Does anybody else have that problem? I actually have quite a few friends. A lot of people probably wouldn't think so, but with my anxiety and shyness, I have difficulty making friends because everyone thinks of me as that weird girl who never talks.
The problem is that it's difficult for me to keep friendships going because I hate making plans to do things with people. I always think that they're going to reject me or something, even though I KNOW I'm being irrational. And when people invite me to do things, I just get that sinking feeling in my stomach because while I want to go, I have that irrational fear that I'll do something stupid while I'm with them and they'll never want to talk to me again. Again, I know it's irrational because I've pushed through this anxiety before and found that hanging out with my friends isn't as bad as I think it will be, but no matter how many times I do it, the anxiety is still there. I have made up so many excuses and lied to my friends so many times to get out of hanging out with them just because of my anxiety, and I'm so tired of it because I always regret it in the end.
The reason I bring this up is because I was invited to go to a friend's house this coming weekend. I probably wouldn't be this nervous typically, but I used to be best friends with one of the girls that is going to be there, and we got into a huge fight that ended up ruining our friendship a few years back. Now we're on really good terms, but I still can't help but feel like our friendship is shaky at best.
They understand that I don't always accept invitations because of my anxiety, but I know that they're probably getting sick of my excuses by now. I just want to be able to be with my friends without so much anxiety. It's exhausting.