Social Anxiety Support

fma · 10-26-2009, 12:14 PM

I don't know how to start... I've not been diagnosticated with SA, but I'm suffering anxiety since I was a teenager (now I'm 28yo). Actually I was treated for 6 months some years ago for panic attacks and anxiety crisis because my job stress, but that was just one of the ways how my anxiety makes itself present.

The hardest thing, is that my anxiety prevents me of have a normal relationship with a girl, and prevents me of to have a sexual intercourse properly. With the years I's developed a gift, the way of to empty my mind and pretend that I'm as normal as the rest of the people in the group, a kind of fake selfconfidence; but that fails when I'm in a intimate moment, so I've been alone the most of the time... fleeing away to live in different cities, living a kind of different lifes in different places in the way that I can explain why I have no known girlfriend or why I don't want make out with that hot girl saying that I have another one in the other place ... and supporting this fake lifes with lies.

I've forced myself to don't get too much along with anybody, because I never explain my problems to anybody, I've been fleeing of to fall in love ... but suddenly... that happened, I met my dreamed girl... and stupid of me, my fake selfconfidence fooled me... thinking that I could do it (I guess that it is the power of love, think that you're able of anything), the first time that we made out, was several hours before I should take a plane for leave for a month, so I could escape of sex saying that "it was so early", so the next month was a kind of ... nice friendship with things like "miss you a lot" , "I cannot wait to see you again" and so on often, but then when I came back to the city... we shared a bed... and my anxiety, one more time, beated me, it was so hard... she realised that I have a problem, and some week later she was willing to help me... but only as friends. This last two months has been tough for me, because I've been feeling like she could give me an oportunity and help me with this, but specially now... when she is meeting another guy... more handsome, funnier, ... besides they try to keep it in secret of me, what's nice... but that make me fell like a ****, like a failer, like a low level person.

I'm in pain now, trying to push away this girl of me because her affection confuse me, trying to support the moments when I feel like two persons cut a conversation about them because I'm present. She call me often, asking me what's going on with me... she knows that I have a problem with anxiety, but she doesn't know that that anxiety blocks me on sex always and not only that time with her. I tried to explain my problems to her, only about my anxiety but not about how that anxiety blocks me on sex all the time, because I've never explained my feelings to anybody... but since then I didn't look attractive to her anymore... I could fell her "pity" look... she wants me as close friend, she is worried about me... but I get confused with that kindness. Besides, I cannot tell her "I'm pushing you away because I have a crush on you and you are hurting me" because I cannot stand the "pity looks", people looking to you and thinking "poor guy" , and when the people greet you with a "hi, how are you feeling".... so

I have no physical problems, I've checked it out with my doctor and some tests and blood tests... all the problem is in my mind.

I'm visiting a psychologist the last two months, once time per week, but sometimes I fell that we are going to no where, and he is more lost than me xD He says that sex is and instintive feeling and I'm bloking it. I'm gonna start a meditation course soon, it seems like the key in all this mess. Besides, although I go to the gym 3-4 times per week, probably I'll start to do Aikido, because that pylosophy about "dont hurt" and "discipline body and mind" suits really good for me and my troubles.

Sorry about the huge post (and my english), I was needing to say all this crap

, feel free to comment anything, give some advice, your experiences... all will be very welcome

And if somebody has the same problem than me, please don't hesitate in contact me.

Cheers.

millenniumman75 · 10-26-2009, 03:04 PM

Welcome, FMA!

Nex · 10-26-2009, 03:12 PM

Welcome fma! You'll find loads of support here.

fma · 10-26-2009, 06:10 PM

Thanks to both!

Just Lurking · 10-26-2009, 07:21 PM

Welcome to the site...

I would suggest severing contact with this girl "friend" of yours. That's not a very healthy thing to do to yourself, continuing to lust after a girl who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. Do that, and you'll find some relief in due time.

Trini · 10-27-2009, 05:16 AM

Welcome. What about changing therapists?

Toad Licker · 10-27-2009, 10:27 AM

Hey fma welcome.

TorLin · 10-27-2009, 10:49 AM

HELLO fma

Welcome to SAS !

fma · 10-27-2009, 11:57 AM

Thanks everybody!

"Just Lurking", I'm trying to do that right now actually, but is not easy. I've been so lonely in the last years, she had been my best friend this last months... and she wants still be my friend... I feel that I cannot tell her "we cannot be friends because I have a crush on you", because if I do that... she will start to look at me with pity... and probably all the people we know will do the same... and I wouldn't can stand it

So I'm trying to break the bonds quietly and preteding that all is ok

Cheers.

10-26-2009, 12:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
fma Status: SPA Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Europe Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 53	Hi there I don't know how to start... I've not been diagnosticated with SA, but I'm suffering anxiety since I was a teenager (now I'm 28yo). Actually I was treated for 6 months some years ago for panic attacks and anxiety crisis because my job stress, but that was just one of the ways how my anxiety makes itself present. The hardest thing, is that my anxiety prevents me of have a normal relationship with a girl, and prevents me of to have a sexual intercourse properly. With the years I's developed a gift, the way of to empty my mind and pretend that I'm as normal as the rest of the people in the group, a kind of fake selfconfidence; but that fails when I'm in a intimate moment, so I've been alone the most of the time... fleeing away to live in different cities, living a kind of different lifes in different places in the way that I can explain why I have no known girlfriend or why I don't want make out with that hot girl saying that I have another one in the other place ... and supporting this fake lifes with lies. I've forced myself to don't get too much along with anybody, because I never explain my problems to anybody, I've been fleeing of to fall in love ... but suddenly... that happened, I met my dreamed girl... and stupid of me, my fake selfconfidence fooled me... thinking that I could do it (I guess that it is the power of love, think that you're able of anything), the first time that we made out, was several hours before I should take a plane for leave for a month, so I could escape of sex saying that "it was so early", so the next month was a kind of ... nice friendship with things like "miss you a lot" , "I cannot wait to see you again" and so on often, but then when I came back to the city... we shared a bed... and my anxiety, one more time, beated me, it was so hard... she realised that I have a problem, and some week later she was willing to help me... but only as friends. This last two months has been tough for me, because I've been feeling like she could give me an oportunity and help me with this, but specially now... when she is meeting another guy... more handsome, funnier, ... besides they try to keep it in secret of me, what's nice... but that make me fell like a ****, like a failer, like a low level person. I'm in pain now, trying to push away this girl of me because her affection confuse me, trying to support the moments when I feel like two persons cut a conversation about them because I'm present. She call me often, asking me what's going on with me... she knows that I have a problem with anxiety, but she doesn't know that that anxiety blocks me on sex always and not only that time with her. I tried to explain my problems to her, only about my anxiety but not about how that anxiety blocks me on sex all the time, because I've never explained my feelings to anybody... but since then I didn't look attractive to her anymore... I could fell her "pity" look... she wants me as close friend, she is worried about me... but I get confused with that kindness. Besides, I cannot tell her "I'm pushing you away because I have a crush on you and you are hurting me" because I cannot stand the "pity looks", people looking to you and thinking "poor guy" , and when the people greet you with a "hi, how are you feeling".... so I have no physical problems, I've checked it out with my doctor and some tests and blood tests... all the problem is in my mind. I'm visiting a psychologist the last two months, once time per week, but sometimes I fell that we are going to no where, and he is more lost than me xD He says that sex is and instintive feeling and I'm bloking it. I'm gonna start a meditation course soon, it seems like the key in all this mess. Besides, although I go to the gym 3-4 times per week, probably I'll start to do Aikido, because that pylosophy about "dont hurt" and "discipline body and mind" suits really good for me and my troubles. Sorry about the huge post (and my english), I was needing to say all this crap , feel free to comment anything, give some advice, your experiences... all will be very welcome And if somebody has the same problem than me, please don't hesitate in contact me. Cheers.

10-26-2009, 03:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,668	Welcome, FMA! __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

10-26-2009, 03:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
Nex Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Dublin, OH Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 68	Welcome fma! You'll find loads of support here. __________________ "Is it the rising roof line that makes me feel so swallowed whole? Or the way my body barely pricks the sky..."

10-26-2009, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
fma Status: SPA Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Europe Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 53	Thanks to both! __________________ Fighting my anxiety -Blog

10-26-2009, 07:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
Just Lurking Status: Student.. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 2,852	Welcome to the site... I would suggest severing contact with this girl "friend" of yours. That's not a very healthy thing to do to yourself, continuing to lust after a girl who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. Do that, and you'll find some relief in due time. __________________ "The psychiatrist says, 'I think you're crazy.' The man says, 'I want a second opinion.' The psychiatrist says, 'Okay, you're ugly, too!'" ~Henny Youngman

10-27-2009, 05:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
Trini Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 77	Welcome. What about changing therapists?

10-27-2009, 10:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
Toad Licker Status: Broken Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A Fruitloop Daydream Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 29,632	Hey fma welcome. __________________ All will wither, go to sleep The ones you love you may not keep All you touch will fall apart The dreams you kill will break your heart There's no mercy, there's no rest The void will scream within your chest No one knows and no one will So leave this place that makes you Ill - Madder Mortem

10-27-2009, 10:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
TorLin Status: MayTheForceBeWithYou Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: California Gender: Male Posts: 17,058	HELLO fma Welcome to SAS ! __________________ MTFBWU (May The Force Be With You) - TORLIN AIM, MSN, YIM: T0RL1N Skype: Tor_Lin Visit me at; ToryLing.com \| LivingAnxious \| Facebook \| Myspace \| Last.fm

10-27-2009, 11:57 AM	#9 (permalink)
fma Status: SPA Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Europe Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 53	Thanks everybody! "Just Lurking", I'm trying to do that right now actually, but is not easy. I've been so lonely in the last years, she had been my best friend this last months... and she wants still be my friend... I feel that I cannot tell her "we cannot be friends because I have a crush on you", because if I do that... she will start to look at me with pity... and probably all the people we know will do the same... and I wouldn't can stand it So I'm trying to break the bonds quietly and preteding that all is ok Cheers. __________________ Fighting my anxiety -Blog