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I felt like **** when I made that post. Doing better now, which doesn't make me prettier, but makes it easier to cope.
Guess I'll just keep losing weight and working out to ultimately get a physique to be proud of. Ripped guy with an ugly face is still better than a fat guy with an ugly face I'm thinking.
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Old 11-09-2012, 05:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAzn View Post
Looks can sometimes be subjective, but it is also pretty much objective.

Try a random survey that includes as many people as possible from all the different cultures. This is the best way to attain reliable answers.
Might be a good way to get reliable answers, but it is terrible advice for someone who potentially has BDD. If he gets any positive answers, he'll cast them aside as "just being nice" and he'll obsess on any bad answers and just feel worse about himself.
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Old 11-09-2012, 05:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Try beautifulpeople.com. Most shallow site on the internet. Register there with your pics. I wouldn't do it unless you have thick skin though.
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Old 11-09-2012, 06:08 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I also have the same question, do I have bdd or I am ugly?

In the mirror I think I'm average, but in photos I'm very ugly, maybe that's the whole not photogenic thing?
But then again different lights + same camera = different face.
Different mirrors = different face.
I can't ****ing find a way of seeing exactly where I stand.

But if I have bdd then I see myself as way uglier than I am, but I might still be ugly. But what if I have some kind of reverse bdd because I'm in denial and I see myself pretty in some mirrors while very ugly in the camera?

I thought to myself, I'm not ugly and I'm not pretty, I'm just strange...
No, I'm not strange, I'm normal, I just have bdd....
But ...maybe I don't have bdd and I'm ugly and I am in denial?

the most important question is, am I ugly?
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:41 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Special View Post
I also have the same question, do I have bdd or I am ugly?

In the mirror I think I'm average, but in photos I'm very ugly, maybe that's the whole not photogenic thing?
But then again different lights + same camera = different face.
Different mirrors = different face.
I can't ****ing find a way of seeing exactly where I stand.

But if I have bdd then I see myself as way uglier than I am, but I might still be ugly. But what if I have some kind of reverse bdd because I'm in denial and I see myself pretty in some mirrors while very ugly in the camera?

I thought to myself, I'm not ugly and I'm not pretty, I'm just strange...
No, I'm not strange, I'm normal, I just have bdd....
But ...maybe I don't have bdd and I'm ugly and I am in denial?

the most important question is, am I ugly?
Wow I think the same thing when it comes to different lighting. Never thought I had bdd o_0
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Old 11-09-2012, 11:32 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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I'll look in the mirror and think I'm not that bad looking but I hate my pictures. I have a picture from my early 30's that I just hate. I look at it and think how did I let myself get that fat. I guess it's better late than never to lose the weight.
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