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My Best Friend Isn't My Best Friend Anymore.

999 views 4 replies 4 participants last post by  SmokeyWillow 
#1 ·
I know this type of thread has been done to death, but it's really been bothering me. Sorry if this is long. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I had a best friend since I was maybe 3. I'll call her J. These past few months J has been cancelling plans I try to make. She lives a town over (just 20 mins. but she has friends she hangs out with that live even farther away) and has a kid. Ever since she had her kid (at 17), she has made friends with other moms. That is completely reasonable. They have something huge in common and their children can play together. I have always assumed that she was just busy with work or her kid when she canceled plans, but I've been seeing photos of her on facebook with people at the club or having lunch or hanging out, and if she is having time for them, why is she always cancelling on me? Then one of her friends is starting to call her "BFF" in posts and it's making me feel like I don't matter anymore. I'm not a clingy person AT ALL. I make sure that I don't do that because it would make me seem desperate because she is almost my only friend.(there is another person i am sort of friends with. I'll call her R. We haven't really hung out before, just once, but she has suggested that we do for real someday) J does invite me over to do something every once in a while, but it seems like it's happening less and less.
I don't know what to do. She hasn't stopped talking to me completely, because she does, but she rarely does it first anymore, I have to do it first.
Should I let things run their course and just stop trying to talk to her?
That other friend I mentioned, R, was a classmate of mine from kindergarten through 8th grade (i'm 22 now), we did something once a few weeks ago and she seemed really excited to see me and we actually talked quite a bit and we have a lot in common. It's difficult for me to talk and open up to people, but it was so easy with her, I'm thinking I should just go for it and see if she wants to go hang out or something. i'm nervous, but we did get along so well.
I can't imagine ever completely ignoring J, I'll probably just keep her on my facebook.
I think I figured things out myself just now haha, but, what do you think? What would you do?
 
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#2 ·
I mean you can keep her around. People change it happens. You guys can still hang out every once in awhile though.
 
#3 ·
Just because J isn't your "best" friend anymore doesn't mean she can't be a friend. She probably has a lot of demands on her time with the baby and still wants to see her other friends too, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you anymore. Keep that connection. R sounds like a promising new friend. It's great to have more than one friend.
 
#4 ·
As you get older things change including relationships. It's a normal part of life. You can still remain friends and not hang out so much. In the future you may become close again. My feuds with friends who became enemies no longer matter and we are friends but I live far away from them. Pursue the new friendships you make with people who like and want to hang out with you. It's okay that your friend is changing, life changes as we get older and being a mother sounds like it has changed her.
 
#5 ·
Haha thanks you guys. Maybe I was just overthinking things. My mind wasn't in a very good place yesterday. I guess I was just sad because I felt like I didn't have a "best" friend anymore. Having gone through life barely having any friends at all, it felt like I was losing the only thing that made me feel "normal", I don't like the term normal, but I felt normal with her. But "R" is a really fun person and we actually laughed and had a lot in common, we have a lot of the same hobbies and stuff. It has always been hard for me to make new friends so I was also hesitant toward that idea, but I'm going to do my best to try.
 
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