my name is Jessica. I'm 20 years old and I started treatment (Effexor + Ativan) for SA about 6 months ago. So far, it's alright. I've needed this for a long time though.
I've been like this since I was 11 or 12. Probably earlier. I hated school just because of my constant anxiety of being around everyone and the possibility of having to speak in front of everyone, so I barely went. But I did manage to graduate ... which was an extrememly nerve wracking experience. I didn't even bring a date... lol. Oh well, that's over and done with now.
I did manage to have "somewhat" of a social life in high school though. I got into drugs & alcohol when I was about 14 (coke, ecstasy, weed, everything.) So, that's how I dealt with the nervousness and stress at parties and hanging out with friends. Eventually, I found my whole life evolved around drugs. Still kinda do acutally...
Anyways, I never had a boyfriend or even a first kiss until I was 17. And, I was wasted all the time so it don't even count. I made a lot of stupid mistakes.
I have a wonderful boyfriend now, he's my first love and we've been living together for 2 years now.
My Social Anxiety feels like it's taking over my life! I barely ever go outside without my boyfriend. I'm very dependent on him, which I know is a bad thing. He supports me, I need a job. It's just so stressful. And I don't think he understands why I'm so freaked out about getting a job. Like, I can't even sleep when I think about it!!! It makes me want to scream! But I know I should do it, I think about it 24/7 .. I just need to build up the nerve I think... I don't know. My life is messed up.
My best friend just died. She was 27. She died the day before my birthday ... October 5th ... I miss her. We don't even know how she died yet and I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. I'm in shock still ... she was the only friend I had beside my boyfriend... life sucks...
Anyways, that's me so far....