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Old 08-02-2012, 06:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
 
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Default Accepting Loneliness and Being Happy with It

I've come to a point in my life, where I have accepted the fact that I may be alone forever, and I'm starting to think it is better that way. Anyone I have ever had any romantic attraction to, has ended up making me feel 1000 times worse, and I got very little out of any of those horrible experiences. In general, I know there are some good people out there, but I tend to attract the very worse and most manipulative in real life.

I feel like I was meant to be alone and I'm starting to see that maybe I can be happy like that. I still have a desire for sex, but the minimal experiences I have had with girls in that department has been pretty crappy. I think it's more of a psychological need to want to have sex, even though it feels better just masturbating and I don't have to deal with emotional stuff that way. At the same time, I still want to be close to girls physically, because I have this need for physical affection, but with the crap I've been through, it's almost not even worth pursuing.

Anyone else accepting their "forever alone" status?

Desire is the root of all suffering, so if I minimize the desire, I shall suffer less.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
 
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Hmm, I can date some girls who are considered quite attractive but I chose to not do so because I find their personality rotten and they don't appeal to me. Take note that I'm going to a school that is more for the upper class of society here in the Netherlands, so most girls are rather... spoiled, yes let's just say they are spoiled and annoying.

You shouldn't desire to be with a girl that is unworthy of you and your attention, but I think you already know that judging by the sad failures you had with girls so that's a pretty useless thing of me to say.

Your desire isn't your suffering, although if you only crave sex and aren't looking for the great qualities of the women herself then you can easily suffer a loss and win whenever you are in a horny mood, as you have the relation for the sex. I think you should pursue a girl with great qualities herself which appeal to you and with good characteristics. Sex can be very good if you are with a great and caring partner, unless of course she looks very ugly or is extremely fat, but I think with proper looks and proper care of your body skin hair you probably can get at least an average girl to like you. Even if you find yourself looking extremely ugly you should find a way around that by changing hairstyles, working out to lower weight etc.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
 
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Hmm, I can date some girls who are considered quite attractive but I chose to not do so because I find their personality rotten and they don't appeal to me. Take note that I'm going to a school that is more for the upper class of society here in the Netherlands, so most girls are rather... spoiled, yes let's just say they are spoiled and annoying.

You shouldn't desire to be with a girl that is unworthy of you and your attention, but I think you already know that judging by the sad failures you had with girls so that's a pretty useless thing of me to say.

Your desire isn't your suffering, although if you only crave sex and aren't looking for the great qualities of the women herself then you can easily suffer a loss and win whenever you are in a horny mood, as you have the relation for the sex. I think you should pursue a girl with great qualities herself which appeal to you and with good characteristics. Sex can be very good if you are with a great and caring partner, unless of course she looks very ugly or is extremely fat, but I think with proper looks and proper care of your body skin hair you probably can get at least an average girl to like you. Even if you find yourself looking extremely ugly you should find a way around that by changing hairstyles, working out to lower weight etc.
I've actually gone out with many girls that I did not find very attractive, and those experiences ended up being just as bad as the rest. I was trying to give them a chance based on their personality, but they didn't have winning personalities either. I used to look for real romantic relationships, but if you've been through what I've been through, you would give up too.

Of course, some of this is because they have all been girls from dating sites, and I know they don't represent people at large. I'm hoping that most of them are the worse of the worse and people in real life are mostly better.

I know some people on dating sites are on there for reasons like SA, but most seem horrible and only there to play mind games and be fickle.
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Old 08-02-2012, 07:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
 
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I've actually gone out with many girls that I did not find very attractive, and those experiences ended up being just as bad as the rest. I was trying to give them a chance based on their personality, but they didn't have winning personalities either. I used to look for real romantic relationships, but if you've been through what I've been through, you would give up too.

Of course, some of this is because they have all been girls from dating sites, and I know they don't represent people at large. I'm hoping that most of them are the worse of the worse and people in real life are mostly better.

I know some people on dating sites are on there for reasons like SA, but most seem horrible and only there to play mind games and be fickle.
Well if you do not desire then give up. You are chasing your own desire anyway, it's a choice you must make on your own if you want to stop dating girls just for the sexual desire you say that it isn't worth it because they all have a terrible personality which is pretty biased ( and I think you are just unlucky and maybe you find it hard to judge personality of a person fast... ).

If you can get rid of the desire you won't need them for sexual pleasure but you might then feel lonely...

I think you have to find a girl with a great personality that suits you and is similiar without the mind games and if you aren't lonely and get rid of the physical desire you don't need a girlfriend to improve your life as you are seeking a girlfriend for life improvement, right =)?
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Old 08-02-2012, 08:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
 
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Well if you do not desire then give up. You are chasing your own desire anyway, it's a choice you must make on your own if you want to stop dating girls just for the sexual desire you say that it isn't worth it because they all have a terrible personality which is pretty biased ( and I think you are just unlucky and maybe you find it hard to judge personality of a person fast... ).

If you can get rid of the desire you won't need them for sexual pleasure but you might then feel lonely...

I think you have to find a girl with a great personality that suits you and is similiar without the mind games and if you aren't lonely and get rid of the physical desire you don't need a girlfriend to improve your life as you are seeking a girlfriend for life improvement, right =)?
I might have been unlucky, but I've dealt with so many manipulative people from both genders, it makes it near impossible to trust. Lots of people seem nice till you really get to know them.

I'm used to feeling lonely, I get almost no contact with other people outside of work which doesn't count.

It's so hard to find anyone single who is in anyway similar to me.
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Old 08-02-2012, 08:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
 
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I dislike the nature of this post. It should be ' I have come to accept that I will not get a girlfriend immediately. I know that I need to work on my anxiety problems first. I may have to wait a while to get a girlfriend, but I will not be alone forever, because I will get better. ' etc

If you cant find someone in your area, you can move. You are a person, not a stone pillar. While there are quite a few horrible people out there, there are also a lot of decent people out there.
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Old 08-02-2012, 08:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
 
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Some will get what they want some will be victims, you happen to be the later.
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Old 08-02-2012, 08:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
 
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are you just running away from your problems or do you really want to be alone? You said yourself that you still desire sex so is giving up really the answer? that's not going to take away your desires. there's not really any way to get rid of those desires.
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Old 08-02-2012, 08:51 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
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Well, to offer something different from the replies so far...

I'd actually like to reach a point where I can accept being lonely, and be happy with it. I've already tried just about everything there is to try and have almost always failed and am frankly just sick of it. All that trying to reach out and make friends seems to have done is turn me into a bitter, spiteful person who trusts nobody, and can't stand my own company. I hate myself because I've been rejected so many times, and that's not fair to me. If I'm not going to make friends, I could at the very least enjoy being by myself, and learn to accept that. Stop relying on the feedback/approval/encouragement of others, and prefer being alone, since that seems to be what I'm destined for anyway. If nobody else is going to care about me, I could at least care about myself.

I haven't reached a state of acceptance of my loneliness yet, and to be honest, it peeves me. It's always good to keep trying to reach out--I can't advocate just giving up entirely--but in the meantime I'd really rather learn to be happy alone.
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Old 08-02-2012, 09:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
 
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Originally Posted by Invisiblehandicap View Post
I dislike the nature of this post. It should be ' I have come to accept that I will not get a girlfriend immediately. I know that I need to work on my anxiety problems first. I may have to wait a while to get a girlfriend, but I will not be alone forever, because I will get better. ' etc

If you cant find someone in your area, you can move. You are a person, not a stone pillar. While there are quite a few horrible people out there, there are also a lot of decent people out there.
Well, it's hard to move in today's society, plus highly unlikely that there would be tons of people like me someplace else, yet not here. And it's not just an issue of my anxiety problems, it's largely the issue of the people I attract are really bad.

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Some will get what they want some will be victims, you happen to be the later.
I don't like calling myself a victim, but I get the point.

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are you just running away from your problems or do you really want to be alone? You said yourself that you still desire sex so is giving up really the answer? that's not going to take away your desires. there's not really any way to get rid of those desires.
I don't want to be alone, I have just accepted that fantasies are what I'm going to have to live with and be content with.

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Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
Well, to offer something different from the replies so far...

I'd actually like to reach a point where I can accept being lonely, and be happy with it. I've already tried just about everything there is to try and have almost always failed and am frankly just sick of it. All that trying to reach out and make friends seems to have done is turn me into a bitter, spiteful person who trusts nobody, and can't stand my own company. I hate myself because I've been rejected so many times, and that's not fair to me. If I'm not going to make friends, I could at the very least enjoy being by myself, and learn to accept that. Stop relying on the feedback/approval/encouragement of others, and prefer being alone, since that seems to be what I'm destined for anyway. If nobody else is going to care about me, I could at least care about myself.

I haven't reached a state of acceptance of my loneliness yet, and to be honest, it peeves me. It's always good to keep trying to reach out--I can't advocate just giving up entirely--but in the meantime I'd really rather learn to be happy alone.
Well, looks like you are on the same path I am, I just think it's futile to keep getting depressed about how other people treat me, when I know that things will likely never get better for me.
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Old 08-02-2012, 09:34 PM   #11 (permalink)
 
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I don't want to be alone, I have just accepted that fantasies are what I'm going to have to live with and be content with.

are you in fact content with fantasies? for real?
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Old 08-02-2012, 09:38 PM   #12 (permalink)
 
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are you in fact content with fantasies? for real?
I'm almost at that point, reality can never live up to fantasies anyway. I've had a couple of sexual experiences in real life, so at least I've done something, not that either of those were very enjoyable.
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Old 08-02-2012, 10:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
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what do you mean you're almost there? who do you gauge how close you are?
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Old 08-02-2012, 10:12 PM   #14 (permalink)
 
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what do you mean you're almost there? who do you gauge how close you are?
Just a feeling. I mean, we enter this life with an open mind, and as time goes on, we continue to get disillusioned, and I'm at the point of total disillusionment.
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