Social Anxiety Support

Still Waters · 10-13-2009, 10:24 AM

When I was younger it was automatic for me to fall into the people pleasing role. The words,actions and even facial expressions were a natural part of each day. It has now become almost impossible to assimilate in this way. I'm at a loss as to exactly where my "talent" went and if this is truely a positive or a negative. Is this the true me sans the mask or a sign of bitterness/anger? Am I now a more honest human being who is no longer dependant on fakery or a hard person who can't be bothered to such a degree with others opinions? As you age is your talent/curse in this area diminishing??

Pam · 10-14-2009, 09:43 AM

I think people-pleasing drains the self. Why should I have the burden of making sure everyone around me is happy? It's not my responsibility. Who is going to make me happy?

I was a people-pleaser for like 40 yrs. and, for me, that's what leads to resentment & bitterness. I finally looked around and saw that everyone else is allowed to be themselves and no one holds it against them, so why shouldn't I be able to be my real self too?

I think I'm a pretty good person, or at least not mean, so I realized I don't have to go way out of my way to be nice! I already am nice!

I don't like the idea of giving up my true self and it's natural expression for another person.

The habit of people-pleasing can easily turn into self-compromise. I compromised myself so much for years and it's not worth it! It was hard to admit, but I finally realized that the reason I was people-pleasing was to try to make sure the other person liked me (didn't reject me). I would do just about anything (including giving up my self) to avoid rejection. In a way I was being manipulative. Just not the Malicious kind, rather it was a self-protective kind.

Only problem is the SA gets in the way of me freely expressing myself live in person a lot. So what i do then is try to leave the situation or avoid a person if I feel I can't be my true self around them.

Now, I do anything to avoid being fake.

10-13-2009, 10:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	The lost art of people pleasing - When I was younger it was automatic for me to fall into the people pleasing role. The words,actions and even facial expressions were a natural part of each day. It has now become almost impossible to assimilate in this way. I'm at a loss as to exactly where my "talent" went and if this is truely a positive or a negative. Is this the true me sans the mask or a sign of bitterness/anger? Am I now a more honest human being who is no longer dependant on fakery or a hard person who can't be bothered to such a degree with others opinions? As you age is your talent/curse in this area diminishing?? __________________ I knew a man who lived in fear It was huge,it was angry,it was drawing near Behind his house,a secret place Was the shadow of the demon he could never face. He tells the world that it's sleeping But as the night came 'round I heard it's lonely sound It wasn't roaring,it was weeping. - Weeping - Josh Groban

10-14-2009, 09:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
Pam Status: Never Fitting In Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western New York Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 234	I think people-pleasing drains the self. Why should I have the burden of making sure everyone around me is happy? It's not my responsibility. Who is going to make me happy? I was a people-pleaser for like 40 yrs. and, for me, that's what leads to resentment & bitterness. I finally looked around and saw that everyone else is allowed to be themselves and no one holds it against them, so why shouldn't I be able to be my real self too? I think I'm a pretty good person, or at least not mean, so I realized I don't have to go way out of my way to be nice! I already am nice! I don't like the idea of giving up my true self and it's natural expression for another person. The habit of people-pleasing can easily turn into self-compromise. I compromised myself so much for years and it's not worth it! It was hard to admit, but I finally realized that the reason I was people-pleasing was to try to make sure the other person liked me (didn't reject me). I would do just about anything (including giving up my self) to avoid rejection. In a way I was being manipulative. Just not the Malicious kind, rather it was a self-protective kind. Only problem is the SA gets in the way of me freely expressing myself live in person a lot. So what i do then is try to leave the situation or avoid a person if I feel I can't be my true self around them. Now, I do anything to avoid being fake. __________________ I don't need anyone to approve of what I say or do...but it's always nice when someone does.