Social Anxiety Support

ShinAkuma · 11-04-2009, 02:15 PM

That is one of the most disrespectful things you can do if you think about it. Someone just died and all you can think about is food? It's like wearing headphones, listening to your Ipod at church while the pastor gives a sermon. Plus, there is a DEAD body there, who the hell gets hungry from that? I would vomit. Eating food sounds more of a celebration, like a party. If it was my funeral, everyone would remain quiet the whole time and listen to my favorite songs being played on a loud speaker and I wouldn't allow anyone to see my dead body in the casket .No food, no chips, no ice cream, it's like people always find a reason to eat. A student that just got A's in all of his classes " I am proud of myself, I am going to celebrate by eating." Another one that failed his classes, " I failed, I feel depressed, I will eat so it will make me feel better."

Actually, before the day of the funeral, the people who plan to attend will be notified about my request of the day of the funeral which is NOT to eat anything that whole day to pay respects. I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

nubly · 11-04-2009, 02:19 PM

mexicans dont do this. at least not mexicans where my parents are from. we go to the wake and then eat at the hosts house.

KyleThomas · 11-04-2009, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShinAkuma

That is one of the most disrespectful things you can do if you think about it. Someone just died and all you can think about is food?

I don't see that it's particularly disrespectful. What's disrespectful about eating?

Quote:

It's like wearing headphones, listening to your Ipod at church while the pastor gives a sermon.

It is?

Quote:

Plus, there is a DEAD body there, who the hell gets hungry from that?

Cannibals?

Quote:

I would vomit. Eating food sounds more of a celebration, like a party.

Can't a funeral be a celebration of the life of the deceased?

Quote:

If it was my funeral, everyone would remain quiet the whole time and listen to my favorite songs being played on a loud speaker and I wouldn't allow anyone to see my dead body in the casket .No food, no chips, no ice cream, it's like people always find a reason to eat. A student that just got A's in all of his classes " I am proud of myself, I am going to celebrate by eating." Another one that failed his classes, " I failed, I feel depressed, I will eat so it will make me feel better."

Celebrating by eating meals is a well established part of western culture. In a few weeks, millions of Americans will be visiting their families to eat turkey at Thanksgiving. The month after that, people all over the world will be doing the same thing again for Christmas. (Or should that be "The Holidays") People go out for birthday meals, and anniversary meals, and so on. Why would a funeral be any different?

nothing to fear · 11-04-2009, 02:34 PM

i don't see why you have to force yourself to turn off that natural basic need for a funeral. at my funeral i hope people feel free to chomp down on whatever they want if they are hungry. i don't want anyone to get faint from lack of food. i'm not even tryig to be funny, its true, i'm sure some family members are so busy earlier in the day preparing for the funeral that having those tables with the small snacks isn't a bad idea.

it can be looked at as a celebration in a way - a celebration of the person's life, their accomplishments, the happy times people had with them. i don't even think people should force themselves to act extra serious and proper at funerals, to be honest. as long as they aren't doing anything disrespectful or out of line.

i'd hope for more at my funeral than for people to remain completely quiet too.

(after all they've already put up with a lifetime of that from me :P)

max4225 · 11-04-2009, 02:44 PM

I'd rather have a wake/rave thing and have my carcass cremated. I wouldn't mind if they tossed a few pizzas in there while the oven is still hot.

VIncymon · 11-04-2009, 03:08 PM

I sort-off get what you mean. Some people really over-do it with the funeral 'after-party' I mean sure a few snacks .. but a boom box with loud music ? No thank you.

The whole eating thing is a stress reliever. Remember, the socially-normal people aren't quite as experience with wallowing in misery as we are .. .LOL.

UltraShy · 11-04-2009, 03:18 PM

People eat at pretty much any social event. Disrespectful would be getting crumbs in an open casket.

millenniumman75 · 11-04-2009, 03:28 PM

My dad's wake was at a restaurant. It's all we could do in four days' time. Actually, my father had two wakes. One here and one in his hometown two weeks later.

It's just a gathering to talk about the ones passed on. The food is not the main attraction anyway. It's a somber get-together usually.

millenniumman75 · 11-04-2009, 03:29 PM

Jesus had the Last Supper anyway!

Amocholes · 11-04-2009, 03:41 PM

It is a social convention that the grieving are too upset to cook for themselves and will also have extra relatives arriving so people bring them food. When my father died, the people of their church arrived with a lot of food. The refrigerator was already full when I arrived. By the time my brother, sisters and their families got there we had 16 people in the house. The ladies of the church found out and brought even more food. Once everyone went home but me, Mom and I ate for a week and still had to freeze a bunch of it.

Dad wasn't even there since he had donated his body to a medical school.

UltraShy · 11-04-2009, 03:57 PM

Offering free food ensures that somebody will come even if nobody liked the dead guy. Some folks simply can't pass up free food.

My former sister-in-law didn't bother to provide any food after my brother's memorial service. Actually, she was one of the last to arrive and she was the first to flee when it ended. She hired some minister that had clearly never met him, called him by the wrong name, pronouncing our mother's name wrong, and he even informed me that my brother had a successful snowplowing business, which was real news to me since his business was a failure and he never drove a plow truck even once.

After taking so much money from our family, providing food would have been the least she could do.

Meli24R · 11-04-2009, 04:28 PM

I don't even want a proper funeral because all of the funerals I've been to were so uncomfortable for everyone and creepy (at least the open casket ones were)
I think funerals should be about celebrating the person's life. I would like to be cremated and my loved ones can gather, listen to my favorite songs, look at old photos and reminisce. I don't care if they eat..I see nothing disrespectful about it.

Tungsten · 11-04-2009, 06:03 PM

I've always thought it was weird too, but it's common in many cultures. I was raised in the Greek Orthodox church and after funerals they serve a cake called kolliva made with wheat kernals, honey, raisins, powdered sugar and some other ingredients. I call it a cake but it has the consistency of soggy trail mix and they serve it in small paper cups that look like little Italian ice cups. It always seemed strange to commemorate the death loved ones with a sugary dessert, but that's just what they do.

Smythe · 11-04-2009, 09:04 PM

What else are people supposed to do at funerals. It's an awful experience.
No one really knows how they're supposed to behave.
A little food helps I think.
People drank booze at the ones I've been to, I did too.
grieve however you please.

John_in_SF · 11-04-2009, 09:35 PM

No, no, no! People do not eat at funerals. They pig out at the wake. The funeral is the part where the guy in the robes says magic words and people cry and shuffle around and stuff. The wake is the part where people try to shrug off their grief for a moment, laugh in the face of death, and have six helpings of macaroni pie.

Jnmcda0 · 11-05-2009, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShinAkuma

I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

What if everybody requested that and it just so happened that you knew 5 people who died within a week and they had their funerals on consecutive days. Would you not eat for a week?

Personally, I don't really care what people do at my funeral. Funerals, in my opinion, aren't really for the dead, but for the living.

rincewind · 11-05-2009, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShinAkuma

Actually, before the day of the funeral, the people who plan to attend will be notified about my request of the day of the funeral which is NOT to eat anything that whole day to pay respects. I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

Don't be surprised if nobody turns up.

MissMay1977 · 11-05-2009, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShinAkuma

That is one of the most disrespectful things you can do if you think about it. Someone just died and all you can think about is food? It's like wearing headphones, listening to your Ipod at church while the pastor gives a sermon. Plus, there is a DEAD body there, who the hell gets hungry from that? I would vomit. Eating food sounds more of a celebration, like a party. If it was my funeral, everyone would remain quiet the whole time and listen to my favorite songs being played on a loud speaker and I wouldn't allow anyone to see my dead body in the casket .No food, no chips, no ice cream, it's like people always find a reason to eat. A student that just got A's in all of his classes " I am proud of myself, I am going to celebrate by eating." Another one that failed his classes, " I failed, I feel depressed, I will eat so it will make me feel better."

Actually, before the day of the funeral, the people who plan to attend will be notified about my request of the day of the funeral which is NOT to eat anything that whole day to pay respects. I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

I have never heard of food being at the actual funeral but the gathering afterwards with food I have heard of. The reason is because food encourages communication and peace. One of the things the SWAT team does in a stand off is offer food to the person because it opens up doors of communication. Food brings comfort.

Ospi · 11-05-2009, 05:24 AM

I don't see the issue here at all. How is eating disrespectful? Funerals/wakes/whatever should be a celebration of life and an event where people should be made to feel as comfortable as possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShinAkuma

Actually, before the day of the funeral, the people who plan to attend will be notified about my request of the day of the funeral which is NOT to eat anything that whole day to pay respects. I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

riiiiight...........

xXSadiXx · 11-05-2009, 05:48 AM

The first funeral I went to I thought it was innapropriate, but that's only because I wasn't used to dealing with loss. The people eating right after the burial disgusted me. Now it doesn't bother me at all. I agree with what others have said. A funeral is a celebration of the person's life, you should be quiet and respectful during the burial, but there's no need for gloom the rest of the night.

I've heard of this company in California, they take your ashes from a cremation and mix them in with fireworks. That's what I'm going to do for my funeral, break out the strobe lights and have live music. The fireworks will go off on the very last song, little pieces of me clogging the airways of all my friends and family.

11-04-2009, 02:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
ShinAkuma Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 281	Why do people eat at funerals? That is one of the most disrespectful things you can do if you think about it. Someone just died and all you can think about is food? It's like wearing headphones, listening to your Ipod at church while the pastor gives a sermon. Plus, there is a DEAD body there, who the hell gets hungry from that? I would vomit. Eating food sounds more of a celebration, like a party. If it was my funeral, everyone would remain quiet the whole time and listen to my favorite songs being played on a loud speaker and I wouldn't allow anyone to see my dead body in the casket .No food, no chips, no ice cream, it's like people always find a reason to eat. A student that just got A's in all of his classes " I am proud of myself, I am going to celebrate by eating." Another one that failed his classes, " I failed, I feel depressed, I will eat so it will make me feel better." Actually, before the day of the funeral, the people who plan to attend will be notified about my request of the day of the funeral which is NOT to eat anything that whole day to pay respects. I want them not only to feel emotional pain, but also physical pain, their stomachs from starving.

11-04-2009, 02:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
nothing to fear Status: silence is sexy Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Toronto, Canada Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 4,840	i don't see why you have to force yourself to turn off that natural basic need for a funeral. at my funeral i hope people feel free to chomp down on whatever they want if they are hungry. i don't want anyone to get faint from lack of food. i'm not even tryig to be funny, its true, i'm sure some family members are so busy earlier in the day preparing for the funeral that having those tables with the small snacks isn't a bad idea. it can be looked at as a celebration in a way - a celebration of the person's life, their accomplishments, the happy times people had with them. i don't even think people should force themselves to act extra serious and proper at funerals, to be honest. as long as they aren't doing anything disrespectful or out of line. i'd hope for more at my funeral than for people to remain completely quiet too. (after all they've already put up with a lifetime of that from me :P) __________________ everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt. ~ i really like music. and photography, though i'm nothing special.

11-04-2009, 03:18 PM	#7 (permalink)
UltraShy Status: Accident of Birth Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Milwaukee, WI (Atheist, Libertarian) Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 24,572	People eat at pretty much any social event. Disrespectful would be getting crumbs in an open casket. __________________ Nothing is ever the way it should be What we deserve we just don't get you see http://www.insureyourgunrights.com/

11-04-2009, 03:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,628	My dad's wake was at a restaurant. It's all we could do in four days' time. Actually, my father had two wakes. One here and one in his hometown two weeks later. It's just a gathering to talk about the ones passed on. The food is not the main attraction anyway. It's a somber get-together usually. __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

11-04-2009, 03:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,628	Jesus had the Last Supper anyway! __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

11-04-2009, 02:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
nubly Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: USA the greatest and best country in the world!! :) Posts: 7,065	mexicans dont do this. at least not mexicans where my parents are from. we go to the wake and then eat at the hosts house.

11-04-2009, 02:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
max4225 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Great Basin Desert by lilac bushes Gender: Male Posts: 695	I'd rather have a wake/rave thing and have my carcass cremated. I wouldn't mind if they tossed a few pizzas in there while the oven is still hot.

11-04-2009, 03:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
VIncymon Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 741	I sort-off get what you mean. Some people really over-do it with the funeral 'after-party' I mean sure a few snacks .. but a boom box with loud music ? No thank you. The whole eating thing is a stress reliever. Remember, the socially-normal people aren't quite as experience with wallowing in misery as we are .. .LOL.

11-04-2009, 03:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
Amocholes Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hello my freaky darlings! Gender: Male Age: 49 Posts: 12,599	It is a social convention that the grieving are too upset to cook for themselves and will also have extra relatives arriving so people bring them food. When my father died, the people of their church arrived with a lot of food. The refrigerator was already full when I arrived. By the time my brother, sisters and their families got there we had 16 people in the house. The ladies of the church found out and brought even more food. Once everyone went home but me, Mom and I ate for a week and still had to freeze a bunch of it. Dad wasn't even there since he had donated his body to a medical school. __________________ In the kingdom of the blind, the one legged man is king.

11-04-2009, 03:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
UltraShy Status: Accident of Birth Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Milwaukee, WI (Atheist, Libertarian) Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 24,572	Offering free food ensures that somebody will come even if nobody liked the dead guy. Some folks simply can't pass up free food. My former sister-in-law didn't bother to provide any food after my brother's memorial service. Actually, she was one of the last to arrive and she was the first to flee when it ended. She hired some minister that had clearly never met him, called him by the wrong name, pronouncing our mother's name wrong, and he even informed me that my brother had a successful snowplowing business, which was real news to me since his business was a failure and he never drove a plow truck even once. After taking so much money from our family, providing food would have been the least she could do. __________________ Nothing is ever the way it should be What we deserve we just don't get you see http://www.insureyourgunrights.com/

11-04-2009, 04:28 PM	#12 (permalink)
Meli24R Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 198	I don't even want a proper funeral because all of the funerals I've been to were so uncomfortable for everyone and creepy (at least the open casket ones were) I think funerals should be about celebrating the person's life. I would like to be cremated and my loved ones can gather, listen to my favorite songs, look at old photos and reminisce. I don't care if they eat..I see nothing disrespectful about it.

11-04-2009, 06:03 PM	#13 (permalink)
Tungsten Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,124	I've always thought it was weird too, but it's common in many cultures. I was raised in the Greek Orthodox church and after funerals they serve a cake called kolliva made with wheat kernals, honey, raisins, powdered sugar and some other ingredients. I call it a cake but it has the consistency of soggy trail mix and they serve it in small paper cups that look like little Italian ice cups. It always seemed strange to commemorate the death loved ones with a sugary dessert, but that's just what they do.

11-04-2009, 09:04 PM	#14 (permalink)
Smythe Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Surrey, B.C. Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 105	What else are people supposed to do at funerals. It's an awful experience. No one really knows how they're supposed to behave. A little food helps I think. People drank booze at the ones I've been to, I did too. grieve however you please. __________________ Just a skinny unshaven collection of bad habits marinated in alcohol.

11-04-2009, 09:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
John_in_SF Status: Good grief Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: San Francisco, California Gender: Male Posts: 261	No, no, no! People do not eat at funerals. They pig out at the wake. The funeral is the part where the guy in the robes says magic words and people cry and shuffle around and stuff. The wake is the part where people try to shrug off their grief for a moment, laugh in the face of death, and have six helpings of macaroni pie.

11-05-2009, 05:48 AM	#20 (permalink)
xXSadiXx Status: MightyMorphin'PowerRanger Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Over there somewhere. Gender: Female Posts: 213	The first funeral I went to I thought it was innapropriate, but that's only because I wasn't used to dealing with loss. The people eating right after the burial disgusted me. Now it doesn't bother me at all. I agree with what others have said. A funeral is a celebration of the person's life, you should be quiet and respectful during the burial, but there's no need for gloom the rest of the night. I've heard of this company in California, they take your ashes from a cremation and mix them in with fireworks. That's what I'm going to do for my funeral, break out the strobe lights and have live music. The fireworks will go off on the very last song, little pieces of me clogging the airways of all my friends and family. __________________ Take my soul, consume me whole. I'm no part of this world.