are we hard to read?

[meesha327]

I think part of our (my perhaps) problem is that people don't know where they stand with us. i had a friend say to me, "you never answer your phone, i think you don't like me" in a joking way but there's a truth in every sarcasm, but anyways this has happened with other people in different ways. i'm just not an affectionate person and i don't show or tell people how i feel about them because i'm shy. so does anyone else feel this way?

[Olazet91]

Yep I have this problem too.

[slylikeafox]

I sometimes have people ask me why I'm sad. I'll usually be feeling neutral or be deep in thought when they ask this.

[Lirael]

Yeah, I have this problem too. In the past I would find out that people thought I was stuck up or a b****. It's strange but that's back when I looked better. Now I don't do my hair or wear make-up or dress as nicely and now people seem to take it that I actually have some kind of problem...

[SadRosesAreBeautiful]

Oh, yes. I have this problem big-time. And it doesn't help that I am horrible at communicating, be it in person, on the phone, or even in writing. I can say something and not mean it to sound rude or anything, but I'll come across that way anyways. So, I'm always extra careful about what I say to the point that I'm painfully anxious to say anything at all.

Also, I'm not good at telling people how I feel either, so that usually ends up biting me in the ***.

So, yeah, I think some of us can be hard to read perhaps since our anxiety prevents us from expressing ourselves effectively.

[Just Lurking]

Originally Posted by meesha327

are we hard to read?

Very. I remember someone calling me "the most complicated person ever".

[sanspants08]

Incredibly.

[mypasswordneverworks]

oh, yes.

[semiserious]

I've been told i seemed 'unapproachable' which i think was meant in a similar way.

Probably we are hard to read because of how hard we try to seem normal. I see it as a feedback loop with me where I'm trying so hard to act normal that I probably seem weirder as a result. If only there was a way to make my brain forget all these bad thoughts.

[NoMarriageHole]

Lots of people (even good friends) have told me that they initially thought I was a 'biatch' or intimidating when they first met me, which is really odd considering that I'm extremely outgoing and nice to everyone until I have a reason not to be...which isn't that often. I also don't think I'm especially scary looking. When I ask them about it, they can never give me a straight answer as to why they thought that way, though.

In retrospect, I think maybe I do have funny ways of showing people I like them, and maybe I assume that people can read my mind.

[Dreamer'sHideaway]

I think most people think I do not want to talk. I suppose that is because I avoid eye contact, and I often bring a book with me. However, when I am approached, I smile and I know I don't look grumpy. Then again, I can never think of much to say with new people.

As for the phone, I get the sarcastic "You didn't answer the phone, there's a first". And things like that. I am forever telling people that I am shy and don't like using the phone. People really don't get it lol.

[Drella]

Yes. I've been told more times than I can count that I'm "mysterious" or "intimidating." My tendency to avoid people (by not responding to their calls or e-mails, or cleverly dashing into bathroom stalls whenever I see them, which probably makes them think that I have some kind of inflammatory bowel disease or something) causes many to assume that I must dislike them. Another problem for me is that I like to joke around, so I always feel anxious that someone will take what I say seriously (and then conclude that I'm a really hateful, spiteful person) or think that I'm making fun of them (which I would never do). Some people do get the wrong impression of me, but I don't purposely attempt to be rude or mean to anyone. My anxiety causes me to feel really embarrassed of myself and awkward in most situations, and people sometimes get caught in the crossfire. I hate that it happens, because I burn a lot of bridges.

[sanspants08]

Originally Posted by NoMarriageHole

Lots of people (even good friends) have told me that they initially thought I was a 'biatch' or intimidating when they first met me, which is really odd considering that I'm extremely outgoing and nice to everyone until I have a reason not to be...which isn't that often. I also don't think I'm especially scary looking. When I ask them about it, they can never give me a straight answer as to why they thought that way, though.

Eh, same here. Even drunk people don't give me a straight answer. The closest I've ever gotten was, "You glare a lot." I don't think most people expect you ask them why they thought what they thought.

Heh, also, I think that the type of person who is likely to say, "I thought you were a dick, but you're really pretty cool" ...is usually not the most insightful to start with.

[Grim619]

Yea I defenitly think we are hard to read so people are not sure to approach us or how to treat us.. We think we are feeling fine and nothing is wrong but to them our body language or whatever is saying different.
I also had my friend tell me he thought I didn't want to hang out with him because I didn't answer the phone to go do stuff... I finally told him what was up and he was very relieved...

[NoMarriageHole]

Originally Posted by sanspants08

Eh, same here. Even drunk people don't give me a straight answer. The closest I've ever gotten was, "You glare a lot." I don't think most people expect you ask why, after they tell you they thought you looked like you'd be a jerk/beeotch, but that now they like you.

Heh, I think that the average person who is likely to say, "I thought you were a dick, but you're pretty cool" ...is usually not very smart.

Hahaha...it may be true that they're just emotional retards and don't know how to read body language or a face to save their lives. Most of us address people we like in the same way...through endearing obscenities. Anyone who's put off by that needs to move somewhere outside of Jersey.

On the other hand, I know I misread people sometimes too...and it's usually the people sitting in the corner, not talking, that I have the hardest time with. When it comes to those people, I actually go on the offense because I get this ****ed off idea that they think they're better than everyone in the room. Deep down, I know it's not true and they're probably just feeling awkward. Sounds funny, but it's true...socially anxious people make me extremely socially anxious.

[sanspants08]

Originally Posted by NoMarriageHole

On the other hand, I know I misread people sometimes too...and it's usually the people sitting in the corner, not talking, that I have the hardest time with. When it comes to those people, I actually go on the offense because I get this ****ed off idea that they think they're better than everyone in the room. Deep down, I know it's not true and they're probably just feeling awkward. Sounds funny, but it's true...socially anxious people make me extremely socially anxious.

Hmmm...I'm the quiet guy in the corner if I'm in a new environment...but if I'm someplace familiar with a group of people I'll try to include the quiet ones, if they're sitting nearby. If they don't reply I'll probably say something really ridiculous, if I haven't already.

When I first joined this forum and found that people believed they'd actually avoid one another while standing in the same room, knowing who each other were...I almost threw a kegger to get them to disprove themselves. Not that those people would ever show up.

[NoMarriageHole]

Originally Posted by sanspants08

Hmmm...I'm the quiet guy in the corner if I'm in a new environment...but if I'm someplace familiar with a group of people I'll try to include the quiet ones, if they're sitting nearby. If they don't reply I'll probably say something really ridiculous, if I haven't already.

When I first joined this forum and found that people believed they'd actually avoid one another while standing in the same room, knowing who each other were...I almost threw a kegger to get them to disprove themselves. Not that those people would ever show up.

Yeah...see, here's where the problems start. Let's just say you're the quiet guy sitting in the corner and your silence is making me feel really awkward. I'll probably end up saying something lightheartedly ****ed up to you, just to get you to let your guard down and get you to join the conversation...which, in turn, will lower my guard. But some people will heighten their guard and take offense to it, so they either roll their eyes or retort in anger, which flips my real b*tch switch.

[sanspants08]

Originally Posted by NoMarriageHole

Yeah...see, here's where the problems start. Let's just say you're the quiet guy sitting in the corner and your silence is making me feel really awkward. I'll probably end up saying something lightheartedly ****ed up to you, just to get you to let your guard down and get you to join the conversation...which, in turn, will lower my guard. But some people will heighten their guard and take offense to it, so they either roll their eyes or retort in anger, which flips my real b*tch switch.

Do you mean that the people you're trying to involve in the convo will take offense, or that some other random folks will get their panties in a wad? This happens to me wherever there are families, because I don't know of any family-friendly ways to welcome someone new. In fact, they're not old-people friendly ways either. It's too bad that the words, "I'll bet that guy in the corner has a hot mom" only resonate with a certain type of people.

[NoMarriageHole]

Originally Posted by sanspants08

Do you mean that the people you're trying to involve in the convo will take offense, or that some other random folks will get their panties in a wad? This happens to me wherever there are families, because I don't know of any family-friendly ways to welcome someone new. In fact, they're not old-people friendly ways either. It's too bad that the words, "I'll bet that guy in the corner has a hot mom" only resonate with a certain type of people.

AHAHAHA! Dude...exactly, but it's never (that I've seen) the other people in the room that jump in, just the person I happen to be talking to.

I have a hard time meeting parents and stuff too...actually, I think I fell in love with my boyfriend when he told me his parents were dead. I just hate parents so much because I think I come off as fake when I try painstakingly hard not to curse/say something otherwise offensive.

[sanspants08]

Originally Posted by NoMarriageHole

AHAHAHA! Dude...exactly, but it's never (that I've seen) the other people in the room that jump in, just the person I happen to be talking to.

I have a hard time meeting parents and stuff too...actually, I think I fell in love with my boyfriend when he told me his parents were dead. I just hate parents so much because I think I come off as fake when I try painstakingly hard not to curse/say something otherwise offensive.

Dead parents are easier to please, no doubt. The only way for me to hide (from parents) the fact that I'm about to say something sarcastic and ridiculous is to censor myself so severely that they think I'm humorlessly military. The last time I was asked the words, "describe yourself" by a girlfriend's mother, I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I like cheese. But I like applesauce better than I like cheese." And just stared back. Edit: This is my fallback plan, generally.