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Old 08-12-2007, 07:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Afraid of sex????

I was just thinking a minute ago how scared I would be to have sex. Although the moment has not come up, I feel that if it ever were to, I wouldnt be prepared. I want to know how you feel about this and if you have had sex while dealing with SAD. Post your thoughts on this sticky issue
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Old 08-12-2007, 08:03 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

I'm not scared of sex per say, just the person I do it with. I think if I had a loving girlfriend or something, it wouldn't be an issue, but if it was some random person I would be nervous.
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Old 08-12-2007, 08:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

I really think I'm going to have to be drunk when the time comes for me, no matter what the situation is with the girl (relationship, which it better be, or random).
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Old 08-12-2007, 08:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

I don't really worry about it, it won't happen anyway
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Old 08-12-2007, 08:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadnalone
I was just thinking a minute ago how scared I would be to have sex. Although the moment has not come up, I feel that if it ever were to, I wouldnt be prepared. I want to know how you feel about this and if you have had sex while dealing with SAD. Post your thoughts on this sticky issue
i'm scared of possible negative feedback from this person...

is it big enough? is my body good enough? Am i doing this properly?

thats what scares me
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Old 08-12-2007, 09:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

I used to be scared of it. I don't plan on ever having sex again though unless I've been in the relationship for months--therefore I'm pretty sure I'll never have sex again, period.
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Old 08-12-2007, 09:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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You'll do fine when the time comes. It's normal to be a little nervous the first time. I think everyone is, even people without SA. You're gonna do good tho and if you find the right person it will help.
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Old 08-12-2007, 09:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Airick10
I don't really worry about it, it won't happen anyway
Took the words right out of my mouth
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Old 08-12-2007, 11:56 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadnalone
Afraid of sex????
I was just thinking a minute ago how scared I would be to have sex. Although the moment has not come up, I feel that if it ever were to, I wouldnt be prepared.
You better believe it. I'm scared to death.
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Old 08-13-2007, 01:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
 
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I think though honestly as someone mentioned before that everyone is nervous and scared about their first time having sex, SA or not. So I wouldn't feel bad. The truth is, no one is absolutely amazing their first time, but as with most aspects of life, feeling calm and prepared comes with experience and practice.
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Old 08-13-2007, 01:30 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

At least some of you get to have sex. =/
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Old 08-13-2007, 01:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

I was reading a psycology book that said the difference between male and female sufferers of low self esteem is that men tend to have little to no sex - their lack of confidence means they are unable to find a partner. Females tend to have a lot more sex - it bolsters their self esteem and makes them feel temporarily wanted but in the long run can make them feel more alone if the sex means nothing. However they continue to pursue it thinking that eventually it will change but most often doesnt because of where the motivation comes from. Their partners subconsciously pick up on their neediness / low self esteem and tend to 'use' them and move on.

So even though the guys here arent getting any, doesnt mean the girls are any happier.

Ross
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Old 08-13-2007, 01:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Airick10
I don't really worry about it, it won't happen anyway
Another vote for that one.
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Old 08-13-2007, 02:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Airick10
I don't really worry about it, it won't happen anyway
My feelings exactly
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Old 08-13-2007, 04:12 AM   #15 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

This is actually a big problem for lots of people with anxiety and depression. Both in and out of relationships.

Loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, 'why don't you want me' - partners feeling rejected, performance anxiety, needing to get drunk before hand, 'my body is too fat, boobs too small' etc etc.

Personally, i feel you have to be well in yourself, both physically and mentally. Comfortable with the other person, honest, open, having fun. Feeling close, there must be connection so you have to get to know the other person a bit especially if you are an anxious person, else you will still have your barrier up.

In general though, if you do not 'feel' like having sex, you're not in the mood or whatever, then just getting naked and being together is great. Turn off the lights, under the covers or whatever, a bit of music, whatever is your thing.

Aron - lol : - )
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Old 08-13-2007, 04:31 AM   #16 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadnalone
I was just thinking a minute ago how scared I would be to have sex. Although the moment has not come up, I feel that if it ever were to, I wouldnt be prepared. I want to know how you feel about this and if you have had sex while dealing with SAD. Post your thoughts on this sticky issue
I can solidly relate to this fear, but I additionally question whether I would ever WANT to have sex if the opportunity presented itself. I think I might be hyposexual in the sense that I rarely if ever ACTUALLY want to have sex with someone (not mere thoughts, but literally looking at someone and literally thinking I want to have sex with them).

It's all very confusing though because I can't tell if the anxiety/fear is affecting my self-assessment as hyposexual or not. It nearly doesn't bother me at ALL that I haven't had sex. I just don't know if that is due to a genuine lack of interest or a result of complete psychological blockage due to anxiety/fear.

I've told two trusted female friends about this, and they can't really help. I apologize if this sounds crude, but I told one of them that I'd have to be raped to have sex. She thought that was ridiculous, but I don't think alcohol would be enough. It's something I think I might have to figure out myself... This is very, very mysterious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
I was reading a psycology book that said the difference between male and female sufferers of low self esteem is that men tend to have little to no sex - their lack of confidence means they are unable to find a partner. Females tend to have a lot more sex - it bolsters their self esteem and makes them feel temporarily wanted but in the long run can make them feel more alone if the sex means nothing. However they continue to pursue it thinking that eventually it will change but most often doesnt because of where the motivation comes from. Their partners subconsciously pick up on their neediness / low self esteem and tend to 'use' them and move on.

So even though the guys here arent getting any, doesnt mean the girls are any happier.
Yes, I was thinking something similar before I read this!

To temporarily feel completely and utterly wanted/needed/loved, followed by complete abandonment... That sends chills down my spine to be perpetually caught in such a cycle.
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Old 08-13-2007, 10:20 AM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

Personally I think that the folks that write the DSM-IV criteria for depression should be persuaded to remove "loss of libido" from the standard group of symtoms for this axi I disorder - there are far too many instances when sex or masturbation, even paraphilias such as fetishism, become an addiction. Just like any other addiction such as alcohol, drugs or even workaholism, the need for release and escape via sex can be just as overpowering and dysfunctional as all the more 'usual' addictions.

When I was at my worst and actually self-harming, my sexual addiction was at its peak - so my depression actually INCREASED my libido. So as far as thats concerned, having loss of interest in sex as a diagnosis for depression seems a little odd, esecially given the myriad list of paraphilias that often accompany depression. Hypersexualty is a symptom of bipolar disorder, but can also be a disorder in its own right. Perhaps due to Freud, sex gets everywhere in psychology!

Ross
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Old 08-13-2007, 11:03 AM   #18 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by yeah_yeah_yeah
Personally I think that the folks that write the DSM-IV criteria for depression should be persuaded to remove "loss of libido" from the standard group of symtoms for this axi I disorder - there are far too many instances when sex or masturbation, even paraphilias such as fetishism, become an addiction. Just like any other addiction such as alcohol, drugs or even workaholism, the need for release and escape via sex can be just as overpowering and dysfunctional as all the more 'usual' addictions.

When I was at my worst and actually self-harming, my sexual addiction was at its peak - so my depression actually INCREASED my libido. So as far as thats concerned, having loss of interest in sex as a diagnosis for depression seems a little odd, esecially given the myriad list of paraphilias that often accompany depression. Hypersexualty is a symptom of bipolar disorder, but can also be a disorder in its own right. Perhaps due to Freud, sex gets everywhere in psychology!

Ross
A few years ago, I was more unhappy than I am now. This was a time in which I was much more interested in relationships/sex. I'm more at peace now WITHOUT those desires (a symptom some might claim is for depression). The odd thing is that I didn't take any active effort in losing (ALMOST entirely) those desires. It just kind of happened over time. Very weird.
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Old 08-13-2007, 02:08 PM   #19 (permalink)
 
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Default re: Afraid of sex????

Sex. What is that?
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Old 08-13-2007, 02:11 PM   #20 (permalink)
 
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Default Re: re: Afraid of sex????

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimiam
Sex. What is that?
A very bizarre, confusing thing that most humans do with each other's bodies.
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