Alcoholic/Bad Parent(s)

[illlaymedown]

Do any of you guys have a parent with a particular addiction that has caused you much distress? My "dad"(will further be called Duane since he doesn't deserve the title of father/dad) is and has always been as long as I can remember an alcoholic. As a child I was more often with my mother who was dating another alcoholic guy who was abusive and molested my sister and I. He got her hooked on drugs and she struggles with it til this day even though that guy's out of her life. Anyway, Duane used us as kids to get change from foodstamps to help him buy beer and both of my parents would dump us off on the other. Now, he lives with us again, us being me, my bro(17), my mom(divorced), and her bf(doesn't drink or do drugs but has his own "issues"). He has had no job for about a year now and has been drawing uemployement and always spends it on beer. He constantly talks, complaining, putting us down, narrating the tv, all kinds of stupid s**t and it pisses me off to no end. He says stupid and cruel things to me nonstop so I have to stay locked up in my room for any peace and it's killing me. I guess I'd like to know if anybody else has a parent like that and what they do to cope...? And I'm kinda all over the place right now with my thoughts since he just did something that makes me miserable so I don't really know where to post this and I don't feel like caring so I'll put it here.....

[Pen_is_mightier]

Well, stuff like that is never easy. And it hurts even worse because it's someone that's supposed to love you and set a good example. One way I've always dealt with that sort of thing is to focus my energy on some sort of creative outlet in an attempt to eventually prove that person wrong, to prove that I was the better person. A direct confrontation is a tricky matter, since it may backfire. So I'd stay away from that until you're ready and mature to confront that person and show that you won, that you've become the better person and you can show it. But good luck, and also try to find someone that has been through that, and see if you can talk to that person one-on-one.

[zomgz]

yup i can relate..

my dad was a major abuser/alcoholic. when he was drunk he was violent, when he wasn't drunk he was verbally manipulative and mean. i think the verbal abuse was even more hurtful... apparently he was an ok guy at one time, then after he married my mom he turned sour and started drinking.

anyway, that went on for a long time.. sometimes it would get so bad my mom would take us in the car to keep us safe. then one day he decided to go to iraq with some private organization. he pretty much chose money over his family. he could have got a job here pretty easily, but he wanted something else i guess.. anyway he met another woman over there and started having an afair with her. after that went on for a while my dad and mom got a devorce (while he was still in iraq). there were nasty arguments between them of course.. he blamed my mum for everything wrong in the world.

when things got bad i just locked myself in my room and listening to music with headphones, i think that was my coping method and still is.

[glarmph]

my dad has been an alcoholic most of his life and all my life, he started drinking around the age of 13, so there you go. There was never really much of a relationship when i was little and around the time i hit 13 or 14 years old we started going out own ways. Its now to the point where I just ignore him. he's got anxiety and depression too so he just stays in his room when he gets home from work and drinks until he goes to sleep. we live in the same house and go for days and weeks without even seeing each other. for me its not even a matter of coping anymore. i wrote him about a decade ago. now i just wish he was dead.

[leonardess]

well, I don't know that i have any great revelations for you, but I can certainly relate.

My father was an abusive alcoholic my entire life, until the day he died. to this day i am not sure i am fully consciously aware of all that went on in our family, I do know i was beaten and molested to a certain extent. I still deal with the emotional fallout and I believe I have a mild to moderate case of BPD because of it.

After that, my stepfather came on the scene and was no better. I drew a lot. I spent most of my time on my own in the living room late at night after everyone else went to sleep, and drew. I never got to the level where you are, but it was a release. I was lucky in that I did have one close friend in high school, and spent a lot of time at her house with her family. Even though her father too was an alcoholic, her family was still the antithesis of mine in many ways, so that was an escape as well.

I waited it out. as soon after graduating from high school (a month late), I moved out. I had had a job for a couple of years. My friend went off to college and I rented her old room from her parents. That's how i dealt with it - I moved out as soon as i could manage it. I'm not sure if that's an option for you. Perhaps start planning your escape now? I can see even from that tiny avatar that you are good - put your stuff online and sell it? Look for a roommate? this is your life we're talking about here - whatever else you may be dealing with, SA, anything else that stops you - let your survival instinct kick in and get you out of there.

Consider pastoral counselling to help you deal with the emotional fallout from your situation, because there will be some, no doubt about it. pastoral counsellors tend to charge on a sliding scale. If I managed to find one in the ticky itchy crotch of the wasteland that is west Texas, you can probably find one too.

Hope that's of some use, and that i haven't overstepped any boundaries or anything.

Oh, and my father died a few years ago, old and alone, a dismal failure in a trailer park in Alabama. He was not found for 5 days.

[SilentLoner]

My dad is an alcoholic. We haven't talked in a few years.

[illlaymedown]

Wow....It's amazing to know people actually understand what I'm going thru in so many things on here. Thanks for sharing with me guys. I'm feeling a bit better now. When it gets really chaotic my mind is all over the place and I don't really think and say a lot of what seems to incoherent. I am avoiding him for today. There was a big fight between him, my mom, and her bf over his alcoholic antics yesterday. I hate the alcohol, but not him. I think of him as a slave to it and I feel sorry for him for allowing it to have control over him and for all he has to lose to keep that poison. It's really sad.
I draw all the time....way too much The only problem is that I don't do so well without looking and people don't buy art a lot. I have sold quite a few portraits, but it's way far in between and never online. I have my art up on myspace if you actually want to see it better It's mainly video game fanart, but not all. If I wasn't born in the no-opportunity state, I'd like to work in video game graphics/cgs.