Hi, my name is Brian, and I have Social Anxiety

[Bredwh]

It began around 6th grade. When I was young apparently I was quite wild and hyper and un-shy. I suddenly became extremely shy, quiet, and withdrawn. I gradually lost all friends and had none by high school and still don't to this day. I've never had any romantic interaction of any kind, not even the hint of it, no hand holding, kissing, dating, sexual stuff, nothing.
I can't talk to strangers easily, and sometimes not at all. When I'm out in public I fell restricted and caged in by myself and my throat feels constricted so that I can't speak very loudly. I have difficulty meeting people's eyes but have been trying to work on that. It takes me a long time to open up to people, and I still never feel completely comfortable or myself.
At home I am pretty much constantly singing and dancing and being crazy, but I can't be myself in public. I'm 22 and still live with my parents and rarely leave the house, partly because of my social anxiety and partly because I have no where to go.
I am not shy on stage however and quite enjoy acting. The people in my college's theater group were the closest thing to friends I've ever had. I sometimes say I have reverse stage fright.
I finally decided to go to therapy and have been going for about half a year though there has been no change. I was on Lexapro for a bit but it didn't do anything, then Paxil CR for a while but it did nothing as well (besides making me extremely ill when I tried to get off it too fast ).
I am extremely depressed but I fill my life with things like TV, books, video games, etc. that distract me from it. It sometimes gets worse though. A lot of times I don't feel like doing anything, even stuff I like to do. I believe this depression is derived directly from how my social anxiety has affected my life.
A lot of times I feel like I have no life, like I don't really exist in the world.

[vegasjunkie88]

To a degree I understand everything your going thru. I to live at home with my mother, She is Ill but to get out of having a life I tell myself that i need to be here (when she's fine on her own). I used to have friends and have had sex 5 times (while I feel i should be at a much higher count) I dont leave the house. Its been almost three weeks since i steped outside, thats how bad it is. I just joined here to, but i think knowing that others are going thru the same things, makes us feel less alone in the world.

[Toad Licker]

Hey Bredwh

[LostInReverie]

Hi, Brian!

[mind_games]

Hi Brian, welcome to SAS.

Your story sounds a lot like mine except for your ability to sing, dance and act . I've only just started on therapy and medication - too early to judge their effectiveness on me.

[Canadian Brotha]

Hey Brian, I understand your situation, mine is similar

[Just Lurking]

Welcome!

[Bredwh]

Thanks everyone!

[millenniumman75]

Welcome, Bredwh!

I have always thought that SA was reverse stage fright, too. It is weird in a sense that we are nervous when most people aren't, and vice versa.
My main goal of 2009 is to take my life back. I use my slogan every chance I get.

2009 - taking back what's mine because the locusts are too fat to fly!

[VIncymon]

Dude, I know what you mean when you say reverse stage fright !

I can easily go on stage and sing, act, give a speech etc. its .. like as long as I am just "playing a part" there's no anxiety.

Yet that sort of stage confidence hasn't managed to trikle down to my social life.

Put me in the middle of a block party, and I'd sooner try to climb over the fence, than get a dance with a girl.

[TorLin]

HELLO Bredwh,

Welcome to the SAS forum community !

[tictoxic]

So you're in school right? At least you're doing that. I haven't gone to school or worked in 5 months... I think it has more to do with my depression and lack of motivation. I live with my parents too. I've lived with an ex and then lived on my own for about 6 months but it got to be more than I could handle. I'm scared that I'll never be able to support myself. On top of that, anyone I've ever felt comfortable around is 2 states away in Ohio. My family moved to TN for my mom's job and I came down to live at home and go to school for cheaper down here. But that didn't last long. I stopped going to classes because I'm so unhappy down here. Having art as a major really sucks when you're depressed. I cried in the middle of my Drawing II class because I was so frustrated with myself. I wish I actually knew some people around here with SA :/

[Tasha82]

Welcome

[Bredwh]

Huh, I finally to decided to check this thread again and I have two replies today! Coincidence?

Yeah, MM75 and VIncymon, hopefully I can use my reverse stage fright to my advantage as an actor, though I want to do acting in TV and movies.

Hey, Torlin, didn't know you posted in here (I actually sort of forgot about this thread until today, or at least didn't think anyone else would have replied).

Actually tictoxic I haven't been in school since I got my A.S. in Liberal Arts: Science last May. I've been sitting at home doing nothing, not even a job.

Thanks Tasha!

[Alone42Long]

Hi Brian.

That's cool on the acting.
If something is planned like a short speech I'm ok with it cause I'll practice it 50x
& can focus just on what I'm saying & doing.
But can't imagine something like improv.
Which is kinda what we do in public I suppose.
That's great you've got something you enjoy & hope you find a path to personal success in it.

[jfk1116]

Hey!!! Welcome to the site!!! Enjoy your stay!!!

[Bredwh]

Thanks Alone and jfk. I've enjoyed it here for the last few months.

[ChrissyQ]

Hi Brian! I'm in the same boat as you!

[Bredwh]

Cool, I'll grab one paddle, you grab the other, and we'll row ourselves out of this SA sea.

[WintersTale]

Hi Brian!