Are We Afraid of How People See Us?

[Anon7]

That's the general opinion on S.A. I think...

Here's what I think.

If we were really afraid of people seeing us in a negative light, would we do things that might seem rude or mean because of that fear?

I see people on these forums talking about avoiding people and avoiding situations and it makes them seem like jerks, even though they're just afraid... but doesn't that mean they are showing people a bad side of them?

If they were afraid of what they looked like, why would they not show up to an event or avoid a relative making them look really bad?

I think we give people's opinions of us a back seat. That's right, the complete opposite of what most people think about people with S.A.

I'm saying that what we are really afraid of is how people will treat us. We are afraid of making a mistake, not because of what people will think, but because of the repricussions.

Making a mistake doesn't make you looks bad. Everyone makes mistakes. People like seeing other people make mistakes, it makes them feel better, BUT sometimes people react the wrong way to mistakes and feed on others vulnerability.

But vulnerability is a good thing. Life is meant to be enjoyed with your guard down, not always protecting yourself. Protecting yourself from insults that shouldn't hurt you anyway, because insults toward you don't show your character at all, but instead the person doing the insulting.

Anyway, yeah, I'm thinking we should try to FOCUS on how we look. Try to appreciate looking like a good person, instead of brushing it off unless someone else shows us positive attention.

Your image is really all that matters.

I mean, if you were a slave or a prisoner in another country, what would keep you alive? Your circumstances wouldn't provide you much to be happy with, but how you hold yourself could bring you pride, and in turn, happiness.

Just don't always focus on your circumstances, and focus on how you can shine through.

[Halcyon Daze]

Originally Posted by Anon7

I see people on these forums talking about avoiding people and avoiding situations and it makes them seem like jerks, even though they're just afraid... but doesn't that mean they are showing people a bad side of them?

If they were afraid of what they looked like, why would they not show up to an event or avoid a relative making them look really bad?

It does seem like we are contradicting ourselves doesn't it? I am aware sometimes of how rude I look, and I do agree that I'm scared to make mistakes and look stupid. If I feel that I have the option to avoid any situation in which I may come off stupid etc then I will take it even if I come across as rude. It's the lesser of two evils for me. It does make me sad that people think I'm rude or that I don't like them though.
It's a catch 22. I've heard that it doesn't matter how you treat people as long as you treat everyone the same. An odd saying, but I would like to be comfortable and nice to everyone someday instead of always worrying about myself. I feel selfish being the way I am.

I like your thoughts, thanks for sharing.

[ItsJustMeAgain]

Originally Posted by Anon7

That's the general opinion on S.A. I think...

Here's what I think.

If we were really afraid of people seeing us in a negative light, would we do things that might seem rude or mean because of that fear?

I see people on these forums talking about avoiding people and avoiding situations and it makes them seem like jerks, even though they're just afraid... but doesn't that mean they are showing people a bad side of them?

This is so true and I have realized this, but HOW do I change it!!

I have often thought about my actions and/or words of avoidance that make things so much worse! For example, say I'm at a backyard cookout and it's time to eat. It would seem so simple to just blend in with the crowd, get something to eat, even if you DID to something embarrassing only a few would see. But for years, I would say - "I don't eat lunch" "I already ate" etc. just to avoid possible embarrassment or attention. So instead, I would have EVERYONE looking and asking - "Why aren't you eating?" in addition to upsetting the host. So not just embarrassing - making A BIG FOOL of myself.

So we know SA is a lot of irrational thinking and we know that....HOW oh HOW do we change it?