Social Anxiety Support

veron · 11-05-2009, 11:02 AM

So tonight I made an interesting discovery... there's a new guy (or at least I think he's new?) working at this little beverage store near us. My parents are entertaining some guests right now, and my dad asked me to go and buy some beers at this store. So yeah...

I noticed this guy previously today as I was walking home (he was standing outside the store), and we briefly made eye contact. I remember kind of thinking he was a drug addict or something, because he had dark circles under his eyes. Well, when I walked in tonight I couldn't help noticing how attractive he was... he has the nicest hands, lol. Then I just got the beers and left.

And then later on my dad asked me to go back again and get mineral water. Normally I would have complained at having to go again, but on second thought I figured sure, why not... but I was so nervous going this time around

When he saw me walk in, he kind of smiled. It was that "haha you forgot something" sort of smile. I think my hands trembled a bit as I gave him the money. And next time I'll probably blush. Ahh I hope he didn't notice

Well, I'm wondering what to do now. Should I go again and buy something (not tonight, obviously), and try to strike up a conversation? I was going to say something the second time around but there were other customers in the store, so I pretty much left as soon as possible, lol. With my luck he's probably married, with a kid. Or about to turn himself into drug rehab. Or he just plain won't like me.

Advice, anyone? How should I go about this? The negative thoughts are already getting to me

its_a_rick · 11-05-2009, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veron

I think my hands trembled a bit as I gave him the money. And next time I'll probably blush. Ahh I hope he didn't notice

I doubt he noticed it, don't let the negative thoughts get to you.

I don't really have any advice but I'm sure someone else on here can help you out.

jack1 · 11-05-2009, 11:19 AM

i got dark circles under my eyes and i am not a drug addict

veron · 11-05-2009, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by its_a_rick

I doubt he noticed it, don't let the negative thoughts get to you.

I don't really have any advice but I'm sure someone else on here can help you out.

Thanks... I'm worried because back when I worked at another store, my coworker/mentor always pointed out when I was trembling

So apparently it's quite visible, lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jack1

i got dark circles under my eyes and i am not a drug addict

Haha ok

Matteh · 11-05-2009, 11:45 AM

I don't have dark circles under my eyes, and i AM drug addict.

shadowmask · 11-05-2009, 11:46 AM

Well, he no doubt thinks you're attractive too. I'm sure that's why he was smiling when you walked back in. I think you should definitely go for it, in all honesty he was probably a little nervous to attempt talking to you just the same. What have you got to lose anyways? If you strike up a convo and feel like you've failed, then you can just avoid going back into the shop and never have to see him again. On the other hand, if things go well, you've potentially made a new friend, or something more.

And as for the dark circles, maybe he had trouble sleeping the night before. Some people just naturally have circles under their eyes, as well.

00Athena00 · 11-05-2009, 11:53 AM

I don't think he noticed that you were nervous. When you work retail, everyone starts looking the same. Did you see a ring? If he's not wearing one, he likely isn't married. There's nothing wrong with chatting with him, he won't think it's strange. But, he may not flirt or appreciate being flirted with. He could get in trouble with his boss.

I have circles under my eyes due to allergies, so that's not a definitive sign of drug use. Don't try to talk yourself out of meeting someone new! I do it all the time and I need to stop.

markx · 11-05-2009, 12:15 PM

Picture the scene - far away in another part of the internet...

"Man, I'm such an idiot. I was at work today and this beautiful girl came in to buy some beers. I was going to say something to her but she probably thinks I'm a drug addict because of the dark circles around my eyes. She came back later and I think she smiled at me. The shop was busy and I couldn't think of anything to say. She seemed to be staring at my hands though - I hope she didn't notice that they were shaking..."

Haydsmom2007 · 11-05-2009, 01:18 PM

It sucks being shy. I remember things like this happening and I kind of had a slight hint that he was also interested in me, but I was too nervous to strike up some sort of conversation, he never started one up with me, and then one day I find out that some other girl snatched him up because she wasnt too shy to talk to him. Raaaa!! Maybe take little baby steps. Before going in next time, think of something to ask him. And then do it. And honestly, if you are nervous and he can tell that you're nervous, that's not really a bad thing. I mean if he started talking to you and he was nervous, would you be like "wow what a freak, I don't like him anymore" ??? No, you wouldn't.

veron · 11-06-2009, 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markx

Picture the scene - far away in another part of the internet...

"Man, I'm such an idiot. I was at work today and this beautiful girl came in to buy some beers. I was going to say something to her but she probably thinks I'm a drug addict because of the dark circles around my eyes. She came back later and I think she smiled at me. The shop was busy and I couldn't think of anything to say. She seemed to be staring at my hands though - I hope she didn't notice that they were shaking..."

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really appreciate them. You've helped me to have a more positive outlook on the whole situation

Today I realized that I don't really have a reason to go back to his store... I mean, I have nothing to buy there, lol. I pretty much just drink water (as does the rest of the family). So really, the only time I go and buy something is when we are having guests over. Hmm. I guess for now I'll just say "hi" whenever I see him hanging out outside like he was yesterday.

pixies · 11-06-2009, 05:33 AM

If you felt confident to do this. Write your name and phone number on some paper and go and hand it to him. You don't need to buy anything or have an excuse. You are going there to ask him out. Tell him if he wants to go out, give you a call. Cya! Then walk away. You don't even need to talk to him there and then, unless he speaks up with something to say, you can just walk away.

If he doesn't call then maybe he is married, or maybe he has a girlfriend already, or maybe he is on drugs after all, or maybe he is gay, or maybe you aren't his type. Whatever the reason, don't worry about it. And if he does call you, then hurray! You can arrange a date somewhere, movies, meal, go out for a drink, whatever. Maybe you will go out for a date and find you don't have anything in common and then just don't arrange another one. Or maybe you'll hit it off.

Personally, I used to smoke so I used to go to my local shop to buy cigarettes about once every 2 or 3 days. There was a reeeally pretty girl who worked there. Two in fact. I would have loved to ask one of them out. I never did because I was too much of a chicken. Now I've quit smoking so I never go there, and the last time I went to buy some booze, they didn't even work there anymore anyway. Live for today!

veron · 11-07-2009, 06:25 AM

Lol, I don't think I've ever done something so bold! I wouldn't have the guts to do this

Maybe I'll just try and talk to him first... and hopefully find out something more about him.

Thanks for your input!

pixies · 11-07-2009, 09:06 AM

It is bold

But it also might be quite easy because you needn't actually say the words to him. I dated a girl a couple of years ago and we got talking on a music website so I got to ask her out by private message after we had been chatting for a couple of months, so that was pretty easy. And then the actual first date itself I was ok with (with a bit of help from alcohol though). But if I had to actually ask her out in real life, I'm not sure I could have done it.

Although if you can chat to him, you should definitely give that a shot! You seem pretty confident to me, that's really good. Maybe just ask him his name and find out what he does for fun.

ApatheticJalapeno · 11-07-2009, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veron

I remember kind of thinking he was a drug addict or something, because he had dark circles under his eyes.

Story of my life.

veron · 11-07-2009, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixies

It is bold

But it also might be quite easy because you needn't actually say the words to him. I dated a girl a couple of years ago and we got talking on a music website so I got to ask her out by private message after we had been chatting for a couple of months, so that was pretty easy. And then the actual first date itself I was ok with (with a bit of help from alcohol though). But if I had to actually ask her out in real life, I'm not sure I could have done it.

Although if you can chat to him, you should definitely give that a shot! You seem pretty confident to me, that's really good. Maybe just ask him his name and find out what he does for fun.

Wow, where did you get that

I'm the opposite of confident, lol! I'm even nervous about asking him his name, because you don't typically ask a cashier for their name... so he'll probably think that I'm in love with him or something (well not really, but you know what I mean). Btw I haven't seen him since I made this thread. I guess I need to find a reason to go to that store...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ApatheticJalapeno

Story of my life.

Why, do you also commonly mistake people for drug addicts? Or do they do that to you?

11-05-2009, 11:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 488	Ahh I'm such a dork So tonight I made an interesting discovery... there's a new guy (or at least I think he's new?) working at this little beverage store near us. My parents are entertaining some guests right now, and my dad asked me to go and buy some beers at this store. So yeah... I noticed this guy previously today as I was walking home (he was standing outside the store), and we briefly made eye contact. I remember kind of thinking he was a drug addict or something, because he had dark circles under his eyes. Well, when I walked in tonight I couldn't help noticing how attractive he was... he has the nicest hands, lol. Then I just got the beers and left. And then later on my dad asked me to go back again and get mineral water. Normally I would have complained at having to go again, but on second thought I figured sure, why not... but I was so nervous going this time around When he saw me walk in, he kind of smiled. It was that "haha you forgot something" sort of smile. I think my hands trembled a bit as I gave him the money. And next time I'll probably blush. Ahh I hope he didn't notice Well, I'm wondering what to do now. Should I go again and buy something (not tonight, obviously), and try to strike up a conversation? I was going to say something the second time around but there were other customers in the store, so I pretty much left as soon as possible, lol. With my luck he's probably married, with a kid. Or about to turn himself into drug rehab. Or he just plain won't like me. Advice, anyone? How should I go about this? The negative thoughts are already getting to me

11-05-2009, 11:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
shadowmask Status: Seeing stars Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: TN Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 1,081	Well, he no doubt thinks you're attractive too. I'm sure that's why he was smiling when you walked back in. I think you should definitely go for it, in all honesty he was probably a little nervous to attempt talking to you just the same. What have you got to lose anyways? If you strike up a convo and feel like you've failed, then you can just avoid going back into the shop and never have to see him again. On the other hand, if things go well, you've potentially made a new friend, or something more. And as for the dark circles, maybe he had trouble sleeping the night before. Some people just naturally have circles under their eyes, as well. __________________ Basically, I'm complicated I have a hard time taking the easy way I wouldn't call it schizophrenia But I'll be at least two people today

11-05-2009, 11:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
jack1 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 14	i got dark circles under my eyes and i am not a drug addict

11-05-2009, 11:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
Matteh Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 14	I don't have dark circles under my eyes, and i AM drug addict.

11-05-2009, 11:53 AM	#7 (permalink)
00Athena00 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Iowa Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 86	I don't think he noticed that you were nervous. When you work retail, everyone starts looking the same. Did you see a ring? If he's not wearing one, he likely isn't married. There's nothing wrong with chatting with him, he won't think it's strange. But, he may not flirt or appreciate being flirted with. He could get in trouble with his boss. I have circles under my eyes due to allergies, so that's not a definitive sign of drug use. Don't try to talk yourself out of meeting someone new! I do it all the time and I need to stop.

11-05-2009, 12:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
markx Status: Stir crazy Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 672	Picture the scene - far away in another part of the internet... "Man, I'm such an idiot. I was at work today and this beautiful girl came in to buy some beers. I was going to say something to her but she probably thinks I'm a drug addict because of the dark circles around my eyes. She came back later and I think she smiled at me. The shop was busy and I couldn't think of anything to say. She seemed to be staring at my hands though - I hope she didn't notice that they were shaking..."

11-05-2009, 01:18 PM	#9 (permalink)
Haydsmom2007 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kansas City Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 198	It sucks being shy. I remember things like this happening and I kind of had a slight hint that he was also interested in me, but I was too nervous to strike up some sort of conversation, he never started one up with me, and then one day I find out that some other girl snatched him up because she wasnt too shy to talk to him. Raaaa!! Maybe take little baby steps. Before going in next time, think of something to ask him. And then do it. And honestly, if you are nervous and he can tell that you're nervous, that's not really a bad thing. I mean if he started talking to you and he was nervous, would you be like "wow what a freak, I don't like him anymore" ??? No, you wouldn't.

11-06-2009, 05:33 AM	#11 (permalink)
pixies Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Male Posts: 144	If you felt confident to do this. Write your name and phone number on some paper and go and hand it to him. You don't need to buy anything or have an excuse. You are going there to ask him out. Tell him if he wants to go out, give you a call. Cya! Then walk away. You don't even need to talk to him there and then, unless he speaks up with something to say, you can just walk away. If he doesn't call then maybe he is married, or maybe he has a girlfriend already, or maybe he is on drugs after all, or maybe he is gay, or maybe you aren't his type. Whatever the reason, don't worry about it. And if he does call you, then hurray! You can arrange a date somewhere, movies, meal, go out for a drink, whatever. Maybe you will go out for a date and find you don't have anything in common and then just don't arrange another one. Or maybe you'll hit it off. Personally, I used to smoke so I used to go to my local shop to buy cigarettes about once every 2 or 3 days. There was a reeeally pretty girl who worked there. Two in fact. I would have loved to ask one of them out. I never did because I was too much of a chicken. Now I've quit smoking so I never go there, and the last time I went to buy some booze, they didn't even work there anymore anyway. Live for today!

11-07-2009, 06:25 AM	#12 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 488	Lol, I don't think I've ever done something so bold! I wouldn't have the guts to do this Maybe I'll just try and talk to him first... and hopefully find out something more about him. Thanks for your input!

11-07-2009, 09:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
pixies Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: England, UK Gender: Male Posts: 144	It is bold But it also might be quite easy because you needn't actually say the words to him. I dated a girl a couple of years ago and we got talking on a music website so I got to ask her out by private message after we had been chatting for a couple of months, so that was pretty easy. And then the actual first date itself I was ok with (with a bit of help from alcohol though). But if I had to actually ask her out in real life, I'm not sure I could have done it. Although if you can chat to him, you should definitely give that a shot! You seem pretty confident to me, that's really good. Maybe just ask him his name and find out what he does for fun.