Social Anxiety Support

Still Waters · 11-20-2008, 09:26 AM

Please let me know your thoughts on this and forgive how poorly I'm able to word it. I have begun feeling that life is becoming more blah and dull as I age. I understant that people become more jaded as a result of life experience and gaining wisdom about life in general. When you're little theres sparkle and wonder to life-Santa,birthdays etc. In your teen years,excitement - dating,getting your license,getting to stay out late etc. I have 2 kids and often have that bigger than life feeling. Like I'm the luckiest person in the world to be their Mom. But,I'm also always aware those relationships will one day be on the back burner in their lives,as they go out into the world. I don't think this is about SA or depression. Just a blahing and dulling of life that occurs as one ages. I just think most people don't talk about it. Am I correct? Is it about finding a way to be content with less of those thrilling,exciting feelings?

Woody · 11-20-2008, 10:26 AM

I don't think that has been the case for me. I have some fond memories of my childhood years but my teenage years were the worst years of my life. Full of anxiety, fear, and low self esteem. My twenties and thirties were not all that great either. It was mostly a period of SA, work, and regret. The regret was over the way my life had turned out. Regret over things I avoided because of my SA. Regret over not being the person I felt my family wanted me to be, not being able to do the things I wanted to do, not having a girlfriend. The list goes on. I still have to deal with SA but it's certainly not worse than it was when I was younger. And I think I feel better about my life as a result. Sorry I can't go into more detail about how things have changed for the better. The forums are to open to the public and the google bots so I don't feel comfortable posting details about myself.

Still Waters · 11-20-2008, 11:06 AM

Thanks for the input Woody-I always feel the limitations of what I can freely say now. When something is working just fine somebody always comes along and has to "improve" it!

Atticus · 11-20-2008, 11:30 AM

I feel more responsible for myself than I did even 10 years ago, and that's a plus. I worry more about money, politics, and social issues as a result, which is sometimes painful, but I'll take the trade off. Its better than the numbness I used to feel. In those regards life isn't more drab, but in other ways it is.

I don't get excited about things the way I used to, at least not as consistently. As late as my 30s I used to get really jazzed doing something simple like going to a movie, and that doesn't really happen now, to cite one example. Other things are still worth doing, but my reaction is more subtle. I suspect that the newness of most everything has worn off.

One area that was probably better in my 40s than earlier was beginning a relationship. This has been a really special experience, in part because I felt more in control of my life and more like I was making a genuine choice to be with this person. In my marriage that wasn't so much the case.

Still Waters · 11-20-2008, 12:16 PM

Atticus, I always look foreward to your take on things! You always seem to be so wise. Once again there were a couple of lessons for me in what you wrote. Thank You!!

RubyTuesday · 11-20-2008, 08:13 PM

Good question.

I can't answer it so well because I my anxiety got worse wiht age till recently. Otherwise I might be able to give a better answer.

I have noticed that socially it is harder to make new friends just because at school you were surrounded by peers.

Maslow · 11-21-2008, 08:07 AM

Even though I'm less active, my life seems to have become more rich. I have more interests now and even simple things seem to be more enjoyable.

WineKitty · 11-22-2008, 12:19 PM

I have to agree with others here, I enjoy simpler things now than I used to. I went to quite a few rock concerts back in the day, and now I cannot even picture myself at one. I havent given up on live music, just the concerts that have a mosh pit

.

I am far more interested in politics and the direction of the world than I ever was in my 20s, that is for sure.

I get to travel more now and that is something I really enjoy, something I find enriching.

I wouldn't say life gets blander, just evolves. Like Atticus, I dont get excited over certain things like I used to.

But there is still plenty of experiences to be had.

Sunshine009 · 11-22-2008, 01:02 PM

It can get far better when you learn more things, have more skills, can condition your mind to be aware of the good more and develop good health habits too. I mostly look forward to getting older.

copper · 12-12-2008, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woody

my teenage years were the worst years of my life. Full of anxiety, fear, and low self esteem. My twenties and thirties were not all that great either. It was mostly a period of SA, work, and regret. The regret was over the way my life had turned out. Regret over things I avoided because of my SA. Regret over not being the person I felt my family wanted me to be, not being able to do the things I wanted to do, not having a girlfriend.

Sounds just what I have went through so far.

MavenMI6Agent009 · 12-12-2008, 04:44 PM

Sad but true I feel the same way putting people first and as I get older everything seems stagnant,

jas498 · 12-12-2008, 05:06 PM

I'm not quite as old as most of you but I do feel that I am mentally. I grew up rather quickly, to say the least.

I've found that life has certainly evolved as well. There is certainly less spontaneity, and that comes with children and mortgages and husbands and responsibility. But I do find that I appreciate the simpler things in life. When I was younger, I was always rushing around, trying to do something new and exciting. I was restless. I forgot to take in the world as it came. And the older I get, the more I have learned to be in the moment. And the one thing I'm slowly learning is that if you are in the moment, it doesn't matter what you are doing, you will be content. So in that sense, perhaps things have gotten dull in my life because they have become routine... but it's not because I'm getting older. It's situational. And one day, when there aren't any children to keep track of, I might just sell my house and move to Tasmania

flapjacker · 12-12-2008, 11:08 PM

I'm with you. I thought it was maybe drugs, but maybe its just aging that causes it. I don't find much excitement anymore. Bars aren't thrilling. Movies are same ol'. Most activities have been done before and are nothing new. Meeting people doesn't seem that exciting considering most people just want to go out and get drunk, dance, or find some other distraction.

I'm not really a depressed person. I don't think that has anything to do with it. I just have existential blues

. I find reading a book to be more exciting than partying.

Mjh · 12-14-2008, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyTuesday

Good question.

I can't answer it so well because I my anxiety got worse wiht age till recently. Otherwise I might be able to give a better answer.

I have noticed that socially it is harder to make new friends just because at school you were surrounded by peers.

Thats why im going back to University. I hope it works out...but I'm under no illusions.

For me, my life is set to become more interesting in the next 12 months than it has been in a long time - with uni, work and business activities.

merryk · 12-25-2008, 01:06 AM

I definitely notice a marked difference in how I view life now. My current state of mind as I job search is much less optimistic than in my 20s, when I believed I was capable of so much.

Looking back, I can see how social anxieties have modified anticipated life directions and brought me to a place I never would have expected. Issues with memory and learning at times shake my confidence that I can find meaningful work and make friends.

Yet life doesn't remain static, so hope springs eternal

11-20-2008, 09:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	Is life becoming more bland as you age? Please let me know your thoughts on this and forgive how poorly I'm able to word it. I have begun feeling that life is becoming more blah and dull as I age. I understant that people become more jaded as a result of life experience and gaining wisdom about life in general. When you're little theres sparkle and wonder to life-Santa,birthdays etc. In your teen years,excitement - dating,getting your license,getting to stay out late etc. I have 2 kids and often have that bigger than life feeling. Like I'm the luckiest person in the world to be their Mom. But,I'm also always aware those relationships will one day be on the back burner in their lives,as they go out into the world. I don't think this is about SA or depression. Just a blahing and dulling of life that occurs as one ages. I just think most people don't talk about it. Am I correct? Is it about finding a way to be content with less of those thrilling,exciting feelings?

11-20-2008, 11:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
Atticus Status: under a sheltering sky Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: St. Louis Age: 52 Posts: 3,531	I feel more responsible for myself than I did even 10 years ago, and that's a plus. I worry more about money, politics, and social issues as a result, which is sometimes painful, but I'll take the trade off. Its better than the numbness I used to feel. In those regards life isn't more drab, but in other ways it is. I don't get excited about things the way I used to, at least not as consistently. As late as my 30s I used to get really jazzed doing something simple like going to a movie, and that doesn't really happen now, to cite one example. Other things are still worth doing, but my reaction is more subtle. I suspect that the newness of most everything has worn off. One area that was probably better in my 40s than earlier was beginning a relationship. This has been a really special experience, in part because I felt more in control of my life and more like I was making a genuine choice to be with this person. In my marriage that wasn't so much the case. __________________ Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth. ....You know, like Caine in Kung Fu - walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures." Jules after his epiphany

11-20-2008, 08:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
RubyTuesday Status: Has B... a ..nNed herself Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Australia Age: 31 Posts: 4,419	Good question. I can't answer it so well because I my anxiety got worse wiht age till recently. Otherwise I might be able to give a better answer. I have noticed that socially it is harder to make new friends just because at school you were surrounded by peers. __________________

11-22-2008, 01:02 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sunshine009 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 1,643	It can get far better when you learn more things, have more skills, can condition your mind to be aware of the good more and develop good health habits too. I mostly look forward to getting older. __________________ "God grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" - serenity prayer

12-12-2008, 04:44 PM	#11 (permalink)
MavenMI6Agent009 Status: Cook Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: EL Crapo, Tx Gender: Male Posts: 13,634	Sad but true I feel the same way putting people first and as I get older everything seems stagnant, __________________ "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." (Henri Nouwen) -------------------------------------------------------

11-20-2008, 10:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
Woody Status: Old Fogie Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: East Coast USA Gender: Male Posts: 1,884	I don't think that has been the case for me. I have some fond memories of my childhood years but my teenage years were the worst years of my life. Full of anxiety, fear, and low self esteem. My twenties and thirties were not all that great either. It was mostly a period of SA, work, and regret. The regret was over the way my life had turned out. Regret over things I avoided because of my SA. Regret over not being the person I felt my family wanted me to be, not being able to do the things I wanted to do, not having a girlfriend. The list goes on. I still have to deal with SA but it's certainly not worse than it was when I was younger. And I think I feel better about my life as a result. Sorry I can't go into more detail about how things have changed for the better. The forums are to open to the public and the google bots so I don't feel comfortable posting details about myself.

11-20-2008, 11:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	Thanks for the input Woody-I always feel the limitations of what I can freely say now. When something is working just fine somebody always comes along and has to "improve" it!

11-20-2008, 12:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	Atticus, I always look foreward to your take on things! You always seem to be so wise. Once again there were a couple of lessons for me in what you wrote. Thank You!!

11-21-2008, 08:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
Maslow Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Denver Gender: Male Posts: 3,045	Even though I'm less active, my life seems to have become more rich. I have more interests now and even simple things seem to be more enjoyable.

11-22-2008, 12:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
WineKitty Status: Almost 10,000 Posts :) Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Alone Inside My Mind Gender: Female Posts: 9,967	I have to agree with others here, I enjoy simpler things now than I used to. I went to quite a few rock concerts back in the day, and now I cannot even picture myself at one. I havent given up on live music, just the concerts that have a mosh pit . I am far more interested in politics and the direction of the world than I ever was in my 20s, that is for sure. I get to travel more now and that is something I really enjoy, something I find enriching. I wouldn't say life gets blander, just evolves. Like Atticus, I dont get excited over certain things like I used to. But there is still plenty of experiences to be had.

12-12-2008, 05:06 PM	#12 (permalink)
jas498 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Michigan/Indiana Posts: 244	I'm not quite as old as most of you but I do feel that I am mentally. I grew up rather quickly, to say the least. I've found that life has certainly evolved as well. There is certainly less spontaneity, and that comes with children and mortgages and husbands and responsibility. But I do find that I appreciate the simpler things in life. When I was younger, I was always rushing around, trying to do something new and exciting. I was restless. I forgot to take in the world as it came. And the older I get, the more I have learned to be in the moment. And the one thing I'm slowly learning is that if you are in the moment, it doesn't matter what you are doing, you will be content. So in that sense, perhaps things have gotten dull in my life because they have become routine... but it's not because I'm getting older. It's situational. And one day, when there aren't any children to keep track of, I might just sell my house and move to Tasmania __________________ Yes I think I may have lost my ramen noodles. But if the world could've remained, within a frame. Like a painting on a wall. Well then I think we'd see the beauty. Stand staring in awe. At our still lives posed. -Bright Eyes [hr:37gjmwbv][/hr:37gjmwbv] "It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." Carl Sagan

12-12-2008, 11:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
flapjacker Status: love, imagination, dream Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: MS Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 298	I'm with you. I thought it was maybe drugs, but maybe its just aging that causes it. I don't find much excitement anymore. Bars aren't thrilling. Movies are same ol'. Most activities have been done before and are nothing new. Meeting people doesn't seem that exciting considering most people just want to go out and get drunk, dance, or find some other distraction. I'm not really a depressed person. I don't think that has anything to do with it. I just have existential blues . I find reading a book to be more exciting than partying. __________________ I don't mind worry following me like a dinosaur. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX1CvW38cHA

12-25-2008, 01:06 AM	#15 (permalink)
merryk Status: planning next adventure Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: New England Gender: Female Posts: 51	I definitely notice a marked difference in how I view life now. My current state of mind as I job search is much less optimistic than in my 20s, when I believed I was capable of so much. Looking back, I can see how social anxieties have modified anticipated life directions and brought me to a place I never would have expected. Issues with memory and learning at times shake my confidence that I can find meaningful work and make friends. Yet life doesn't remain static, so hope springs eternal