Social Anxiety Support

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 06:11 AM

Hi, My partner suffers with anxiety on a barrage of meds and treatment, Im doing my best to support him and I love him dearly but I need help to understand how all the little things that I do that are normal really affect him because he takes it so personally and how I can make him see that im still learning.

patricia · 11-03-2009, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtmichelle1976

Hi, My partner suffers with anxiety on a barrage of meds and treatment, Im doing my best to support him and I love him dearly but I need help to understand how all the little things that I do that are normal really affect him because he takes it so personally and how I can make him see that im still learning.

i can imagine its hard 4 u 2 understand how the simple things in life are so hard 4 ur partner i get really nervous and sometimes pretty frightened of things that should be easy and its the humiliation of my trembling body that really brings me down my fiance like u tries his best but its hard as he cant understand whats so frightning im sure he knows ur trying ur best 4 him as i do with my fiance just knowing iv got a great support helps alot maybe u should sit him down and have a chat and let him know how much u love him and want 2 help him maybe hed be able 2 let u in on how hes feeling hope iv helped u in some way best of luck 2 u both

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 07:10 AM

thank you for your reply so much. He keeps saying he loves me but he has to leave because of his illness. we have built a home together and made plans for our future. I have two children.

I just want him to know that I am there for him no matter what, and that I can change to understand the illness as we go along. i am a really strong person and I just needed to know what affects him and what dosnt. I have learned all that. How can I make him understand that if everything goes wrong I will still be here. He says hes doing this to protect himself from getting worse.

patricia · 11-03-2009, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtmichelle1976

thank you for your reply so much. He keeps saying he loves me but he has to leave because of his illness. we have built a home together and made plans for our future. I have two children.

I just want him to know that I am there for him no matter what, and that I can change to understand the illness as we go along. i am a really strong person and I just needed to know what affects him and what dosnt. I have learned all that. How can I make him understand that if everything goes wrong I will still be here. He says hes doing this to protect himself from getting worse.

try explaining that its much more likely 2 get worse if hes on his own as he wont have any support `have u told him about this site the people on here are great we all suffer with this horrible dibilitating ilness and its great 2 talk 2 people going through the same thing the best thing for him is ur love and support i really feel 4 u sounds like ur poor partner is in a really bad place i hope he doesnt leave and excepts ur help

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 07:52 AM

Do you think then that I should keep telling him or give him some space.

thanks for your reply I know it must be hard relaying all of this
x

veron · 11-03-2009, 08:00 AM

I think he's lucky to have someone like you. I hope it works out for the both of you

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 08:03 AM

I hope so too.

Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it - I seem to do all the giving

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 08:05 AM

I guess im probably just looking for advice on handling the situation, but I guess theres no right or wrong way. I sure dont want to make things worse

patricia · 11-03-2009, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtmichelle1976

Do you think then that I should keep telling him or give him some space.

thanks for your reply I know it must be hard relaying all of this
x

if it was me id like 2 be reasured id keep trying 2 reasure him that ur there 4 the long haul and that theres nothing he cant tell u there is hope iv improved alot and i never thought id feel any sort of relieve i really hope it all works out u can send me a thread anytime u need advice

patricia · 11-03-2009, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by veron

I think he's lucky to have someone like you. I hope it works out for the both of you

i strongly agree with this theres so many people out there that have nobody that understands SA ur doing all u can for ur partner i really do hope that he realizes how much u care and love him hes very lucky 2 have u all the best

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 08:26 AM

well hes coming round tonight to get some more clothes and says we can talk, although he keeps saying he doesnt think it will work in the long run and I cant change who I am for him.

im not trying to change who I am I am just learning what I need to do to help the one I love

veron · 11-03-2009, 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtmichelle1976

He says hes doing this to protect himself from getting worse.

I'm not sure how this will protect him, since isolating oneself usually doesn't help with anxiety

I tend to withdraw myself from others too, but in the end I know it doesn't do me any good. I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation; perhaps all you can do is let him know that you're there for him. The rest is up to him...

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 09:09 AM

thanks ladies, I guess its the same as any other relationship, if he wants to work things out he will. Maybe I am making too many allowances, im just trying to be understanding. Ive has a really rough trot in my life too but I still give a lot,and think he would be making a big mistake. overnight it went from happy families and every future plan you can imagine to not thinking it will work long term because of his illness.

TorLin · 11-03-2009, 09:35 AM

HELLO

mtmichelle1976

Welcome to SAS !

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 09:44 AM

thanks for the welcome

Rixy · 11-03-2009, 09:58 AM

Welcome to SAS. I'm Richard, I hope you enjoy these boards.

I think that what your doing for your partner is really great. Alot of us wish for a partner who understands our problems. As for help on his problems, it's kind of hard for me to give advice. Some of us have insecurites about different areas. I'm insecure about my physical appearance, where as some other members here might not be. The only advice I can give is to not let him isolate himself. That doesn't really help. I hope it works out for both of you in the end. Good luck

mtmichelle1976 · 11-03-2009, 10:09 AM

thanks for your advice :-)

Toad Licker · 11-03-2009, 10:42 AM

Hey mtmichelle1976

millenniumman75 · 11-03-2009, 06:28 PM

Welcome, MTMichelle1976!

mtmichelle1976 · 11-04-2009, 12:34 AM

hey everyone thanks for your welcome

Im sad to say that it didint go well last night. Although I dont beleive this is what he wants, and he says he loves me I think he thinks that he has to leave for the sake of his illness.

He has said that he needs time to think alone but,

He doesnt beleive that my learning to live with his problems is fair on me.

Thanks for your advice yesterday everyone

11-03-2009, 06:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	partner suffers badly Hi, My partner suffers with anxiety on a barrage of meds and treatment, Im doing my best to support him and I love him dearly but I need help to understand how all the little things that I do that are normal really affect him because he takes it so personally and how I can make him see that im still learning.

11-03-2009, 09:35 AM	#14 (permalink)
TorLin Status: MayTheForceBeWithYou Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California Gender: Male Posts: 17,056	HELLO mtmichelle1976 Welcome to SAS ! __________________ MTFBWU (May The Force Be With You) - TORLIN AIM, MSN, YIM: T0RL1N Skype: Tor_Lin Visit me at; ToryLing.com \| LivingAnxious \| Facebook \| Myspace \| Last.fm

11-03-2009, 09:58 AM	#16 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Falling into Guru Muhk Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 214	Welcome to SAS. I'm Richard, I hope you enjoy these boards. I think that what your doing for your partner is really great. Alot of us wish for a partner who understands our problems. As for help on his problems, it's kind of hard for me to give advice. Some of us have insecurites about different areas. I'm insecure about my physical appearance, where as some other members here might not be. The only advice I can give is to not let him isolate himself. That doesn't really help. I hope it works out for both of you in the end. Good luck __________________ Will you say hello to my ma? Will you pay a visit to her? She was an artist just as you were I'd have introduced you to her She would take me out on Sundays We'd go laughing through the garbage She repaired legs like a doctor On the kitchen chairs we sat on She was unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were... -Jane's Addiction (Then She Did...)

11-03-2009, 10:42 AM	#18 (permalink)
Toad Licker Status: Broken Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A Fruitloop Daydream Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 29,594	Hey mtmichelle1976 __________________ All will wither, go to sleep The ones you love you may not keep All you touch will fall apart The dreams you kill will break your heart There's no mercy, there's no rest The void will scream within your chest No one knows and no one will So leave this place that makes you Ill - Madder Mortem

11-03-2009, 06:28 PM	#19 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,624	Welcome, MTMichelle1976! __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

11-03-2009, 07:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	thank you for your reply so much. He keeps saying he loves me but he has to leave because of his illness. we have built a home together and made plans for our future. I have two children. I just want him to know that I am there for him no matter what, and that I can change to understand the illness as we go along. i am a really strong person and I just needed to know what affects him and what dosnt. I have learned all that. How can I make him understand that if everything goes wrong I will still be here. He says hes doing this to protect himself from getting worse.

11-03-2009, 07:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	Do you think then that I should keep telling him or give him some space. thanks for your reply I know it must be hard relaying all of this x

11-03-2009, 08:00 AM	#6 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 488	I think he's lucky to have someone like you. I hope it works out for the both of you

11-03-2009, 08:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	I hope so too. Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it - I seem to do all the giving

11-03-2009, 08:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	I guess im probably just looking for advice on handling the situation, but I guess theres no right or wrong way. I sure dont want to make things worse

11-03-2009, 08:26 AM	#11 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	well hes coming round tonight to get some more clothes and says we can talk, although he keeps saying he doesnt think it will work in the long run and I cant change who I am for him. im not trying to change who I am I am just learning what I need to do to help the one I love

11-03-2009, 09:09 AM	#13 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	thanks ladies, I guess its the same as any other relationship, if he wants to work things out he will. Maybe I am making too many allowances, im just trying to be understanding. Ive has a really rough trot in my life too but I still give a lot,and think he would be making a big mistake. overnight it went from happy families and every future plan you can imagine to not thinking it will work long term because of his illness.

11-03-2009, 09:44 AM	#15 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	thanks for the welcome

11-03-2009, 10:09 AM	#17 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	thanks for your advice :-)

11-04-2009, 12:34 AM	#20 (permalink)
mtmichelle1976 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 12	hey everyone thanks for your welcome Im sad to say that it didint go well last night. Although I dont beleive this is what he wants, and he says he loves me I think he thinks that he has to leave for the sake of his illness. He has said that he needs time to think alone but, He doesnt beleive that my learning to live with his problems is fair on me. Thanks for your advice yesterday everyone