Social Anxiety Support

tearac · 07-09-2008, 11:54 AM

I'm glad I stumbled upon this board. I've been dealing with SAD since high school (I'm in my early thirties now). I managed to complete college and start a career in the path of my studies. Even though I was lucky to be employed in a company that had a laid back work culture, I had a really difficult time with the social aspects of work. If it weren't for meds, I wouldn't have been able to deal with all the meetings and presentations I had to do. At the same time, I sought different approaches to therapy to help with the SAD. After a few years, I decided that the corporate world really wasn't for me. I realized that in order to move up in my career, I would have to be good at such things as networking and socializing with coworkers and other managers. I decided it wasn't for me. Functioning at work was stressful enough for me and talking to my boss and even on the telephone was humiliating enough for me.

I left that career awhile back and spent a few years attempting to get a home business going. I now find myself in a dead-end job that I'm too overqualified for. I'm looking for options but am really lost at what's out there for me. Has anyone been through a situation like this? I would have posted on the the workplace board, but it seems that most of the discussion there relates to new to workplace topics.

Atticus · 07-09-2008, 02:39 PM

First, welcome to the board and the "crickets" section in particular.

I think I know what you're going through. I'm 50, and I chose a career that's safe for me (social services). I'm stuck in a sort of middle management position, in part because to move up I'd need to work more on relationships with the powers that be, and less on a knowledge base I'm comfortable with. So I'm underachieving a bit in a field that's a little soft. This frustrates me greatly at times, and I'm not where I want to be financially.

I don't have a solution to this. For me, at my age, the solution may be more a matter of acceptance as opposed to change. Being in your early 30s, you have time to figure things out and benefit from it. I was aware of most of my issues at your age, and I did little to address them the past 2 decades. I do not recomment that

tearac · 07-14-2008, 05:27 PM

Attitcus,

In some ways, I can relate with what you said. I don't think I ever really developed the soft skills that I feel is needed to advance in almost any position within a corporate environment. At this point, I really don't think it is in me to make this change. I'm comfortable and content with working in a more non-hierarchical environment.

bent · 07-22-2008, 10:22 PM

I ended up in one of the most stressful careers by default while still struggling with anxiety/depression/social retardation and then punctuated that debacle by waking up in jail one night not knowing how I got there...why do I have to live in a David Lynch movie (see Lost Highway)???...a sign that my life had finally merged with it's own worst nightmares. Suffice it to say, I don't think you should choose your career based on money or what is most socially desired. You cannot put a price on mental health or day to day happiness. Due to the need for association with a life partner ideally a career has to happen in order for life to be livable but it's better to take a pay cut and find something that's not horrible and disturbing.

I wish I could have Atticus' job...it doesn't seem so bad. Maybe I'm weird (women clearly think so when it comes to this) but I'm not that motivated by money. I just want a job that I can do without becoming ****ed up by the end of each day and that will pay enough for me to have a basic life. I never got off on glitz. Even the women I've always liked most are basic or bohemian.

A lucrative career only matters if you need to either substitute for or buy a woman...that can't be a life worth living (although many do and claim to be happy).

I am going to try and go back to school and hopefully end up with a middle management job in social services, haha. As long as I am suitably married I will be happy with that. Obviously being happy and having more money would be better (although not that much...it's just money...when did that get more important than someone's mind and body?). But most people I knew in high paying careers were pretty stressed out and had little time for anything outside of their job.

So back to school it is for me...hopefully anyway. And I'm also in my 30s now. Sad and difficult yes, but not impossible to work with. I will seek a female partner who is willing to take a pay cut in her choice of husbands. It's sad that it comes to that kind of calculation but that's what is really out there. She will not and cannot be from the "normal" pool. Better to do that and succeed than to damage yourself daily for more money, social acceptance, and possibly women (what kind...) only to end up somehow broken or failed.

nerak67 · 07-27-2008, 03:22 PM

I've had a decent career but never was good at the networking and social side. then last year I was laid off after 11 years at a good company (because the company was sold) and found myself out of work. At that point I regretted that I didn't have better contacts and hadn't networked in the industry over the years. Now, due to a lack of full time jobs in the industry I find myself consulting which is my biggest nightmare because I have to reach out to people to try to get clients. Selling myself is my biggest fear.....

07-09-2008, 11:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
tearac Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 2	Overcoming a career setback? I'm glad I stumbled upon this board. I've been dealing with SAD since high school (I'm in my early thirties now). I managed to complete college and start a career in the path of my studies. Even though I was lucky to be employed in a company that had a laid back work culture, I had a really difficult time with the social aspects of work. If it weren't for meds, I wouldn't have been able to deal with all the meetings and presentations I had to do. At the same time, I sought different approaches to therapy to help with the SAD. After a few years, I decided that the corporate world really wasn't for me. I realized that in order to move up in my career, I would have to be good at such things as networking and socializing with coworkers and other managers. I decided it wasn't for me. Functioning at work was stressful enough for me and talking to my boss and even on the telephone was humiliating enough for me. I left that career awhile back and spent a few years attempting to get a home business going. I now find myself in a dead-end job that I'm too overqualified for. I'm looking for options but am really lost at what's out there for me. Has anyone been through a situation like this? I would have posted on the the workplace board, but it seems that most of the discussion there relates to new to workplace topics.

07-09-2008, 02:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
Atticus Status: under a sheltering sky Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: St. Louis Age: 52 Posts: 3,531	Re: Overcoming a career setback? First, welcome to the board and the "crickets" section in particular. I think I know what you're going through. I'm 50, and I chose a career that's safe for me (social services). I'm stuck in a sort of middle management position, in part because to move up I'd need to work more on relationships with the powers that be, and less on a knowledge base I'm comfortable with. So I'm underachieving a bit in a field that's a little soft. This frustrates me greatly at times, and I'm not where I want to be financially. I don't have a solution to this. For me, at my age, the solution may be more a matter of acceptance as opposed to change. Being in your early 30s, you have time to figure things out and benefit from it. I was aware of most of my issues at your age, and I did little to address them the past 2 decades. I do not recomment that __________________ Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth. ....You know, like Caine in Kung Fu - walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures." Jules after his epiphany

07-14-2008, 05:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
tearac Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 2	Re: Overcoming a career setback? Attitcus, In some ways, I can relate with what you said. I don't think I ever really developed the soft skills that I feel is needed to advance in almost any position within a corporate environment. At this point, I really don't think it is in me to make this change. I'm comfortable and content with working in a more non-hierarchical environment.

07-22-2008, 10:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
bent Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: ontario Age: 31 Posts: 821	Re: Overcoming a career setback? I ended up in one of the most stressful careers by default while still struggling with anxiety/depression/social retardation and then punctuated that debacle by waking up in jail one night not knowing how I got there...why do I have to live in a David Lynch movie (see Lost Highway)???...a sign that my life had finally merged with it's own worst nightmares. Suffice it to say, I don't think you should choose your career based on money or what is most socially desired. You cannot put a price on mental health or day to day happiness. Due to the need for association with a life partner ideally a career has to happen in order for life to be livable but it's better to take a pay cut and find something that's not horrible and disturbing. I wish I could have Atticus' job...it doesn't seem so bad. Maybe I'm weird (women clearly think so when it comes to this) but I'm not that motivated by money. I just want a job that I can do without becoming ****ed up by the end of each day and that will pay enough for me to have a basic life. I never got off on glitz. Even the women I've always liked most are basic or bohemian. A lucrative career only matters if you need to either substitute for or buy a woman...that can't be a life worth living (although many do and claim to be happy). I am going to try and go back to school and hopefully end up with a middle management job in social services, haha. As long as I am suitably married I will be happy with that. Obviously being happy and having more money would be better (although not that much...it's just money...when did that get more important than someone's mind and body?). But most people I knew in high paying careers were pretty stressed out and had little time for anything outside of their job. So back to school it is for me...hopefully anyway. And I'm also in my 30s now. Sad and difficult yes, but not impossible to work with. I will seek a female partner who is willing to take a pay cut in her choice of husbands. It's sad that it comes to that kind of calculation but that's what is really out there. She will not and cannot be from the "normal" pool. Better to do that and succeed than to damage yourself daily for more money, social acceptance, and possibly women (what kind...) only to end up somehow broken or failed.

07-27-2008, 03:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
nerak67 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 9	Re: Overcoming a career setback? I've had a decent career but never was good at the networking and social side. then last year I was laid off after 11 years at a good company (because the company was sold) and found myself out of work. At that point I regretted that I didn't have better contacts and hadn't networked in the industry over the years. Now, due to a lack of full time jobs in the industry I find myself consulting which is my biggest nightmare because I have to reach out to people to try to get clients. Selling myself is my biggest fear.....