Social Anxiety Support

shylady · 03-21-2009, 11:47 AM

Im about to be a mother in four months and I am so nervous right now,with my SA I worry about how I will measure up. Motherhood is alot of responsibility and SA is going to make this difficult for me.My relatives are already making me feel like a terrible mother with the little comments they make.I also had a panic attack trying to make a doctors appointment and I couldn't do it so my husband had to make the phone call <so freaking embarassing

>. This is getting so out of hand I hate having this disorder .I just want to be normal Im almost 30 and still feel unprepared life is so hard.

I really want to overcome this without meds there has to be a way.

lilly · 03-21-2009, 03:14 PM

It sounds like you really need support from a good psychologist. Have you had any counselling at all? Can you keep away from the unsupportive relatives for a while?
I wish you well with everything and I hope you will find some practical form of help - maybe your husband can bring you to an appointment with a counsellor of some kind? You'll be a great mum - it's in your heart what matters.

kpiper0101 · 03-22-2009, 02:06 PM

I don't take any meds. I've got three kids, and have found that sometimes I find the strength to do things I normally couldn't because I need to do it for them. I might be lacking in some respects, but in other ways, I'm an even better mom because of SA. Like I have plenty of time for them since I have no social life! :OD Your children will likely never be as hard on you as you are on yourself. You'll be a great mom. I figure God puts kids where they're supposed to be, and he has entrusted this child to you for a reason.

Pam · 03-23-2009, 03:19 PM

Hi! Your relatives are being negative about what kind of mother you're going to be?!? That's terrible! If they are typically critical like that, then no wonder you feel how you do. I'd like to tell them to take a flying leap.

I never had kids, but would have liked to and when I'd talk about it to my family, they were dead silent and had an almost horrified look on their faces. ("Fine job they did by the way" I say sarcastically)

I wish I lived near you--I'd go with you and make the calls. I have the same reaction to making dr appt calls for myself, but when I do things for other people, I don't have any problem. Maybe you will have that kind of effect with the baby...Like if, for example, you can't go outside to go for a walk by yourself right now, but when the baby comes, I bet you'll be able to do it. That's just an example, but when the baby comes, the attention will be on him or her, not so much you, which may be a relief(?)

Good luck & stay strong!

shylady · 03-23-2009, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly

It sounds like you really need support from a good psychologist. Have you had any counselling at all? Can you keep away from the unsupportive relatives for a while?
I wish you well with everything and I hope you will find some practical form of help - maybe your husband can bring you to an appointment with a counsellor of some kind? You'll be a great mum - it's in your heart what matters.

I never really thought of seeing a psychologist,it has always been hard for me to explain what Im going through to strangers but I've noticed that online Im not as nervous with strangers ,I think it's because here people can relate to me a whole lot better.Im also trying to stay away from negative relatives,but some of them like to stop by my apartment from time to time .

shylady · 03-23-2009, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kpiper0101

I don't take any meds. I've got three kids, and have found that sometimes I find the strength to do things I normally couldn't because I need to do it for them. I might be lacking in some respects, but in other ways, I'm an even better mom because of SA. Like I have plenty of time for them since I have no social life! :OD Your children will likely never be as hard on you as you are on yourself. You'll be a great mom. I figure God puts kids where they're supposed to be, and he has entrusted this child to you for a reason.

Your post made me smile thanks so much..I never thought of SA in that way
your a really positive person.I also got a sonogram today I found out Im having a boy

.I guess fear is common with new mothers especially those who suffer some type of disorder,but I believe we all deserve happiness and shouldn't have to put up with judgement from others.

shylady · 03-23-2009, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pam

Hi! Your relatives are being negative about what kind of mother you're going to be?!? That's terrible! If they are typically critical like that, then no wonder you feel how you do. I'd like to tell them to take a flying leap.

I never had kids, but would have liked to and when I'd talk about it to my family, they were dead silent and had an almost horrified look on their faces. ("Fine job they did by the way" I say sarcastically)

I wish I lived near you--I'd go with you and make the calls. I have the same reaction to making dr appt calls for myself, but when I do things for other people, I don't have any problem. Maybe you will have that kind of effect with the baby...Like if, for example, you can't go outside to go for a walk by yourself right now, but when the baby comes, I bet you'll be able to do it. That's just an example, but when the baby comes, the attention will be on him or her, not so much you, which may be a relief(?)

Good luck & stay strong!

Thanks Pam,I sure wished you lived near me your family kind of sounds similar to mine.I've noticed that I have my good days and bad days dealing with SA.Usually when I have no contact with relatives Im really happy.I thought this was all in my head but I can sense my stress level kind of goes down when I'm not around them.Im starting to really believe some people can be bad for your mental health and self -esteem.

BobNothing · 03-23-2009, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kpiper0101

I don't take any meds. I've got three kids, and have found that sometimes I find the strength to do things I normally couldn't because I need to do it for them. I might be lacking in some respects, but in other ways, I'm an even better mom because of SA. Like I have plenty of time for them since I have no social life! :OD Your children will likely never be as hard on you as you are on yourself. You'll be a great mom. I figure God puts kids where they're supposed to be, and he has entrusted this child to you for a reason.

Couldn't agree with kpiper0101 more!

I have two girls and the 'strength' you acquire when doing things for them is shocking sometimes. I also have a great deal of time to spend with them as I don’t have a social life

. Now, I must admit I'm not so strong when I get surrounded by well meaning people who want to socialize ( @ the park, store ect) because of my adorable kids (I’m a proud Dad but . . .Blushing. . . . , can't speak . . ., must get out of here feeling).
As for criticism, just remember there is NO ONE that will love those kids more than Mom and Dad, listen to ‘helpful’ advice, ignore criticism and you will be a fantastic Mother. A great deal of people I’ve encountered with criticism of our parenting technique either don’t have kids or are wearing rose coloured glasses when remembering what it was like.
– Kids are the best part of life, enjoy it! -

All the best

morning_glory · 03-23-2009, 10:15 PM

Congratulations on your new baby! I know how difficult it must be for you right now. I just had my youngest 2 months ago and for me the pregnancy hormones really intensified my symptoms. These guys are right..you will find the strength to do what you have to (if for no other reason than to give your children a normal life). And having kids has plenty of advantages. They are great icebreakers when you have to talk to strangers. You will also have more opportunities to make friends when you take your son to sports, scouts, etc. Best of all you will have someone who loves you more than anyone else in the whole world...for a while anyway lol. Don't worry about what your relatives are saying. Every parent has been second-guessed on how they are raising their children. Try to keep in mind that sometimes these people really do have good intentions and might have good ideas. Good luck!

03-21-2009, 11:47 AM	#1 (permalink)
shylady Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Mississippi Gender: Female Posts: 92	needing advice Im about to be a mother in four months and I am so nervous right now,with my SA I worry about how I will measure up. Motherhood is alot of responsibility and SA is going to make this difficult for me.My relatives are already making me feel like a terrible mother with the little comments they make.I also had a panic attack trying to make a doctors appointment and I couldn't do it so my husband had to make the phone call <so freaking embarassing>. This is getting so out of hand I hate having this disorder .I just want to be normal Im almost 30 and still feel unprepared life is so hard. I really want to overcome this without meds there has to be a way.

03-21-2009, 03:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
lilly Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: australia Gender: Female Age: 50 Posts: 1,746	It sounds like you really need support from a good psychologist. Have you had any counselling at all? Can you keep away from the unsupportive relatives for a while? I wish you well with everything and I hope you will find some practical form of help - maybe your husband can bring you to an appointment with a counsellor of some kind? You'll be a great mum - it's in your heart what matters.

03-22-2009, 02:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
kpiper0101 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Eugene, OR Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 354	I don't take any meds. I've got three kids, and have found that sometimes I find the strength to do things I normally couldn't because I need to do it for them. I might be lacking in some respects, but in other ways, I'm an even better mom because of SA. Like I have plenty of time for them since I have no social life! :OD Your children will likely never be as hard on you as you are on yourself. You'll be a great mom. I figure God puts kids where they're supposed to be, and he has entrusted this child to you for a reason.

03-23-2009, 03:19 PM	#4 (permalink)
Pam Status: Never Fitting In Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: western New York Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 234	Hi! Your relatives are being negative about what kind of mother you're going to be?!? That's terrible! If they are typically critical like that, then no wonder you feel how you do. I'd like to tell them to take a flying leap. I never had kids, but would have liked to and when I'd talk about it to my family, they were dead silent and had an almost horrified look on their faces. ("Fine job they did by the way" I say sarcastically) I wish I lived near you--I'd go with you and make the calls. I have the same reaction to making dr appt calls for myself, but when I do things for other people, I don't have any problem. Maybe you will have that kind of effect with the baby...Like if, for example, you can't go outside to go for a walk by yourself right now, but when the baby comes, I bet you'll be able to do it. That's just an example, but when the baby comes, the attention will be on him or her, not so much you, which may be a relief(?) Good luck & stay strong!

03-23-2009, 10:15 PM	#9 (permalink)
morning_glory Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: California Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 41	Congratulations on your new baby! I know how difficult it must be for you right now. I just had my youngest 2 months ago and for me the pregnancy hormones really intensified my symptoms. These guys are right..you will find the strength to do what you have to (if for no other reason than to give your children a normal life). And having kids has plenty of advantages. They are great icebreakers when you have to talk to strangers. You will also have more opportunities to make friends when you take your son to sports, scouts, etc. Best of all you will have someone who loves you more than anyone else in the whole world...for a while anyway lol. Don't worry about what your relatives are saying. Every parent has been second-guessed on how they are raising their children. Try to keep in mind that sometimes these people really do have good intentions and might have good ideas. Good luck!