02-28-2011, 10:20 PM
Status: SAS Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Victoria, Australia.
Originally Posted by LovelyAmor
I think this is true. I feel like I expect people to literally get on their knees and beg me for their attention. I feel like I want people to be perfect. I feel like people are horrible a**h***s if they give me some tough advice, that I could actually benefit from. I look for other people's approval too much. And the one thing that I do the most is pity and feel sorry for myself. That is not going to get me ANYWHERE. If I don't except myself for who I am, then how will I accept anyone else?
I really didn't understand why I couldn't connect with people, but now I kind of know why. I googled "How to connect with people in college." A guy asked this question in Yahoo Answers and this is someone's response:
"Well, you get what you give. I've been in your situation before and let me tell you something...Until you are ready to stop being selfish, you will not make or keep friends. You will not connect with others.
Yes, I know "selfish" sounds harsh and unfair due to your history and the misery it causes you, but you must realize that you bring this all on yourself! When you are genuinely interested in what other people have to say, how they feel, etc., then you will have little trouble making friends.
Not all people in this world will abandon or reject you. Some people socialize and try to connect with others because they are genuinely interested in other people, they care about people, they want to share their experiences with people. But NO one will do all the work for you and force you to be their friend. It is just not appealing to be around someone that doesn't seem interested in connecting. So, here is what you do...
Figure out what you love to do and start doing it, become really good at it. This will give a sense of purpose and confidence. Become up to date on worldly affairs, educate yourself. Decide to turn a new leaf and acknowledge the facts that not all human beings are scum, and that if you look to be friends with honest, caring, intelligent, down-to earth people, then you will find these people and if you are ready to stop being stingy and overly concerned about getting hurt, you will make friends.
Even though this is a tough pill to swallow, I believe it is true, not just for me, but for the rest of us. I think we do sometimes become defensive when we don't want to hear the truth. Well I am TIRED of being this way! Some of us have been through some traumatic s**t in our pasts but we don't have to let it ruin our future! YOU have the power. YOU have control, whether you believe it or not. That guy "rdp234" made a lot of sense, I just did not want to accept it. You have to develop a positive attitude and start taking steps to overcome whatever it is that is holding you back. You HAVE to, if you really want the best out of life. Facing your fears WILL help you in the long-term. I think the problem is-is that when something doesn't go right, we become frustrated and give up. You cannot do that. You HAVE to keep trying. NONE of us deserve to live this way, but we CAN do something about it!
This was a really long rant but I think I had an epiphany last night?
[Please no negative or defensive comments, I really do mean well ]
I understand where you are coming from LovelyAmor
It is empowering to think that we can achieve greatness even
though we have suffered major abuse for many years (as in my case).
Thanks for posting this
I also agree with your comment re "rdp234" at the risk of being flamed.. he did make some really good points that I think some ppl me included liked to hear. Sometimes we need that to heal. To challenge ourselves, our ideas and thinking patterns. That's the main point of having therapy, my psychologist does this with me and it's helped even though it makes me mentally and physically tired. Anything that's worth doing is hard
but eventually i hope we will all recover and have the lives we desire.