Need Help w/Housemate!

[kaye]

hello,

it's been awhile since I've been on the boards. I've been living in this new housemate situation since Nov.15. This young gal, about 28 yo, is absolutely got me feeling terrorized. She's the "wife" of the guy who owns the house, I suspect she's actually his gf who moved in last summer.

Anyway whenever they're together, she laughs often and loudly, like when they're watching a movie. They have complained to me about trivial things like the smell of my microwave popcorn, the smell of my coffee when I brew it, my cat's hair on the floor, and the most terrorizing thing is the heating. They hardly want to use the heating. They turn it on for 20 minutes or so, heating to about 65, then they shut it off. Most of the time it's off. It doesn't feel comfortable to me bc the house is cold. Also, they like to open the windows!

Every morning I do my meditation, and this morning after finishing I took out my earplugs and heard they were in their bedroom across the hall watching a movie, it sounded somewhat loud, and of course w/the laughing. I felt this was incosiderate bc maybe she realizes, I am quiet at that time every morning. Then I went downstairs, made my coffee, turned on the heat, and shortly later she went downstairs and turned off the heater.

It feels like this control thing and I feel really pretty miserable. Disempowered. Trying to focus on working, which I'm doing here on my computer in my room, and I get so upset and threatened it causes difficulty for me to focus and be productive.

I have a good book that helped me this morning, "Trust Your Vibes at Work," and I've been using these energy tools and that helps. Also did yoga and took a Calms Forte tab. I did 1.5 hours of work that was productive.

I just feel really not good. I know she's never lived w/housemates before, and I think she's unhappy, she's not working, feels frustrated, but gets all laughy and feels better when her "husband" is with her.

[kaye]

thanks for your support!

[kaye]

at least if people could tell me how they run their heater: what temp, when, etc.

[lovemybully]

kaye,
your story sounds like a nightmare! so sorry you have to put up with that living situation. you are at a disadvantage b/c there are two of them and only one of you. on top to that one of them is the owner. you need to find another living arrangement.

about the heater, that's a tough one b/c everyone has their own comfort level. i keep my home very cool b/c of my sinus problem. indoor heat dries out my sinuses and that can cause pain. i keep my house at 58 to 62 degrees tops. that is way too cold for other people but for me if i go higher i can't breath at nite.

hope this helps.

[Maslow]

Roommates suck. You have a few options... Have a talk with her and tell her she needs to be more considerate -- maybe come to a compromise on the temperature. She sounds kind of obnoxious, though, so that may not work. I use a portable heater in my office so we don't have to heat the entire house when I'm the only one home. It saves money on our utility bill.

Another option is to try to find another living situation. Find a more like minded roommate.

[Still Waters]

Oh,this is tough. Years ago I lived with my sister for a short while-I've found if it's the other persons place you really have to walk on egg shells! I dealt with the situation by avoiding her like the plague. If she was home,I was in my room. Dealing with it that way was a big mistake because nothing ever got resolved. Try to discuss things maybe once every week or two-just get all the issues out but try to do it in a calm manner,not confrontational. It sounds as if they are really unreasonable,also the female may be insecure about having another female in her territory. Complaining about popcorn and coffee smells-that's just nit picky!! Women seem to have a harder time living together than men and I think that's possibly the root of your problems.

[lilly]

I suggest you look for a bedsitter where you can live on your own. When I was single it was the only way for me as sharing was a disaster as was living in a womens' refuge.
If you tell a few people you are looking for somewhere to live you could get a tip off for a cheaper accommodation - for example someone or a couple with a large home with a bedsitter. Good luck!

[blackcap]

I haven't really been in this situation before. I live alone because I don't think I could cope with living with other people, especially someone who isn't a friend or family. If it were me then I'd move out, but I'm guessing that's not an option for you? Otherwise I'm not sure what else you can do, given the owner is always going to side with her.

[kaye]

Thanks for the responses. I'm not sure what a bedsitter is but I'm guessing it means the same as housesitter. I do actually do housesitting/petsitting occassionally for people when they go on vacation.

Yes I do think I'm ready again to have my own place, and hopefully I will be able although will be some time. At this point we have a fourth housemate, who also feels she needs more heat. We have planned to sit down and discuss it, and try to hash out an agreement about it. I think they've realized opening the windows isn't going to work very well. And I've started turning on the stove fan when brewing my coffee, which seems to help.

It's too bad as a highly sensitive person conflict seems to take too much out of me, energy and time-wise. It's upsetting.

I appreciate the points about the fact I'm living in this guy's house, and also that he'll tend to side w/the "smoldering volcano" as she seems to be, which he does. So likely I'll be moving again soon! It's nuts! But I do think eventually, in six months, or maybe a few years, I will manage to have my own place again. In the meantime, dealing with things as they are! As are many of us on these boards.

[Hoth]

Originally Posted by kaye

at least if people could tell me how they run their heater: what temp, when, etc.

I've been keeping it around 78 all winter (except 70-72 when I'm sleeping), because my apartment complex pays the heating bill and I'm a summer person.

The smallest, cheapest place of your own will be a lot more fun than freezing to death and being pestered constantly. I think I'd rather be homeless than have housemates.