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Maybe the crux of the problem is less about others accepting me-than accepting myself

1K views 5 replies 3 participants last post by  LostPancake 
#1 ·
I sink into depression in social situations because I automatically expect that I should be talkative,humorous and relishing the attention. I watch as others seem to ooze charm. Maybe,my misery comes from not accepting who I really am. Perhaps I'm attempting to go against what's my true norm.- If I accepted that I'm not the gregarious charmer,I could find comfort in being the quiet observer. :yes I would get more acceptance because I would be behaving in a more authentic manner. What are your thoughts?
 
#3 ·
Not that this is exactly new information-just thinking,as I have over and over-society tells us there's only one norm. - How do I know if my "norm" is just what SA has created over time-or a refusal on my part to accept my true self? Gee,I'm terrible at putting this in words.
 
#4 ·
I've always struggled with this also. I would think, oh God, do I have to accept that I'm just utterly boring and a doormat around people with nothing interesting to say, ever? Is that me? Am I just living in denial by trying to be outgoing?

I forced myself into being outgoing when I was younger and it never worked very well - I was always so full of anxiety, which was pretty offputting.

So I tried to accept being asocial, though it was really distasteful - I didn't want to be like that, but I thought maybe by accepting myself I would be happier. I wound up just withdrawing from people entirely, and trying to live my life alone, because I got no enjoyment out of being around them. But withdrawal and isolation just led to more depression and meaninglessness.

So, I'm thinking now it's more like social anxiety and low self-esteem and introversion were all interfering with the ability to enjoy socializing. I do sometimes enjoy it nowadays, I can laugh and joke around with people. I haven't been to a party in many years (they were always disasters), but I feel a bit less intimidated by the idea now.

A lot of it for me has been accepting my own emotions, which were so buried. The only way I could relate to people was through boring logical talk or deep conversations about life, neither of which are appropriate for casual socializing. But now it's a bit easier to relate to other people on a casual level.

Therapy over the last year and a half has helped, and self-therapy more recently. I'm less depressed now, which also makes it easier to relate to normal people. I used to only be able to talk to other depressed people, which was pretty limiting.
 
#5 ·
I know this is going to sound bizarre but it actually cheers me up to be around depressed people. You get the "real" person-not hiding behind a social facade. I've begun noticing lately how often the "norms" mimic one another. It's a HUGE part of their interaction-one laughs at something that's not remotely funny,they ALL laugh at it. It's as if they're acting not being genuine.
 
#6 ·
Yeah, that's how I've always been also, because I could actually RELATE to depressed people! If someone was happy, I just could not relate to them in any way whatsoever - so I would just shut them out, or if forced to, interact with them through grated teeth. They just got on my nerves. I would try to act happy so as not to utterly bring them down, but it took a huge amount of energy, and didn't even work very well. Mostly I just couldn't wait to get away from them.

But, as my mood has improved, I can see that people just like to have fun interacting with other people. I actually almost want to join in. Not that I'm actually up to doing it yet or anything. :um
 
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