Social Anxiety Support

mind_games · 10-25-2009, 01:38 AM

So I discovered today that the reason my friend was not answering his phone was that he was in hospital - in the psychiatric ward. His dad said that he'd had a breakdown. I called him just before. I felt inadequate and unprepared. It was a bit awkward. I said I'd visit him tomorrow (I suggested it, because I do want to meet him). I'm not big on talking at the best of times, and I feel a bit unsure of what to talk about/ how to be supportive.

Any advice?

I suppose I shouldn't ask him about the circumstances of his admission?

Should I act like nothing ever happened? Just casual as if we were having a normal conversation? But the thing is normally, he always did most of the talking and now I should take up a more supportive/talkative role.

Does anyone have an opinion from a medical/psychiatric background?

I'm afraid about mentioning the wrong thing or bringing up the wrong subject. The thing is I don't know what these subjects are. And I feel even more nervous about what I'd do if we run into those periods of silence. Before we were relatively ok with silences and he would pick up the slack, but he seems a bit detached when I spoke to him.

Dempsey · 10-25-2009, 02:15 AM

I don't think you can prepare for something like this. Try to talk to him normally and if he responds well then keep it normal.

teabagred · 10-25-2009, 02:27 AM

you could try using some therapeutic communication techniques. they teach students in nursing school to use this form of communication when dealing with patients. some of the techniques used are bound to help even if you're not a nurse.

heres a couple articles on therapeutic communication:

http://www.ehow.com/way_5241046_ther...-examples.html#

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8060845/Th...-Communication

just listening to your friend will probably help him feel better and like he has some support.....you could say to your friend "do you want to talk about how you're feeling?" if he does, make sure to appear you're listening by not appearing distracted...

veron · 10-25-2009, 07:27 AM

Oh dear, that seems like a touchy subject. I really don't think I'm qualified to give advice here, but I'll say that I think it would be alright to ask him what happened. That would probably show your concern for him.

A few days ago, my cousin told me she broke up with her bf–I had no idea how to react. I wanted to ask her why, but was afraid of asking an uncomfortable question. And then my dad came along (somebody who actually has social skills), and when he heard the news he asked her why. So I guess it's ok to inquire in situations like that... If he doesn't want to talk about it, he'll probably be vague and kind of change the subject.

mind_games · 10-25-2009, 08:08 AM

Thanks for all your advice; I appreciate it

. Those therapeutic communication links were very interesting teabagred, and not in just this situation but as a means of improving communication in general (especially that stuff about expressing empathy vs sympathy - I realized I tend to do the latter mostly). And Dempsey and Veron, yeah I'm just going to have to be flexible with the conversation direction - not something good at :/ Anyway thanks again.

tvgirl48 · 10-25-2009, 10:14 AM

This is a difficult topic. My sister had a minor breakdown one time and she stayed at my parents' house for a few days (where I was still staying) and I had no idea how to react. On one hand, you feel like you should say something comforting or attempt to help or offer help, but then on the other hand, you don't want to upset them or butt into their business. In my sister's case, I think she needed me to just be there and have a normal conversation and whatnot. We're not that close, but just sitting watching a movie with her seemed to help her. But I'm not sure. That's the problem, you just don't know many times how big the problem is and what they need, so I'd say listen to the people who know what they're talking about, like doctors and close family members.

Kelly · 10-25-2009, 11:24 AM

I'd be really informal and not make a big deal out of it:

"Hey, man, I tried calling you and then your dad told me what happened. How you feelin'? You doin' okay?"

Or something like that.

Have a nice day,
Kelly

millenniumman75 · 10-25-2009, 12:22 PM

Treat him like you would want to be treated.

inna sense · 10-25-2009, 02:06 PM

i think he'll just be happy youre there...youll find the right things to say

zookeeper · 10-25-2009, 02:31 PM

It doesn't matter what you say when you're there. The fact that you showed up says more.

Take some goodies. Hospital food sucks.

mind_games · 10-26-2009, 03:12 AM

It went OK I guess. When I got there I just forgot about all the worries of exactly what we should talk about n what not. We ended up avoiding the topic of exactly how he got there; the nurses weren't much help either.

I was just going to take him a vanilla coke (because he likes it), until you pointed out food, zookeeper. So I bought some coke and steak pie and some cookies. He appreciated it; turns out whatever meds they are giving him is making him hungry.

We had already discussed the topic of silences during conversations in the past because I'd brought it up while discussing my SA, so it was nothing uncomfortable or hard for me today to point out I was comfortable with silence when we were just reading some magazines. (I guess thats why he brought out some magazines' so we'd have something to do during the silences - something to base our conversations on). He said he was fine too. We did manage to talk a bit though, so it wasn't all silences or anything like that. I had a few SA issues with other patients being in the same lounge area as us, but overall it wasn't too bad; I even managed to talk a bit with one of the nurses about some concerns. Overall it went OK.

Thank you everyone for responding; it helped allay my worries a bit.

inna sense · 10-27-2009, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mind_games

Overall it went OK.

glad to hear it

veron · 10-27-2009, 08:48 AM

Nice :-)

SAgirl · 10-27-2009, 09:43 AM

I'm sure your friend is really glad that you went to visit.

I went to visit someone once in a similar situation. I remember that they seemed happy to see me.

10-25-2009, 01:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
mind_games Status: dances, like a fridge Join Date: Nov 2008 Age: 23 Posts: 1,569	Meeting a friend who's had a breakdown So I discovered today that the reason my friend was not answering his phone was that he was in hospital - in the psychiatric ward. His dad said that he'd had a breakdown. I called him just before. I felt inadequate and unprepared. It was a bit awkward. I said I'd visit him tomorrow (I suggested it, because I do want to meet him). I'm not big on talking at the best of times, and I feel a bit unsure of what to talk about/ how to be supportive. Any advice? I suppose I shouldn't ask him about the circumstances of his admission? Should I act like nothing ever happened? Just casual as if we were having a normal conversation? But the thing is normally, he always did most of the talking and now I should take up a more supportive/talkative role. Does anyone have an opinion from a medical/psychiatric background? I'm afraid about mentioning the wrong thing or bringing up the wrong subject. The thing is I don't know what these subjects are. And I feel even more nervous about what I'd do if we run into those periods of silence. Before we were relatively ok with silences and he would pick up the slack, but he seems a bit detached when I spoke to him. __________________ "this is not me, this is me reacting to your perception of me"

10-25-2009, 08:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
mind_games Status: dances, like a fridge Join Date: Nov 2008 Age: 23 Posts: 1,569	Thanks for all your advice; I appreciate it . Those therapeutic communication links were very interesting teabagred, and not in just this situation but as a means of improving communication in general (especially that stuff about expressing empathy vs sympathy - I realized I tend to do the latter mostly). And Dempsey and Veron, yeah I'm just going to have to be flexible with the conversation direction - not something good at :/ Anyway thanks again. __________________ "this is not me, this is me reacting to your perception of me"

10-25-2009, 10:14 AM	#6 (permalink)
tvgirl48 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Posts: 213	This is a difficult topic. My sister had a minor breakdown one time and she stayed at my parents' house for a few days (where I was still staying) and I had no idea how to react. On one hand, you feel like you should say something comforting or attempt to help or offer help, but then on the other hand, you don't want to upset them or butt into their business. In my sister's case, I think she needed me to just be there and have a normal conversation and whatnot. We're not that close, but just sitting watching a movie with her seemed to help her. But I'm not sure. That's the problem, you just don't know many times how big the problem is and what they need, so I'd say listen to the people who know what they're talking about, like doctors and close family members. __________________ -"Do you have a dream for your life? Your future? Yes?" -"Of course. Do you?" -"It might sound weird. I want to someday be content. Just...feel comfortable, like everyone else. I want..." -"...a normal life." - Dexter

10-25-2009, 11:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
Kelly Status: One More Thin Gypsy Thief Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Mainz, Deutschland Age: 32 Posts: 6,461	I'd be really informal and not make a big deal out of it: "Hey, man, I tried calling you and then your dad told me what happened. How you feelin'? You doin' okay?" Or something like that. Have a nice day, Kelly __________________ Maybe I'll live my whole life just gettin' by. Maybe I'll be discovered. Maybe I'll be colonized. You can try to train me like a pet. You can try to teach me to behave. But I'll tell you if I haven't learned it yet, I ain't gonna sit. I ain't gonna stay.

10-25-2009, 12:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton-Cincinnati, OH Gender: Male Age: 34 Posts: 38,628	Treat him like you would want to be treated. __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better!

10-25-2009, 02:15 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dempsey Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sydney Australia Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 631	I don't think you can prepare for something like this. Try to talk to him normally and if he responds well then keep it normal.

10-25-2009, 02:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
teabagred Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 380	you could try using some therapeutic communication techniques. they teach students in nursing school to use this form of communication when dealing with patients. some of the techniques used are bound to help even if you're not a nurse. heres a couple articles on therapeutic communication: http://www.ehow.com/way_5241046_ther...-examples.html# http://www.scribd.com/doc/8060845/Th...-Communication just listening to your friend will probably help him feel better and like he has some support.....you could say to your friend "do you want to talk about how you're feeling?" if he does, make sure to appear you're listening by not appearing distracted...

10-25-2009, 07:27 AM	#4 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 488	Oh dear, that seems like a touchy subject. I really don't think I'm qualified to give advice here, but I'll say that I think it would be alright to ask him what happened. That would probably show your concern for him. A few days ago, my cousin told me she broke up with her bf–I had no idea how to react. I wanted to ask her why, but was afraid of asking an uncomfortable question. And then my dad came along (somebody who actually has social skills), and when he heard the news he asked her why. So I guess it's ok to inquire in situations like that... If he doesn't want to talk about it, he'll probably be vague and kind of change the subject.

10-25-2009, 02:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
inna sense Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3,140	i think he'll just be happy youre there...youll find the right things to say __________________ duality in oness << new song click here for some songs i did with others

10-25-2009, 02:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
zookeeper Status: The floor is lava!! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Soap Fortress Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,066	It doesn't matter what you say when you're there. The fact that you showed up says more. Take some goodies. Hospital food sucks. __________________ You leapt into the abyss, but find It only goes up to your knees, ~ Nick Cave

10-26-2009, 03:12 AM	#11 (permalink)
mind_games Status: dances, like a fridge Join Date: Nov 2008 Age: 23 Posts: 1,569	It went OK I guess. When I got there I just forgot about all the worries of exactly what we should talk about n what not. We ended up avoiding the topic of exactly how he got there; the nurses weren't much help either. I was just going to take him a vanilla coke (because he likes it), until you pointed out food, zookeeper. So I bought some coke and steak pie and some cookies. He appreciated it; turns out whatever meds they are giving him is making him hungry. We had already discussed the topic of silences during conversations in the past because I'd brought it up while discussing my SA, so it was nothing uncomfortable or hard for me today to point out I was comfortable with silence when we were just reading some magazines. (I guess thats why he brought out some magazines' so we'd have something to do during the silences - something to base our conversations on). He said he was fine too. We did manage to talk a bit though, so it wasn't all silences or anything like that. I had a few SA issues with other patients being in the same lounge area as us, but overall it wasn't too bad; I even managed to talk a bit with one of the nurses about some concerns. Overall it went OK. Thank you everyone for responding; it helped allay my worries a bit. __________________ "this is not me, this is me reacting to your perception of me"

10-27-2009, 08:48 AM	#13 (permalink)
veron Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Belgrade Gender: Female Age: 22 Posts: 488	Nice :-)

10-27-2009, 09:43 AM	#14 (permalink)
SAgirl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Northwestern Ontario, 20 hour drive from TO Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 3,037	I'm sure your friend is really glad that you went to visit. I went to visit someone once in a similar situation. I remember that they seemed happy to see me.