Social Anxiety Support

lovemybully · 12-31-2008, 04:05 PM

i never really cared for holidays; but, i really grew to hate them when i got married. since we live three hours away i did not have to deal with in laws. but on holidays i had to accompany my husband on each trip, FOR EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY. i did this for about 10 years and then i just stopped. i cud not take it any longer. i simply told him i wud not go.

for each holiday, i wud start getting "weird" as early as four weeks before the actual trip. stepping into my in laws home to me, was like throwing a cat into cold water, or throwing holy water on a vampire. the holiday visits wud take from 4 to 6 hours and wud take place about 3 times a year for major holidays. during the visits i wud just sit there and not say a word, i felt like a freak. minutes seemed like days, i felt the visits would not end. the other daughter-in-laws were talking, doing dishes, eating, laughing; and i was sitting there, frozen like a deer. the visits wud take their toll on me. i would be physically ill afterwards.

now that i quit going, my husband takes the trips after the holiday by himself. my in laws think that i'm stuck up and do not like them. i carry a tremendous amount of guilt because i disapoint my husband. i feel really bad that i can't be part of that big happy family. i wish i cud.

does anyone else have this problem.

WineKitty · 01-02-2009, 04:33 PM

I dont have in laws to contend with anymore but when I did, I know the stress it can bring.

Have you discussed this at length with your husband? If not, its VERY important that you do. You have to let him know the anxiety that you are feeling so that he can understand and the two of you can work it through.

lovemybully · 01-03-2009, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penny

Have you discussed this at length with your husband?

i did not realize i even had SAD until 1.5 years ago when i went to a doctor for what i thought was depression. i did talk to him about it but i guess it's hard for people to understand the extent of the problem.

thans for the responses.

blackcap · 01-07-2009, 02:21 PM

I don't have this exact problem, because I'm single, but I used to have the same problem with visiting relatives when I was growing up. I'd just sit and say nothing at family events while everyone else had fun. I never got to know most of my relatives, and the few I did know were always busy having fun at these things with other people.

Once I moved out of home I stopped going to all of these things, and I feel guilty about that even today.

I think one (minor) benefit of never having had a partner is all those social obligations I've not had to deal with. I don't know how I would've coped with them. Probably just avoided them as I always do, which would put strain on any relationship I imagine.

blackcap · 01-08-2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovemybully

but on holidays i had to accompany my husband on each trip, FOR EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY. i did this for about 10 years and then i just stopped. i cud not take it any longer. i simply told him i wud not go.

It could be worse actually - at least these events aren't hosted at your place!

lovemybully · 01-08-2009, 03:35 PM

blackcap,
i have never hosted anything in my home. i never have anyone over for social events. its funny, i have a china closet with china that has never and will probably never be used. i have good wine glasses and everything in there and i don't know what for. my daughter lives on her own now and it's just me and my husband. why i bought a patio set with six chairs is beyond me. i guess as you get older and more used to living with SAD you just accept it. but if you get to thinking about things like that it's disturbing.

12-31-2008, 04:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
lovemybully Status: Pitbulls are pure love! Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Jersey Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 23	in-laws during the holidays! i never really cared for holidays; but, i really grew to hate them when i got married. since we live three hours away i did not have to deal with in laws. but on holidays i had to accompany my husband on each trip, FOR EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY. i did this for about 10 years and then i just stopped. i cud not take it any longer. i simply told him i wud not go. for each holiday, i wud start getting "weird" as early as four weeks before the actual trip. stepping into my in laws home to me, was like throwing a cat into cold water, or throwing holy water on a vampire. the holiday visits wud take from 4 to 6 hours and wud take place about 3 times a year for major holidays. during the visits i wud just sit there and not say a word, i felt like a freak. minutes seemed like days, i felt the visits would not end. the other daughter-in-laws were talking, doing dishes, eating, laughing; and i was sitting there, frozen like a deer. the visits wud take their toll on me. i would be physically ill afterwards. now that i quit going, my husband takes the trips after the holiday by himself. my in laws think that i'm stuck up and do not like them. i carry a tremendous amount of guilt because i disapoint my husband. i feel really bad that i can't be part of that big happy family. i wish i cud. does anyone else have this problem.

01-02-2009, 04:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
WineKitty Status: Almost 10,000 Posts :) Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Alone Inside My Mind Gender: Female Posts: 9,967	I dont have in laws to contend with anymore but when I did, I know the stress it can bring. Have you discussed this at length with your husband? If not, its VERY important that you do. You have to let him know the anxiety that you are feeling so that he can understand and the two of you can work it through.

01-07-2009, 02:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
blackcap Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 87	I don't have this exact problem, because I'm single, but I used to have the same problem with visiting relatives when I was growing up. I'd just sit and say nothing at family events while everyone else had fun. I never got to know most of my relatives, and the few I did know were always busy having fun at these things with other people. Once I moved out of home I stopped going to all of these things, and I feel guilty about that even today. I think one (minor) benefit of never having had a partner is all those social obligations I've not had to deal with. I don't know how I would've coped with them. Probably just avoided them as I always do, which would put strain on any relationship I imagine.

01-08-2009, 03:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
lovemybully Status: Pitbulls are pure love! Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Jersey Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 23	blackcap, i have never hosted anything in my home. i never have anyone over for social events. its funny, i have a china closet with china that has never and will probably never be used. i have good wine glasses and everything in there and i don't know what for. my daughter lives on her own now and it's just me and my husband. why i bought a patio set with six chairs is beyond me. i guess as you get older and more used to living with SAD you just accept it. but if you get to thinking about things like that it's disturbing.