Social Anxiety Support

pepper · 06-11-2009, 12:26 PM

I can't believe that there are other people, my age dealing with this. I feel incredibly sad for all of the young people who have this SAD on all of the other forums i just looked at. I just joined in b/c I don't think that anyone that doesn't have emotional issues gets it!

copper · 06-11-2009, 02:17 PM

I am almost 40. I will be 40 next summer. Been suffering with this most of my life, but it really got bad when I got into my teen years. I don't know how I survived 4 years of college and working.

Amocholes · 06-11-2009, 02:40 PM

I just turned 49 and have had SA since 2002.

pepper · 06-11-2009, 06:38 PM

sometimes people think you're mean for not being able to do things. I think I'm misread all of the time. When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable getting a haircut or manicure Family and friends just think that you're cheap or bad or anything other than the truth,,,,which is scarred to death that I'm going to do something wrong. Like Tip incorrectly or just not being able to tell the stylist what kind of haircut I want. I'm soooooo frustrated!

pepper · 06-11-2009, 06:42 PM

I'm also 49 and have had this and a million other diagnosis" Whatever it is., I just pray it's not genetic b/c I have a kid and I don't see this in her. I hope I never will.

Atticus · 06-11-2009, 07:21 PM

I'm 51 with 3 kids, and while each has an issue or two, they're all social. And welcome.

EremitaGermanus · 06-12-2009, 08:52 AM

I'll be 40 in two years.

SA was the worst between my early teens and mid-twenties.
I'm happy to say that it has improved greatly during the last year or two. I grew more content with myself and my situation.

But due to the long timespan with very intense SA, I irreversably missed out on many things in the past. I'm now working on finding substitutes for them.

Still Waters · 06-12-2009, 09:34 AM

Oh yes,we're here!!-You would think by observing this forum that everyone's young-16 to 25.- I've come to believe after a time people resign themselves to this and no longer question it. The rest of us are stubborn and maybe a little stronger?? I don't know. Stick around,it gets interesting here!!

Toad Licker · 06-12-2009, 11:00 AM

I was diagnosed in late '99, my counselor told me I was the worse case she'd ever seen. It's slowly gotten better since then but I still have lots of problems being out in public.

Welcome Janie.

Pam · 06-12-2009, 08:53 PM

I just turned 41. My normal shyness turned into Social Phobia in my mid 20s. I'd like to, and try to, be encouraging to the younger people on here but then I worry they look at my age and say, "Well, look how long she's had it! Oh no, there's no hope!" But I do still have hope.

kpiper0101 · 06-12-2009, 10:48 PM

I'm 45 with three children. I've been this way since I was a little kid; I just didn't always know what it was. I don't exactly have hope of it ever going away, but with age I've gained acceptance of myself, and self-acceptance in itself seems to offer some healing. I've learned to cope . . . does avoidance count as coping? Well I've learned to survive the best I can in the world, and feel like I've developed some attributes I might not otherwise have if I hadn't lived with this my entire life. I just got back from my daughter-in-law's college graduation, and feel a kind of sadness that I wasn't able to complete college myself because my SA was so severe, and therefore have never had the type of career I would have liked, just jobs. I've done the best I can though, and try to remind myself that if I were anybody else, I'd tell them that the best they can has to be good enough. :O)

Alone42Long · 06-13-2009, 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pam

I just turned 41. My normal shyness turned into Social Phobia in my mid 20s. I'd like to, and try to, be encouraging to the younger people on here but then I worry they look at my age and say, "Well, look how long she's had it! Oh no, there's no hope!" But I do still have hope.

I'm similar. Just turned 40 & increasing shyness turned full on phobia around 20/21 or so I would guess. Maybe sooner but definitely by early 20's. I have those thoughts on the age thing being viewed like that. I personally didn't have a support group or any idea what to do about it. I thought becoming a shut in would be a solution . My whole goal was to create as stress free a life as possible & that did work for a decade. I still have hope too but it's like a fishing bob or a person out in the ocean. I've floated on my back & dog paddled looking for the life line for so long I go under sometimes losing hope. then bob back up for a minute having hope to find the saving rope again. It is getting worse as time passes & I'm afraid if I don't find a successful solution I'll go under for good.

Alone42Long · 06-13-2009, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper

sometimes people think you're mean for not being able to do things. I think I'm misread all of the time. When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable getting a haircut or manicure Family and friends just think that you're cheap or bad or anything other than the truth,,,,which is scarred to death that I'm going to do something wrong. Like Tip incorrectly or just not being able to tell the stylist what kind of haircut I want. I'm soooooo frustrated!

Definitely feel you on all the above.

fridays child · 06-13-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepper

When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable

I'm 48 and looking back I know I've had SA probably since I was born. In my teens I thought adult life would kind of "automatically" get better because I would...I guess figure it out somehow, and that other people would be grown up and doing what they were "supposed" to be doing.

Didn't work that way..

One of the main reasons I joined here was my realization that my coping skills from over the years, were creating a new sub-set of problems. For example, I've realized that I have alot of resentment building up from being a people-pleaser and co-dependent all these years..even though these traits have helped me to connect to people and break out of my shell. And alot of my self-worth is derived from being useful and working hard, both good things, but not when it keeps me from accepting that I'm worthwhile just "being". It's been wonderful finding this forum and seeing my thoughts and feelings being expressed by a variety of people from all over the world, so I don't feel like I'm from another planet for feeling this way.
I don't think there was really any info on SA out there when I was in my late teens, and then in my 20's there seemed a focus on depression. If I had this info on SA when I was younger, I guess I would have made better progress by now....but then again, in today's world with the instant communication and the facebook/social sites, I don't know how well I'd be dealing with that

purpleice · 06-13-2009, 10:33 PM

I'll be 40 in October and I've had problems since I was a little girl. It's frustrating and can be exhausting because I feel torn up inside sometimes because I want to do stuff and change more faster than I am. Maybe it's fear of change. I think I've made a little progress. I can say hi to people and have a few conversations. It can be hard though. I hate it when I have to force myself to do stuff that comes easier to others.

kpiper0101 · 06-14-2009, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fridays child

I'm 48 and looking back I know I've had SA probably since I was born. In my teens I thought adult life would kind of "automatically" get better because I would...I guess figure it out somehow, and that other people would be grown up and doing what they were "supposed" to be doing.

Didn't work that way..

:

I thought exactly the same thing. I remember thinking, "If I can just survive childhood, I'll be okay," since it appeared that all adults were competent and confident . . .

. Of course, lucky me, turns out I'm a manual . . .

sprinter · 06-14-2009, 06:08 PM

I'm 46 and had SAD since age 11. I had risk factors before that though like being a little on the shy side and kind of a hypochondriac and I had the yips in little league, I couldn't make a decent throw to first when the pressure was on.

Oh yeah I also was a poor eater and had reactive hypoglycemia which I know was a factor. I had some unnecessary stress at home too. My SAD was at it's worst around the time I graduated high school. It has never been better than now since before age 11. Still far from totally gone though.

Delacroix · 06-15-2009, 09:51 AM

I turn 40 in December, but in anticipation of turning so have already mentally placed myself there. Am personally anxious to see if when I actually turn 40 I start to picture myself as 41.

Anyway I can relate to one of the previous posts about wondering just how I'm perceived, because I just don't have what seem to be normal social skills. Pepper said she can't tell the stylist what kind of haircut she wants. I can't get my pants tailored to fit me. They are all either too long, too short, too tight or too loose. After I picked up my most recent alterations, I gave in the salesperson's suggestion (despite my urge to flee right then and there) and actually did try them on. The salesperson asked me if they were OK, and I couldn't bring myself to say "No, they're too long (and baggy)"

Instead I said "Oh, they're fine," and then I fleed. And now each day I wear them it's a reminder of my failure as a human.

kpiper0101 · 06-15-2009, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Delacroix

Anyway I can relate to one of the previous posts about wondering just how I'm perceived, because I just don't have what seem to be normal social skills. Pepper said she can't tell the stylist what kind of haircut she wants. I can't get my pants tailored to fit me. They are all either too long, too short, too tight or too loose. After I picked up my most recent alterations, I gave in the salesperson's suggestion (despite my urge to flee right then and there) and actually did try them on. The salesperson asked me if they were OK, and I couldn't bring myself to say "No, they're too long (and baggy)"

I wouldn't even go to a hairdresser or a tailor so you guys can at least give yourself credit for going; you're one up on me!

I too often find myself saying things are "fine" or "that's okay" to things that really aren't fine or okay at all. Oh well. *sigh*

kaye · 06-15-2009, 10:29 PM

Yes, 47, started withdrawing and feeling fearful of school when I was nine, right after moving to a new town. I have grown alot (duh, in 38 years ya I guess), and have many good qualities but this is still a problem for me.

06-11-2009, 12:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
pepper Status: Hiding in NYC Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manhattan Gender: Female Posts: 4	other 40 somethings out there with this? I can't believe that there are other people, my age dealing with this. I feel incredibly sad for all of the young people who have this SAD on all of the other forums i just looked at. I just joined in b/c I don't think that anyone that doesn't have emotional issues gets it!

06-11-2009, 02:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
copper Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Keweenaw Peninsula Michigan Age: 39 Posts: 7,768	I am almost 40. I will be 40 next summer. Been suffering with this most of my life, but it really got bad when I got into my teen years. I don't know how I survived 4 years of college and working. __________________ troll: man, we got a lot of snow yooper: eh? troll: three feet, man! yooper: yah troll: no school, man, it was sweet yooper: you closed school for three feet of snow?!?!??!? troll: you like excessive punctuation, don't you?

06-11-2009, 02:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
Amocholes Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Hello my freaky darlings! Gender: Male Age: 49 Posts: 12,595	I just turned 49 and have had SA since 2002. __________________ In the kingdom of the blind, the one legged man is king.

06-11-2009, 06:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
pepper Status: Hiding in NYC Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manhattan Gender: Female Posts: 4	sometimes people think I'm being mean when I'm just in a panic sometimes people think you're mean for not being able to do things. I think I'm misread all of the time. When you are all grown up and still can't feel comfortable getting a haircut or manicure Family and friends just think that you're cheap or bad or anything other than the truth,,,,which is scarred to death that I'm going to do something wrong. Like Tip incorrectly or just not being able to tell the stylist what kind of haircut I want. I'm soooooo frustrated!

06-11-2009, 07:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
Atticus Status: under a sheltering sky Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: St. Louis Age: 52 Posts: 3,531	I'm 51 with 3 kids, and while each has an issue or two, they're all social. And welcome. __________________ Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth. ....You know, like Caine in Kung Fu - walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures." Jules after his epiphany

06-11-2009, 06:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
pepper Status: Hiding in NYC Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Manhattan Gender: Female Posts: 4	I'm also 49 and have had this and a million other diagnosis" Whatever it is., I just pray it's not genetic b/c I have a kid and I don't see this in her. I hope I never will.

06-12-2009, 08:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
EremitaGermanus Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Germany Gender: Female Age: 38 Posts: 133	I'll be 40 in two years. SA was the worst between my early teens and mid-twenties. I'm happy to say that it has improved greatly during the last year or two. I grew more content with myself and my situation. But due to the long timespan with very intense SA, I irreversably missed out on many things in the past. I'm now working on finding substitutes for them.

06-12-2009, 09:34 AM	#8 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	Oh yes,we're here!!-You would think by observing this forum that everyone's young-16 to 25.- I've come to believe after a time people resign themselves to this and no longer question it. The rest of us are stubborn and maybe a little stronger?? I don't know. Stick around,it gets interesting here!! __________________ I knew a man who lived in fear It was huge,it was angry,it was drawing near Behind his house,a secret place Was the shadow of the demon he could never face. He tells the world that it's sleeping But as the night came 'round I heard it's lonely sound It wasn't roaring,it was weeping. - Weeping - Josh Groban

06-12-2009, 11:00 AM	#9 (permalink)
Toad Licker Status: Broken Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: A Fruitloop Daydream Gender: Male Age: 44 Posts: 29,594	I was diagnosed in late '99, my counselor told me I was the worse case she'd ever seen. It's slowly gotten better since then but I still have lots of problems being out in public. Welcome Janie. __________________ All will wither, go to sleep The ones you love you may not keep All you touch will fall apart The dreams you kill will break your heart There's no mercy, there's no rest The void will scream within your chest No one knows and no one will So leave this place that makes you Ill - Madder Mortem

06-12-2009, 08:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
Pam Status: Never Fitting In Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western New York Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 234	I just turned 41. My normal shyness turned into Social Phobia in my mid 20s. I'd like to, and try to, be encouraging to the younger people on here but then I worry they look at my age and say, "Well, look how long she's had it! Oh no, there's no hope!" But I do still have hope. __________________ I don't need anyone to approve of what I say or do...but it's always nice when someone does.

06-12-2009, 10:48 PM	#11 (permalink)
kpiper0101 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Eugene, OR Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 354	I'm 45 with three children. I've been this way since I was a little kid; I just didn't always know what it was. I don't exactly have hope of it ever going away, but with age I've gained acceptance of myself, and self-acceptance in itself seems to offer some healing. I've learned to cope . . . does avoidance count as coping? Well I've learned to survive the best I can in the world, and feel like I've developed some attributes I might not otherwise have if I hadn't lived with this my entire life. I just got back from my daughter-in-law's college graduation, and feel a kind of sadness that I wasn't able to complete college myself because my SA was so severe, and therefore have never had the type of career I would have liked, just jobs. I've done the best I can though, and try to remind myself that if I were anybody else, I'd tell them that the best they can has to be good enough. :O)

06-13-2009, 10:33 PM	#15 (permalink)
purpleice Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Posts: 1,592	I'll be 40 in October and I've had problems since I was a little girl. It's frustrating and can be exhausting because I feel torn up inside sometimes because I want to do stuff and change more faster than I am. Maybe it's fear of change. I think I've made a little progress. I can say hi to people and have a few conversations. It can be hard though. I hate it when I have to force myself to do stuff that comes easier to others. __________________ "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"

06-14-2009, 06:08 PM	#17 (permalink)
sprinter Status: flying at tree level Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Posts: 2,665	I'm 46 and had SAD since age 11. I had risk factors before that though like being a little on the shy side and kind of a hypochondriac and I had the yips in little league, I couldn't make a decent throw to first when the pressure was on. Oh yeah I also was a poor eater and had reactive hypoglycemia which I know was a factor. I had some unnecessary stress at home too. My SAD was at it's worst around the time I graduated high school. It has never been better than now since before age 11. Still far from totally gone though.

06-15-2009, 09:51 AM	#18 (permalink)
Delacroix Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 45	I turn 40 in December, but in anticipation of turning so have already mentally placed myself there. Am personally anxious to see if when I actually turn 40 I start to picture myself as 41. Anyway I can relate to one of the previous posts about wondering just how I'm perceived, because I just don't have what seem to be normal social skills. Pepper said she can't tell the stylist what kind of haircut she wants. I can't get my pants tailored to fit me. They are all either too long, too short, too tight or too loose. After I picked up my most recent alterations, I gave in the salesperson's suggestion (despite my urge to flee right then and there) and actually did try them on. The salesperson asked me if they were OK, and I couldn't bring myself to say "No, they're too long (and baggy)" Instead I said "Oh, they're fine," and then I fleed. And now each day I wear them it's a reminder of my failure as a human.

06-15-2009, 10:29 PM	#20 (permalink)
kaye Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: NoCal Age: 47 Posts: 271	Yes, 47, started withdrawing and feeling fearful of school when I was nine, right after moving to a new town. I have grown alot (duh, in 38 years ya I guess), and have many good qualities but this is still a problem for me.