Accepting yourself the way you are - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
broseph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 909
Accepting yourself the way you are

Anyone got any advice on how to do this? I'm always trying to please everyone around me but am never free to be myself. I'm always worried about what people will think of me.
broseph is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 01:42 PM
SAS Member
 
nemesis1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: UK
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,285
I've been in the same situation as you for many years, and the only advice i can offer is to take medication that stops you from caring what others think.
nemesis1 is offline  
post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 01:48 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 302
I can't seem to do it either, I guess that is what SA is all about. I can't stay motivated either.
djr86 is offline  
post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 01:50 PM
Nowhere Man
 
Rixy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Engurland
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 2,231
It's almost scary how much self loathing I experience. It's gotten to the point where I can't control it and to be honest...I kind of forget why I hate myself sometimes. I just do because it's all I can remember doing...

Accepting myself for who I am seems almost impossible :/
Rixy is online now  
post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 02:01 PM
:3
 
Cleary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Posts: 1,441
I can't and I won't.
Self-acceptance (as I currently am) would be self destructive. For me, the goal is self improvement.


Cleary is offline  
post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 06:27 PM
On me "toes"
 
OregonMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Where the heart is
Gender: Female
Age: 44
Posts: 1,486
Been working on this for years, lol. After awhile, I got tired of pleasing everyone, too much energy went into it, and realized that no one was looking, anyway. It's us that have a delusion that we have to please everyone. Everyone is doing what they are doing, in their own bubble, in their own world, doing what they want to.
I noticed that when I am happy with myself, others are happy. People notice a more secure person.
I think that when you spend time and energy on pleasing others, you lose yourself. I have more energy when I'm just being myself. I don't know how to explain it, my own personality & exuberance comes out.
Other people want to be noticed and be pleasing, too. As cheesy as it sounds, everyone just wants to be loved. It helps me to remember that.
OregonMommy is offline  
post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-12-2010, 07:02 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
The problem with all this insecurity and anxiety is that we may actually KNOW that there are parts of us that deserve to be loved, but we just can't communicate these good parts to others, which is all the more frustrating! For instance, I know I can be a great friend, I don't judge people, I'm attentive to their needs, I care about their feelings, I would go out of my way to make a friend happier about him/herself... I know I'm not a stupid person, even my appearance issues, when I think about them rationally I know that I cannot be so hideous as I feel, but somehow that doesn't change a thing about the way I feel about myself! Maybe I even have everything I need to accept myself the way I am, but something gets in the way. I know a lot of people whom are not better than me by any objective criteria, but knowing that doesn't stop me from feeling worse than them. So I think it's not about us accepting ourselves for who we are as if we just had to come to terms with the fact that we suck, but rather trying to work out why we have this skewed view of ourselves. I have noticed from the posts I have read here that people on this board are articulate, intelligent, sensitive... I'm sure there are coutless other qualities to them that don't show here. We can't be that bad! That are so many people out there who don't have a supermodel look, who are not popular or successful and who are not miserable and withdrawn and just enjoy life as it comes... and I don't see any reason why they shouldn't accept themselves! So why can't we, I wonder?

Ok, easier said than done, I know...
lippe is offline  
post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 07:14 PM
virgindelightly
 
virgindelightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: California
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 70
The truth is you can't make other people happy....which also means you can't worry about making them mad, or sad. That is their choice and you don't control that. Make yourself happy. Your the only one you have 100% control over. So "accepting yourself the way you are" means learning to know and understand the way you are. Stick to what you enjoy, go where you feel comfortable, where the clothes you feel best in, eat healthy food and drink water,...maybe it sounds kinda hard at first. But I hope you start to know what I mean
virgindelightly is offline  
post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 07:18 PM
virgindelightly
 
virgindelightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: California
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Posts: 70
And no offense to the other people that are saying stuff like "I won't accept myself, its impposible" - broseph just because they claim that it's impossible for them doesn't mean its impossible altogether! I did it...it takes time but it can certainly happen.
virgindelightly is offline  
post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:10 PM
SAS Member
 
britchick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Alabama, USA
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 41
I know the feeling. I care too much about what other people think of me too. No matter what people are going feel however they want to feel about you. Just try being yourself & if people don't accept you for that, then that's their problem & not yours. If you constantly try to please others, you'll personally never feel happy for yourself.
britchick is offline  
post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:12 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 71
I do not accept my social anxiety.

But I am learning to accept being a person who is struggling with overcoming social anxiety.
bananasnow is offline  
post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:26 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 10
I found inspiration in Lost tonight because Hurley is so sweet and lovable. Sometimes I want to be like someone else, someone smarter, but I guess the best we can do is represent who we are. Maybe there are some good traits in there we just can't see.
Mercury 7 is offline  
post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
broseph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 909
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mercury 7 View Post
I found inspiration in Lost tonight because Hurley is so sweet and lovable. Sometimes I want to be like someone else, someone smarter, but I guess the best we can do is represent who we are. Maybe there are some good traits in there we just can't see.
Yes! I love Hurley!
broseph is offline  
post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:47 PM
SAS Member
 
Amanda123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Posts: 639
This is my problem. I'm a people pleaser and I care way to much what people think. I sometimes wounder who I even am.. I'm not sure I even can say I have a distinct personality because I'm always different around almost everyone.. I just don't know how to be myself..
Amanda123 is offline  
post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 08:54 PM
SAS Member
 
thoughtstream's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by OregonMommy View Post
Been working on this for years, lol. After awhile, I got tired of pleasing everyone, too much energy went into it, and realized that no one was looking, anyway. It's us that have a delusion that we have to please everyone. Everyone is doing what they are doing, in their own bubble, in their own world, doing what they want to.
Definitely. If I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with myself, I may as well learn to be comfortable with myself. It's not easy, but that's the idea.
thoughtstream is offline  
post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-13-2010, 09:36 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Posts: 1,198
Quote:
I noticed that when I am happy with myself, others are happy. People notice a more secure person.
that’s called confidence or an “idol”... someone the “followers” wish to be or get something in return thats better then what they have.
Quote:
I think that when you spend time and energy on pleasing others, you lose yourself.
the only persons you should be pleasing are those who are confident (have answers) so you can learn their ways...it’s the circle of life. if one is pleasing and not getting anything in return, then one is “loosing them self” and only stay as a “pleaser”. why have people been offering stuff to the gods for ages? because they want to be like them or be protected by them. they don’t offer things for the hell of it. they want something in return. so pleasing for the sake of pleasing its a sickness.
mrfixit is offline  
post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2010, 04:19 PM
Moderator
 
andy0128's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Europe
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 2,738
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleary View Post
I can't and I won't.
Self-acceptance (as I currently am) would be self destructive. For me, the goal is self improvement.
I think you can try and balance the two. That is my approach. Either extreme can be destructive. If you can't accept yourself to some degree and are constantly trying to aspire to someone elses standards then you will become depressed. Thats what i've found from my experiences anyway. I try and make small improvements where i can. Maybe one day i will reach a point where i have progressed a lot further than i expected, but in general i won't kill myself with worry that i cant be as good as other people at various things.
andy0128 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Accepting Our SA jim695 Coping With Social Anxiety 4 02-03-2009 07:42 AM
Accepting yourself as you are DeeperUnderstanding Coping With Social Anxiety 11 02-01-2009 10:26 AM
Not accepting yourself Superman23 Coping With Social Anxiety 2 08-27-2008 11:17 PM
Accepting yourself njodis Coping With Social Anxiety 13 04-14-2007 12:57 PM
Just accepting ourselves. Is there anything we can do? ExtremeE Coping With Social Anxiety 7 03-25-2007 12:09 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome