Social Anxiety Support

rainbowmummy · 10-26-2009, 04:02 PM

Hi everyone,

I am so pleased that I have found this website

I'm Rainbow, and I live in Liverpool UK. I'm a mummy to two wonderful daughters, aged 4 and almost 7. My eldest child has many health problems, including a heart condition and a spinal condition. She attends a mainstream school and is very clever!
My youngest daughter is 4, she's very bright as well but she's very very shy! She's the reason that I've found this site.

Ok, a little bit of background. I suffered severe pre and post natal depression while pregnant with her. It must have been terrible for her, and I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, which I'll be happy to talk about once I know you all

Anyway, she was 14 months old before I got the help that I needed.

She's always been a quiet child, always been fairly clingy to me, even when I was ill. But because of my issues, she never learnt how to interact with others, and how to deal with emotions. All this is learnt from the mother in the first year of life.

So, this has lead to her been a very quiet, very shy child. She attends a private nursery because I've recently gone back to work, I didn't feel that spending 24/7 with me was a good idea, that she should socialise with others. She's been at the nursery now for 4 months, and she's doing better than we expected.

However, she tends to lash out if people invade her personal space without being invited. She doesn't really talk to others, she panics if strangers speak to her. She has made one friend at nursery, and tends to stick with her. She seems to find one person to be her security and stick to them, and panics when they aren't there.
She shys away from emotions, and even with me and her dad, doesn't seem comfortable with crying, lots of laughing etc.

Sorry it's such a long post, but I want to help her, and we seem to be getting nowhere through the doctor who told me it was a phase and she'd grow out of it, or that she was doing it for attention. But I've seen her panic when we're out shopping and someone smiles or speaks to her.

Any words of advice would be really helpful

Rixy · 10-26-2009, 05:49 PM

*waves back*

Welcome to SAS. I'm glad to see that you have two wonderful daughters to keep you happy. I hope you find the help that you need on this board.

Just Lurking · 10-26-2009, 07:16 PM

Hi Rainbow, welcome

millenniumman75 · 10-26-2009, 07:35 PM

Welcome, RainbowMummy!

Trini · 10-27-2009, 05:30 AM

Welcome! I commend you on taking the plunge and joining this site to help your daughter!

Try not to be so hard on yourself, you did the best that you could. I have a 3 year old son and had some baby blues after he was born. I know it pales in comparison to what you had, but I can relate to the feelings of being depressed and not being in control.

I can relate to your daughter when you say that "She seems to find one person to be her security and stick to them, and panics when they aren't there."

Have you had playdates in your home? Perhaps they can start out with that one girl that she's friends with and then in time add another child to the playdate.

Something else to consider is she could have an inheritantly very reserved personality. I belong to another message board on babycenter.com and on the particular board that I belong to there are two other ladies with girls who are extremely shy. Encouraging them to have other social interactions be it swimming classes, Music & Me classes, gymnastic classes etc have helped them out. I believe the fact that you've enrolled her in daycare will help her greatly!

Thanks for joining!

Toad Licker · 10-27-2009, 10:32 AM

Hey rainbowmummy welcome.

TorLin · 10-27-2009, 10:50 AM

HELLO rainbowmummy

Welcome to SAS !

fma · 10-27-2009, 12:20 PM

welcome!

rainbowmummy · 10-27-2009, 01:05 PM

Thank you all

10-26-2009, 04:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
rainbowmummy Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Liverpool UK Gender: Female Posts: 4	Newbie saying hello waves Hi everyone, I am so pleased that I have found this website I'm Rainbow, and I live in Liverpool UK. I'm a mummy to two wonderful daughters, aged 4 and almost 7. My eldest child has many health problems, including a heart condition and a spinal condition. She attends a mainstream school and is very clever! My youngest daughter is 4, she's very bright as well but she's very very shy! She's the reason that I've found this site. Ok, a little bit of background. I suffered severe pre and post natal depression while pregnant with her. It must have been terrible for her, and I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, which I'll be happy to talk about once I know you all Anyway, she was 14 months old before I got the help that I needed. She's always been a quiet child, always been fairly clingy to me, even when I was ill. But because of my issues, she never learnt how to interact with others, and how to deal with emotions. All this is learnt from the mother in the first year of life. So, this has lead to her been a very quiet, very shy child. She attends a private nursery because I've recently gone back to work, I didn't feel that spending 24/7 with me was a good idea, that she should socialise with others. She's been at the nursery now for 4 months, and she's doing better than we expected. However, she tends to lash out if people invade her personal space without being invited. She doesn't really talk to others, she panics if strangers speak to her. She has made one friend at nursery, and tends to stick with her. She seems to find one person to be her security and stick to them, and panics when they aren't there. She shys away from emotions, and even with me and her dad, doesn't seem comfortable with crying, lots of laughing etc. Sorry it's such a long post, but I want to help her, and we seem to be getting nowhere through the doctor who told me it was a phase and she'd grow out of it, or that she was doing it for attention. But I've seen her panic when we're out shopping and someone smiles or speaks to her. Any words of advice would be really helpful __________________ Mummy to two beautiful girls, and a soon to be wifey!

10-26-2009, 05:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Rixy Status: Falling into Guru Muhk Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 17 Posts: 214	waves back Welcome to SAS. I'm glad to see that you have two wonderful daughters to keep you happy. I hope you find the help that you need on this board. __________________ Will you say hello to my ma? Will you pay a visit to her? She was an artist just as you were I'd have introduced you to her She would take me out on Sundays We'd go laughing through the garbage She repaired legs like a doctor On the kitchen chairs we sat on She was unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were unhappy just as you were... -Jane's Addiction (Then She Did...)

10-26-2009, 07:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
Just Lurking Status: Student.. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 2,852	Hi Rainbow, welcome __________________ "The psychiatrist says, 'I think you're crazy.' The man says, 'I want a second opinion.' The psychiatrist says, 'Okay, you're ugly, too!'" ~Henny Youngman

10-26-2009, 07:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,625	Welcome, RainbowMummy! __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

10-27-2009, 10:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
Toad Licker Status: Broken Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A Fruitloop Daydream Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 29,594	Hey rainbowmummy welcome. __________________ All will wither, go to sleep The ones you love you may not keep All you touch will fall apart The dreams you kill will break your heart There's no mercy, there's no rest The void will scream within your chest No one knows and no one will So leave this place that makes you Ill - Madder Mortem

10-27-2009, 05:30 AM	#5 (permalink)
Trini Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 77	Welcome! I commend you on taking the plunge and joining this site to help your daughter! Try not to be so hard on yourself, you did the best that you could. I have a 3 year old son and had some baby blues after he was born. I know it pales in comparison to what you had, but I can relate to the feelings of being depressed and not being in control. I can relate to your daughter when you say that "She seems to find one person to be her security and stick to them, and panics when they aren't there." Have you had playdates in your home? Perhaps they can start out with that one girl that she's friends with and then in time add another child to the playdate. Something else to consider is she could have an inheritantly very reserved personality. I belong to another message board on babycenter.com and on the particular board that I belong to there are two other ladies with girls who are extremely shy. Encouraging them to have other social interactions be it swimming classes, Music & Me classes, gymnastic classes etc have helped them out. I believe the fact that you've enrolled her in daycare will help her greatly! Thanks for joining!

10-27-2009, 10:50 AM	#7 (permalink)
TorLin Status: MayTheForceBeWithYou Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California Gender: Male Posts: 17,056	HELLO rainbowmummy Welcome to SAS ! __________________ MTFBWU (May The Force Be With You) - TORLIN AIM, MSN, YIM: T0RL1N Skype: Tor_Lin Visit me at; ToryLing.com \| LivingAnxious \| Facebook \| Myspace \| Last.fm

10-27-2009, 12:20 PM	#8 (permalink)
fma Status: SPA Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Europe Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 53	welcome! __________________ Fighting my anxiety -Blog

10-27-2009, 01:05 PM	#9 (permalink)
rainbowmummy Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Liverpool UK Gender: Female Posts: 4	Thank you all __________________ Mummy to two beautiful girls, and a soon to be wifey!